#c; seth.

[obscura-mp3]

> @llosgcariad,

"Stay."

it's a four letter word, a lot like l-o-v-e, but more valuable; staying meant everything, when it's all you ever wanted to do. you freeze, it takes a moment for you to process; all those nights, alone in your dormitory felt endless, like you'd never get to this point. but you're standing in his apartment, cigarette between lips; certainty on leaving when your time came to a close. palm squeezes the strap of your bag, you turn yourself to look at him; cerulean's seem to be searching, a part of me still doubts the sincerity. your fingers let your carry-on fall to the floor; your heart flutters at the thought of sticking around longer. jonathan doesn't have to be asked twice, you feel your feet move towards him before you even realize.

" ... you'll take me to class tomorrow, right? i have a psychology exam- " your voice trails off, the depth of the situation stirs something inside you; i'm not used to feeling so intensely for someone, it is almost embarrassing how i reach for you. a hand comes up to brush across his wrist, your head lolls; brows knit & warmth burns up into your cheeks. " ... i'll stay, you can really, keep me as long as you want. i- it's better than being by myself in our- my dorm, i do miss you all the time. "

[obscura-mp3]

> @llosgcariad,

can i at least buy you a drink?"

the days woes dawn upon you, exhaustion evident in your bones; all you've looked forward to, is a blissful weekend away with him. saturday rolled around so quickly, you barely had time to process; between internships & finals, your mind was muddled with too many questions & not enough answers. it's not the first time you've been here, & it certainly won't be the last; this club is familiar, not just for it's atmosphere, but how many times you've been on your knees. your fingers rest on the collar, it's loose enough to slip your nails underneath & dig into the cracks; a comfort settles into your skin, jonathan has no interest in trying to take it off. it meant more to you that he gave it to you, than anything else; you belonged to him & him alone.

voices fade in & out, your thumb rolls over the O-ring; silence follows, your mind wanders to tonight's possibilities. a bathroom stall rolls around in your head, OR perhaps the backseat of a taxi ... the beach comes into view; it's nothing like last weekend, no. you can almost feel the sand as your back meets the ground, it was too exhilarating, but you know there are more important things to worry about. lips part, your eyes flutter at the question; he's the loudest in a crowded room, you had barely heard anyone else except him. " ... if you want, i'm just a little tired tonight, don't worry. " you look at him, your head tilts a moment; there's innocent things there, all wrapped up in blankets & a warming embrace. it'd be nice, to settle into bed after all of this ... i wonder how much more you could wear me out.

" ... we could do shots, what about rum OR gin? i also thought about, whiskey? i saw lemon drop on the menu- do you like those? "

[obscura-mp3]

> @llosgcariad,

"Touch yourself for me."

heat seeps in your stomach, the command makes you shudder; it's a simple set of words, yet it drives you insane. tingles prick against your skin, you inhale, digging your fingers into the sheets. anything you were going to say, has wedged itself in your throat; parted lips offer a small sound, it's a confirmation where your voice fails. you don't need to be asked twice; his gaze alone would bring you to your knees, devotion is nothing without a little worship. exhale, inhale; you look at him like he's god, he'd ruin you just the same. palms slide over yourself, leaning inwards against the touches. jeans are unzipped, splaying your legs apart & taking yourself out; jonathan allows saliva to fall from your lips, slicking up your length with one swipe. you're staring at him through fluttery lids, it's been too long since you felt your own warmth.

head lolls back, you breathe out; your palm makes quick work of swallowing yourself, moving at a desperate pace. teeth press into your lip, giving him a plentiful show; " ... fuck- " you nearly whine, letting the sound rumble in your chest; hips mindlessly buck into your fist, knowing just how needy you look, but that was the point, wasn't it? " ... this what you- you wanted huh? " you choke, letting a half-bitten moan escape; back arches, curling into yourself, it's easy to rile you up ( ... ) send you overboard, when the man you expose yourself to was no better than you. you melt into the mattress, lolling your head & squirming; each movement pushes your sensitivity levels higher, leaving you a mess of soft, drawn out groans. your free hand traces over your tip, pressing your thumb into it, convulsing & nearly cumming on the spot.

" ... hh- fuck, the piercing makes me so sensitive- do you like this, baby? I cum harder than I moan. "

[obscura-mp3]

> @llosgcariad,

'Aren't you a pretty little thing."

a ball & chain between heaven & hell; you're a lamb to the slaughter on the end of a rope. it's not the first time you've been here, you know it won't be the last; perhaps the difference is, i let myself get caught this time. your gaze bores into him, an attempt to rip apart a soul; i want to hold you close, soft breath, beating heart ... as i whisper in your ear, i want to tear you apart. tongue glides over fangs, there's a silence in the way those words ebb; lucky you aren't human, the degradation does nothing but fuel you. tail flecks against the ground, jonathan's wrists tug against familiar bindings; i just hope you know what you've done, i'm not responsible for what comes next.

