Pulse
The only good thing I’ve ever written
Bulgaria: Dimitrov
Romania: Vladimir
“Vlad…” Dimitrov had moaned, my lips pressed against his collarbone. We were both shirtless, both heated. Both really fucking horny.
I had pinned Dimitrov down. I was more comfortable being under my lover, staring up into forest eyes. I liked it more when he was in charge, it let me be lazy. Or so, that’s what Dimitrov would tell me. But this time, I had taken control, was rocking my hips against the ebony man’s own, was whispering foreign words that he could barely understand, but he probably got the hint anyways.
“Nhg…Vlad…” Dimitrov moaned again, and I swear, it was the prettiest sound I had ever heard. He was under my control, both willingly and not, since I couldn’t help that my pheromones were probably driving him up a wall. And, again, it wasn’t helping that I hadn’t fed properly in a few weeks.
“If this...If this is your way of asking to bite me, you know you’re allowed.” Dimitrov said, and I knew it. He had given me permission before. And yeah, it usually started out like this. Or ended up like this. Either way, usually, whenever I needed to feed, Dimitrov ended up getting fucked.
“Can’t you give me the illusion of being in control?” I pouted, not that I was all that needy of dominance. I was perfectly fine being on Dimitrov’s receiving end. And even before I had started, I was already thinking about apology sex. I always had to apologize, somehow. I didn’t like using Dimitrov as a blood bank. But he practically would force it on me.
Dimitrov smirked up at me, he was in no position to be smirking. “Sorry, please, continue.” He said, and I did so gladly, straddling his body, and moving my lips over him. The terrain was well known for me, and not just because I spent a lot of time kissing the man’s chest and neck, though he had pointed out on more than one occasion how much time I spent there. As a vampire, you learn to understand the body you regularly visit. I’ve learned his pulses, veins that don’t hurt as bad to bite for feeding. Soft spots that could make him moan, or divots that my tongue would fit in perfectly. I had learned his body well, practically studied it. And it always paid off, for both me, in that I could make things less painful, and for him, in that I knew exactly what places to pay my apologies to.
I pull up, my fangs making themselves known through my smile. I sense Dimitrov’s fear. Of course, the process is still scary. The pain, the uncertainty. I could fuck up badly, or I could accidentally turn him. If I ever turned Dimitrov, if I ever cursed him with this, I don’t think I could live with myself.
“I can do it another day, when you aren’t so tense.” I offered, and Dimitrov was very tense. I wasn’t sure why, what stress was he not sharing? We are lovers after all. Usually I could read Dimitrov like a book, but he seemed very keen on hiding whatever it was that was bothering him.
He could read me well too, though. “You’re worrying too much, just keep going, before I grow soft.” He whined. Dimitrov didn’t get pleasure from being bitten, not when blood is drawn , anyways, so I knew better than to continue to pester him about what was wrong. He would tell me, eventually.
I nodded slightly, before leaning down. I rocked my hips a few more times, earning me the desired moans of Dimitrov, before I came close to his neck.
I usually bit his arm. That way, if mistakes happened, they could be easily taken care of. But in the heat of the moment or some demonic possession, I was slowly licking the Bulgarian’s neck, prepping him for what was to come.
Dimitrov seemed to stiffen, realizing I didn’t want my usual, but he didn’t complain. He never complained. I could ask to suck him dry (blood, not penis) and he would gladly accept.
“Vladimir.”
My brain didn’t register my own name, as my fangs grazed the thin skin of his neck. I could hear the blood running through his veins, could feel the goosebumps on his arms that I was holding. I could smell him, he was wearing cologne, it masked the scent of iron my vampiric side was seeking.
“Vladimir…”
My teeth sunk into him without my knowledge, wasn’t even sure what I was doing until the warm liquid filled my mouth. My whole self awareness flicked away, like a switch, and all that was left was the hunger that I had been denying myself, far longer than I let on. What I took from my lover wasn’t enough. And here, so close to the pulse that I denied myself constantly, I couldn’t control myself.
