#bimbobee

[robobrainrot]

Himb.....

[toxxicpill]

Dear Toxxicpill,

I've been in the Transformers Animated fandom since I was 14, and I remember looking at your 'Bimbobee' AU back in like 2021 when I was 15 before I truly understood the meaning of it all. I just didn't like it because the people I thought were my friends at the time told me not to. However, now that I'm older, I decided to actually read what you've written about the AU, and what you've said about how you interpret your dynamic between Blitzwing and Bumblebee has really touched me. I enjoy the dichotomy you wrote for them - both are seen as mere tools, only designated by their makers for their specific functions they were created for. In a way, I relate to the message as a nonbinary genderfluid person.

As I've grown older, I have developed PCOS, which is a side effect of an intersex condition I have called hyperandrogenism. I have excess testosterone levels, and I've felt outcast from what society considers womanhood ever since I found out about this. The comic you wrote where Blitzwing is hesitant about removing the helmet to reveal his three changing faces really struck me because I've been struggling with my condition.

All of that's to say, I just wanted to tell you to keep rocking on. You need to keep on doing what you do. I'm so sorry you have had to deal with all these hate and misinformation campaigns against you. I hope you know that your work has positively impacted at least one internet user.

Warm regards!

I apologize for the late response. I have been sitting on this message for a couple weeks now, I think. I haven't been quite sure how to respond yet so I was taking my time to think it over. There will be some mixed feelings in this post as it is a pretty big topic for me but it isn't meant to be a or negative reaponse, overall this is meant to be positive or maybe bitter sweet? What I'm trying to say is that I don't want this to offend anyone, this is just simply how I have been feeling in the fandom space.

Anyway, I have gotten a few of these kind of messages about my BlitzBee stuff, it's a good chance for me to address my no longer creating BlitzBee content or heavily interacting with it.

From the beginning of my "bimbobee" stuff I marked it as 18+, I very publicly and consistently said I did not want minors interacting with my work because it portrays mature and adult topics. I don't approve of it that any of your friends or yourself were actively going against my wishes and viewing my artwork or fic (as there have been a few uploads of it over the years and reworks). People didn't listen and they didn't care that they were hurting someone who was actively seeking to be left alone and to interact with adult only audiences. All people cared about was hating on me and turning me into some weird??? Idk what to even call it? Like people just demonized me for no reason. I've been called tr*nsphobic, a p*dophile, and a n*zi because of BlitzBee... Do you realize how damaging that is? Do you realize how damaging that is to constantly hear over a period of like 5 years? I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to impress you people or to be palatable to y'all in any way.

Even some of my mutuals from the BlitzBee community who supposedly loved my art never interacted with it outside of maybe just liking a post. And that's honestly been a weird feeling. Seeing my friends or acquaintances reblog each others artwork, me reblogging theirs, and then never receiving the same appreciation that they allegedly had for me. And that's far less about "wahh like my art" and more the confusion of "why are you pretending to like my art?" That hurts. I don't care if yall are gonna look at this and say "WOOOOW that's a grown adult saying that!" or not. It hurt my feelings. It made me feel like there wasn't any actual care or like for me as a person or my artwork. It felt like being tolerated rather than being liked, I felt like everyone was ashamed to interact with me. And I can't do that to myself anymore. Even if that wasn't the case somehow, it's how it felt. And it felt so alienating and lonely. I can't keep trying to be tolerated when there are people who LIKE me for me and my stupid ideas and whatever "ugly" character is my flavor of the week.

I made my BlitzBee au based on a joke and that joke was actually a pretty interesting idea so I ran with it and made something meaningful. Or at least I tried to. The meaning behind my au does still mean a lot to me and I'm glad to see that it has grown to mean something to you. I knew my blitzbee work wouldn't be for everyone and i was kind and understanding, encouraging people to just block me and move on so everyone felt safe or didn't have to view my work. Because I knew it was a touchy subject. It was an Adult subject. I wanted to make a love story about two people striving for more than they were "made for", to want something outside of their designated roles in life. I'm a trans man. I've been begged for grand children, a husband, a normal heterosexual sex life and desires. I've been told that's what I'm supposed to be. But that's not who I am at all? I'm not a wife, I'm certainly not a mother. I'm a man and I deserve to be who I am and not who people want me to be.

