#by liebstraumm

[langyabangs]

prompt requested by po. joy/eunwoo in a setting where they realised that they were SO GOOD for each other romantically after so much bickering/playfighting ooh man sexual tension.

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Nothing is perfect. Everything is a social construction, but Cha Eunwoo exists—the man that's deemed too good to be true; the man that everyone thinks that he's Perfect with capital P.

Sooyoung begs to differ, however. In the eyes of Park Sooyoung, Cha Eunwoo is one of the most annoying guy on earth and it was unfair to her how nobody but her sees it (she didn't know that Eunwoo is only annoying when he's with her, neither does she realize that Eunwoo only bickers with her).

Just like how he deliberately put her phone on the highest shelf in the room where he knew that she wouldn't be able to reach with her height.

“Give me my phone, damn it!” She furiously stares at Eunwoo, only to receive a smile from the latter (nothing is perfect but maybe Dongmin's smile is close to that).

“Under one condition.”

“No, no, and no.”

“Just hear me out first.”

“Fine, what is it?”

“Go out with me, noona.”

Sooyoung, who usually have so much to say, went speechless instead. Not a single words were uttered for few seconds that felt like hours due the deafening silence. But then she hissed, in the most Sooyoung-like mannerism (as if she regained back her consciousness) and stomp on Eunwoo's shoes (she don't want to show him that she was flustered and that her heart is palpitating frantically).

“Do you want a death wish instead?”

Eunwoo laughed, giving Sooyoung her phone back. She stomped his other feet and he winces again while the older female walked away from the room without saying anything.

He was serious, but she didn't know that. She was excited, but he didn't know that either.

[langyabangs]

Back and forth, cigarettes and fast-talking. I feel you slip away and I can't understand the reasons why you say you're leaving 'cause you were so in love with me yesterday.

It was as if only yesterday that he sent you 'I love you' and there has not been any single day where he missed saying good morning and good nights. But even when you thought that the water is calm you'll never know what kind of attack that suddenly emerges from deep inside.

Blue skylights but tonight it’s the morning. Tick tock, the clock shows that it’s already 3AM right now. None of your calls gets through and he does not reply to any single text messages that you sent. The read receipt was off, so you have no idea whether he read everything or not.

But you keep sending him texts anyways, updating him about your life in hopes that it will get through to him, somehow (I can't get through to you).

There’s a little glimmer of hope that you keep inside you, wishing that he would silently skim through everything with a smile on his face (he probably wanted to text you back as badly, or at least you wished he was—but as a matter of fact, you could only assume and hoped.

No one really knows what he’s thinking. You dated him for a while and you could never really figured him out, how are you going to read his mind when you are now apart? Some days the thought of redoing things over kept you awake.

Because you wished that there’s a rewind button so you can go back to when before you didn’t miss your steps, perhaps then you'll figure things out better, perhaps then you can prevent the catalyst (how am I supposed to move on if I don't even know what's really wrong?).

[langyabangs]

Slow Dancing In A Burning Room, Take Two.

You walked into the room and you're welcomed by the scorching heat of the fire that burns down the whole place. The place used to be so warm and comfortable but suddenly it gets vacant and cold. Then, next thing you know, the whole thing is on fire.

It takes two to tango so even as you tried to dance with him it just doesn't feel the same anymore. The steps are mismatched and you keep bumping into each other, exchanging words of apologies to one another instead of ’I love you’.

And suddenly the word ‘sorry’ becomes repetitive as it changes nothing but to add more into the destructive flame. You probably thought at some point that playing with fire is exciting. It's thrilling for some, and sure there's a bit of truth in it.

But too much of something isn't a good thing—anything should be done in moderate amount, and even a five year old knows that playing with the fire too much will destroy you (and him, and everything).

You can drown in the pool of guilt but no one will save you but yourself, just as how you won't be able to made it out safely if you don't leave the burning room. Perhaps you thought that it's still fixable. You're a fixer, after all. A solution-oriented person.

Sometimes you think that you can fix everything, but my dear, some things just aren't meant to fixed. You don't have control to everything; so walk out of the burning room — no one's gonna save yourself but you.

Close the door as you leave. Let everything else crumbles but don't lose yourself while you're at it. You still have a long way to go, so take a break, you deserve it. Walk into a room that isn't burning or cold or empty but walk into a place that brings you comfort.

[langyabangs]

Slow Dancing In A Burning Room (Part 1)

The room is burning and yet there they're slow dancing inside the burning room.

While to everyone else it is crystal clear that it's a cue to leave the room it still lingers in the back of their mind that somehow they can save the burning room from whatever catastrophe that set the whole place ablaze. Yet neither refused to leave despite the scorching fire.

Walk out of the room and everything else crumbles down into ashes so you hold onto the slightest bit of hope, wishing that you can put down the fire with the last bit of your insanity. Holding on hurts but at least it's better than letting go of his hand, or so you thought.

[langyabangs]

April 9, 2020

To feel is an honor.

No matter how much I rested, I still feel tired. And even as I told myself that I am my own person and I need to hold things on my own, I can evidently feel how everything crumble down in my palms as I witness people falling.

I can't save them as I always told them to save themselves yet knowing how I am incapable of doing anything makes me feel useless (even though I know I shouldn't). There are simply some things I can't do, even when it means I have to see the chaos ensues.

The thing is, those days when I felt useless are the most tiring — and I'm not sure how I can survived it through (but I did anyway). After all, I am just a human after all, and I wonder if I can keep being the strong person that I am that everyone can look up to?

Is this strong exterior a facade that I simply put on to prevent myself from hurting or is it really because I am a strong person? One thing I learned today is that of course I can't be strong all the time. No one is.

Today's just one of the days where everything seemed overwhelming and I just wanted to cry (for no reasons or for many reasons), so I did, and I don't even know the exact reason that caused the years to fall. I just cried my heart out in hopes that it will make me feel better.

“You seemed like the strongest person on earth but deep inside your heart is so soft and fragile.”

Aren’t we all like that? We put on a mask, showing everyone that we can pull it off when really we forgot the beauty in being vurnerable and being in touch with our emotions.

But, you know, there was a time when my heart was cold and icy, it was locked with a combination that I barely even knew how to crack it, but now just a simple knock from the right person could turn me into a puddle and thus my heart that was once freezing is melting.

What was once so cold and detached is now so lively and beating hard. The weakest tug to my heart could bring me tears. I, who once could barely feel a thing, now can feel those emotion tenfolds. It's overwhelming and intense and some of these days, I'm scared of my own feeling.

To feel is an honor, but to feel means that one must experience sadness as well as the other negative emotions that comes along with it. Without sadness, there's no happiness. Life is a combination of both pain and joy. They are there, coexisting, and we are here, experiencing.

[langyabangs]

Shin Sekyung for Allure Korea

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