Intro: Is this the end? OH NO! Once again requested by @missmle712 - the reason for all this angst. :)
Ok so I have a lot of feelings about the end of this series. I am actually so proud of this last part I thought I wasn’t going to get it to turn out how I wanted it but it definitely turned out much better than I could have hoped. I loved writing this series. I definitely did. It didn’t get a lot of hype or a lot of notes and I have to be honest and say that that did discourage me a little, but those who did love it, those who reblogged or left comments literally kept this series going because I didn’t want to disappoint you. And next time I have a series I am definitely writing the entire thing before I post it because it was actually quite stressful to keep up with it. But I am so happy with how it turned out. And I hope you are happy as well.
So thank you making the journey of Lost Days a memorable one. You guys rock.
Pairing: Jim x reader
Word Count: 3,450 (holy moly)
Summary: We have reached the end ladies and gents. Is it going to be a happy or sad ending? Read and find out!
Intro Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6
-Enjoy!-
Jim:
As I waited for Bones, lying on the office floor in a pool of my own blood, I only entertained for a moment the possibility that I was actually going to die there. The only reason I really cared was that I didn’t know if Bones could find you without my help.
I had called him when I received the message that told me where you were, telling him that if I didn’t send him a com in an hour, to come in after me. Of course he had tried to get me to back down, to let him help me, but I didn’t have time. You didn’t have time.
He took a lot longer than I thought he was going to, and images played in my brain over and over. Your eyes on mine. The gun pressed to your head. The crazed look in Eve’s eyes. You finally remembering me. Then the gun pointed at my chest. Then a deep pain. Your hands on my face. You calling my name.
You.
As I watched them take you away, kicking and screaming and calling my name, as I watched them drug you, your body going instantly limp, an odd sense of happiness pulled at my brain. I was dying. But I was happy.
It could have been delirium, that’s what Bones would have said, or something to do with the blood loss, that would have been the logical reason, Spock would have informed. But I couldn’t help but think it was because of the way your eyes met mine when you remembered. The way your lips formed my name when you finally remembered. You remembered me.
I felt my entire world shift again, if that was possible. You were alive. And the entire world could have exploded and I wouldn’t have cared because you came back to me.
When Bones finally showed up, he went into full doctor mode, and I just let him work, let him fret over me because that’s what he did best. Eventually he stopped the bleeding enough to move me and then suddenly we were beamed aboard the Enterprise.
I asked Bones where you were, told him there was no way in hell he was operating on me until I knew you were safe. But it was a half-hearted response as he literally had his hands inside the hole in my chest, trying to stop the bleeding. So he called me a ‘god-damned idiot” and told me that he had already told Scotty and Spock about the situation, and that they were already searching for you. The only problem was how difficult it was going to be to find a small mission pod in the middle of the galaxy.
“Where did Eve and her goons go?” I asked, fading in and out of consciousness.
“I have no idea, Jim. They weren’t there when I got there, and for all they know their plan worked. They must have had a shuttle on the roof and taken off somewhere.” Bones informed.
I could only groan in response, stars bursting behind my eyes as Bones dug deeper, trying to find the bullet. Bones’ worried glare met mine many times, ordering me to stay awake, and I tried, I really did, but eventually sleep was easier than staying awake, and I slipped easily into darkness.
It hurt when Bones told me you didn’t want to see me.
But I understood, or at least tried to understand, so I rested, much to Bones’ bewilderment, and waited for you. I had waited three years already, what was one more week?
We would make up these lost days. We could find home again.
Because that’s what you were to me. What you are to me. Home.
The great blackness of space was a lot less magical when you had just been floating around in it for three days, waiting to die, praying that the love of your life wasn’t dead.
You looked wistfully out the windows in your quarters, into the great beyond. Nothing but stars and blackness and emptiness and space. You thought of all the miles and light years that you had spanned over the time since you boarded the Enterprise, since you’d been rescued, and you had to remind yourself that you had been on the ship for many miles and light years before, with Jim.
