Hello my dear saioumers, it is I, jul chuwuyas. I wanted to stop by to talk a little bit about c&r since people ask me about it a lot
Unfortunately, to talk about it, I will have to dive into some personal stuff and share some things with you all that I've been keeping to myself for quite some time now and didn't really want to share, but felt like I needed to. So, since some stuff will be kinda, uh... serious? I will put everything under the cut
(TL;DR for those who don't wanna read about my personal life tho: c&r is NOT abandoned, but writer's block is not the only reason why I haven't updated the fic yet (tho it is one of them). I don't know when the hiatus will end. I'm sorry)
(CW for the things under the cut: mental illness, pet death, suicide ideation)
So, to start: yes, writer's block is one of the reasons why c&r is on hiatus. No, I have not been lying about it. I burned out so badly in 2021 that it's Still hard for me to write things that satisfy me because I reached my peak back then and was popping out 5, 6 fics in a month for 7/8 whole months when my usual is/was about 2 or 3 a year (if you check my ao3 page and the dates in which my fics were posted, you'll see that aside from the danganronpa fics, that usually was the case. I'm a slow writer). I'm still recovering. And the universe seems to not want me to.
Last year, around January, I felt like I was finally setting myself free from writer's block. I started writing something for my oc ship (yes, yes, I know. Not c&r. But what can I say? They bring me comfort) and I was so happy with what I got, so inspired to write, I was actually seeing the words on the doc again.
Then, one of my three cats got sick. Then, he died.
It completely broke me in a way I don't think I will ever recover. I was extremely attached to him and I drained all the money I had saved for therapy to try to save him, but it didn't work and I lost my cat, the money, and consequently my mental health. We spent almost an entire month taking him to the vet and bringing him back home because the vet kept telling us he was okay and then he'd get even worse and need hospitalization again, so that was more money spent on him. I had my friends help me with that, and I am immensely grateful even though it didn't work out in the end. Thank you for helping me bring him some comfort on his last days @ friendos.
After he died, a couple of months later, I tried writing again and managed to write a few thousand words, but my mental health still wasn't the best. Then, I started getting some personal problems that I will not talk about here but took a toll on me and shoved me back into the writer's block box, but now with the addition of increasingly growing self-doubt and depressive thoughts that soon turned suicidal.
Then, around September, another cat of mine got sick. And, this time, we didn't have money to help him.
He was my best friend. We basically grew up together (he was 13 and was born when I was 11, so I had him longer than I didn't have him) and I was also extremely attached to him. When he got sick, I would sit down on the floor and talk to him in tears asking him to hold on just until I got a job so I could pay for his bills. I didn't get a job fast enough to help him. It was me who found him, too.
From August to November, things were so bad in my life (between my personal life, my pets' deaths, and family members getting sick) I genuinely caught myself considering ending my suffering. Planning it. Thinking about it every day. Not wanting to wake up. It was a rough period of my life that I made it through alone because I didn't really tell anyone what was going on with me. I wished I could go back to the past. I wished I could change things to make the future not so bad. I'm still caught up in the past and nostalgic for a time that will not come back no matter how much I wish it would. But I pushed it through.
And one of the things that kept me from ending it all was the fact I haven't finished c&r yet.
I didn't wanna go without concluding the story. I didn't wanna go without showing you all what I have planned for the last chapter and how this story will end. So, I started using c&r as some sort of anchor — something to keep me going because I still have something to do on this earth before leaving. I love this story and I don't wanna leave it unfinished. I wanna see your reactions reading the last chapter, the freaking out, the key smashes, the DMs I'll receive, the theories, the fanarts. I love how big this story got and the little fandom it got for itself. People love something that I wrote so much they make art of it! They cosplay the characters, they write things based on it! It's so mindblowing that something like this would ever happen to me, I started telling myself: I can't die until I finish catch & release.
My mental health is way better now and I'm no longer considering suicide (though, ough, it sucks not having a lot of money). I have a job now and can pay for the vet in case my last cat gets sick. My personal life is good now, too, and my relative who's sick is doing a lot better. I have things to look forward to. Things are good now. I'm happy, though I still miss my cats every day.
