#blacktooth articles

[blacktoothcomics]

YOU CAN CLICK THE TAGS BELOW TO FIND THINGS I HAVE WRITTEN &/OR CURATED FROM OTHER USERS IN REBLOGS. 8D neet.

because i am SH*T at remembering things, here is a masterpost chat and contacts list (only mutuals can respond and reblog, safety first chickadees!) :

@blacktoothcomics -- ezra, he/they. unemployed and officially disabled. i share a town incredibly accidentally with jason mewes, like sold the man groceries during covid and had a fun little chat; certain now that kimmie's ghost has been watching over me.

@clearlyafandomblog -- rae, ezra's very strong wife. internet curation and social justice. extrovert. icon. genius. i lose all my grammar when i am around her. turned the proudest man you know into a simp. settled this bachelor. adopted this hobo. holder of ezra's lifedebt, but firstly and foremostly a loyal comrade.

@cuppa-decaf -- jeff, may or may not be pretending to be 15 again with ezra, they were well past age 21 whenever they drank together in public but it was still good anarcho fun to play chicken with the cop under the fireworks that night.

@silentlia -- silent, she/her. super groovy author, illustrator and social theorist that ezra met on roleplay repository dot com. excellent taste in wrestling theater, cultural migrant awareness, and games both video and tabletop alike.

@gracelithorizon -- the comic collaboration between ezra and silent, for free to everyone to enjoy or ignore at your leisure! (please share any similar projects of your own, if you wanna contribute blog curation or make requests and changes to this masterlist also, or do none of that cos im not ur parents)

@bettie-jettatura -- bettie, she/her. childhood cousin (?) to jeff and teenhood chum to ezra. no beatnik movement would be complete without a bettie, and that's all i'm gonna say about [redacted] with the body in that factory down [redacted] street, lmao, you know the one.

@anurognathusvilheimium -- vilheimie!! kermit noodle arms flappy yayyy dot gif!! a beleaguered STEM professional living in chemical-train-crash-noxious-fumes country. doing his best at all times and deserving of as much vacation as you could possibly give.

to get list:

vilheim, he could use some goofiness poor mans working with factory town republicans

marissa, for obvious reasons

reggie if he's down for only strictly clowning (no bad vibes allowed, no music supremacy)

oh, melee!!

and peanut.

AND WHERE IS BRENNAN MI BOIIY

codeine + crew, possibly

and anyone YOU people think would enjoy dumb radical performance art in a supportive and science-positive everything-ology interest group. to be taken as seriously or as stupidly as you wanna, baybee, ezra had to smoke a lot of weed to be comfortable typing in the third person (but that's just, like, creative journalistic formatting shh it's fiiine)

yell @ ppl here! message me (blacktoothcomics, ezra) to get your user or blog name added to my follow / mutuals and thus tagged access to reply in this post. i have to know you irl to list you here, sorry!

[blacktoothcomics]

decades of living so far:

one to be certain, two to be sure, three to make ready, and four to mature

[blacktoothcomics]

abrahamic (lower case)

collective, noun, adjective of or from a socio-cultural background belonging to one or all of the Abrahamic Faiths lowercase to differentiate from Abrahamic, of the faiths themselves

[blacktoothcomics]

excellent if not slightly terrifying indication that my nerve casings have recently been auto-cannibalised (myasthenia gravis flare-up): imperviousness to brain freeze.

summertimes i enjoy a sinus-stabbing slush beverage with the gusto of a streetdog who just stole an entire piping hot steak off a grill, ashehsfhshshing my way through (you can warm ur mouth roof up by breathing, too); so when i can finish an entire half litre of everyflavor sugared icee with zero complications it's going to be because i literally can't feel the cold my cns is literally incapable of ushering the stop-too-cold pain signal to my brain.

i have blistered my mouth several times on hot or cold foods and every time was because i was 1) starvingg and 2) chronically ill in a way that prevented me from feeling pain.