Thinking of Jim made your heart sink into your chest. Like your heart wanted to hide and disintegrate into your innards but was stopped by something. Was stopped by hope.
You had to constantly remind yourself that you weren’t lost anymore. That that feeling of emptiness and blackness and space was gone, had shattered the moment you met Jim. The moment you found Jim again.
It ached in you now, that pressing, sinking, empty feeling that made you unable to catch your breath and made stinging tears press at your eyes.
The sound of your name behind you shook you out of the maze of thoughts that you were lost in.
“Y/N.”
A sob almost escaped you, and your breath caught in your chest as you spun around, taking in Jim’s form standing near the door. He looked as lost as you felt. His shoulders slightly hunched and his arms hanging loosely at his sides, his whole demeanor not one of a fierce captain, but one of a lost soldier, a little boy who doesn’t know how to get home.
“Jay.” You gulped, trying to swallow down the lump in your throat.
“How do you feel?” His voice cracked, and the innocent question hung in the air as he met your eyes.
You felt your soul set on fire as you dove into the crystal blue-ness of his eyes. Oh, how familiar those eyes were to you, how beautiful.
“A lot better, thanks, and you?” You breathed.
“Just fine.”
“Bones told me what happened after they drugged me.”
Jim nodded.
It felt like someone was continually stabbing your heart with a blunt knife at the politeness of the conversation, how forced it was, like you didn’t have to suppress every fiber in your being that was screaming at you to run to him, to hold him again.
“I remember everything, Jay.” The words tumbled quietly out of your mouth without you telling them to.
Jim’s eyes snapped up to yours and your heart skipped a beat.
“You do?” He mouthed, and you could tell he tried to make his voice audible but couldn’t get the air past his vocal cords.
You nodded.
And then the tears came. Flooding down your cheeks, like a silent waterfall. Everything that had been building up inside of you in the past couple days released, like a dam breaking, and tremors wracked your body. All the emptiness, all the confusion and frustration and incomplete-ness that you had felt drained out of you, purged from your brain as you sobbed. A river flowed down your cheeks. An ocean surged inside your brain. Jim didn’t move to embrace you or wipe the tears away, as if he knew that you needed to let this out. That this act of sorrow was not about him, but about you, and all you had lost, all you had been through. Memories flashed before your eyes, happy ones and sad ones and terrifying ones and you just let them roll over you.
They all faded except for one.
“I died, Jim. I remember dying.” You gasped and grasped the fabric of your shirt with shaking fingers.
“I know, Y/N.” He consoled with a shaking voice, “Darling, I can only imagine how hard it must be to suddenly remember all this. To suddenly remember me.”
You almost laughed at his words, how absurd they sounded. How could you ever have forgotten him? This beautiful man who held your heart in his hands.
“That’s why I didn’t want you to come see me in the medbay. I needed time to process everything, and you would have just made it a lot more complicated.” A weak smile tugged the ends of your mouth up, and you wiped at stray strands of hair that found their way onto your face.
A soft smile reached Jim’s lips as well, and you felt as if all of your energy had suddenly drained from your body, a sense of calm pouring over you as you looked at him, memories now budding and blossoming before your eyes.
You noted a passing memory and unintentionally let out a laugh.
“Do you remember shore leave that one time, when you took all the Bridge crew to see a sci-fi move and Spock spent the entire time telling us how “scientifically incorrect” it was? You smiled.
Jim looked distant, as if he was remembering as well and a smile formed on his lips, “Yeah, Bones kept shushing him and then they started bickering in the row in front of us.”
You laughed as the images formed in your mind.
Jim continued, “and after 20 minutes you and I decided to ignore them and spent the rest of the time...”
“Making out in the back row like teenagers.” You both said at the same time.
This story had been told so many times that you had memorized it and you both chuckled, the tension in the room finally easing.
“I miss you.” You exhaled shakily and your smile faded, as well as Jim’s.