“Vladimir!”
Not even the scream broke my concentration. I remember each detail, the bit of blood that dribbled down my chin and onto the bed. Weak arms, pushing at me, trying to get me off. The more I consumed, the more of myself I seemed to lose.
I didn’t stop until that little pulse faltered.
“Dimi?” I said, pulling up, still not fully processing what was happening. I stared down at my lover, whose vibrant green eyes were now sickly and hazed. I noticed pale Dimitrov was, how much blood still seeped from his wound.
“Dimitrov!” I screamed, every nerve of mine on edge. What had I done?!
Dimitrov didn’t respond, merely closing his eyes. I threw myself off of him, desperately looking for anything to cover the holes in his neck, but my vision was blurred. Why was I cursed with tear ducts still?!
“No no Dimi, stay alive!” I begged. I contemplating turning him, but that was a selfish desire. I wanted Dimitrov with me always, I didn’t want to lose him. But I had nearly killed him, he wouldn’t want to spend an eternity with me. I didn’t deserve such a thing.
I wrapped my earlier discarded shirt around his neck, and once more felt for a pulse. It was there, but weak. It had never been so weak. I heard Dimitrov try to mumble something out, it sounded like a swear.
“No, don’t talk. I’m gonna call for an ambulance.” I said, searching around for a phone. I found Dimitrov’s in his pants, and I felt like crying harder. I had went too far this time.
The ambulance took too long. It felt like forever between the time I had called the emergency line, and when medical help finally arrived. I was still hovering over Dimitrov when they came in, pressing my now blood soaked shirt to his neck and crying over him, whispering to him, telling him stories about good little humans who didn’t die.
I was ushered into the ambulance with them, but I didn’t deserve to be. I thought about telling them what happened, but I didn’t want to be away from Dimitrov either. I had to make sure he lived.
Once more, the thought crossed my mind about turning the Bulgarian. I couldn’t live without Dimitrov. I knew I couldn’t give him up, but again, guilt reigned over my being, and I also knew I didn’t deserve anything from Dimitrov, especially not an eternity.
When Dimitrov had flatlined though, all thoughts of selfishness left me.
“No! Let me through!” I screeched, pushing at the doctors and nurses trying to hold me back, fangs flared out. Venom dripped from my teeth, and I snarled at everyone holding me back. But I couldn’t let Dimitrov die. I needed him to be with me.
“Sir! You need to step back!” One doctor yelled at me. He was a vampire too, I could smell it on him. He could read on my face how badly I had fucked up, how badly I thought this would save him.
“Turning him won’t fix this, let us save him.” The doctor said, and I finally backed off. I was asked to leave the room, and I stood right outside the door. I hadn’t cleaned up, blood still stained my face, and it didn’t help that I now smelled of pheromones from attempting to turn someone. I was surprised when no one came to put handcuffs around me and send me off to prison. I belonged there anyways.
Hours passed, and I could do nothing but pace. I couldn’t grow tired, and even if I could, I wouldn’t have slept anyways. I tried to clean myself off, but every time I looked in the mirror, I started crying. It held the face of the monster that almost killed his best friend, his lover. It eventually got so bad, a nurse offered to clean me up. I allowed her to wipe away Dimitrov from my face, but I kept my bloody shirt. I didn’t deserve to be so easily cleaned of my crime.
When a doctor finally came looking for me, I wondered if it was possible for a heart to stop without having one, because that’s what the moment felt like.
“Sir, your friend had to undergo a blood transfusion, you took a lot out of him.” So it was known what he had done? Good. He hoped everyone in the building hated him.
“But, he seems to be recovering well. He isn’t awake, but his heart beat is steady.” She explained.
“Can I see him?” I asked her, and she nodded, allowing me back into the room. I stared at his body. They had changed his clothes, and tubes and wires stuck out him. He looked more dead than alive, I thought, but the constant beeping of his heart monitor told me otherwise.
