pumpkin, pumpkin ( you’re gonna kill me! )
( in which Logan hates the neighbourhood kids. )
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Kids. Children. Monsters. Horribly high-maintenance beings. Disgusting goblins. Trolls. Stupid idiots.
To Logan, all of these things were basically synonyms. He’d never had enough patience for children. Nor had he ever, in his one century long life, ever felt the need to have children. He’s still an immortal; the poor child would die before he’d get to visit Logan’s grave. Which would be never. Immortality, ladies and gentlemen.
Besides, the children that live in the neighbourhood were all little assholes. Dumb brats who thought it was funny to break his husband’s pumpkins every Halloween.
Okay, so that might be the biggest reason as to why kids were in his hit-list.
It was only the kids, too, which surprised Logan. The older teens seemed to find the pumpkins exciting. Even going as far as to ask Roman for lessons. The victorian vampire always beamed at them, nodding enthusiastically. Though the classes were always quite a mess, everyone always left with a fully intact, amusing pumpkin.
That were gonna be destroyed by a few buck-teeth brats hours later.
Logan put up with them for two years, and now, he decided to plot his revenge.
— 🎃 —
It went as every Halloween did; their house gave out the full-sized candy bars (“Oh, please, dragă. We need to be better than Susanne, that bitch stole my decorating ideas.”), few teens came up with actual costumes that weren’t sexual, getting them an extra bar, and some passerby stopped to take pictures of the decor. Overall, it went smoothly.
Until they showed up. It was when the clock struck 8pm, the time in which they usually showed up at. Though the couple had been taking turns each time their door-bell rang, Logan insisted on going during this time, despite it being Roman’s turn.
The man referenced raised an eyebrow, but before he could say anything questioning, Logan had already speed-walked to the door. He opened it begrudgingly. “Hello.”
Now, if Logan had opened the door sooner perhaps he would have felt mercy to what he was about to do. However, he opened it right as one of them— the one dressed as a vampire, ironically —was about to smash the pumpkin carved to resemble Jack Skellington. The boy looked up, paling. The other two girls with him had wide eyes.
Logan felt annoyed. Not only was the kid about to smash the pumpkin, but he was about to smash the pumpkin in front of him. Without even taking his candy. That was stupid on their part, which made him even more annoyed. If you were gonna be destroy property, at least do it secretively.
“T-Trick-or-treat?”
The usually deadpanned man smiled warmly. He took the bowl from the table inside, before turning back to them, “These were just for you! I know how much you three like being destructive, and so, I thought these would fit just right.”
Instead of offering the bowl to them kindly, he splashed it’s contents onto them.
The trio’s costumes were now covered in a thick, pink substance.
Pepto-Bismol.
A single scream, and the sounds of loud footsteps, soon fading into the air as they vanished, running away from the house as fast as their legs could take them. Logan laughs as he comes back into the warmth of their home.
“What have you done, Lo? Is everything alright?”
He hums in reply, taking a seat next to his lover. He grabs the hot chocolate off of the coffee table in front of them, “Just a little warning to the children. I’m sure it’s alright now, though, mon beau.”
Roman smiles, “If you’re sure.”
The night continued on with Tim Burton films on repeat, eating the left over candy, and enjoying the presence of one another.
And, for Logan, planning out how to ruin three lives.
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I hope you enjoy! I wrote this at like 3am and lowkey forgot to post it- I'm not exactly proud of it, I just wanted to express my hate for children. and this is one of my favourite ships. Also PUMPKIN SMASHING IS THE WORST. STOP DOING IT.