so when recovery hits, as it often does, the pain is not only returned to its use BUT also somewhat of a nasty surprise that, over these many decades of life, has given my cns a type of relay ptsd where the pain is SO MUCH WORSE than i ever remember it that i now can't look a gelato in the eye and eat my soup room temp from the can.

this is comparable to being in a relationship with someone who has unaddressed BPD spectrum disorders; sometimes their emotional explosion doesn't hit me as hard because my meter is unreliable and damaged, and i am getting blistered unawares. and sometimes the explosion hits way too hard because i'm healthy and unused to feeling attacked.

i haven't found the foolproof questionnaire to avoiding severely emotionally abusive partners. like, i can tell an ice cream is too cold or a pizza too hot by estimate, and wait for equilibrium. but i can't tell when a human being is carrying unfathomable depths of cruelty behind their own rejection sensitivity, or if i'm going to be homeless again because i'm disabled in late-stage capitalism, and because i refuse to get blistered by emotionally volatile partners.

:/

anyway the stress of going through the social security trial has my myasthenia well gravis'd, so i'm gonna hit this jumbo size kidney sugarcide freezy and hope i get frostbite of the brain so the next terrible situationship i have to rely on won't end (because i will be braindead and therefore incapable of talking back).

seriously FUCK YOU, if you have a mental illness that inspires you toward abuse and you aren't getting help and you don't stay on ur meds, you are entirely what is wrong with society and i need you to stay ten thousand miles away from vulnerable people and communities because your presence is smelly and your intentions are selfish and nobody deserves to go to jail for the absolute whaling that you deserve.

AND IT'S ALWAYS. WITHOUT FAIL. WHITE PEOPLE DOING THIS SHIT. something about cultural attitudes toward disability leaves white AFABs STRUGGLING and MONSTROUSLY insecure! i don't know! sounds like the thing we need to say out loud so BPD spectrum disorder havers can realize their own agency in how they think and act and maybe fucking decide to be less terrible!

or else suffer the humiliation of being known as racist as fuck! that's the only thing wipipo scaredt of being called, isn't it?? like what the fuck defense can any of us have against extremely unsettling amounts of entitlement to cruelty, if we can't even talk to the people who claim to love or support us, about their abuse?!

is this the shattering of optimism, to realise that most white progs in my country only ever saw inclusion as a fashion accessory that they discard as soon as it costs them the pain to self-reflect?

fuuuuck i am so mad. this would be a lot easier to convey to the privileged if we didn't have to rely on romantic relationships to stay housed. capitalism ruins goddamn everything, and robs us all of choice, and shouldn't nobody have to choose between access to housing and their cultural dignity, like where is it written in the wipipo dating manual that they get a free pass to microagress.

where. show me the line. and help me burn down the publishing house.

[blacktoothcomics]

> be me, a fat kid, 12 years old

> at a pool party hosted by your class' one rich kid

> meet new kid here who is MUCH FATTER than you

> be excited to meet this kid, because in your tribe fat means strong and you could use the help with impressing all these skinny white kids

> forget for a moment that the other fat kid is also white, so

> when you dare the other fat kid into a cannonball contest (a dive where you curl into a ball for maximum splash) what happens is you try to explain your goals of tidal-wave style knocking these kids out of the pool, like comical cartoonish displacement, and exaggeration of the effects a cannonball dive would have were a fat body to do one, because you want that impressive splash

> other fat kid starts crying, BADLY. you forgot this fat kid was white, and you know how white kids are taught to view fatness, so you want to help (and also maybe still get to displace some swimmers cartoon tidal wave style IT IS YOUR DREAM)

> you explain to fat kid that their body is fat and that's just a reality. your body is fat, too, and it's stronger than the skinny kids and that's honestly the only respect you get from them about it, but you get FRIENDSHIP because the person who has your fat body (you) have been taught the ancient arts of the clown.