Jim cocked his head to the side and gave you a sympathetic gaze, taking a step towards you, “I’m right here, Y/N, I’m with you.”
You shook your head in disagreement to his statement, “I know that, Jay, but it feels as if I am missing you like I would have if I had remembered you before, after I had woken up.” It was hard to explain in words what you were feeling.
“Like I miss the years we lost. All the days and moments and memories that we are never going to get back. I miss those.” You gasped.
Now it was Jim’s turn to shake his head, “We have our whole future ahead of us, Y/N!” His voice grew with quiet excitement, and he took another step closer to you, “Screw the last three years! They are done. Gone. And don’t get me wrong, they were the worst years of my life. It destroyed me when I thought you were gone.”
He paused and took a few shaky breaths before his sparkling blue eyes met yours and his fingers brushed yours, tugging you closer by your fingertips.
“But there is so much ahead of us, Y/N. Years and years ahead of us. It’s all right there, waiting, years that I never thought I’d get with you.”
Tears began to prick your eyes again, your emotions rising up and becoming all tangled again, “I don’t know, Jay.” You paused, staring at the floor, “I don’t even know where to start.”
You were still ensnared in the feeling of being lost, and panic began to rise in your throat at the thought of never being found again. You couldn’t find the strength to pull your eyes off the floor, couldn’t meet those expectant blue eyes for fear of internally combusting.
A warm finger pressed under your chin, tilting your head up for you, and you didn’t combust when his eyes met yours, instead it was like a lock clicking into place. The memories stopped swimming around in your brain, and instead slotted themselves into your mind, the overwhelming feeling of the constant images finally receding. It was all you could do to push air in and out of your lungs as things settled in your brain, and Jim was patient, noticing your internal struggle and waiting.
“How about we start here.” Jim breathed and your eyes flitted closed as his lips found your cheek gently.
Another memory slotted into place.
“And here.” Another kiss, to your opposite cheek.
Things grew quieter in your brain.
“Here.” A kiss to the tip of your nose, making you smile.
Silence. Only one thing on your mind now. The man with his hands in your hair and his lips mere inches from your own.
Before you could take in another breath you pressed your lips to his. Your mind completely went quiet now. You were so enveloped in the feeling of him, of Jim, of his hands moving down to your neck and his lips desperately on yours that you almost forgot to breathe.
It was not a gentle kiss. It was a kiss of longing and waiting and hoping and missing and desperation. It was hands pulling and arms wrapping and lips pressing. It was like a storm. A hurricane.
You pulled away to catch your breath, but a hand on the back of your neck kept you from going too far, and Jim held your forehead to his. You ran your shaking fingers down his chest and moved them to wrap around his back, pressing your bodies flush together.
“I love you, Y/N.” Jim said carelessly, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
You froze, but thankfully he kept talking, his hand now moving to cup your cheek and you wrapped your hand around his wrist.
“And I know this is way too much for you to deal with right now, and frankly I don’t know how you are actually holding it together as well as you are, so you don’t have to say it back right away. I just want you to know that I never stopped loving you. Never. Not when I met Eve, not when I was out exploring space, not even when they handed me your ashes.”
A few tears fell from Jim’s eyes now, and you released your grip on his wrist to wipe the tears away, and he leaned into your touch.
“I missed you so much I could barely breathe. When I found you again it was like a weight was lifting off my chest.” He was starting to panic now, you could tell, his eyes growing wide and big tears straining down his cheeks, “Like I was finally free. And when you didn’t remember me? It felt like someone stabbed me in the heart over and over. You were looking at me but you weren’t seeing me. It was like I was a mirage and you couldn’t believe I was real.”
You stopped his ranting with a gentle finger to his lips.
“Shhh...” You chided and gave him a smile.
Leaning in, you pressed your lips to his softly, slotting your lips with his, sending all the love and reassurance you could into the kiss, letting him know that you were here, alive, and his.