" ... bold for what you are, don't you think? i'd be careful with what you say. " it's quieter, your eyes loll away to take in a new environment; the scent of flesh intoxicates, while blood draws forth an ancient craving. it's not all you need, no, intimacy comes with a price; you were willing to bargain anything to sink your teeth in. even if it meant, giving yourself up to him; you're aware there's another one, it's been a while since i've been shared. it's not like i didn't get caught purposefully, too much promise came when there were humans involved; i wouldn't be able to sustain myself, had you not taken me home. " ... i find you all the more captivating, if you get a little closer, i may not be able to contain myself. you smell far too- sweet, like an unusually fine wine. "

[obscura-mp3]

> @llosgcariad,

Seth making out with jon at the beach college verse

" ... mm- i missed you, " sand sticks to your skin as you settle with him on the shoreline; the waves lap at your toes, making you laugh. it's late, regardless, it was his idea ( ... ) you know he'd never let up this late if you asked; something about this made your heart thrum, like it's the first date you ever had with him again. jonathan's breathless against his lips, too close, you're practically in his lap, he's a warmth that reminds you so much of home; there's no where else you'd rather be ( ... ) when he's gone, he takes a piece of you with him. your mouth opens, pulling into a half smirk, chuckling between kisses; you cannot help how happy he makes you, if you could crawl inside him & stay there, you would without hesitation. " ... i'm so glad you're back, i wish i could go with you, i hate being so far from you. " colour paints your cheeks, the moon basked you both in a radiant glow; it might rain, you can see dark clouds roll on by in the navy sky. a hundred stars captivate you, it's been so long since you really saw them, cornwall was the only place you r remember ever seeing them; maybe you should take him home sometime.

" ... seth? " it's soft, you slide your palms on top of his; your head tilts, his taste lingers on your lips ( ... ) you didn't go too far, a small gap between you, filling it with another set of lasting kisses. small sounds slip out, you almost forgot what you were going to ask; mind muddled by the pleasure, it's been too long since you got him like this, you take the incentive to settle yourself in his lap ( ... ) staring at him through lidded eyes. " ... would you ever want to come home with me? i mean- my little town in england? " jonathan feels your skin crawl at the question, it felt like confessing a prayer; you've thought about that before, egypt was beautiful ( ... ) you think he'd like seeing cornwall too, there were so many beaches like this one. if it still stood, you'd love to show him your childhood home; it's fantasy, you know it, but what's the harm in dreaming? " ... school lets out in a few weeks- maybe we can plan a trip? " you thumb at his fingers, wrapping yours around his; they're squeezed, knowing you're staring ( ... ) it's hard not to when he looks like that. " ... i love you, you know? i really, really missed you- "

[obscura-mp3]

> @llosgcariad,

Seth & jon camping college verse

this experience is entirely new, you've never been this deep in the woods before; let alone spent a night out amongst the stars. your youth is muddled, there is no way for you backtrack this in your memory. another aspect you missed out on, just like when he took you to the arcade ( ... ) your inner child is awfully pleased. you try not to think too hard about it, being with him makes up for so much lost time; jonathan's lips pull into a smile, looking up through the clearing. the sky is littered with hundreds of tiny lights, you're certain you can see the moon peaking over the tree tops; it was beautiful, your mouth hadn't closed since he led you to the spot. so far away from civilization, you opted to leave your phone at home, taking your music player with you instead; fingers squeeze the bag on your back, listening to the crunch of leaves & branches as cicadas sing. you didn't have them back in cornwall, OR the same sweltering summer nights; south carolina offered too much promise, where home hadn't given you. " ... baby- it's lovely, you want to set up here? i assumed this big patch of land is where we will be staying. " jonathan spins on the back of your heels, admiring the massive oaks, the tall, blades of grass & the little flowers sprouting up in between; there are so many fallen leaves, they cover the ground in too many colours.

" ... i brought the sleeping bag you asked ────୨ৎ i did also find that old portable stovetop i told you about, i think that was from my grandmother. " your shoulders roll, drawing your attention to the ring on your finger; you haven't stopped thinking about it since he asked, you didn't think he ever would ( ... ) but you always wanted this. you exhale, expression softening, it was only a week ago; there is half a thought to assume this was your honeymoon, why else would he take you on such an extravagant trip? to get away together, it made your heart flutter; there's a wedding coming up, your stomach knots up about that ( ... ) excitement & anxiety mix together, making you sick. jonathan couldn't believe it, you were actually getting married; it wasn't in your cards, but certainly someone had decided it was. " ... i- you know, this is really nice, i still cannot believe you asked. i was so oblivious to the signs, the ring is my favourite thing you've gotten me. " you step forward, coming up to his side; that same hand locks with his, thumbing over his knuckles. " ... i really cannot wait to spend the rest of my days with you, oh ────୨ৎ seth? "

there's a pause, you swallow, biting your lip at what you're about to say; it's cheesy, you think he'd like it regardless of that. " ... my polaroid is in my bag too, what do you think about a wedding scrapbook? of our trips? maybe some early dating pictures i have, & we can fill the rest with shots from the reception? " a laugh slips out, shaking your head, you tug at his wrist; far too eager to get the tent set up. " ... besides that, let me help you set up the tent, you brought the fish, mm? "

