#bhawks!

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amy asked me to describe why patrick kane is a babe for a primer she was writing:

okay no, but amy, the thing is patrick “peekaboo” kane ISN’T A BABE. he isn’t and he’s the worst kind of human, because he’s kind of bro-douchey in that way where he’s not even a bro where all the other bros think he’s a bro, they just kind of exasperate at his general existence and pat him on the head and call him “little man” because he’s a little kane trying to make it in a bro eat bro world and he grows these fucking awful mullets to be edgy and mainly because you can’t see his playoff beard when he grows it because he isn’t manly enough for it. tl;dr there are no reasons as to why patrick kane is babe except for how badly i wanna bang him when he chews on his mouth guard or touches his tongue to his top lip or SMIRKS ok i’m done

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i have been bouncing between hockey and that dreaded boy band all damn night and i've done precisely no work BUT I DID FIND THESE COOL THINGS!:

sharpy being a gentlemanly motherfucker, re: kaner shenans and looking obscenely good in the process

tazer and kaner holding down the fort for single guys on the team!

EBS GETTING SNUBBED BY ONE OF THE ICE GIRLS OR SOMETHING

drunk kaner making his speech at the cup parade

tazer and snooki just chillin on a couch, and jonathan is genuinely awed by her and HITTING ON HER

okay i'm done after that snooki video jesus CHRIST

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the ref was kinda like, get this guy outta the game

i enjoy how freely kaner admits he was kind of an asshole　

"i was slashing guys like paul bunyan"

listen asshole, who said you could be funny

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if you feel like keeping your spirit intact do not, i repeat DO NOT, watch toews' post-game interview.

motherfucker.

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CAPTAIN SERIOUS HAS DONE IT AND CHICAGO IS STILL ALIVE