“I love you, Jay.” You whispered as you pulled away, and watched as his face broke open with relief and he smiled.
He pulled you in for another kiss, and you smiled onto his lips, unable to hide the giddy feeling that his lips on yours elicited from you. Happiness now dripped over you, slowly blotting out all of the nervousness, all of the unsureness that you had felt before, and you leaned into him, knowing deep within that you were exactly where you belonged.
“Captain Kirk to the Bridge. Captain Kirk to the Bridge.”
A voice sounded over the paging system, interrupting your never-ending kiss. Jim seemed to ignore the call, and it was you who finally pulled back, a smile never leaving your lips.
“Jay, you have to go.” You insisted, and laughed when he dove in, trying to capture your lips with his again and you held his face away with your hands.
“No way. I’m sure they can handle whatever it is without me.” Jim griped, his eyes now sparkling and full of life as he looked at you.
“Captain Kirk to the Bridge. Captain Kirk to the Bridge.”
The voice sounded again and Jim groaned, his head falling forward into the crook of your neck, his soft hair brushing against your skin. You laughed and held the back of his head, running your fingers through his hair as you rocked gently, as if to soothe him.
“It’s okay, little Captain.” You cooed and he chuckled into your skin, sending waves of happiness over you, “We have all the time in the world now, don’t we?”
Jim lifted his head now and smoothed his hands over your waist and hips, pulling your body tight to his and meeting your eyes fiercely. He let out a deep breath and smiled, his eye closing as you carded your fingers through his hair. You reveled for a moment in the fact that you could do this again, that you could touch him and look at him and kiss him.
“That we do, beautiful, that we do.” He sighed, and tilted his head so your fingers had better access to his hair.
A surge of happiness prompted you to kiss him again, wanting nothing more than to feel his lips against yours indefinitely, forever, to never lose another day without them, without him. Jim leaned into the kiss, and you could feel him smiling beneath your lips as his fingers hooked into the fabric of your shirt.
“Captain Kirk to the Bridge. Captain Kirk to the Bridge.”
With an exasperated gasp Jim pulled away, actually stepping away from you, the sudden loss of his body against yours making you frown.
“Okay, I better go. Spock’ll have my head if I ignore the com one more time.” Jim turned towards you, his words not matching his stance, as he looked like he wanted nothing more than to wrap you in his arms again.
“How about I come with you?” You suggested, and Jim’s features lit up instantly.
“Will you? I don’t think I can bear one more second without you by my side.” Jim roused, “I keep feeling like you are going to disappear again, slip through my fingers.”
You stepped forward and entwined your fingers through his.
“I’m not going anywhere, Jay.” You avowed, pressing a kiss to his cheek, “I’m staying right by your side as long as the universe allows it.”
Jim beamed at you now and pressed a quick kiss to your lips before leading you out the door.
It was strange, walking these halls, hand-in-hand with Jim. It was familiar and new at the same time. Like a memory becoming a reality. And for once in the past week your heart didn’t feel like it was going to disappear inside your chest, you knew it was safe, protected by the man who was walking beside you, hand in yours.
Reaching the Bridge, Jim didn't let go of your hand even as he was bombarded with information and began to give orders. He made his way to his chair and sat down in it, and you stood to the side, fingers still entwined with his, and he stroked your skin as he addressed Sulu and Chekov who both smiled at you in recognition. You were ecstatic to see them as well, to be back by Jim's side. Surveying the busy room with a smile, you nodded to Spock who sat at his spot in the corner, and he nodded back. You gave a little finger wave to Uhura at her station and she gave you the biggest smile you had ever seen.
A hand came to rest on your shoulder suddenly and you looked up to see Leonard smiling down at you, and you reached your free hand up to his. "Thank you." You mouthed at him, giving his fingers a quick squeeze before he removed his hand from your shoulder.
You looked down to Jim now, in his chair, doing what he does best, and you smiled fondly down at him. His head tilted back and his eyes turned to you, a shimmer of hopefulness laced in his features, and you gave his fingers a squeeze now, and he returned the gesture.
