#broodywriter

[broodywriter]

Lean On Me

Across that concrete river And on past the trees Is a man who meditates on pain Not quite sure what he believes.

Locked away in a box As his angels and demons clash He hears the screams He feels their lash Catatonic, he sits hopeless Taking a beating under duress.

The closing of eyes Begs for peace within As the snarls of battle Cry on and on in him.

With only one leg to stand on The other is trying to sleep Tossing and turning While the nightmares creep. Wide awake now once more All he wants is to be sure.

He’s in pain, she thinks He’ll choose correctly, she prays As he sits alone with no one to prop Nobody to help him survive today. The itch torments like the desire to see In pencil he stencils on skin “Lean On Me”.

[ill-write-your-wrongs]

Time Heals All...

Its a hard, horrible thing to describe to somebody. There’s never a “perfect time” to tell it to them either. All that is certain is that you will come off as the villain. It won’t matter if it was with the best intentions or if you did it for the greater good. 

It was not a great experience for either of us - especially for them. It was days before I could break a smile but I wasn’t happy at what I did. 

And it has been about 5 days since I texted her. I didn’t expect a reply and honestly, I don’t expect one for a while. I know why there’s been no contact and I don’t blame her. It’s a cliche, but time heals all wounds. Every single one. It just requires some breathing room. 

What happened should not be seen as uncaring. Quite the opposite. 

In the past 3 years, my true colours have shown themselves: I should not be trusted with responsibility, I rarely keep the promises I make and I will always disappoint. And it all shows that I am still not ready for any kind of commitment.

All in all, I haven’t felt particularly great about myself for a long time. And now, well now I just feel like the worst. Like a villain.

[broodywriter]

When You're Right, You're Wrong. When You're Wrong, You're Right

It was no action that changed my mind no action ever would There's not a caustic word spat or hissed that could push me from my post. Its just the way the mind works. It just happened. And it would've been wrong To stay.

[ill-write-your-wrongs]

The Dirt Beneath My Feet

The bridge has collapsed and the tunnel is crumbling the trains have derailed and the last boat is sailing. The High Road lights are getting dimmer their souls are losing strength  the crowds are getting slimmer and the forest is decaying. Watching by the ashen coast on a deck chair made of pins as the ship sails disintegrate into a sea engulfed in fire. As the forest loses all its health with little grace, subtlety and stealth the dirt beneath my feet divides triaged to the caverns below where I will reside.

[ill-write-your-wrongs]

Plinth

I laugh, cry and sigh until I lose all hope or breath whichever eludes me first. I wonder every day if we as human beings are the only creatures to out-perform our destiny as mortal. When the best is past and failure is the future all Atlas can do is shrug and gain an extra world to clutch to atop a pedestal in an abyss Solitude his only aid. It’s alright if you can let go.

[broodywriter]

All The Encouragement I Need

I'm going to share something with you all. Something I learnt literally 5 minutes ago. If you don't know of TED Talks, I strongly suggest you type 'TED' into YouTube followed by whatever you're interested in. Chances are, you'll find something worth watching. I was looking for self-confidence (clicheeeeeee) and I found this:

Now the one quote that resonated strongly with me was from 6:40-6:48. For those that didn't click the link above (lazy) which starts at the right time (super lazy) that quote is this: 

"How do you build self-confidence? Get away from the people who will tear you down. There's enough of that." - Dr. Ivan Joseph

This is it. This is what I needed to confirm my suspicions that if I want to get anywhere good, I have to leave this town. And if you need a reason to leave and jump ship like I do, I hope reading this and watching the video above is all you need.

[broodywriter]

If I Stay Here I'll Rust

Tom Waits had it right when he wrote Whistlin' Down The Wind. And he's right: I can't stay here, but I am scared to leave. It all boils down to What Ifs, Buts and Maybe...also money and happiness. But (see!) I am not happy here. My mother calls it pessimism, I call it a cocktail of boredom, frustration along with an overall feeling of not really belonging. I'm done.

So I came up with a plan. I get a job (for now), save up, sell my car, and buy a one way ticket to Los Angeles to become a big ol' cliche. Maybe I'll be truly happy there, or maybe I won't. There's only one way to find out. All I know is I can't stay here. I feel like I want to escape and reboot my life. Leave everything. 

Now don't get me wrong, this is not a depressing post - not to me at least anyway. I am writing out of irritation at being stuck here. My parents don't want me trapped in a dead-end job, but I am trapped in a dead-end town. The way I see it, I feel like...OK bare with me.

Imagine a great lake. A huge lake, like an ocean bullet hole in a great body of land - like Lake Michigan but bigger. Now in the middle of that lake, is a single, tiny island, 5x5 miles. The people on that island have no idea of any world outside its shoreline and out into the distance. All they see is the curvature of the Earth and that pleases them enough. They think they're alone. But if they journeyed far enough they would reach the other side of the lake and - in their minds - another world full of possibilities and opportunities. However, only the rich and the arrogant know of this place, and only they have the means to get there and they take this new world for granted.                    On that island is a Dreamer...the last of his kind on that island. He has no boat. No paddle. No pot to piss in. Just a dream of what he wants his life to be. He doesn't know true happiness until he has reached the fabled Promised Land. And nothing can change his mind. He doesn't fit in here and it's getting worse there. Yet he is still trapped.

That's a pretty accurate description of how I feel at the moment. I feel nothing else at the moment

[ill-write-your-wrongs]

If You Can't Join Them, Be Who You Want

     It  - yes, it's an 'It' this time - thinks a lot about everything a bit too much. It wonders and dreams about what it's life could be, and why it thinks that way. It tries it's best to explain the absolute best they can. But it can't. No one understands. Not even itself. Frustrating, huh?

Why is it an 'It', you say? Well, here's the thing. Story time! 

     The friends, are not typical friends. They mock and tease and bully and beat and compete and belittle more than they help. They are not to be trusted or depended upon, because they will conspire and go behind It's back just because they wanna stir the fucking pot. And that is not needed and that is not friendship. And It wants out.      So why It? If you're not a "real man", or a "fucking woman", then what are you? Nothing. That's the answer. To be clear, we are not talking about Transgender or anything like that. We are talking identity in general. 

     Before they realised they were an It, It was a He. A few years ago he was normal, in his own world, dreaming of directing the next big thing, not some Hollywood bullshit; something with heart. Something that would get him mocked by the people he considered friends, who would call him boring or an old man or something. Of course they can go fellate themselves with a chilli in their mouths. I got soul. 

     It is tiring trying to fit in with people who could not give a fuck about what you want to do with your life or even wan to let you be yourself. So don't them belittle you. 

     Congratulations if you have figured it out. I am the subject of this little writing thing. And guess what? In my heart of hearts, I know that when the time comes, I will be out of this town, and far away from those who mock me. Meanwhile, they will remain trapped here, like some kind of Ghost of Christmas Past, a reminder to those with bigger ambitions than these: "If you stay, here's you in 10 years. If you leave, you will be a Nomad, expanding your mind." 

     Now, how do I take my own advice and not let them get to me? I can't preach this stuff until I put it into practise.