#biadvice

[lgbtsupport]

So I’m an ace girl, who’s trying to figure out if I’m bi too. I think I had crushes on a few girls when I was younger, and maybe also later on (but since I assumed love=sexual attraction, I assumed it wasn’t romantic). Imagining myself marrying a girl feels a bit strange but not bad. But I’m worried I’m somehow faking it? Or confusing attractions. Like I should have known I was romantically attracted to those girls? And these last years I’ve only been attracted to guys (maybe one girl recently).

Hi,

I can understand how it’s confusing but don’t worry!

You’re not faking it just because you don’t have frequent attraction to females. Being bi isn’t being equally attracted to both genders, you can have a preference for males or females, it doesn’t matter you’re still bi.

Even if you’ve only had a crush on one girl recently and 100 crushes on guys you’re still 100% valid as identifying as biromantic.

- Lola

[lgbtsupport]

Hi, sorry to bother, but I really need advice. I'm 23F and although I've had several straight relationships, I never considered myself 100% straight. I've kissed girls casually, and even had a crush on one once. But I've never been in a relationship with a girl and although I think I'm sexually attracted to girls, I can never picture myself in a relationship with one. I feel fake identifying as bi and like i'm not allowed to. Is it wrong to still identify as bi in my case? Thank u for ur help!

Hi,

Your attraction to both females and males makes you bi. Not having a relationship with a female or not necessarily being able to see yourself in a relationship with another women doesn’t lessen your attraction to women.

Bisexuality isn’t a 50/50 split down the middle of equal attraction to males and females it can be 25/75 or 1/99 it doesn’t matter because you’re still bisexual.

You may just be uncomfortable with the thought of being in a relationship with a women because it’s something new and you’ve never tried it before so don’t let those kind of things make you fell less valid.

At the end of the day labels are for you and you only, so if bisexual feels right for you then that’s what you are!

All the best,

- Lola

[lgbtsupport]

How do you deal with the shame of liking the opposite sex, even when you know you're still a bi/pan person.

This is a tough one. Liking the opposite sex when being bi or pan doesn’t make you any less bi or pan. Bisexual or pansexual people in “hetero” relationships are still very much bisexual or pansexual.

If it’s because of what other people may think that you’re “faking it” or something on those lines I would ignore them. I think the best way to accept it is try not to stress yourself. You’re not any less of a label just because of what others may think or perceive of you.

As for the shame part. There’s nothing to be ashamed about liking the opposite sex, bi/pansexuality is your identity, and liking the opposite sex is part of bi/pansexuality- no matter how frequent or infrequent.

- Lola