> fat kid insists she doesn't want to be a clown, won't listen to your history lesson about insecure white kids and has nothing to believe you about fatness and strength and how fucking awesome it would be to be able to displace a pool full of swimmers onto like roofs and treetops and shit (or even just as far as the lawn furniture)

> other kids agree you are the asshole and bully, because your brown ass was looking for solidarity from an insecure, white fat kid.

> fight during the whole rest of the party, with the skinny white detractors, because those are the kids who always made fun of you for being fat, and they only stopped once their insults had no minimising effect on you, because you were taught how to clown for insecure shitbirds like them

> and, even though nobody at the party was making fun of the other fat kid, that kid would have to navigate other places with other students (and adults) who might. so she might as well take the clowning lesson for what it was, an invitation to do a cool stunt and make a big splash, possibly even a splash bigger than your own, which may or may not have been able to displace swimmers from the pool like a sickass tidal wave.

> shitass skinny white kid 'friends' then invent a new bullying technique to all climb out of the pool in a hurry whenever a fat kid (or just a girl they don't like and want to insult) dives in. usually after goading the victim into doing a dive, and them complaining like the diver had tidal-wave style knocked everyone out of the water with their massive ass.

> be me, 12 years old, learning to never again try to help any other white person ever. white people in america are insecure in a way that makes them extra mean, and even the fellow white victims they treat the worst ways won't accept friendship or role modeling from a brown, if the majority social audience is white.

> victims of abuse displace their anger against the next more vulnerable targets; my job as an indigenous kid off the reserve was to never let that target be me.

> get stalked and insulted by that other fat kid who goes to your school now, because she blames you for the new pool stunt that has made their pool party attendance impossible.

> explain again how just embracing your own fat body and making a cooperative theater effort with the tidal-wave prank clowns will defang the skinny bullies

> get lectured by fat kid and fat kid's older sister how female bodies don't have to perform to blah blah blah

> understand that every body has to perform to get accepted by other people. we all have to wash, wear clothes, and behave pleasant (or at least civil) around others, and my advice was for making friends out of enemies -- otherwise when those other kids stop insulting you they will also stop including you because you haven't shown any willingness to cooperate like socially, or educate them or educate yourself about them?

> get glared at up and down by fat kids fat older sibling, who says

> 'you're not even fat' and storms off.

> get gatekept from your own body type by an insecure white kid mad that you love yourself enough to make way more friends than them.

> watch this pattern repeat itself all thru teen and adulthood; resign that YOU can't help any white victims, not for body type or class struggle or disability or social issue. you just can't. the white grip of white abusers on white victims is so deep and so lasting and so culturally historied that you as a nonwhite, just don't have the impact you need to lastingly educate.

> watch brown and black voices rise in your country's internet edutainment landscape, bringing nonwhite wisdom with which indigenous people share, about bodies and health and strength and how to build friendships and keep a peaceful relationship with reality even when that reality is just that you're fat.

> cheer

and sure, fat white kids one and two did grow up to champion body positivity, but they don't hold the stories of when that positivity wasn't theirs to defend, they don't explain what absolute monsters they were and what kind of interpersonal abuses they started because of their insecurity

i think we need to keep places in our activism where we explain when we were perpetrators of our own oppression, and i only say we, because i, as an individual, was already taught to do this.

that story about the fat white kid is important, even if she learned better and got over herself. it's an important recollection because fat white kid's version of events was that i invented a cruel pool party game to taunt her -- and her anger thus justified her displacement of abuse.

she tried to fight me, but in a white girl way where she just spread rumors and wrote my address out in a gas station bathroom (in the hopes a creep would send me a letter, idfk, we had to tell her dad on her for that) and graffiti'd a pic of me naked in the school's locker room with like a penis that i never had, and hooves, weird dumb shit like that

well actually in hindsight that's creepy and obsessive so my advice has to stand,

and why this story is important:

stop helping white people. they are the worst kind of victim, they will perpetuate white people abuse, and you cannot befriend them even thru performance -- remember the jump-out pool prank that spread, white kids using brown clownery for evil, it's like you just can't win.