Turning your eyes forward, to the vastness of space and time that was laid out in front of you as the Enterprise and all it's crew hurtled through the universe, you felt content and light, like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders.
Whether Jim had found you or you found him still remains a mystery, but you couldn't care less, because as you stood next to him, your love, your heart, surrounded by your friends and family aboard this ship, you knew everything was going to be okay.
Intro: Once again this idea comes from the lovely @missmle712.
Sorry it is so late (at least for me) I have read it over a million times and just spent the last hour looking for gifs for the middle part (you’ll see). The words are all blurring together now so I hope it’s alright!
Pairing: Jim x reader
Word Count: 3200 ish
Summary:I left you guys on a cliffhanger last time (mua haha). This one has some angst and explanations.
Intro Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
-Enjoy!-
"E-Eve?" You stuttered, staring into the barrel of the gun, "What are you doing?"
"I am finishing what I started." Eve stated, her cool gaze sending shivers down your spine.
You stood frozen in fear for a moment, unable to do anything but stare at her. Her dark hair contrasted against the grey sky that shone through the window behind her. Her dark suit jacket and skirt, sharp and fitted, making her look intimidating and fierce. And the gun in her hand made her deadly.
"Started what?" You questioned, keeping your hands as steady as you could at your sides.
"Oh right, you can't remember." She spat, the gun swinging as she gestured with her hands, making you flinch.
"Eve. I don't know what you are talking about." You explained, keeping your voice neutral, "Now if you put the gun away, we can talk about whatever you think I did."
Eve's mouth stretched into an evil grin, her voice syrupy and stingingly-sweet, "You would like that, wouldn't you? But I'm not letting you get away again. You're mine."
You looked at her, dumbfounded. Unable to form words at the sudden assault. Trying desperately to recall what she was talking about. The only thing you could bring back to your memory was the sight of freshly-spilled blood. A man in a blue shirt knelt over a prone form. Your insistence that he stop his actions, that you get out of there. The unsafe-ness of the whole situation.
"Haven." The word slipped off your lips with the faint memories.
Eve smiled at you now, her eye sparkling terrifyingly, "Yes. The planet you visited. Where you were to save the inhabitants from a rampage lizard-monster. Where the lizard-monster had already attacked a young man and his family. Where you told Dr. McCoy to stop performing CPR on that same man. Where you left him behind in favour of heading back to the Enterprise."
The images were starting to form in your mind now, the details filling themselves in.
"I didn't... The monster..." You searched, trying to remember what happened next.
"The man you left back there." Eve began, her face losing all emotion,"He died, not in the jaws of the lizard-monster, no, he died because you forced Dr. McCoy to leave him behind. To take the woman that had not been attacked and go back to the ship. Even though she begged you to go back for him. It was you that said no."
A tear swam down your face now, understanding rushing through you, "It was your fiancé. The woman we rescued... Oh my god. That was you."
Eve started laughing now, low and sinister, and you gawked at her, at this whole crazy situation, at the memory that had just returned to you.
"Eve. I am so sorry." You gasped, your shaking hands now finding your hair, disregarding the gun pointed at you for a moment, "I don't... I didn't remember."
"Of course you didn't." Eve spat, "Because it was just another mission for you. Just another day. I LOST EVERYTHING THAT DAY!"
The words she screamed echoed against the empty walls and you flinched, your eyes on her shaking finger that hovered around the trigger.
"I lost everything and you just laughed. Laughed at my pain. Laughed as the love of my life bled to death on the floor of his family home. You got to go home in the evening with your boyfriend. You hugged him, kissed him and went on with your day. You were happy. You made it out alive. You didn't care about anyone else." Eve snarled, bringing you in the sights of the gun again.
You threw your hands up now, trying to recall the events that occurred after the mission, but it was all fuzzy. Her dark eyes bored into yours and you felt a shiver of fear slide down your spine.
