#bntn rambles

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anyway sudden irl stuff happens yaaay!

so this blog’ll be quiet for the next few days while i sort all that out, just geting that out there

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Black Moon clan anon again! Those were great thoughts, the BMC are my fave SM villains (well at least in terms of the anime and musicals... manga not so much tbh) I think you got them down perfectly! ^_^ (Saphir is also my fave!) Do you have any ships for them or sexuality headcanons though? I assume, (or rather HOPE) that you don't ship Demande/Usagi just like most of the fandom right? (no judgement if you do, just personally think its a gross ship and hurts Demande's character)

Yay I’m glad at least one person on the internet cares about my rambles on this blog :D

Tbh I haven’t really thought that much about Black Moon sexualities. I Very Definitely don’t ship Demande/Usagi though. I mean him being attracted to her (and acting SUPER CREEPY about it, ugh, I’ve seen that scene like 3 or 4 times in different incarnations by now and I’d still forgotten about it) is canon but like hell that would ever be mutual. It’ll stay onesided forever and ever.

Yeah, I dunno, I know my super detailed Inners sexuality headcanons and stuff might not give this impression but in general I’m not actually that big a shipper. *shrugs* SM wise I ship, like, harumichi because it’s canon, and kinda maybe hotaru/chibs when they’re older (and DEFINITELY in the manga because jesus Hotaru possesive much), and literally ANY combination of the Inners with each other up to and including the blurred-lines-between-romance-and-friendship ot5. And obviously usamamo is endgame canon so i guess that, but tbh I’m not amazingly invested in it? Though obviously it’s a thing. And the only stuff of that I’m super invested in is the ‘literally any combination of the Inner Senshi’ thing, and the fact that it’s ‘literally any combination i’m not picky’ tells you all you need to know. (Oh yeah, and if anyone still insists harumichi isn’t a thing (though I don’t think anyone does that anymore, thank the gods) i guess i get annoyed at that too? But I hesitate to say I ship them ship them because to me they’re just a brute fact of canon.)

But yeah, I haven’t thought about them in as much detail as you obviously seem to have, and I have a lot less fodder than I do with the Inners. I dunno, I’d say Saphir is gay and not be able to tell you why (it’s probably me being bad and stereotyping from somewhere. Though my irl ‘gaydar’ is actually really good, so. *shrugs* maybe he has (vaguely-incesty) subtext with Demande? That might be it, if I could remember better), but I THINK the thing he has with Petz is mutual? It’s been a while…

Yeah, I’m sorry, but I can’t really give you an answer. The cheat answer is to say they were written by a kind of heteronormative writing crew and so probably were WRITTEN as straight, but then they probably didn’t mean to write Ami as pitch-perfect bi aceish and Rei as a flaming lesbian (pun intended) either and yet they did, so I don’t like that answer. You have to read the text and not the intentions. I just haven’t really thought about them enough. But no, no ships really either.

I ship the Ayakashi sisters with being happy and having normal lives and eventually finding hapiness however they may! (Oh yeah, that reminds me, they’re all rough parallels to the Inners, so maybe they share sexualities with them? So Berthier is bi ace and Koan is super gay and Petz and Calaveras are bi? Idk).

Anyway, thanks for asking, I’m sorry that I feel like this isn’t quite what you were looking for! If you have any more definite thoughts I’d love to hear them :)

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New avatar cribbed off @shoujotai​, cheers mate :D

It’s an Ami icon because she is and will always be my favourite but you can still kinda see Minako in the background because like hell she’s letting Ami take over the spotlight completely. And Mercury’s visor with cool text in it. I always knew I wanted a visor icon but I was too lazy to hunt through several hundred episodes for the best one (and some of the best visor aesthetic comes from Crystal but I don’t like Crystal enough to want a Crystal icon) so yeah, thanks.