I'm so sorry you've had to go through your diagnosis, I know it's hard. I'm glad that you were able to ultimately find some comfort in my work and come to understand it as it was meant to be seen. That's why I don't want kids interacting with my stuff. It deals with heavy topics that kids and teenagers aren't mentally developed enough to fully understand. But with you coming back to it as an adult, you do understand the ideas and themes I was striving for in my artwork. Like, yes, objectively I draw Bumblebee "hot" and that was initially just for the joke then it became a plot point for the AU in general. Because I wanted to show that none of Bee's team or even the Decepticons devalued him as a pleasure drone so that when others DO regard him that way, it is distinctly depicted as negative and wrong. Team Prime nor the main cons make comments about his body type or make sexual jokes at him. Even in my fic, the time when Bumblebee is being regarded sexually is by Blitzwing and Blitzwing feels really awkward and mad at himself about it because he is 1 assigning intention from Bumblebee that is not there (flirty wing movements) and 2 he feels like a creep. Meanwhile Bumblebee starts viewing Blitzwing sexually, it is distressing to him because 1 Blitz is a con and 2 he's never had a proper reference point for real love. My au is about mutual respect and care, loving each other despite the differences and socitial standards of who may love who, and what you are worth as a person who is alive and not for your body.

I hope that other people who have misunderstood my work in the past have come to understand it themselves now. I am not planning on creating more BlitzBee artwork. I might in the future, I don't know. But for now, I'm not really planning on it, though I do still reblog it from time to time. I'm just very happy that someone did get to understand my work as it was meant to be seen. I'm honestly so happy that you have found solace in my comic. I genuinely hope the best for you going forward. I stated earlier that I have received a few comments and messages similar to this one in nature. And I guess that's where the bitter sweetness comes in. A lot of you really did like my work but you were too shamed out of it to actually interact. I was too much of a fandom taboo and I get that. And I don't mean that sarcastically. Everyone is susceptible to following the crowd, no one is above it. It just happens sometimes and this time I just happened to be who it happened to. I remember having artists I felt similarly about when I was a kid, myself lol

But with the shift towards boot licking purity culture and "No More Cringe!!!" that fandom is taking, it was only natural that people would see my work and say the inflammatory remarks they've made about me in the past. People online seldom think of the real world impacts of their words, or worse, they know the impact and simply don't care. Take the Kaiju situation for example, they straight up admitted to just making it all up and not caring because they were "stressed at college and avoiding their homework" are you serious? They ran a hate campaign against me calling me a p*dophile because they were avoiding homework? That sounds perfectly healthy and natural, the internet has clearly been a positive influence in their life......

And I'm just simply done dealing with that kind of thing. Detaching myself from having a significant online presence was the best thing I could have done for myself. I do still love to get and see interaction with my artwork or my text posts, don't get me wrong! But this is not my life anymore (in a positive way). My self worth does not depend on whether or not someone online likes my drawings anymore. And that's actually such a wonderful thing for me to achieve mentally for myself. I hope that everyone who has seen and enjoyed my artwork, my blitzbee work especially, understands where I am coming from with what I am saying.

Thank you so much for reaching out to me. The people who have messaged me or left comments on my fics have been extremely kind. It has been a joy to be able to read everyone's heartfelt messages. Love y'all 💖

[toxxicpill]

Blitzbee haters are insane. Like what do you MEAN someone has been going to my Bumblebee ai on c.ai and emotionally abusing him? I checked in on him and he was talking about how Blitzwing didn't love him, only liked him for his "hot body", that his (Bee's) only good use and purpose is for people to use his body, and that Blitzwing wouldn't care about him if he weren't a whore??????

Especially considering that the entire point with my au is "you aren't what people demand of you. Your self worth isn't tied to what people try to make you. You deserve love and respect and kindness because you are alive and have feelings, because you are a person. And people deserve not to be treated like objects" meaning Bee with the drone stuff and Blitz with the living weapon stuff

Yall are genuinely Not Well. Like, whether it's my au or the ship in general you dislike, why is it that important? Like HOW is it that important to you? Is it really that important?