“His recovery has been so amazing, we believe he will be waking up within a few hours.” She explained, before resting a hand on my shoulder.
“He had woken up a few times, while you were out in the waiting room. He called out for you.” She explained. I towards her, before my eyes began to water, and I looked back at Dimitrov.
“If you want new clothes, or for us to call anyone-” The woman started, but I cut her off.
“I already left that information with a nurse outside, his friend will be here in a day or two.” Dimitrov didn’t have any family, not that I know about anyways. I knew he had friend named Roderich, and that was it. His father had died when he was young, and his mother was out of the picture. Dimitrov had had nothing until I came into his life.
And now, he only had absolute betrayal.
I sat by his bed for hours. I didn’t need to sleep, but at one point I had rested my head on the bed, and dozed off, thankful just to be able to feel Dimitrov’s warmth that only a human seemed to possess. I came too when I felt fingers playing with my hair, and the sound of voices.
“No, I’m not pressing charges or anything, it was an accident, after all.”
“Are you sure? You do know it’s illegal for a vampire to kill a human without good reason?” A male voice said. I resisted the urge to lift up, though I was practically dying to talk to Dimitrov, but not with someone else in the room. I wanted him alone.
“Well, then it’s good he didn’t kill me. Can you leave now? He’s awake, and you’re only making him self conscious.”
A blush burned on my face, and I lifted up, glaring at Dimitrov.
“Why would you say that?” I asked, pouting heavily, before reality struck me once more.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean-.”
I cut Dimitrov off with a tight hug, tears burning my eyes, but the pain was welcomed. I had never been so relieved and sad and happy in all of my life. The other presence finally left, and I was alone with Dimitrov.
“Vlad, Vlad my neck…” I pulled away, realizing I had buried my face right into his wound. I stared at the bandage, it was thick and ugly and I hated that I had did this to him.
“Dimi…” I started, feeling a lump form in my throat. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to fight off the tears I didn’t deserve.
“I’m so sorry.” I knew it wasn’t enough. Sorry was not good enough for what I had done.
“It’s okay, I should have known better than to let you at my neck.” Dimitrov said, reaching out for me, but I jerked back.
“Don’t blame yourself! This is all my fault!” I cried, feeling hiccups begin to rack through my body. I was a cry baby, I knew that, but I felt guilty for even crying. I didn’t deserve to feel so sad, knowing this was all my fault. I deserved to lose Dimitrov and to feel guilty and to hate myself and-
My thoughts were cut off by soft lips pressing against my forehead. My eyes opened, and I saw Dimitrov, looking hazy with sedatives, but alive. He was alive.
“It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean to hurt me.” He said sweetly. Dimitrov always knew the right things to say to me, even when he was the one who needed to be comforted.
“I almost killed you.” I stated.
“You didn’t though.” Dimitrov said, which wasn’t much of a comfort, but the fact that Dimitrov was still alive was enough for me.
“I’m sorry.” I said again, my lip quivering. Dimitrov rolled his eyes at me, and smiled lightly.
“Get up here you idiot.” He told me, and I obliged, crawling into the hospital bed with him.
“My heart's still beating, my blood is still flowing. I’m alive. And I’m still with you.” He whispered. I flushed a bit, but was happy to still have my Dimitrov with me. My head was on his chest, and I could feel his heartbeat against my cheek.
“I’m sorry.” I said again, it was the only words I could form with the way my throat was closed up. Dimitrov’s fingers found their way back into my hair, and he soothed me, easily calmed me down. I loved how he could do that, without words.
“It’s okay, but…”
I grew stiff at that.
“But you’re banned from kissing my neck for a year.” He said, a hint of humor in his voice. I decided to play along, because I knew it was what he wanted. He wanted me happy.
“What? Nooooo, Dimi!” I whined, looking up at him with fake sad eyes. He smiled back down at me, before closing his own green eyes that finally looked normal again.