"Is that why you're going to kill me? For revenge?" You croaked, trying to make sense of the situation.
"Oh you silly girl. That's why I wanted to kill you the first time. I was angry, incoherently so, but now I see clearer, now I have a plan." Eve sneered, stepping closer to you, and fear kept you locked in place.
"Kill me the first time?" The words left your mouth, and you dreaded the answer.
"Ah, yes. A few weeks after you murdered my fiancé, I heard talk of you going on another mission. So I plotted, sneaking into the shuttle bay after hours, tampering with things that I knew nothing about. And then I waited." Every word felt like a blow to your heart.
There was a shuttle crash? And you had died? You couldn't remember anything about either.
"Y-you tried to kill me?" You sputtered, swallowing down the lump that was forming in your throat.
"Well obviously I didn't do a good enough job." Eve rolled her eyes and closed the distance between you and her, pressing the cool metal of the gun under your chin, "I didn't realize the aliens of the planet you crashed on had such sophisticated medical technology. So they saved you. I paid them to keep you on the planet but somehow you got free. And now you're here."
Adrenaline flooded through your veins and tears pressed at your eyes. Panic was setting in and it was all you could do not to scream or curl up in the fetal position. Instead you brought your eyes to hers.
"So why haven't you shot me yet?" You voiced, trying to keep yourself from showing fear, "if you want revenge so bad, why haven't you shot me yet?"
Eve gave you a sickeningly evil grin and her eyes flicked to something over your shoulder.
"Because. I want him."
Jim:
I only started to panic when I stepped out onto the streets, having tried calling your com a million times. I called Eve's com and she didn't answer either.
I searched the crowds for a minute before I received a message.
Leighner Tower. 24th floor.
There was no sender and I probably should have hesitated, set a plan in place, and I heard Bones' voice in my head. To think this through.
But I couldn't. It was you. I couldn't hesitate.
Fear and adrenaline rushed through me as I took the what seemed like never-ending elevator ride to the 24th floor.
As the elevator car shot upwards, the day of your death flashed through my mind. It was just another day. Just another away mission and you were so exited to go. I didn't even say a proper goodbye. Just a light kiss and a hug and you were off, smiling and skipping all the way to the shuttle bay.
If I had known what was going to happen next, how it was going to feel watching your shuttle malfunction, how I screamed at Scotty to fix it, to get you back up, I would have made my goodbye more meaningful. I would have held you close and whispered how much I loved you, over and over, kissing you softly and deeply so you knew how deep the feelings I had for you ran.
But I didn't. And I have regretted that moment for the past three years. And now you, being here, seeing you again, it made me think I might get a second chance. A second chance to tell you how much I love you, to kiss you again. It killed me how much I wanted that.
No matter what was at the end of this elevator ride I was getting you back. I had to.
But I was not expecting the sight in front of me as the doors slid open, revealing the empty, dusty office space..
I took in the scene in pieces before I put the whole picture together. A gun. The fear in your eyes as you turned to look at me. Eve's arm coming around your neck.
The gun pressed into your temple. I couldn't breathe.
You couldn’t die.
Not again.
Eve's arm hooked around your neck, making you spin around, your back against her now and you were facing Jim, who stepped off the elevators just as the hard metal of the gun pressed against your temple.
"Eve?" Jim's tone was garbled, confused, his stance hesitant and unsure.
"Hello, darling." Eve sang from behind you as you struggled for air.
"What the hell are you doing? Let her go." Jim sounded fierce now, the captain in him revealing itself.
"I can't do that, Jim." Eve pushed.
"Why not? What is this?" Jim asked, licking his lips.
"This is the end of my suffering, Jim." Eve taunted, digging the gun into your skin.
"She did something to my shuttle, Jim, the day I died. I can't remember but..." You began but were cut off by Eve's hold on your neck getting suddenly tighter.
"You don’t get to talk. You have no power here.” Eve said sharply into your ear and black spots swam into your vision.
