You ever have those dreams where it isn’t until you’re looking for a bathroom that you realize you need to go pee irl? That happens a lot for me but usually it’s just frustrating not sinister but something about this last one chilled me.
So like I’m in this new ‘around the wold’ themed theme park wandering about when I realize I need to find a bathroom.
I follow the architectural cues common in a theme park to denote a bathroom/change room but can’t seem to find any or signs pointing in its direction.
I think nothing of it since I hadn’t grabbed a map upon entering and jog up to the nearest help desk I find. They’re out of maps but the guy is very nice and gives me directions; based off what he told me I’d been close and must’ve just missed it.
But no. It’s not there.
Huh.
So I go back all apologetic bc I must’ve misheard him/ wasn’t paying enough attention and need it to be repeated. No biggie he says and gives me the instructions just as I remembered them the last time but whatever I must’ve had a brain fart; gone left instead of right by mistake or something.
Again no dice.
I’m beginning to frustrate this guy as he’s given me the clearest instructions possible with the inclusion of landmarks but fuck me it’s just not there!
“What do you mean it’s not there?” He scoffs “it has to be there”
“Idk what to tell you man but I can’t find it. It’s not there”
“Show me”
And he abandons his post thinking I’m some kind of idiot but lo and behold I lead us exactly where he told me to go and it doesn’t exist. We look around a bit but find nothing.
He’s mortified and I feel only a little bit vindicated bc proving him wrong doesn’t find me a bathroom now does it. So now he’s invested in finding one with me convinced he must’ve been given the concept map of the park to memorize and not the real one; if he got this wrong what else has he gotten wrong? His whole job kinda hinges on knowing shit after all.
So we venture deeper.
Now it’s pretty quiet so he’s justified leaving his post for what he assumed would be a quick trip but minutes pass and it’s almost been an hour and no luck.
At this point we flag down the first person we see regardless if they work there or not which happens to be a vague acquaintance of mine and we chat a bit. Noticing a park employee tailing me they ask if I’ve lost someone and we sheepishly admit we’re just trying to find a bathroom.
“Oh I just passed one! Here let me show you, it’s around here somewhere”
So we follow them only to discover a dead end. Now they look embarrassed.
“No, wait I could’ve sworn it was right here, that’s so strange lols…”
Having nothing better to do they join our party, they’ll have to pee eventually and it’s a helpful thing to know, and info guy gets placated about abandoning his post since he’s helping two guests now and that must count for something. And it’s not like his boss, or anyone else for that matter, is around to notice.
So the three of us keep exploring.
We ask our new friend if they happen to have a map and they confess they’d run out by the time they arrived. We all uncomfortably assume it had just been a bigger opening weekend than the park anticipated and more were on the way, oversights like this happen, but like it’s strange to have run out in the entire park, right? Especially since we’ve barely seen other people… You’d think it’d be busier on what was it, Saturday?
By virtue of it being around the world themed we have a pretty good guess of what country will be next based off our understanding of basic geography but what lies within each section exactly is a mystery. Info guy has the highlights but we’re so far outside his section his input hardly matters. There’s rides and midway games and shops and junk like you’d expect but they run empty. Culturally themed music plays over the speaker but there’s hardly anyone around minding anything. Reduced staff?
“On a Saturday?”
“If it’s even Saturday…” one of us mutters.
Once we’re in Europe we’re confident Germany will have a beer hall and where there are drinks there’re drunks who need to piss so obviously there should be a bathroom here, right?
Wrong. At least there’re people but nobody drinking has seemingly considered the bathroom dilemma before picking up their bier steins. Where they got their drinks is also a mystery but we didn’t have time for that; we assumed self-serve taps and moved on.
This is insane, legally they have to have bathrooms! We can’t have just missed them all, we’ve been looking.
“Is this a pay to pee park??? I haven’t even seen a restroom in the restaurants. Wtf is going on here?”
Along with:
“Remind me not to get in the wave pool if they have one”
Fed up info guy leads us towards the British Isles section as it’s another entry/exit point to the park for employees, and someone there must know something. We’d come from the opposite end of the park, Australia, so he’s never actually seen this section knowing it only by reputation.
We can’t find anybody in Scotland even in the main attraction, a putt-putt course.
