Price of Life 🏹🪶
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Price of Life Masterlist | AO3
TAGS:Joel Miller x Female Reader, Dark!Joel, Kidnapping, Religious Cults, No Use of Y/N, Reader is Brainwashed, Possessive!Joel, Dubious Consent, Innocent!Reader, Religious Guilt, Religious Deconstruction, (Unspecified) Age Gap Relationship, Eventual Smut, Slow Burn, Joel Miller Smut, Kidnapping, Captivity
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Ellie was coming out of the chicken coop when she heard a crash coming from inside Joel’s house. She immediately looked to Dina, who was staring at her with the same puzzled expression.
“What the fuck,” Ellie said quietly.
“You think Joel got a dog or something? Maybe that’s why he locked the door?” Dina asked as she took cautious steps towards the house. Ellie moved a few steps forward to be closer to Dina, body tensed and ready for whatever threat might be inside.
“I mean, maybe.” Ellie said with uncertainty as they crept closer. With a glance of understanding shared between them, Dina and Ellie split off to cover either end of the house. Ellie pulled out her pistol, trying to peek inside the windows. They were covered up, so she couldn’t see anything.
When her and Dina finished circling around the house, they met back up at the front door.
“Find anything?” Ellie asked. Dina shook her head. “No, you?”
“Nothing- I can’t see shit in there.”
“What should we do?”
“Go through the windows,” Ellie went back to the side of the house, using the butt of her pistol to shatter it. She climbed into the house, Dina following close behind. It was empty, save for a lamp that’d fallen over from the end table. “I’ll go upstairs,” Ellie said.
Ellie went into the upstairs bathroom, checking behind the shower curtain. Nothing. Next, she went into her old bedroom. Checked the closet. Nothing. Finally, she went into Joel’s room. Besides it being a little cleaner than usual, there was nothing. She checked the closet- empty except for his ratty old flannels.
“It’s clear up here,” Ellie called out, “you find anything?”
“No,” Dina said, “everything’s clear.”
Ellie glanced around one more time, as if willing for something to jump out at her, before making her way back to Dina. “You think the lamp just… fell on its own?”
Dina shrugged. “I guess.”
They said nothing, both feeling the same eerie feeling. Something was really off. The front door was padlocked, and something had caused the lamp to fall, but there was nothing in the house. There was nothing left to do but climb back out the window and silently continue their tasks.
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You were hidden under Joel’s bed. You prayed to the Prophet they wouldn’t look under, and thank goodness they didn’t.
When you’d fallen, you’d quickly gathered yourself and got up, ignoring the lingering pain in your leg, and grabbed your figure before hurriedly going upstairs. You went straight into Joel’s bedroom and crawled under the bed, trying to ignore how the dust made you want to cough. You heard the window shatter, the voices of the two women as they came inside, and then you heard footsteps coming up the stairs.
You squeezed your eyes shut, praying that you wouldn’t be caught. You saw the feet of one of the women as she came into Joel’s bedroom. Your eyes were wide as you stared at her worn leather boots, holding your breath as you waited, wondering if you’d see her face next as she ducked to look under the bed.
But no. Thankfully, she turned and left. You heard their muffled voices, then the crunching sound of glass as they climbed back out of the house through the window. You were too afraid to move, so you stayed for a long time, listening to your breathing, feeling the dust aggravate your nose and throat. It didn’t matter- you were terrified they’d come back in and catch you off guard.
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Joel came back that evening. He couldn’t stay away from you, barely able to focus as worry swirled in his mind. Tommy noticed as soon as they left the gate, glancing at his brother who stared blankly at the snow, his mind in another place entirely as he rode his horse.
“Hey,” Tommy said, snapping Joel out of his trance, “you alright?”
Joel stared at Tommy for a moment, before clearing his throat. “Uh, yeah. Yeah… m’just tired. Didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”
Tommy nodded, eyeing him. “Right. Of course.”
