#butter:fly

[vlinderknife-blog]

인터뷰 2014년 9월 4일:

- 사람들 대부분이 1개월, 1년, 10년 후를 걱정하고 준비하며 오늘을 산다. 나는 하루. (웃음) - 한국에서 살고 있기 때문인가, 아니면 호주에서부터 고수하던 라이프스타일인가? 호주에서 유명 패션 브랜드 회사에서 일했다. 돈을 적지 않게 벌었고 좋은 아파트에서 살았다. 그때도 돈을 모으진 않았는데, 좋게 살았다. 근데 너무 쉽게 사는 거 같았다. 아직 나는 어리고 젊은데 그런 게 그렇게 재미있지 않았다. 차라리 힘들게 사는 게 낫겠다고 생각했다. 지금도 어디서든 일을 할 수 있고 돈을 벌 수 있는데 뭐가 문제인가. 앞으로 나에겐 기회가 더 많다고 생각한다. 안정이나 돈, 내 나이에 그런 건 생각 안 해도 된다. 잘될 수 있는 시간이 많이 있다. - 잘된다는 건 어떤 의미인가? 내가 하고 싶은 거 하면서 돈 벌고 살 수 있는 거. 지금도 모델 일 하면서 매일 그림 공부도 하고 타투 공부도 하고 있다. 준비를 하는 거지. 처음부터 모델이나 유명인이 되고 싶었다면 이렇게 목까지 타투를 새기지 않았을 거다. 물론 모델 일을 하면서 관심 주는 사람들이 많이 생기는 건 고마운 일이다. 그래서 더 열심히 하고 있다.

INTERVIEW 4TH OF SEPTEMBER, 2014:

“most of people live planning their lives as they worry about what will happen one month, one year, 10 years later.” i live day by day. (laugh)

“is it because you live in korea or was it your lifestyle even when you were in australia?” i worked for a famous fashion brand in australia. the money i earned wasn’t little, i lived in a nice apartment. i didn’t save money back then either. i feel like life was quite easy for me. i’m still young and living this way was no fun. i even thought that living the hard way was better. i can work wherever i want to, i can earn money, so is there a problem about this? i think many more opportunities will come to me. stability or money, i had these things at my age without even thinking about them. i have plenty time for things to turn out well.

“what do you mean by “things turn out well”?” being able to earn money by doing the things i want to do. while i have my model activities, i’m also studying art and tattoos. it’s something i’m preparing. if i wanted to become a model or famous since the beginning, i wouldn’t have gotten tattoos even on my neck. of course, i’m thankful for the attention i get through my model activities. that’s why i’m working even harder.

[vlinderknife-blog]

LEVITICUS 19:28 --- ″you shall not make any cuts on your body for the dead or tattoo yourselves: i am the lord.”

melbourne, 2008 // the collar of his way too tight dress shirt sits snug against his throat, scratching red marks onto his skin. daniel tries to swallow his saliva, but his mouth is completely dry. it’s clearly been too long since he last wore his sunday outfit, maybe a few years too long. his mom has forced him to button it all the way up to cover his tattoos. no one at church can know her son is full of prohibited marks, and that new ones pop up each and every weekend. that’s why she hasn’t been forcing him to come with them on sundays although his sisters are obligated to go. they always just give him a glance before leaving home, and sigh in despair. daniel shrugs in reply and leaves the house the moment they’re gone. sundays are usually the days when he either gets tattoos or tattoos a friend with unsanitary needles and color, creating ugly scars under the designs. he’s getting better, that’s all he knows. unknowingly.

and while he sits there next to his family, who are intently listening to the priest, every once in a while closing their eyes to pray, he admires them. admires their ability to stay devoted to something that probably is an imaginary figure man came up with to get through hard times in life. daniel thinks there are much better ways to get through those times (mainly alcohol), but he never says that out loud. the priest’s voice is dull, monotone and almost robotic. he’s clearly said these exact verses more than once. he can feel the nervous eyes of his mother peeking at the visible tattoo on the side of his hand. she suddenly leans forward, whispers words of begging in tok pisin in his ear. daniel obediently places his other hand over the tattooed one, hiding it--- just as the man of god announces the reciting of leviticus nineteen-colon-twenty eight.