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i really should know better than to occasionally lurk around the blogs of people I KNOW have wildly different opinions of characters than I do and who actively dislike characters I love to bits. But, nope, I am a dumb idiot who still wants to go see what peoples opinions on them are and then feels crap when people are unnecesarily dickish to them and like jesus christ it is a piece of fiction i shouldn’t be feeling this way.

and i want to go find people who love those characters as much as i do but SM fandom is tiny, like the part of it that isn’t crystal anyway. And all the straight people ship the senshi with the shintennou and don’t give a crap about them as characters and all the queer ones only care about harumichi and so also don’t give a crap about the inners. and then the ones who by some luck DO give a crap about the inners don’t give a crap about Mako or Ami, like apparently only Rei and Minako get to be complex in their own right? Idk.

(I’ve found like one person who actually also gives a shit about ami on ao3/ffn which is great but i completely disagree with her interpretation of her character, but eh. beggars can’t be chosers i guess.)

ugh but yeah i should know better OH WELL

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ugh this whole running-a-functional blog thing is not working at all. rambling into the void is bad for my mental health, and i don’t have mental energy/ time reserves to find stuff to reblog etc.

i dunno imma keep the blog for fic stashing reasons but i don’t know how active i’ll be with it

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Oh man I have SU excitement feels and senshi sexuality feels (and more senshi sexuality feels from rewatching epsisodes for the fic I’m trying to write which hahaha will it ever be finished or will it join the pile of like 20 half-finished fics i have lying around WHO KNOWS I am so sick of half-finished fics ANYWAY) and also Juri feels because I watched Unfulfilled Juri twice in a day and kinda want to watch it again because i have lots of emotions and kinda want to talk about them.

so many feelings i shall burst which shall i ramble about into the void first?

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but, y’know, on the plus side the sky tonight looked just like the bi flag (upside down :P) and that made me really happy. IT IS A SIGN

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ugh i was reading the Mary Sue article about the Matrix as a trans allegory (which is fascinating and opened my eyes to shit that should have been obvious, but the last time i saw the matrix i was 14 and still thinking i was straight (and cis, but i AM cis, so)) and ugh

so the last time i saw the Matrix I was 14 and we studied it in English class so we watched it over and over and over and over and i have had Zero Desire to watch it again since because Yeah that kinda ruins all desire to rewatch/reread stuff. And still That Scene is the one that comes to mind first when i think of the movie and it’s such an inconsequential scene i bet no one else even remembers it.

but i was reading the article and it was interesting and everything was fine but then the writer mentioned the Desert of the Real scene and suddenly i was 14 and back in my english class in the darkened room with the scene playing out in front of us and not taking in anything that was said because i knew That Scene was coming next and i had to preemptively block my ears and cover my eyes and be subtle about it. i’m 14 and back in my classroom and trying not to cry or breathe too quickly or make any signs that i’m distressed because my classmates’ reaction and the inevitable three years of teasing before i can get out of there is not worth anyone finding out and i’m 14 and what everyone else thinks of me is the most important thing in the world. and no matter how hard i cover my ears some sound is gonna make it in anyway. and it’s going to happen and there’s nothing i can do to stop it and it’s up there projected up on an entire wall of the classroom and all i can do is sit there and duck for cover and hope that the dark and the movie is enough to keep everyone else from noticing my reaction.

and i’m 14 and this is happening again because we had to watch the movie over and over and over because we were studying it and every time that scene would play out and even now That Scene is still what I think of when I think of the matrix

(this was 3 or 4 years before it got to the worst it’s ever been, 3 or 4 years before my then-boyfriend makes me get my shit together and go to therapy, and it was already that bad)

and all of this because i read an article i had no idea would do this to me because i’m Better now, right? like chronic mental illness never goes away yada yada but Better. like on saturday i rewatched Days of Future Past (bc xmen nerd) and it had a scene that should’ve triggered me and i flinched a little bit but i was fine. i hadn’t even remembered it was there. but nope, read an article, and sudden trauma flashbacks and literally feeling myself tensing up as i thought about that scene (because That Scene) comes next.

yaaaay fuck everything