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I almost forgot I did this last year. Based off of this song

[Tw: suicide (and implied self harm) on the song]

#creative #breakposting #oh nuts i didnt finish the scarf #kokichi ouma #night-#dr insp: audio

A large part of what has made the DRV3 experience so downright impossible for a very long time, is that too often, it has the effect of overloading and short-circuiting me before I'm able to do much - if anything - with it. But worse, that effect has bled into every other interest at this point.

Every time I try to refresh my mind on interesting thoughts, questions, theories, everything I care about in this still... it feels like falling into an abyss. Though that's largely executive dysfunction to blame, it's the fact that it happens worse than ever, over, and over and over again to the detriment of possibly several hundred hours over the years- retrieving thoughts, losing them, retrieving, losing... repeat, times infinity. So at some times I simply can't even look at analysis for long. Until an interest piques and...

Imagine there's a jigsaw, with two distinct yet still decidedly similar pictures showing on both sides of all the pieces when they're connected. Imagine spilling it before you get a good look and getting all the pieces scattered so that both sides of all the pieces are completely muddled. Imagine getting paint on some of these pieces. Imagine losing some of them. That's what the canon of V3 basically is to me- but the funny thing is even with these issues, you see enough pieces align to the point it drives you crazy. You can visualise the picture you're thinking of to some degrees because you've seen ones like it in the past, but this one became so cluttered that it frequently feels like a lost cause. Sometimes all you can do is build the outside structure as best as you can before you venture inward (which is what pinned post was attempting to do), but I digress. I'm not even sure if this analogy makes perfect sense

Not sure where I'm going with this other than... hm, I think I've come to understand what the learned helplessness of Death Road of Despair was really like without any Electrohammers. And I don't just mean playing it. Then again even that game wasn't completely impossible in the end, it just was hard enough that it was a collosal timewaste if you go in blindly. And time is not something I plan to waste anymore.

#It feels like everyone else has Electrohammers except me #Bloggings #Jacks personals #I'm in the UK it's no longer April Fools lol #Breakposting #Stuckposting #*I want to fix it somehow but ????