″you shall not make any cuts on your body for the dead or tattoo yourselves: i am the lord.”

he has to choke a laugh in order to please his family. the grip around his hand tightens and realizing this is clearly not where he belongs takes him about a third of a second. god sure is a fellow with extreme hubris. one shall not do this and that. but once again, he keeps these thoughts inside, although the sentences form in his head and urge to bubble to the surface. of course he decides to come here on the day the priest speaks of tattoos. good fucking riddance. after twenty minutes of incessant rambling everyone rises from the benches and start to move towards the exit. his mother and father are too good friends with the priest to just leave it at that, though. the man walks up to their family who has been signed to stay seated, and those yellowing eyes are etched to daniel’s face rather than any of his parents. they speak of what a handsome young man daniel has become since last time he visited church. questions about why he hasn’t been attending. daniel is completely silent, and his mother answers for him with exaggerated smiles.

the priest nods understandingly and in a swift move approaches to grab a hold of daniel’s right hand to shake it. he looks back at his mother who looks away immediately, and he realizes it’ll look even worse if he refuses to shake the man’s hand. and so he does. the tattoo of a demon is clearly visible. the priest just barely touches the hand before he pulls it back and clears his throat, clearly embarrassed. as discreetly as possible, he wipes his hand off on a napkin. “it was... nice seeing you, jacobus. now i would appreciate it if you do not enter my church ever again.”

on the way home, his family argues in the car about why they risked bringing him there. now their reputation will be ruined forever and they’ll have to change churches. the volume becomes louder and louder, and daniel becomes quieter and quieter. they don’t ask for his opinion, and he never announces it. god seems to be a hell of a drug.

[vlinderknife-blog]

05:41 am // when the phone rings, the vibrations echoing against the kitchen table top, daniel is still not asleep. he’s had a few drinks too many tonight, and the adrenaline of almost getting a knuckle to his face is still running through his veins. he doesn’t remember what the fight was about, probably something about someone stealing someone else’s booth at the bar and somehow he got into the middle of it. at the same time as he picks up the phone, he takes a glance at the digital numbers flashing at him with piercing brightness for hazed eyes. it’s morning, and it’s definitely late enough in melbourne for his mom to be up and running already. it’s only one hour difference, yet their worlds seem to far apart. daniel sees in front of him his mother just leaving breakfast and morning prayers to go water the flowers in the garden. the sun is probably squeezing every drip of moisture in them.

he clears his throat, trying to wake himself up with a halfhearted slap to his forehead. it doesn’t help, only leaves a slight numbing sensation behind. “mama?” he speaks, and she eagerly replies back in tok pisin that he can barely keep up with at this pace. “calm down, i can’t even hear what you’re saying.” it’s a cross between a mumble and an attempt to shout. it’s quiet for a few seconds.

she mutters something about how alcohol is a sin and how it’s not proper, but probably realizes all too quickly that he’s not able to keep the same thought in his head for longer than the blink of an eye. speaking of which, his eyes are dry and it feels like there’s sand under his eyelids each time he closes his eyes. so he keeps them open. there’s something about a distant realtive in new papua guinea that’s passed away. apparently he has met them as a child, but daniel can’t remember. as per usual.

“husat? i don’t recognize the name.” and immediately he can feel the tension seeping through the line and into his ear. he sighs--- she sighs. talks about how important it is to remember who you are and where you come from. this time her tok pisin in slow and eerily calm. great. this again. an inhale of smoke keeps him from snapping, because this is probably the fifth time in a few months she mentions it. “i know, mama. but that doesn’t mean i have to know the name of someone i met when i was three. my condolences of course, but i’m not the village medium. aren’t you christian?” he quickly realizes he’s stepped over the line and the kettle has boiled over. they can’t have a normal conversation like this, especially when daniel’s intoxicated. “i’ll call you another time, mama. i’m tired.”

it takes him exactly thirty two days to get back to her, and even then it’s with the somberness of a reaper’s handshake. they speak in dull ‘how are you?’s and ‘good’s. it’s just not the same anymore. where is home?

[vlinderknife-blog]

페이스 투 페이스 인터뷰, 2016년 12월 // “그림은 이 세상과 저의 자아를 연결해 주는 통로 입니다. 경험하면서 배우고 특별한 사람들과 대화하면서 사는 것. 겸손한 자세로 눈으로 훔치고 말로 설득하고 싶습니다. 제가 가지고있는 벽돌로 시작해서 세상이라는 건물을 남기겠습니다. 다니엘 스눅스.”