WHITE PEOPLE need to be able to admit when their abuse turned them into abusers, and the where how and why any overt racism was used. fat white kid attacking me on the nexus of my being intersex is actually racism, it is disrespect of an indigenous body even if not by the color of my skin.

hearing 'racism' shouldn't shut the white listener down, or justify their escape from any blame -- it was white cultural abuse that fat white kid was a victim of, and HER bullying of ME gone completely unaddressed when she wrote about, in the latter years of highschool, her body acceptance.

her racism erased, her pain as a fat body blamed on media and bullies and not because she was a misanthropic fuckwit too entitled to even try to make a friend. i was fat, i never got bullied for being fat after i defended myself --

watching this fat white kid use fatness as an excuse to be a forever victim, a bludgeon she could wield at anyone who ever rejected her (it is not fatphobic to refuse a date with an intemperate sourpuss, thanks) was like a displacement of reality, to me, like why she couldn't report on my good advice ever why she had to talk like she didn't owe her community any alteration of herself at all, why was that applauded when a white fat kid said it, but not when a brown fat kid lived it?

and sure, fat white kid could have just said she didn't want to do a cannonball -- i didn't think i was owed a performance or a cohort in performance and wouldn't have argued, naw, what white fat kid said was that i shouldn't have even asked her to do a cannonball, at all, because i was supposed to know all the shitass wipipo rules about how female bodies aren't supposed to be physically disruptive.

and this was before the discourse about fat white celebrity always being slapstick in some way, categorical erasure of brown fat celebrity that is not, but used as a victimhood fulfillment prophecy the same.

like, look. individual bullies actions (a single kid laughing at ur backrolls) are not the same as cultural trend (television beauty standards), though individuals can learn from and inform those trends (the jump out pool prank).

fat white kid wanted to be mad at me, because up until my invitation to a sickass cannonball dive, that fat kid had been happily pretending she wasn't fat. my invitation to do a normal kid activity, in a spirit of celebration of fat white kid's body, was on the first step seen as an act of aggression -- because of fat white kid's body dysphoria and dissociative state (her mom forced her to attend the party).

from there, explaining my motives and my culture fell on deaf ears. fat white kid was too white to listen. fat white kid was too abused by her fat white parents to be able to hear. fat white kid got no supportive community to take the problem to, so fat white kid lashes out, not at

listen. fat white kid doesn't lash out at skinny white tormentors, no, fat white kid lashes out at me, who already apologized way back at the first pool party and had since let the matter drop, bcos i was well over tryna help white kids by the time school let back in.

i coulda helped fat white kid with her skinny bullies if she had just asked, if she was really so hellbent on never clowning along with other kids, like hell was i gonna deny anyone their pursuit of peace (and a wicked sinus infection had convinced me against pool parties and that's the only reason i wasn't there to defend fat white kid in the first place but see where it was my lesson given for fwk to learn how to cooperate with others for herself cos not every pool party was gonna be nice or have me there keeping it nice like i said EXACTLY LIKE I FUCKING SAID).

but naw, fat white kid was making a choice, fat white kid didn't want ANYBODY'S help. fat white kid was an american, see, so fat white kid was always told to do everything for herself. fat white kid was inevitably recruited by radfem neonazis (we had those way before the internet ever gave them those names) but lost those friendships bcos fat white kid's fat white parents were lesbians.

shitty, racist, abusive white american lesbians, but y'know, pagan or whatever it is neonazi radfems didn't like before they decided to start recruiting from lesbians anyway.

those lesbians offered me a ride home from school, once, and their car was full of trash and smelled like crotch. i gave them the wrong address to drop me off at, that's how we knew it was fat white kid who wrote that address on the gas station bathroom wall, it wasn't even mine and only she and her moms could match that address with my name.

when we told fat white kid's dad on her, we had all the evidence collected -- photograph, handwriting sample, and my testimony that was my name and was the false address i had given to fat white kid's helpful parents for the dropoff.