They continued their route, an awkward silence hanging between them. When they made it to their first checkpoint, they signed in and surveyed the surrounding area. Tommy was alert, his eyes scanning his surroundings while Joel sat on his horse, seeming to be looking out into the distance, scanning for infected. A few minutes went by and Joel didn’t move at all.
“Hey!” Tommy shouted. Joel’s attention snapped to him, his head turning in the direction of Tommy’s voice. “What’s up with you, Joel? You’re all spaced out.”
“M’tired,” Joel insisted gruffly. Tommy scoffed, steering his horse closer to his brother. “Bullshit. What’s goin’ on?” Joel clenched his jaw, refusing to look Tommy in the eye.
“C’mon, tell me.” Tommy urged.
“Nothin’s wrong,” Joel insisted, his tone angrier this time. It was a warning: back off.
“Fine then, but you ain’t focusin’ on your job. Whatever shit you’re goin’ through, ya gotta put it on the backburner until we get back from patrol.”
The brothers went silent again, moving on to their next checkpoint. Tommy was extremely irritated- he hated when Joel did this, and he always did this. Whenever something was wrong with him, it was like pulling teeth trying to get him to fess up. Couldn’t he see that Tommy only wanted to know what was going on, to offer his love and support like a brother should? He swore he was just like their father- but Tommy would never say that to Joel’s face, unless he wanted to get socked in the mouth.
By the second day of patrol, Joel had reached whatever internal limit he had. They were sitting in an abandoned warehouse when he got up, walking outside into the snow to mount his horse. Tommy watched him, putting down the jerky he’d been eating. “Where you goin’?”
“Back home,” Joel said, “I’ll send Jesse out in my stead. I gotta take care of somethin’.” Tommy got up, standing in front of Joel as he got on the saddle. “What the hell is your deal, Joel?”
“Out of my way,” Joel said darkly, his eyes flashing with anger. That stern look was identical to their father’s, instilling the same cold dread in Tommy from when he was small. He backed down, moving to the side as Joel rode off.
Joel knew he was going to have to answer for his actions- it was dangerous leaving his brother stranded in the warehouse like that, no matter how capable either of them were alone. It was strict Jackson protocol to always have a buddy system- two or more people traveling together. Power in numbers, and all that.
Maria was protective over her husband, and as soon as she heard that Joel left Tommy high and dry on patrol- he wasn’t going to hear the end of it- but he had to leave. He couldn’t stand the worry that gnawed on his heart, his mind, his soul- it consumed him. He was no use to Tommy like that. He wondered if you were okay, if you were feeding yourself properly- what if your wound had reopened? What if you fainted or something? What if someone discovered you?
He just had to make sure you were safe.
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You were reading the encyclopedia when Joel came home, curled up on the couch by the fireplace. You’d come downstairs eventually, cleaned up the lamp- you felt a little ashamed, wishing you hadn’t been so clumsy. Hopefully Joel wouldn’t be too upset about it. After all, it wasn’t nice to break something in someone else’s home, even if that someone was keeping you captive.
Afterwards, you ate dinner, deciding to try your hand at baking a shepard’s pie. There was a small book of recipes you saw sitting on the counter, and after flipping through it, you gathered the ingredients from the cupboard and got to work. It actually turned out pretty good- and it kept your belly deliciously full. So full, in fact, you were already beginning to drift off as you read.
Then you heard the sound of hooves pounding against the dirt. You shot up, your drowsiness quickly fading away as fear took hold. Were those women back? Maybe they brought more people to investigate the house?
You went back into Joel’s bedroom, hiding yourself under the bed, praying that your hiding spot would work a second time. After a minute, the door swung open, banging loudly against the wall.
Joel rode up to the house, dismounting Old Beardy and walked towards the front door. He felt apprehension and excitement, a strange mix of emotions he hadn’t felt in a long while. It unsettled him, but a small part of him enjoyed the way it made him feel like a young man again, uncertain and longing.
