Feb 3, 2016
So low on spoons it isn't funny. For once, I'm taking a nap. -Brooks
seen from China
seen from Malaysia
seen from Türkiye
seen from China
seen from Morocco
seen from India
seen from United States
seen from India
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from Canada
seen from Thailand
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from India
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Australia
So low on spoons it isn't funny. For once, I'm taking a nap. -Brooks
How is it that I wake up even more tired and in more pain than yesterday? My entire back hurts, and our legs hurt. Extra dissociated this morning. Not terribly functional. -Brooks
Fuck, when did I fucking switch? I just woke up from a nap, cuddling Jason the Cat. I honestly don't remember and that's alarming.. -Brooks
Okay. Okay. I get it. Sit down and Stay down does not mean get up an hour later to finish folding the laundry before it goes cold. But I also had a load in the wash, so I had to fold them. Now I'm in so much pain I'm dissociating. -Brooks
Chores completed.
Got told to sit down and stay down. At least the chores are done. Four loads of laundry today, the kitchen cleaned and dishwasher run. Kitty box has been cleaned. And I cleaned the bedroom. Guess that stay down is necessary, the left knee is kicking a little. Literally. Can't take out trash, I don't believe we would make it down the stairs. Made the budget with Em, went over the budget twice, calmed her down from a minor anxiety attack. This is usual, this always happened the week before and especially the day before we get our monthly check. At least we didn't hear her numbers in the headspace this month, I don't think I could have handled it. XP -Brooks
Pain journal
Been wearing the KT tape for several days now. There is an Pain Day in between this one and placement of the KT tape. Pain is distinct, sitting directly under our knee cap, in the front part of the joint. Our ankle has popped numerous times throughout the day, loudly and with a minor ache. It is a sharp pain, limiting my walking to very little, and standing to more painful than usual. Will edit with the amount of Days KT Tape has been worn. __ Days. -Brooks/Emily
Ugh. Woke up from a nightmare, then Emily's anxiety about today was so high I was nauseous. Tried to go back to sleep, and immediately had another nightmare. I've never met these friends, but if Emily is already this anxious about it, I don't think we're good friends. Sam is agonizing about what outfit to wear. Jesus, must be the Queen or something. -Brooks
For fucks sake..
This System is pretty numb to death and loss. Death of family members, even close ones, makes us dissociate off any emotion to the event. Even the loss of our favorite grandfather only brought tears for an hour, and that was at his funeral. The neighbors below me are shaking my apartment. I mean, my entire apartment. Because someone lost an uncle. They're banging on things hard enough to make the walls shake and echo up. The entire floor moved earlier. It's scaring the fuck out of our System. Everyone is silent. Emily is cowering. The Littles are not singing or playing; they are hiding. We're afraid to walk on our floors, because they've complained about us walking too loudly, when we're just fucking walking. I am not sympathetic, because death is death. Death happens. We deal with death and loss our whole lives. Fuck. The only person we're scared of loosing is our Partner, and possibly our Mother. I dunno, not really caring makes me seem like an ass. But we really can't bring ourselves to show the "proper" emotion. Quit scaring the fuck out of my System. -Brooks