#bsd 122

[c7arisse]

122 & 123

[sad-emo-dip-dye]

remembered this line from Beast and now I have to kill myself

[candiedfright]

you're all the same

[crowscadence]

Do you have any ibuprofen I have a headache

[gossypibomaa]

BSD 122 panel redraw

[sh1nsoukoku]

This chapter really illustrates just how young they were when they met. Akutagawa is 14 and Dazai 16 here.

This wasn’t Akutagawa being groomed into crime by an adult man with several years of experience under his belt and a fully developed brain. This was a 16 year old who had the intellect to prop himself up as much larger and older than he actually was and who had been functioning in that way for awhile. This was a kid leading another kid into the everyday violence that surrounded them, violence that Dazai had come to live and breathe at this point. Violence that Dazai had already learned how to wield very well.

[littencloud9]

smth smth bsd’s recurring theme of your past not defining who you are but facing your past being necessary to move on anyway. the symbolism of atsushi’s abuser being the one to push him forward despite atsushi’s dislike for him—you cannot get rid of him. you cannot stop caring. you will cry when your father dies and you will hate him for it. you will never get rid of the ghost that haunts you but sometimes acknowledging it is the first step to healing. can anyone hear me

[originalaccountname]

For those of you who may not be too familiar with the manga, during ch39: Portrait of a Father, Akutagawa shows up, as Dazai's informant, to give Atsushi documents about who the orphanage headmaster was and what happened to him.

At that moment, Akutagawa shows an uncharacteristic clemency towards Atsushi, saying that "Atsushi's master died today", and compares this to his own relationship with Dazai.

This was a long time ago now, and a lot has happened since. The Cannibalism arc is right after this, where they are very antagonistic towards each other, and includes this scene:

Akutagawa, despite his bitterness towards Atsushi for who he is to Dazai, has seen how similar they are in this sense. Atsushi hasn't, because his gratefulness towards Dazai prevents him from seeing that Akutagawa's experience was completely different with this same person. (he's also not given any time by the narrative to wonder about it)

but then just came along chapter 122!!!

Atsushi gets to see, 1:1, the relationship between Akutagawa and Dazai. For the first time, Akutagawa is relatable to him.

And of course, at the end, Atsushi calls out the illusion as being the headmaster wearing Dazai's face because we are closing this loop! We are forcing Atsushi to see Akutagawa the same way Akutagawa has been seeing him!