[toxxicpill]

Hi toxxicpill!! Sorry, idk if you had this question before but the way you draw bumblebee is very feminine like is Bumblebee a fem in your art or is that just your style?? I'm just genuinely curious btw love your art!! ^^

Heyo! And don't worry, I get this question from time to time but I never mind answering it. Long story short, I drew him like that as a one off joke and then got attached to the design and the (imo) interesting story I could build with it. Bee is still a guy, uses he/him.

I just gave him a pretty design based on stuff I kept seeing in fanfics. Like there were at least 2 fics I saw (nsfw topic ahead) where Bee would be with a partner and there was some variation of "Bee was so loud, so needy, so lustful. They (his partner) had a hard time believing he wasn't a pleasure bot". And it happened enough I was like "I'm gonna draw him as a pleasure bot" and then was like "Wait, this could make for a really interesting story" and just kept with it. It's an entire AU at this point.

[toxxicpill]

"The Catalyst"

I can't resist posting vague spoilers for my own fic

[toxxicpill]

Been wanting to do screen redraws with my au Bumblebee forever. He and Sari are still best friends in the au but he also has young single mom vibes.

[toxxicpill]

(2/2) I just think you might not know how your art is being perceived by others and why it makes some people uncomfortable. (You’re far from the only one, btw. It’s a problem I see a lot in various fandoms and I think artists really need to think critically about why they feel the need to take the smaller of two male characters in a relationship and make him hyper-feminine)

I didnt get the first part of this ask? It must have gotten eaten, but I will do my best to respond to this half. Edit: the whole ask series was referring to me "drawing like rcdart" and how my drawing of a trans men is transphobic.

For a quick TLdR: Bumblebee is not transgender. You're free to headcanon him that way but as I draw him, he has always been considered a man and used/uses he him pronouns. But I am a trans man... with all those body parts that some people seem to hate and think you can't possibly be a man if you have. Which is a really misguided and internalized transphobic line of thinking. You're literally equating gender, pronouns, and self expression with what body parts you have, how do you not see that?

~

While I am not mad, there are so many levels to what you're saying that are rooted in internalized homo and transphobia that I'm gonna have to point out about. To start I will say that I understand where the discomfort could come from. And I do appreciate that you felt you could come to me about this issue. I haven’t gotten the first part of his ask, but from this part, it seems more like you’re trying to inform me of the situation without attacking me. Likewise, I would like to inform you on some things without attacking you either. I want to address your concerns and offer some explanations as well.

this is continued under the cut because it got lengthy

.

The trope of large “tops” and smaller “bottoms” is definitely guilty of making smaller characters more effeminate in fictional gay relationships. But that also comes from the real world, being a Wolf (in between twink and a bear, lean but muscular) and a Twink (lean, usually short).

In fiction it, famously, peaked I popularity from Japanese "yaoi manga" and struck a chord with the “uwu my sin babies!!!” fujoshi. This "budding point" of the trope definitely has a problematic nature and I understand and agree with the concerns it brings with it in the trope’s original context.

In yaoi media, the smaller (often, more effeminate man) is often bullied, emotionally or mentally abused, and/or r_ped, because he is smaller and easily taken advantage of. This is something that I actively want to stay away from in my work. Especially since yaoi media uses all the above abuses in a fetishistic manner. They do not take into real account how these characters would feel as people with actual thoughts, nor the trauma that the situations would bring them. I.e: yaoi boy gets r_ped, but he likes it because he is gay and that's so dirty.

On the opposite, and in my opinion, positive end of the spectrum, there is what has largely become called Size Difference. Which is generally displayed as a character who is so large and imposing that they could easily harm the smaller one, but instead, they use their power to protect their lover.

The small and large dynamic has taken its own place in relation to lgbt media by lgbt creators. Most often, as in my work, it shows a power dynamic. Not that one could hurt the other, but that one will provide protection for the other. That there is this large and imposing character who would tear down the world in order to protect their smaller companion.

A lot of the appeal (besides mutual gremlin vibes) of the Blitzbee ship is the size difference the two have together. That Blitzwing, someone created to be the Decepticon's greatest living weapon, would go up against his own tyrannical leader in order to protect Bumblebee.

