an engagement and a choice | self
“Yui and I are going to get married! You and Alex are gonna be having some step-siblings join the family!”
River really didn’t know how to react to the news at first. He wanted his dad to be happy - he was supportive when his dad had confided in him that he was finally dating someone again years after the divorce was finalized. He had even met Yui briefly while he was in Tokyo, his father having invited her over one night for dinner. She seemed nice: completely different to his mom. She had tattoos, coloured streaks within her hair - they’d met while working on a work project together so Riv already knew she was creative. She seemed cool.
He just didn’t expect them to ever get married or for her to already have children of her own. A boy and a girl to be exact: Aiko and Mina. The same dynamic as himself and Alex. Selfishly, the thought of not being his father’s only son bothered him. The thought of him raising another boy and a girl when he wasn’t even in the same country as his birth kids were - it left River feeling replaced. Not only himself but also for Alex too. She had never known her parents before the screaming matches - she was two when they split up for good. Riv didn’t feel like she got to have the experience of having her dad around consistently but this random girl from Japan was going to be able to have it? It just didn’t sit right with him, no matter how much he tried.
“Really? You never said anything to me about wanting to propose to her.”
“I’ve been thinking about it. And I know it’s only been a year and a half but she just completes me, Riv. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman. Her kids and I get on too, it just seems like a no brainer. I just can’t wait for you and Al to come over for the wedding. You can bring Cleo over with you too if you want! It would be nice to see her again.”
Yeah. Yui was the dream, according to his father. River didn’t doubt she was but it bothered him that he and Alex weren’t enough. Their dad not only left their household during crucial times in their lives but also the whole country. How was he meant to feel when his dad left him after 17 years for Tokyo without a second thought but was so easily swayed to marry this woman and father her kids when he’s only been with her for a year and a half?
“That’s if you even want us there.”
“Riv, what are you talking about? Of course I do! Both you and Al. I want you to be my best man!”
“Funny. Thought you’d ask Aiko to be your best man.”
He knew he shouldn’t have said it, that it was a step too far. But it was too late now - his father’s whole demeanor on the skype call changing as soon as he said it.
“Stop being petty, River. You’re 22 years old and you’re acting like you’re Alex’s age.”
“What? It’s true! I mean, you’re constantly with him! I just thought he’d be a better fit since he’s your new son and I’m just the bastard son you had with a bitch.”
“I thought you’d be happy for me. After everything that happened, you knew how defeated I was after I split up from your mother. And yet you’re sitting here making me feel guilty for moving on with my life? You’re an adult now, Riv. I don’t need to build my life around what you want or need.”
“No. Course not. I mean, you didn’t even do that when I was a teen. You fucking left. The guy I idolised and loved so much and you just up and left to Tokyo. Leaving not only me but also your EIGHT year old daughter who needs you! She needs you more than both of Yui’s kids combined. But no, you didn’t think about that. Just about yourself. You don’t think about how any of this is meant to make us feel - how I’m meant to feel. How I missed my dad when I was withdrawing off of those prescription pills. But no, I’M the petty one. Nah, I just want to be the one chosen for once. Cause NO-ONE chooses me or Al. No-one.”
He didn’t let his dad get a word in, immediately hanging up and shutting his laptop. To say he was upset was an understatement. He loved his dad very much. But he had to be honest and he was hurt. Part of his journey was meant to be tackling his past shit head on, not to push it down and let it eat him alive. So, as much as he never wanted to disappoint his dad, he felt himself doing it anyway.
River threw something off his desk. Then something else. Then he kicked the desk and bolted up from his chair - throwing that too. He felt so angry. He couldn’t go to the gym, it was late at night. He couldn’t call Cleo or Jack - it was 3 am. He couldn’t bother them with his stupid shit, as much as he wanted to. Hailey was visiting her parents so that was out. Against his better judgment, there’s only one thing he fancied in the moment. Someone who could help him get rid of all this aggression.
He snatched his phone from his desk and scrolled through all his old numbers, eventually finding the contact he was looking for. He dialed it, letting the phone ring a few times before she answered.
“River?”
“Em, can I come over?”
“W-What? Why? We haven’t spoken since you ended things.”
“I know. But I just... fuck. I need you.” Fuck, this was a bad idea. Especially since the girl he actually wanted to be with was definitely not Emerald. But Em was easy and part of the reason they couldn’t quit each other in school was because they had good sex. It was the only thing they had, to be fair, but it was something that River needed in the moment.
He didn’t think about how Em would think he’s finally running back to her after all these years when in reality, he just needed someone to help take the tension away. But River didn’t care. The old him was glimpsing through.
“Okay. The key is still under the flower pot. See you soon, baby.”
He hung up the phone and got his stuff together. He wasn’t gonna stay there with her - just fuck and leave. But he still felt like this was such a massive step-back. Especially since he’d finally realised how he was in love with his best friend.
But, like usual, the pain and anger left by his parents filled him with determination.
He left soon after.
