Customer service call menus
I get it. You have 79 different departments and not everyone is trained to handle an unprecedented request to pay a bill over the phone, so you want your customers to get to the right person, the one person who has that very specialized job task. Fine. I will just be gracious and let you have that one.
But why can't you use the simple keypad entry to choose from the menu? Why do I have to say "1" for English and "Yes" for confirming my phone number and then you ask, "Tell me a little about why you're calling," and I have to randomly guess what topics are in your cockamamie voice recognition registry? 9 times out of ten, the robots will say, "I'm sorry. Again--" and repeat the entire question and give examples while I am shouting that the robots should go fuck a hole in the ground. A side note, I feel less angry at the male-sounding robots than the female-sounding ones. An idea for market research and psychologists to look into.
Anyway, once the robot realizes that it cannot understand the sound of me trying to choke out my mobile phone, it apologizes again and gives me the option of using my keypad. And so I wait for the option I want and I press it. This would take a lot less time if we could just do this from the start. But instead, you've decided to be edgy and cool as dragon shit and created the upgraded call menu. Please wait while I tear off my clothes and bring you my children for an offering, oh mighty beings from the future. It would help if your technology was functional.
A secondary complaint is that I call and the reason I call is because I am having an issue with X service or X product and I need you in customer service to fix it. But for some reason, you all say, oh let me transfer you to the department that handles that, even if what I'm calling for is a no-brainer like asking why the goddamn bill is still coming in snail mail and email. I don't understand the type of problem the initial rep can handle. People calling to give them compliments? People who are confused about the call menu? People who need instructions on how to take a big dump at their desks and piss other people off?
Things I can’t tolerate anymore
Pandora
Youtube
My gym
Music through my ceiling
The guy who wanted to take me bowling on our first date
Customer service call menus