#bunny comedy

[bunnycomedy]

Come out to Magooby's Jokehouse this weekend! Click thru for tickets.

[bunnycomedy]

[wingedlioness]

Day 13, Friendship

Captain Charming Edition

1. Friends call each other out on their crap

2. Friends then tease the other’s significant other

3. Friends help friends not die

4. Friends borrow each other’s eyeliner

5. Friends sometimes stab each other in the back…

6. But true friends apologize sincerely for bad decisions.

7. And true friends tease them about it.

8. Friends support the other’s excellent taste in partners.

8. Friends will follow each other to hell and back.

And hug at reunions.

in case it’s not obvious I don’t have time to make the screencaps pretty, I sincerely apologize.

[wingedlioness]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (◠‿◠✿). Do multiple fandoms if you want!

@scapeartist said:

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers (◠‿◠✿). Do multiple fandoms if you want! 

<3 to you two.

As most of you likely know, I kind of specialize in The Crack. Not only do I trend towards the silly and asinine, but I have a particular quirk that drives me to being as contrary as possible. Without further adieu, a very small selection of those that embody that (all OUAT).

Be Careful What You Wish For

A CS/Snowing AU complete with Captain Charming running rival hot air balloon rides. @scapeartist threw this idea out as an entirely bogus challenge (it had to also include a Bionic Man lunchbox) which meant that of course I had to write it.

Swept Off His Feet

A Captain Floor story (mentions of CS) as Killian Jones is reunited with his One True Love.

From The Horse’s Mouth

A missing scene and POV from Emma and Hook’s ride to the meadow whilst in Camelot.

The Bed of UST

Emma’s bed in the Underworld.

Storybrooke’s Tartan Parade

Emma is introduced to Storybrooke’s annual Tartan Parade, a mandatory for all menfolk in town.

Parsing the silliness down to five was probably way harder than it should’ve been. Just be thankful I didn’t include the horrible smut nor do an angst list instead ;)  I wouldn’t necessarily say these are my favourites, but I still find them pretty damn fun. And sometimes that’s all we can hope for, no?

[wingedlioness]

Some incredibly sweet person just went through and kudo'ed every one of my AO3 fics. ❤️ I feel like I should go reblog Emma Swan vs The Darkness this week. I feel like we could use the fluffy crack. Cracky fluff? (This: http://archiveofourown.org/works/4099216/chapters/9234508) I want to not be at work and on mobile rn so I could just chill with y'all today. I need to recuperate after yesterday 😉

[bunnycomedy]

Tonight!

Camden Pub 8:30p

Standup Comedy

[wingedlioness]

Happy Once Day!

A bit ago, @mahstatins and @annaamell had a delightful discussion about Emma’s bed. @thisisevenharderthannamingablog of course tagged me to write a crack fic about it. So I made her do a quick glance over while I finished it (which she graciously agreed to because even though she’s a jerk, she’s an angel). Some day I’ll get a crack challenge that I can say no to. Maybe. Probably not. 

Without further adieu, I present:

The Bed of UST

(AO3)

The bed creaked appreciatively as Emma flopped down and snuggled into her pillows. While it had been empty for far longer during the cursed years, it quickly had grown fond of its recent occupant. The smell of tacos still lingered on the woman, slowly transferring to the bedspread.

“Mom? Grandpa bought ice cream, don't you want any?” Henry's voice filtered up the stairway.

“I am stuffed, kid. You guys enjoy,” she called back. Emma smushed her face back into her pillow. “‘M not gonna move for a week.”

She settled for a few moments, long enough that the bed felt she must've drifted off, until she sat up abruptly and began beating the pillows into a better position.

“Damn stupid ‘Enchanted Forest’. Nothing enchanted about a place with no decent pillows and arrogant pirates with blue eyes.”

She flipped on to her back. Tension seeped through the mattress as she fidgeted, toes scrunching up the comforter, legs shifting together. Her hands moved restlessly, alternating between gripping the sheets and moving unconsciously down her frame.

“Argh!” Emma shot up. “He wasn’t even that attractive.”

She stomped down the stairs, not bothering to smooth down the bedding she had mussed.

Her voice traveled up faintly from downstairs. “Decided I was a fool to say no to ice cream. Especially when your grandfather paid.”

The bed settled as the springs reasserted themselves in her absence. Her frustration remained, however.