And then he saw the curtain billowing out of the window on the left side of the house. When he stepped closer, he saw it’d been broken. His blood went cold, his heart dropping as he quickly moved to unlock the door, slamming it wide open. His gun was waiting and ready on his hip, his weathered hand hovering over it in case it needed to be used.
When he didn’t see you in the living room, he panicked, peeking into the bathroom. Nothing. His pulse hammered in his ears as he quietly made his way upstairs, checking the other bathroom. Nothing. Then Ellie’s old room. Nothing. Goddamnit, he couldn’t have lost you. Had you really been so desperate to get away that you’d break out through the window? But he saw no blood- he knew you probably didn’t have the finesse to break out without injuring yourself. Then he walked into his bedroom, pushing the door further open as he cautiously stepped inside.
“Damn it, where are you?” He muttered, his voice hoarse with worry.
Your skin prickled as you recognized Joel’s drawl. Peeking from underneath the bed, you made sure it was really him before coming out. “Joel,” you’d said a little more earnestly than you’d meant, shimmying your body from underneath the bedframe. His head quickly fell to look down at you, his face twisted with a mix of concern and utter bewilderment.
“You were hidin’ under my bed?” He asked as his hand fell away from his gun. You nodded, your cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “I thought you were those two women coming back to get me.” Two women? Joel furrowed his brows for a moment. You must have been talking about Ellie and Dina.
“What happened to the window?” He asked you as you sat on the bed. You twisted your fingers into the hem of your dress. “They broke it- the two women. I… I fell and broke your lamp, and then they came inside to see where the noise came from, so I hid. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry ‘bout it,” Joel said, “I don’t care about a damn lamp- I care that you’re safe. Ellie and Dina were probably just worried an infected got into the house or somethin’. Ain’t your fault.”
“Ellie and Dina?” You asked. Joel nodded. “Ellie’s my uh… she’s from the settlement in Jackson. Dina, too. That’s where I went this mornin’, to go on patrol with my brother, Tommy.” Joel explained awkwardly. “It’s where I was livin’ before I moved over here.”
“Why’d you move out here by yourself?” You asked, genuinely curious. Living on your own wasn’t ideal anywhere- it was always better to have community, a group of like-minded people to survive with. You had your family and the other Seraphites on the island. You shared in everything, lived peacefully with the same beliefs and values, why would you leave that to live in isolation?
“Just… like it better out here, on my own.” Joel said. “Jackson ain’t too far, anyway- I can always go n’ visit, get the things I need.”
“I wish I could go home,” you murmured softly before you could stop yourself. Your eyes widened as you looked up at him. He looked pained for a second, a brief seriousness pinching his features before it passed. “You ain’t ready yet.”
“Will I ever be ready?” You muttered. He said nothing, only sitting there for a moment, working his jaw. He got up, grunting with the effort. “I’m glad you’re safe. How’d ya do while I was gone?”
You felt annoyance bubble up in you, but forced it down. Of course he wouldn’t admit that he was keeping you here. “I was fine,” you say snippily, “I can walk now.”
Joel glanced back at you, picking up the irritation in your tone. “I can see that.” He used his head to motion at the door. “C’mon- my room probably smells.”
“It does,” you say as you get up and walk past him into the hallway. You missed the way the corner of his mouth quirked up into a smile. He followed you downstairs, where you took your spot on the sofa. His eyes moved to the end table, now noticing that the lamp was gone. He’d have to get a new one, if Maria would even let him near Jackson after the stunt he pulled at the warehouse.
He went to the fridge to grab a beer, noticing the shepherd's pie covered in foil. “What’s this now?” Joel mused as he pulled it out, placing it on the counter and uncovering it. “You make this?”
You scrunched your nose. “It’s not for you- you can’t have any.”
“Aw, really?” Joel said. It was supposed to be light-hearted, but he seemed genuinely disappointed. Something in you was perturbed by that, and you had no idea why. “Maybe you can have a tiny slice,” you relent softly.