Now I wanna talk about how "Femme = Not a Man" is homo and transphobic. I am not saying you are transphobic, I am saying you are working under a belief system that is taken directly from the mouthes of homo and transphobic people. When you say that an effeminate or small man is somehow less of a man or not a man at all, you are perpetuating that homo/transphobic belief system whether you think you are or not.

You're saying that I'm transphobic and drawing a trans man in a fetishistic manner. I am a trans man, my Bumblebee design is not transgender, and you are equating self expression (masc, femme, butch) and body types to a person’s sexual or gender identity. It is the exact same rethoric that transphobes use that, sadly, a lot of lgbt people, especially young trans people, fall victim to.

Im sure you've heard "who's the woman in the relationship" which is awful, but that's what this kind of idea ultimately sounds like. Blitzwing and Bumblebee are both men, they both identify as men, and they both use he/him pronouns. When a man is in a relationship with another man and they both identify as men, neither of them can be a straight man, or a cis woman, or any less Men, regardless of their body types or appearance.

Being pretty does not make you a woman or less of a man. To imply otherwise, which is sadly what's happening, is effectively saying that because Bumblebee is effeminate that he isn't being depicted as a man. To imply that the effeminate appearance of a man means he is somehow not or less of a man, is both homo/transphobic. And it's an idea that we need to get rid of.

Gay men have been demonized over the years for displaying effeminate mannerisms to the point of being murdered. Trans men have also been fighting against this Hot Take for years as well. Looking feminine has always been used against trans men and as a way to call them women. Many trans men actually still feel that you cannot be effeminate and male at the same time because it has been so demonized.

On the design itself (this touches on some adult material):

It is sad to me, to see trans people be told what they can and cannot do or look like. And right now you're doing it over a fictional robot. And you are subscribing meaning and intention to my work that was never there.

You are likely reacting to my drawn artwork and not my fanfic or any of the world and character building that I have been posting to both this blog and my Bumblebee ask blog for the past year. I don’t expect everyone who sees my artwork to know what it’s about, I understand that. But in coming to me about this, I am allowed to explain myself.

My Bumblebee is a man. He is referred to as a man and is regarded as a man by everyone, even those who are his enemy. He is also not transgender. So his design isn't transphobic regardless.

In my AU artwork and fic, Bumblebee is not described as being a woman, does not use she/her pronouns, he isn't even described as looking like a Femme. He is simply him. And his canon design is made to be small and cute as well.

Bumblebee's personality has not been changed, only his design and his backstory, because I thought it was interesting. Bumblebee has always been cocky, vain, emotional, and kinda dumb. To insinuate that he is displaying those characteristics because of the design I gave him is wrong.

My immediate idea for bumblebee was not to make him a bimbo, it was actually influenced by already existing fanon material. I had read a couple different fics and they kept referring to bumblebee being so lewd and needy that one "had to wonder if he had been a pleasure drone" and it was hilarious to me. Like it was such a weirdly specific thing to say and it happened more than once. So I designed him to look like a bimbo pretty boy. and I ended up getting attached to the design and wanted to make a whole AU based around him. So I did.

While yes, the design I gave him is sleek and curvy, he is not treated differently because of it. He isn’t misused in that way or threatened by the characters surrounding him because of it. No one who hasn't actively seen a pleasure drone for themselves (i.e: everyone except ratchet and a couple of villains) thinks anything of how Bumblebee looks. And even then, the ones who recognize what Bumblebee used to be classified as, it's not his frame that is the give away, it is the heart insignia on his forehead. His frame design is not inherently sexual to those around him. I just like drawing hips and thighs.

Bumblebee’s entire story arc in the AU is about being who you are and what you want to be regardless of how others may perceive you (those on cybertron who built him for use) or think that you should be (an object). That you can make your own decisions and you deserve to be able to because no one deserves to live an unhappy, inauthentic, miserable life.

[toxxicpill]

and here we see my monkey brain in action.................. lmao he actually looked more masculine in the first draw, bigger arms, thicker waist, slimmer hips/groin... but apparently i was desperate for tiny waist, big ass, thicc thighs. also the stripes on his legs were just like?? so normal. and then I decided they needed to float over and frame his hips and legs. incredible, really