Discover Top Posts Tagged with #bullshit textpost

mentioned that i use tumblr to my hair stylist and she paused and asked me how old i am 😭

mud dauber got into my room. so im standing in the corner with a cup and paper watching it fly along my ceiling, waiting for it to get somewhere i can reach to scoop it up, when it gets slightly too close to the ceiling fan (on highest setting). i hear a tiny little ping sound and then, in a cruel twist of fate and physics, i learn that i happen to be standing in the exact trajectory of the launch of this wasp just a fraction of a second before it hits me squarely in the face at speed

#the sound i made was indescribable. i lost my balance trying to duck and fell into the door #causing it to slam shut. and then i just sat on the floor and laughed #like that could never be replicated that was incredible #wasp missile #bullshit textpost

hey so! life advice. don't put a freshly empty jar of garlic in the dishwasher :)

#yeah im a heathen who uses jarlic what about it #wanted to save the jar though #the dishwasher has now been run 5+ times #and everything still comes out smelling like garlic #i dont even know what to do about it atp. like this is just my life now i guess #punishment fits the crime i suppose #bullshit textpost

did i ever tell yall about how in third grade they were trying to explain basic economic concepts to us by arranging a fun little event where we would all bring in enough of one thing for each classmate, and we would go around and trade and barter with one another right. most kids brought in, like, cupcakes. maybe some fun pens or something. i dunno.

i was not interested in something so safe, so predictable. no, my 8-year-old baby emo self sat my ass down at the Family Computer and did the most violently 2004 thing ever, which was to meticulously burn 25 (limewire pirated) copies of three cheers for sweet revenge by my chemical romance onto blank CDs. and i took them to school and confidently distributed them to my classmates.

#apologies. this has no resolution or greater point bc i genuinely dont remember the outcome of this choice #other than the fact that nobody stopped me and thats probably why i didnt have friends until like 6th grade lmao #but sometimes ill be listening to mcr and ill remember that and it just obliterates me #i've truly always been like this huh #bullshit textpost

my partner & i had my sister and her bf over and we blind tasted four different types of roasted garlic flavor jarred pasta sauce on spaghetti. all four of us agreed that rao's tastes like ass and classico was the favorite by a large margin. this is important science so i figured i'd share our findings

#seriously tho why is rao's so expensive #my sister and i both took one bite and were like. why does this taste like literal vomit #did not finish #we also tested ragu and prego #both are... fine. very bland and watery #but rao's was actively hostile to my tastebuds #bullshit textpost

i hope when i die i get to ask god or whatever how many goldfish crackers i consumed in my lifetime

#if theres a record i'm tryna shatter it #bullshit textpost

life is so free when you dont play video games

#no disrespect to those who do #im not trying to act superior or anything #i enjoy a decent rpg now and again #its just nice to be unbothered by whatever current nonsense is happening in the gaming world lmao #bullshit textpost

genetics making you look like your parents is the most fucked up thing ever actually

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