네 안녕하세요. 저는 호주에서 온 다니엘 스눅스 라고 합니다. 지금은 한국에서 타투이스트와 모델 일을 하고 있고, 한국 온 지 4년 됐습니다. 한국 처음 왔을 때 되게 힘들었어요, 제가 사실 호주 처음에 못 들어가는 이유가, 돈이 없어서 안 들어갓어요, 다시 호주로 못 들어가니깐. 한국 처음 들오왔을 때는 5만 원 밖에 없었가든요. 5만 원에서 이런 것을 막 만들려고 했고. 뭐 이것저것 다하려고 했고, 그런 것도 있는데 제가 결국에 할 수 있는 일은 타투밖에 없어요. 한국에서 타투 작업도 많이 하고, 모델 일도 많이 하고, 되게 멋있는 아티스트랑 되게 멋있는 재밌는 사람들이랑 자주도 보고 만나고, 이런 기회가 많이 생겨요.

어떻게 보면 한국 나라는 저한테 기회를 많이 줬고, 되게 잘 받아 들여줬어요. 요즘은 제가 한국에서 거의 타투 작업을 많이 신경 쓰고 있어요. 어렸을 때부터 제 몸에다 타투를 많이 받았기 때문에, 항상 관심은 있었어요. 어렸을 때부터 그림 잘 그리거나, 미술학교 가서 대학 이런 것은 전혀 없고. 타투이스트를 하고 싶었다는 꿈 그런 것은 없었고, 그냥 기회가 왔으니깐, 지금은 제 라이프로 된 가죠. 제가 또 한국에서 처음에 막 티브이에 나오고 막 모델 일 하고 팬들 많이 생기니깐, 사람들이 진짜 제 작픔을 좋아해서 받으려 온 것은 아니에요, 처음에. 그냥 다니엘 스눅스라서 받으로 온 거잖아요. 그니깐 뭔가, 한국뿐만 아니고 다른 나라까지도, 다른 아티스트들이 저를 봤을 때는 되게 안 좋개 볼 수도 있겠다. 이렇게 생각을 했어요.

차라리 그냥 아예 인기 없는 애 아예 처음부터  작업만 시작하는 애였으면은, 그러면 진짜 열심히 해서 작업 시작해서 또 제 작업만 보여줄 수있고. 그래서 저는 다른 아티스트, 다른 타투 아티스트들 보다 더 열심히 해야 되잖아요, 더 왜냐면 제가 지금 보여지는 이미지보다 그것을 지우고. 이 아티스트라는 모습을 보여줘야 되잖아요, 이 아티스트라는 모습을 보여줘야 되잖아요, 그래서 한국에서 제가 이 외모보다 안에서 이런 사람이다 라는 것을 보여주고 싶어서. 저는 진짜 다니엘 스눅스라는 모습을 보여주고 싶고. 그리고 다니엘 스눅스라는 마인드를 보여주고 싶고, 그런 건 있어요. 그게 막 너무 신경 쓰는 것보다 계속해서 끝을 보는 게 제일 중요한 것 같아요. 내일 보면서 그 끝을 생각하는 게 맞는 것 같아요.

[vlinderknife-blog]

REDEMPTION FROM MY SKIN : 2014

i think that everybody has something to learn from everyone. doesn’t matter how young they are, doesn’t matter how old they are. every single person can learn something from another person, from another human being - by talking to them, by listening to them. if you take a little bit out of everyone, it makes you a humble person. you always have something to learn. humility is a big part of my life. i think i try my hardest to be humble in everything that i do. i try to listen and i try to understand other people. but it doesn’t mean i want to be them or i want to be like them. y’know, i still want to have something that’s mine and that i created and what i do.

my tattoos are all little pieces of me. they’re pieces of other people and they’re locations, settings. they’re time, time frames. they are thoughts, friends, family. they’re important things to me. the demon on my chest reminds me that i’m a human, and there’s one thing about humans that everyone knows is true, and that is that humans are not perfect. this terrifying creature that i’m trying to hide from everyone else is the sin and the mistakes in my life that i don’t think is necessary to show other people. but the butterfly on my neck is the beautiful and kindest person i want to be. that i strive to be, that i want to be, to want to show other people, right?

nobody knows that i have this demon on my chest, my whole body is a demon. and maybe that’s a terrifying object. but to me that’s what’s there, but that’s not what i wanna show. other than they’re there, the demon’s and the butterfly’s there. but i chose to hide the demon and show the butterfly.

when i tattooed this on my hand, there’s actually a dot in the middle. so, a-s-c dot e-n-d. a-s-c end: a simple concept can never end. it’s a motivational word, which gives me the idea in my brain, that i can be successful, and even when i’m in trouble and i have bad situations, i get upset and i get angry and i make mistakes and i feel like i’m in the slum and that i’m in the dark. i still have that word on my hand, this word ascend.

and that’s the same for me, it’s just always walking up the stairs, always flying up higher. it’s always trying to stretch my wings and get out of bed and do the next thing and be the next person and be the best that i can be every single day.