[obscura-mp3]

> @llosgcariad,

the rewards counter of an arcade

the worst part about childhood is you remember; you carry it like stones in your pocket, reminded of the weight, you run your fingers over them ( ... ) they beat like the heart in your chest. most would feel nostalgic in an arcade, but you do not have anything to latch onto; harsh, neon lights mix with a dozen different sounds, chiptunes & laser blasts are the most stand out. somewhere, you're certain there are gunshots, engines from racing games catch your attention, you don't linger long at the screens. your grandmother found these a waste of time, you spent most of your days lost in stories; fantasies were better suited when you couldn't experience your youth. being here with seth felt liberating, it fulfills the inner child spat back out at you; you haven't let go of his hand since you got here. eyes draw to the prize counter, the soft, cushioning of the carpeting is comforting; jonathan inspects every inch ( ... ) plush toys, action figures, electronics, you spend a moment looking at the display case. varieties of candies, small, novelty items, you didn't find the appeal in them; maybe you were too old to understand, it's easier if you didn't.

seth has the bag of tickets, you couldn't believe he hit the 20k jackpot; it's enough for both of you to get something, the rhythmic clicks of the pin ball machine haunt you, & the loud, exaggerated music when he had won. you breathe, rubbing your chin in thought; music plays behind you, the heavy thud of the dance pad thrums ( ... ) a lot of conversations you drowned out, just to have some peace. " ... mm- have you decided what you want? there's so much, i saw headphones, uh. shit, a big stuffed toy would be nice for my room. there is that cute little shark cat one. " teeth press into your bottom lip, your gaze settles on a lava lamp; then, draws back to the case ( ... ) so many cheap, plastic toys, candy, once again, you're staring at, " ... what if we both got some airheads, too? fuzzy dice would look nice in your car, mmm. i really like that lava lamp though, baby. " you look at him, & gesture towards the box on the shelf; it appeared to be vintage, paired with an old cord telephone ( ... ) you were enamored, to say the least. " ... you see the console? looks like it has all those old-school video games────୨ৎ "

there's a pause, you snort, a smile crosses your features; " ... can we go back to that jurassic park game afterwards? the one with the seats? the gun was pretty cool, i think that was my favourite one. "

[obscura-mp3]

> @llosgcariad,

❛ you are notorious for rubbing salt in the wound. cheap vodka in the wound. battery acid in the wound! ❜

you've heard these words a hundred times, so frequently that it became an echo; no better than riko's voice, those memories live on somewhere in the back of your head. shame was a blade, you turned it on yourself; anything was better than the weight you carry. pain is pleasure when it's you twisting the knife, you can't bury the past ( ... ) when there's more room in the grave. kevin day squeezes the racquet, you can feel the ghost of ache start up in your wrist; it'll always haunt you, no matter how old you get, seth zuburi is not a better reminder. you'd punch him, if you had the means; words are better weapons, but it does me no good ( ... ) violence has changed me, you displace your anger, attach it to peripheral places OR people. the real problem is what to do with it; i have stifled it away for so long ( ... ) that i have packed it like dynamite, i have stored it & now it threatens to come out in explosions. you give him a secondary glance, the familiar blur of orange & white catches your attention; andrew minyard had just blocked another of matt boyds goal attempts, you know better than to think andrew's interest would stick around long. " ... don't you have a job to do? decorating your meltdowns is good & fine, but it is not productive- " your other hand drops, the clipboard between your fingers had too many sticky notes; the layout of the court is drawn out, poorly, with red circles & quickly-scrawled annotations. " ... you are supposed to be practicing, i've already jotted down two warnings for you; a third & you are sitting out, our last match we got carded four times. you do not like how i speak to you? USC has a striker position open, accept your loses & suck it up. do you want more salt to your already festering wound, zuburi? " each word is intentional, you don't want to spend too much time entertaining this; it's a wonder you aren't drinking, the foxes were a sorry excuse for a team. your racquet falls from your grip, it clunks against the court; your pen is picked up, jotting down another bullet. " ... penalty for wasting my time as well as your teams; that's your third, now you can sit out & watch- twenty minutes, then we'll see if coach will allow you back OR not. "