"Jim?" You squeaked, unable to get any other words past your lips.
"It's okay, Y/N, it's going to be okay." Jim assured, but you could see the fear behind his eyes.
A tear slipped down your cheek, and you pressed your eyes shut as you felt the metal of the gun sliding from your temple down to your chin and back.
"Jim, Jim, Jim." Eve's taunting voice in your ear sent chills of fear down your spine, "why do you always lie to everyone?"
Jim looked like he was ready to pounce as you hesitantly re-opened your eyes.
"You're going to be fine, everything is going to be all happy and cheery and we are going to live happily ever after.... HA." Eve jeered, her mocking tone cutting into you like a dull knife, and you bit back a shout as the hard barrel of the gun dug into your skin.
"Why are you doing this?" Jim asked desperately and took a tentative step towards you and Eve.
The distinct sound of Eve cocking the pistol sent a new shot of adrenaline coursing through your body, making you gasp and more tears flowed down your face.
"Ah, ah, ah, Jim, stay right where you are or your precious little resurrected girlfriend dies." Eve threatened.
Girlfriend? You thought to yourself as Jim raised his hands in surrender and took a small step back.
"The man in the alley, that was your doing, wasn't it?" Jim questioned, and you could tell he was trying to keep this situation under control, to buy time to come up with a plan.
"Very good, James." Eve cooed.
"And the locket?" Jim asked, his blue eyes flicking between yours and Eve's.
"I planted it there to make sure you tried to find her again. I didn't mean for you to stun one of my guys, but the end result was still the same." Eve's words were ice cold daggers.
"My hotel room. You cancelled it didn't you?" You rasped, starting to put the puzzle pieces together.
"Not my best work, but I didn't expect you to turn down Jim's offer to come stay with us, so I improvised." Eve purred into your ear.
"Why? Why all this complicated scheming? What do you want?" Jim breathed, his eyes desperate and searching.
Eve's breath brushed past your ear, "It’s plain and simple, really, I want her to feel what I felt that day. The feeling when I had to leave my heart behind, lying in a puddle of his own blood."
Ice flowed through your veins, stinging your heart, and you could barely breathe for the pain in your chest. You searched Jim’s face, begging silently for him to look up at you, but his eyes were focused on the floor, probably trying to remember that day on Haven.
"You killed her." Jim breathed, his eyes now sliding up and meeting Eve's, the look on his face fierce and grave as he continued, louder now, "You killed the love of my life, Eve. I watched her die as I was stuck on the ship, helpless. I watched my heart crash into the surface of a planet, her shuttle in a million pieces."
Jim paused, the silence in the room near palpable, and you could only stare at him through your watery vision. As you listened to his words, his proclamations of love to you, images swum in your vision and you gasped in pain at the sharpness of their trek through your brain. You couldn’t make sense of anything, but you knew you recognized a certain set of crystal blue eyes in all of the images.
"I trusted you, Eve. I could even say I loved you." Jim hissed, his tone so cold and severe that it made the images in your brain disappear, "You took her away from me." He was starting to panic now, his hands trembling as he ran them through his hair, "Her death tore me apart. You don't get to say I don't understand. I know exactly what you are feeling because you did the same to me. You do not get to play God, Eve."
His words echoed in the empty room, bouncing off the walls and reverberating in your eardrums, giving you the sudden strength to struggle against Eve's vice-like grip. You clawed at her arm, jabbing your other elbow into her gut, but she had the upper hand.
"Y/N!" Jim yelled and when you heard him try to run to you, the barrel of the gun suddenly met the back of your head with an astounding amount of force.
You barely had time to cry out before you hit the floor and then the images were back, sharp and unrelenting this time, blotting out your vision. You saw Jim again, but this time not just in images, but little video clips. Jim at the beach. Jim in bed, the blankets tucked around his chin. Jim wearing nothing but his underwear, cooking eggs. Jim in his captain’s chair, looking fierce.