“Thank you, darlin’.” Joel said with soft eyes that did something strange to your tummy. You turned to look at the fireplace. You heard cluttering sounds from the kitchen, then suddenly you saw him out of your peripheral, coming to sit beside you on the sofa. He let out an exhale, cracking his beer open, folding his leg over the other to balance his plate.
He took a bite of the pie, humming in satisfaction. “This is delicious,” he said as he chewed, taking a swig of his beer to wash it down, “real delicious.” You said nothing, refusing to give any attention to his praise, even if satisfaction curled within- you’d always been one who enjoyed a compliment.
It was silent for a while, the only sounds were the crackling of the fireplace and Joel’s eating. You folded your legs under yourself, the blanket covering your lap as you read your encyclopedia. After a while, Joel glanced over at you.
“What’s that?” He asked. You ignored him. He was unphased, peering at the cover. “S’that my book? You a little thief.” That caught your attention, your head turning to him. “Did you not want me to take it?” You asked worriedly. You would never dream of stealing… you’d just assumed because it was left on the desk, collecting dust, maybe he wouldn’t mind you borrowing it.
“Nah, s’alright,” Joel said with a dismissive wave of his hand, “I never got much use out of it.”
“D’ya like it?” He asked after a beat. You nodded. “Are these things real? Everything in here?” You opened the book, showing him the pictures of whales, stingrays, sharks, the sprawling coral reefs and underwater volcanoes you’d read about.
“Yep, all of it’s real.” Joel confirmed with a nod. “I used to take my daughter there, ‘fore the Outbreak. I mean, to aquariums. It’s like uh… a museum, if you’ve ever seen one before, but for all that sea stuff.”
“Daughter?” You asked, tilting your head curiously. Joel’s lips pressed into a thin line, a flicker of something pained appearing briefly on his face. He pointed at a picture of an otter. “I’ve seen my fair share of these critters.”
“They’re cute,” you said softly. “I wanna cuddle ‘em.”
“Those are wild animals- can’t keep ‘em as pets,” Joel said pointedly. You huffed. “I don’t care. If I find one, I’m keeping it.” Joel snorted. “Who’s gonna take you to the ocean?”
“You can,” you said, “since you plan on keeping me here.” Joel smiled. “Don’t got a boat.”
“Well, I’m sure you can get one. Or build one.” You say.
“I specialize in houses, not boats.”
You shrugged. “Guess it’s time you learn something new.” Joel chuckled at that. “Guess I will- unless you run away again.” Your smile faded. Home. For someone who supposedly wanted to go home so badly, you’d gotten real comfortable in this house, reading frivolous books and listening to music that wasn’t for the purpose of worship, forgetting to say your prayers, spending very inappropriate amounts of time alone with a man. You thought of Adonis, the man you were supposed to marry.
You’d only been staying with Joel for nearly two weeks, and already you’d strayed from your purpose, strayed from everything you believed in. He was corrupting you, luring you in with his deceit and wicked smiles, his devilish eyes…
Feigning a yawn, you scooted away, closing your book and placing it on the end table. “I feel tired- I need to say my prayers before I go to bed,” you say, a subtle cue for Joel to leave you be. He nodded, grabbing his plate and his beer.
“Let me board up the window first,” Joel said as he walked to the kitchen and put his plate away, setting his beer on the counter. “It’s not safe, n’ you’ll get cold.” He opened a drawer, grabbing a hammer and some nails, and went outside.
You tried to say your prayers while he hammered at the house, barely succeeding. You were too tired to wait until he was done, curling up on the sofa. You prayed that the Prophet would free you from Joel soon and guide you home before your resolve was able to crumble any further.
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A/N: Tbh this was much lighter than I thought it'd be lol. I meant to write a much darker Joel but I love fluffy Joel smmm hehehe
[Part 4 of 11]
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@taniamiller @letsbepeoplemaren