We try to justify it with a maybe this section is still under construction? But even we don’t believe it anymore. This is getting creepy.
There’s some hope in Ireland since in the distance we see a silhouette in the window of a restaurant but by the time we arrive find it’s just a mannequin with their t-shirt in the small gift shop attached. But the name of the restaurant in the Ireland section? Grass Fed. Are you fucking kidding me?!
“Maybe- maybe it’s a vegetarian restaurant?” He winces
“I don’t care, it’s in poor taste”
“This whole place is kinda fucked”
Had we been so focussed on finding the damn bathroom we missed other micro aggressions? Probably.
Who even built this place?
How had we heard of it again?
We all came alone to the park, hadn’t we?
But why would any of us go to a theme park alone? (We’re losers sure but not loners)
No one can quite remember, surely we’d heard from a friend of a friend or seen an advertisement of some kind. We were supposed to meet someone there but they fell through and we’d stayed bc we’d bought a ticket already? That seemed plausible. But rationalizing it didn’t actually mean we remembered it happening. There’s an entrance stamp on the back of our hand and a paper bracelet to show we’re over 21 to drink. Each a different color.
Info guy has it too though but when pressed he can’t remember how he got the job exactly. How does anybody get a job these days? Probably a referral from a friend…
England.
We go to England without a word.
There’s a sweet shoppe bustling with employees. We should feel relieved but we don’t, they’re oddly busy for a place with no customers.
“I think we should leave, cut our losses and go” vague acquaintance says aloud.
But admittedly my bladder was about to explode. Theirs too by the looks of it. One last shot before we risked pissing in the bushes and getting thrown out of the park for indecency, but maybe that would be a blessing in disguise… Either way we had to at least try if not for our poor kidneys than to get some goddamn answers, a map, anything really.
The employees are nice enough but strangely hollow? Vapid in a way where there’s not much behind their eyes. We think the sheer amount of sugar in there might be the cause, the air is cloyingly sweet and mint stings our eyes. The sweet shoppe is impressive in that apparently none of the candy being stocked floor to ceiling are props.
They look at info guy’s colors and recognize a fellow employee but tilt their heads in confusion.
“You’re a long way from your post”
“I’m uh on break. Do you have a restroom by any chance?”
“…”
“…”
“Yeah, there’s one in the back…”
There is resistance when I go to follow, this employee isn’t as far gone as the others hemming and hawing indignantly that it’s employees only and that I’m really not allowed back here but doesn’t put up a fight when info guy slams them against the nearest wall.
“Dude, lay off if you know what’s good for you”
If there’s security they aren’t called. We don’t know what we’d do if they did, we hadn’t thought that far ahead.
I’m shown a dodgy as fuck door. Everything else about the place is new and pristine and authentic of the location even for the supposed back rooms but this door is old and busted with chipped paint.
I think I’m about to die when I open the door, that something fucking nuts is on the other side waiting for me, that it’s a trap somehow. But it truly is a crappy little bathroom? Tf? Don’t care, I squeeze in to finally pee closing the door behind me when I hear a noise from the other side. Maybe info guy telling me to hurry so they can go? Maybe vague acquaintance? Where had they gone to when info guy and I headed towards the back? I don’t remember them being behind me at the time… just all those smiling employees up-stocking sweets…
Regardless the sound in the dream actually woke me up and I groggily got up to pee. Maybe if I was quick I’d fall back asleep and catch the conclusion? But it was gone. The world crafted evaporated. All my remaining questions left unanswered.
Was info guy a former guest turned employee? Why? For what purpose? Where did the maps go? Why was it so dead? Were vague acquaintance and I not so vague with one another after all? Were we meeting up at the park and forgot? Or did we come with friends but lost them along the way without notice? Why weren’t there bathrooms? Why did none of us actually know what day it fucking was? We just assumed it was a weekend bc we were all working adults and presumably one park employee. It was so surreal and creepy!
Tf subconscious mind? The actual fuck was that? Usually this manifests as a comedy not a suspense thriller. Stupid antics looking for a bathroom to tickle my mind into wakefulness, not this possibly scifi/ supernatural bs that runs the risk of scaring the piss out of me in bed.
8/10 dream bc it was at least interesting and left me wanting more but like damn.