***

”Oh great, he’s here,” was barely uttered before Emma landed face down on the bed again. Sleep came to her immediately, judging by the swiftness of the soft moans and breaths muffled by the pillows. The dissatisfaction that had begun upon her return from the Enchanted Forest only grew as she shifted her hips into the sheets, seeking out friction as her dreams took her far away from her parents’ loft. Even as she was oblivious to her own desires, hope grew that maybe, finally, this ache would be relieved.

Morning came and went with no sign of resolution. A night cold and alone when the manipulative one pulled her away from the warmth of the bed was made worse when the following night was punctuated by muffled growls and cursing, not even the release of dreams featuring ‘arrogant pirates’ to be had. The longing for passion was slowly replaced with stiff, closed off sleep. The son on the bed beside her chattered away about a father he never expected to meet, Emma’s body pulled taut… the bed began to long for the unresolved sexual tension she had been exhibiting before this former love had reentered her life.

***

Once again it was left empty as Emma was gone for weeks. Weeks of an empty apartment, all the tears and sweat and lust swallowed up by the bedding. No more wistful sighs beneath the sheets, no unchecked smiles that shone before the dream state faded.

There was a change in the air when the group returned from Neverland. Even the light coming through the windows seemed brighter, more alive.

When Emma came up the stairs alone that night, the bed expected her to fall immediately into its embrace. Instead she took her time, sitting gently on the edge and running her fingers over her lips repeatedly until she seemed to remember that her boots were still on. Finally divesting herself of her clothes, she settled beneath the covers. There was a calm to her body that had been rarely seen before. An edge of worry, a bit of confusion, but at its core a peace that raised quite a number of questions. She lay awake staring out the window from her prone position for quite a while.

“So, I guess the fun begins now?” Emma whispered to the stars before closing her eyes at last.

***

Empty, again. Not the apartment this time, just the upstairs. Emma and Henry were nowhere to be seen, but a very pregnant Mary Margaret spent quite a bit of time up there. Looking for what was anyone’s guess; perhaps she was simply missing her daughter and grandson. Then Emma and Hook walked through the door, and the joy and urge for release was palpable. Then they sat downstairs for a while and left again without even coming upstairs. Confusion set in, adding to the resurgence of tension within its sheets.

Weeks later, Emma set down her belongings in the closet and flopped on the bed. It could’ve sung out of relief upon her return. It merrily withstood the renewed onslaught of boiling sexual repression, of twisted sheets and dream-groping, of muttered curses about blue eyes and exposed collarbones upon waking. One morning Emma and Henry discussed the Hook person whose name escaped her lips so often while sleeping, and that conversation was followed swiftly by easier dreams. The unconscious explorations turned to subdued but controlled ones when her son didn’t share the room. The bed could feel the buildup rise each night, knew it was only a matter of time now; Emma was no longer standing in her own way.

***

Hook was standing near the bed, having looked under it and Henry’s bed, searching for something. His voice rang teasingly throughout the loft, and Emma’s footsteps were recognizable as she bolted up the stairs. She leapt into his arms and they collapsed on the bed together. As they sank into the mattress, the bed knew it had never known a better feeling. So much love, so much desire, so much hope was on top of it that the ache of unresolved feelings had ebbed into distant memory.

Until Emma opened her mouth. Even as Hook smiled for her, his fear-tinted disappointment seeped into the bed. What had seemed like a long-awaited moment of joyful release was adding to the tension locked within the bedding. Doubt shuddered through the frame as the couple settled for a quick embrace before leaving the loft together. At this rate… no. It would be free of this torture before long. It had come so close; it was only a matter of time.

***

Confusion set in. Weeks again, of no inhabitants within the loft. This pattern had held true for so long, the bed had become accustomed to it. It seemed the home was doomed to vacillate between a bustling home and vacancy. David and Mary Margaret eventually returned but without Emma even though she was also back in Storybrooke. Whispered conversations never seemed to make it over the railing as the baby slept. Finally, Hook came by the loft to confer with the Nolans.

“She did what?”

“She procured a house. I know not the means with which she did so, but it is unlikely there are any that would argue with a Dark One against taking what she wishes.”

The bed felt itself detach from the mortal realm. After all it had been through, after the insane and inhuman amount of tension it had been subject to...Emma had left it?

That’s it, it was done. Goodbye, cruel world.

[bunnycomedy]

Standup!

Friday, March 11 8pm

116 W Mulberry St., Baltimore

FREE!