#breakfast-solstice

[breakfast-solstice]

June 27, 2025

All the guys who’ve been in bed with me:

The air ram

Impulsive nature, eccentric mind. Grand smile and ideas to share. Felt like home–the home that was always on fire and had the backdoor open. His anaerobic reality swallowed me whole. I learned prayer is love.

The earth scorpion

Shadowy traits to combat the bubbly ones. The intensity quickly extinguished by the silliness in him. The chase was lustful and short-lived. I wanted spit, blood, tears, and sweat but got excess honey and vinegar.

The fire centaur

Shot from the hip and kept his charm alongside his passion. Undercurrent of melancholy masked by adrenaline-seeking activities. We both knew what it was and wasn’t but pretended otherwise.

The water cat

Rolled his eyes to the back of his head and purred when pet. Gentle and playful, deep and insightful. Had silly impressions and linens that I clung to. I wanted to eat him alive and he didn’t try to keep me around.

[breakfast-solstice]

At the beach today and gathered that

1. We are all gorgeous, fleshy and blubbery beings

2. The ocean is the womb of the earth

3. Freud would have loved vapes

[breakfast-solstice]

A visual that helped me approach love and how I want to give it, as someone who has been obsessive and easily, quickly attached to people:

Imagine a jar for your container and filling up a jar with your love to give to others

(Obviously you will give many jars and not count them but that’s not the point)

Think about how you get to know someone and how you gradually give them your love, curiosity, care, time, affection, attention, etc…

And visualize first that it is raw cane sugar being poured - hard grains hitting the bottom making a high pitched sound, building a hill swiftly and without time to settle into all the edges of the cylinder

A fast pour like that could be how you desire to fill the jar in some cases,

But my love now feels like it has space and time when I imagine it as molasses instead - a silky, smooth liquid, not in any hurry and surely not succumbing to any outside forces to rush it

The way you pour your love could be like a bartender on the weekend or like your coworker flicking leftover water into the bushes outside or like a toddler entrusted with the juice gallon for the first time or like a barista making swans in the steamed milk

[breakfast-solstice]

No rizz   just big doe eyes and cheekbones that hold up the sky and a heart that swallows people who can’t swim deep

[breakfast-solstice]

You say

You want to be there for me

That worm has lost its hook

Salt water in the eyes stings

And then rinses

[breakfast-solstice]

I must’ve made a deal with god coming here that the more I try things for myself, despite the observance of others doing them and their results, and getting my hands dirty with personal experiences and failures ,

the more I’ll connect to my souls purpose and feel deep fulfillment in being alive

[breakfast-solstice]

diary entry: november 8th

breakthrough those intense feelings and desires are meant to drive you somewhere, be a vehicle of sorts. Feelings inspire action, Desires inspire action, but they don't magically produce a result

They aren’t an outcome in themselves

They are informing you to move in a specific direction

[breakfast-solstice]

god knows I don’t have a

heart beating just to

store in a cool, dry place