Tumor Whisperer
Day 1
What the fuck
Day 2
...
Day 3
After overcoming the realization that tumors are sentient entities from a parallel dimension sent here as peaceful scouts. I can’t bring myself to ...kill it? Although, earth-shattering, this thing is also alive. And what’s worse, it talks! Horrible sense of humor, but it talks! I haven’t informed my patient about our conundrum.
Day 4
I don’t think I can stall chemotherapy anymore. But what do I do? I just discovered tumors are living alien creatures. What the fuck.
< Note: Remind to take the laundry to Larry’s, our machine at home broke >
Anyway, after I convinced my patient to go under anesthesia, I had an opportunity to discuss with -- I still can’t pronounce its name, it sounds like a bunch of cooking pots falling onto a wooden floor -- let’s call it bob. I had an opportunity to talk to ...bob about where it came from.
Day 5
WHAT THE FUCK. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. THIS IS BULLSHIT. FUCK. FML FML FML
Day 6
FFFFFFFFFUUUUUCKKKKKKKK THISSS
Day 7
Ok, I’m still angry about this but I’m trying to be positive. This also confirms my hypothesis about cancer tumors. Reason we can’t “cure” them is because they aren’t really a disease, they are ...sentient beings and how do you convince a sentient being to do something? You reason with it. Bob, thought that I was very kind to it and took it upon itself to transplant himself onto me. God fucking damn it.
Day 8
Ok, this isn’t too bad. My patient was miraculously cured and it turns out if you take care of Bob he ...really doesn’t hurt you? How can I explain this. I was sobbing at home and then Bob tried to comfort me ( even though it is the reason why I sob, this is way too meta ) and he told me that I didn’t have to die. All I had to do was acknowledge him and give him some love. That’s it. Love cures cancer. I know, what the fuck. I hate saying it but I’ve checked my vitals, t-cell counts, all that jazz. I’m healthier than ever. The only visible change is that well now I find Bob’s jokes hilariously funny. As in, I can’t breathe, funny.