i would like to say that fat white kid's dad got custody returned, but instead of accepting our report as an alarm about his daughter's mental health he yelled at us for wasting his time and hoped out loud his d*ke exwife would eat shit and die.

but fat white kid did try to start a fistfight for 'upsetting' her dad, so we at least know he got in contact after we contacted him.

and i got my chance to present the attempted gas station doxxing as evidence that fat white kid's crotchsmellin' parents be disallowed from offering rides to other people's kids --

since they were the only other two witnesses to that false address, and fat white kid kept saying that handwriting wasn't hers and she didn't do it, the school admin had to assume on the safety of the Indigenous student enrolled (my privilege to have an entire tribal nation legal defence, that other victims of racialized bullying don't usually get).

i commend fwk's parents for never lying about the ride they gave me home from school (there were witnesses, if they denied it would have been suspect), and never allowing their kids to fall prey to neonazi recruitment (pagans??), but their kid stayed a canker and they really needed to wash out their stanky car.

[blacktoothcomics]

dislike when friends demand "what do you want me to do" like uhh welp i am not asking you to do anything, i am only outlining the reality of things as i know it? we can both agree this is a shitty truth? i don't know how to fix things i am asking you to just contemplate that there is a problem, as the place to start?

so i guess what i want friends to do, is just, better. i want you to do better. if that means never suffering the uncertainty of change then that's what better might look like, but i have a storied history of knowing that's never the case.

please leave me entirely alone with that flying monkey "what do YOU want me to do" deflection. i want you to use your own brain to contribute to the problemsolving, obv, or i wouldn't be here speaking with you.

just say you don't have the patience to spare. just admit that you're terrified of discomfort. the worst that could happen is i suggest avenues of help; the scariest conclusion will be that even you are not allowed to just give up.

[blacktoothcomics]

the problem with telling the truth is that truth is still a subjective reality

like i recall lecturing my little brother about his rage (lol) against the demands of fourth grade academia -- debate and language homework, mostly, which forces kids to acknowledge that truth is a many faceted thing.

poor weab had thought, his whole eensy life, that there was only Truth and Lie, and that academia's demands that we capitulate to such terrorism as Make Believe was a conspiracy on par with, well, what me and my teenaged shitheads were always on about the institution of state schooling.

brother was BETRAYED when i argued in favor if what he was supposed to learn -- that even MY truth is different from his, that all through history people have vastly different experiences and form different world views, and

i like to think that my brother absorbed the message eventually and learned how to forgive the extremely stupid, but hardlined trutherism runs in the (catholic, republican) family, so.

when we don't teach kids basic framing terms like objective and subjective, we leave them to flounder thinking the world is just massively evil and unfair.

[blacktoothcomics]

been thinking abt nuance as more like a vessel and less like a collection of information

like, in order to properly apply nuance you have to just keep yourself within it, like a submarine, navigating the seas of reality through the port lense and sonar panel of perception. you gotta know where in the sea you are, depth and temperature and the impacts of that water's history on marine life.

you gotta know there are other submarines out there with you, and you won't be able to understand if those submarines have all tye machinery they need to properly and safely navigate those waters.

some of us are stuck on the surface of the ocean because all our nuance vessel instruments are broke or never installed and we have to sail with our eyeballs alone which isn't the best at finding out anything happening below. some of us at least have radio communication with other vessels but other submarine crews too often have bad faith takes and will straightup lie because their instruments are busted or they haven't really experienced any part of the ocean except their own.

nuance is a vessel you have to 1.) build and maintain with your crew (NOT ALONE) and 2.) commit to traveling in. like i don't want to immerse myself in a highly equipped nuance vessel all the time like i will chart a single-passenter jetski for dumb fandom shit or the quickest route to where all the good sandwiches at or whatever.

also that crew requirement is big, you can't demand an individual apply nuance / travel in the nuance submarine all alone, you have to join their crew and help to fix their sonars and scopes and shit yourself, and ask and ensure that there are others joining in to do the same cos you don't have all the knowledge yourself (and why we should be wary of leadership that claims thus).