So about "Trade Mistakes"... SG has so many sad and dramatic moments that I have to wonder what inspired you to write this "angsty" story? Also: thanks for writing a multichapter okakuri fanfic that takes place after the ending. This fandom has a lot of good one shot stories but very few multi chapter ones.
I...somehow just saw this now? Really sorry for the delayed response.
As for my fic “Trade Mistakes”; in all honesty, I really felt that the ending of Steins;Gate left a lot of room for interpretation as to how Okabe and Kurisu’s relationship could have ended up. Most would think that yes, they finally would have that happy ending that we all have been wanting since the beginning of the series (especially with all the hardships that Okabe had to go through).
However, there’s also that route of, what if they actually don’t end up together? And that’s where my brain ended up going: I absolutely love thinking and analyzing alternative plot lines, especially ones that are bittersweet. It leaves me the challenge of thinking how to approach a broken relationship, and somehow turn it into a happy one, given all the baggage and burdens they both carry.
Okabe and Kurisu’s relationship has a lot of unspoken emotions; Okabe has the burden of all their past experiences together and knowing that Kurisu doesn’t remember a thing (despite the deja vu experiences she may occasionally have). On the other hand, we have Kurisu trying to understand the meaning of these deja vu visions and trying to have Okabe open up to her, while Okabe painfully tries his best to not tell her of their past, for fear of influencing her emotions the wrong way. They both are part of this tug-of-war battle between each other, and both want the same conclusion; the problem is their ways of getting to said conclusion.
I really wanted to delve into both of their emotions. Kurisu is naturally curious yet a tsundere; Okabe is confident in achieving the goal he needs, even if it’s not something he wants. Writing these opposite characteristics poses an angsty challenge that I feel the S;G series does wonderfully on portraying, and I wanted to also add on to this.
I was also very much inspired by the song “Trade Mistakes” by Panic! At the Disco. Just some lyric analysis below if you’re curious! The lyrics are more catered towards Okabe’s POV:
“If I ever leave, I could learn to miss you, But ‘Sentimental Boy’ is my nom de plume.”
This part captures Okabe’s hesitancy on forgetting Kurisu; he knows he could learn to move on, just as Kurisu did initially, but he finds himself stuck in this comfortable cycle of reminiscing and regret; a cycle that Daru and the rest of the lab members pick up on.
“Let me save you, hold this rope, I am an anchor, sinking her.”
These lyrics reflect Okabe knowing he has the knowledge to “save” her; aka, provide her with all the information she’s been wanting to know. However he also knows that by not telling her, he becomes her “anchor”; something she’s grounded to because she wants to know, but perpetually “sinking her” because he doesn’t tell her. Her persistence and determination ultimately has her “sink” in his untold emotions.
“I’ll stay awake ‘til I trade my mistakes Or they fade away.”
This part frames Okabe’s hesitant resolution perfectly; he wants to change with ”trade my mistakes”, but he also knows that if he can’t do it he’ll just wait until “they fade away”.
And honestly, the whole song as a whole is fantastic. It really served as an inspiration to this fic, and I know I’ve listened to it more than thirty times at this point lol.
But anyway, on that note, thank you for asking! I know it’s been a very long time since I’ve updated “Trade Mistakes”, but I do plan on finishing it. It’s definitely one of my more heavier chapter fics I’m working on, and I really appreciate everyone’s patience. ~