I am, however, still using c&r as one of my anchors, and I don't know when I will stop doing so. So, for now, the fic is still on hiatus. But it isn't abandoned, and it will never be. I will finish it one day. So, until then, keep bearing with me.
Thank you for reading, and most of all thank you for understanding. I love you all.
diFHIASHFKSJDHKJ YOUR C&R FIC. OHHH MY FUCKING STARS ?????? LITERALLY IN LOVE IWTH IT CAN I KISS YOUR BRAIN IF THATS OKAY. OR JUST GNAW AT THE FIC. GOEHDKJDHVKJBVDBKJBDSVF
HAHAHAHAHHAH THANK YOU!!!!!! I'M GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!!!!!!
hello!!! I just wanted to say that I really love your writing! this is lwk embarressing but catch and release is like…..my favorite fic ever…..and im so distraught over the ending😖😖 do you plan on finishing it?
hewwo!!! it always makes me happy to know people still like my writing and fics even though it's been so long since the last update 🥺 i do plan on finishing it yes! i have the outline/summary for the last chapter ready so i just need to sit down to actually write it, but it's been kinda tough this and past year. writer's block has been kicking my ass lmao but i got hands and am fighting back !
thank you for your support and patience and i'm sorry for the long wait 💔 i promise it'll be worth it!
hello! i was wondering if youd be able to post a reference sheet of moriarty's mask? id like to draw him but due to instagram's tendency to destroy art qualities its hard to see the pattern
hey there! yes, absolutely! here you go fam
(I also posted the characters references here since Instagram really does love to destroy my stuff. If you would like a closer look at Moriarty's or the other characters designs, here you go!)
excuse me i need you to know Catch and Relese has sent me to heaven, it is by far the best Phantom Thief au i've ever seen, thank you from blessing my life with it. I shall sit here in my little corner and happily call myself a Catch and Release fanboy.
would have said this on ao3 but i don't have an account and the anon feature there has been giving me crap lately
WAAAAHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I’m really happy to know you like the story!!! And welcome to the C&R brainrot nation hahaha
Oh my god I just devoured your phantom thief fic today (it was saved on my Marked for Later list) and I remembered seeing this fanart of it a few days ago so I came to check your tumblr and you’re brazilian???? I’m crying tears of joy
The fic is so amazing!!! I’m terrible with comments so I’ll just leave this here, I’ll be following it eagerly from now on!
oh hello there!!! yes, i’m brazilian hahaha
thank you so so much for reading the fic!!! it makes me very very happy to know that you like the story!!!! thank you so much!! <33
Hey there! I discovered Catch and Release for the first time today, and it made my day. I decided to check up on your tumblr just to see if there’d been any significant updates, and after reading your pinned post, I am sincerely so, so glad to see you’re still active, still healthy, still alive.
If it means anything at all, I hope you know that new readers like me are still, even now, finding your work and falling in love with it for the first time, all these years after you first posted.
Even though we are, essentially, strangers, and even though I only just now read about the mental health difficulties you’ve faced in recent years, it makes me so happy to hear that you are healing. I hope you continue to find contentment and peace however you can, and if it means anything at all, know you’ve got one more person supporting you along the way. Have a nice night, and thanks so much for just being you and putting your work out into the world! <3
WAHHHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH 🥺🥺🥺🥺 mental health is always a tough thing to deal with but I'm finally getting help and slowly getting better!!! It's a long road, for sure, but I'm pushing on through. Thank you sososo much for your words and support and welcome to the c&r hell LMAO (/lh).
It's going to be a considerable wait until the final chapter, but I promise it's gonna be worth it. I'll see you there! Thank you!
oooo boy, awfully LMAO. I can write things from time to time, but I never know when these peaks of creativity will come and I'll be able to write (sometimes they come randomly during the day and I can't sit down and write because I'm at work or too busy to write, and then when I get into my PC I'm just Not inspired anymore and then the cycle repeats. It's like I'm sisyphus rolling up that damn boulder sometimes istg)
I do have things written for c&r, I promise (including some dialogue I wrote literally yesterday on the bus going to work). This is my reminder and confirmation that c&r is still very much alive and not abandoned despite the awfully long hiatus. Thank you for sticking around for so long and bearing with me! I promise it's gonna be worth it