“Eve, let her go.” Jim demanded, his voice never wavering.
“I can't do that, James." The gun scraped into the back of your head as she spoke. "You may know my pain, but she doesn't.”
You pressed your palms into the cool linoleum floor, trying to comprehend everything that was going on. There was something you were missing, and you knew it. Memories that you couldn't quite recall. Were these images and video clips memories? They didn’t seem like your memories, they seemed like Jim’s memories.
“Jim. I can’t remember. You say you love me but I can’t remember.” You cried out quietly, tears flowing down your cheeks again.
“I know. It’s okay. I know.” He responded, his voice breaking slightly.
Suddenly the sound of a gunshot rang out in your ears and you screamed, throwing your arms over your head and pressing your forehead to the floor. The shot had landed about an inch from your head and had left a mark in the linoleum.
"Enough." Eve called, "Jim, I am sorry I have to do this."
There was a sudden, smooth movement above your head, and you looked up to see the gun now not pointed at you, but at Jim.
"She needs to know my pain. She needs to know the pain she caused, Jay." Eve insisted and at her last word the world turned sideways.
The images flew back into your head, the rest of the world falling away quickly, the memories now playing not only as images, but as if you were watching a movie.
Jim at the beach. No, you and Jim at the beach, laughing as he scooped you up and dumped you in the saltwater, the sun beating down on the two of you.
Jim in bed, the blankets tucked around his chin that you pulled at because he had stolen all the covers. He looked so peaceful and innocent in his sleep, but you were freezing. He resisted for a moment before his eyes peeked open and he wrapped the covers around you, pulling you to his chest.
You, walking into the kitchen wearing Jim’s baggy t-shirt, Jim wearing nothing but his underwear, cooking eggs just the way you like them. You, wrapping your arms around his stomach from behind, pressing your face into his shoulder blades, pressing kisses there.
There were many more of these sporadic memories, and they all had something in common. A feeling of overwhelming happiness. Tears spilled down your cheeks relentlessly as one more memory appeared in your vision, this one not so happy.
Jim in his captain’s chair, looking fierce. You weren’t with him this time, but rather you seemed to be in your own ship, on a downward trajectory towards the ground. It must have been what Eve was talking about, the day you died. You weren’t scared, per say, but rather you were sad. You saw Jim’s face in front of yours, the communication system still intact somehow, and watched as tears streamed down his desperate and vulnerable face. You couldn’t hear anything in your memory but you saw him mouth the word, ‘no’. You gave him a weak smile, letting a few tears fall yourself as you stared into the crystal blue eyes. ‘I love you’ you mouthed back and watched as he let out a yell seconds before you collided with the ground.
You broke abruptly and painfully from the memories and unlocked your arms from around your head to allow yourself room to breathe, pushing frantically at the hairs that fell into your face. When you got yourself under control you realized that though it had felt like hours that you were watching the memories, it was more like seconds. Eve was still behind you, gun pointed at Jim, who stood frozen in front of you, watching your agony.
You lifted your head achingly to look at Jim, whose eyes were locked onto yours. You were seeing him differently, suddenly, as if you remembered and recognized things that had been lost before. The curve of his mouth and how it felt on yours. Each plane of his face and how they moved with every different emotion he felt. The way his hair swooped and where it stuck up, and how if felt to run your fingers through it. You finally recognized him.
One word rung out in your mind like a bell in a silent church.
"Jay." The syllable fell from your lips like you had said it a million times, like it was your last breath, or your first, it broke you apart.
Relief flooded his features and it was like he was falling apart before you, his lips parting as if he had been holding his breath and had just been waiting for this moment to breathe again.
"Y/N." He called, using your nickname rather than your full name and it was like music to your ears.
Then the gun pressed to the back of your head again.
"So sweet." Eve taunted, and you suddenly felt yourself being tugged to your feet, standing just in front of Eve, the gun pressed between your shoulder-blades. "I was hoping using his nickname would trigger your memory. It’s about time it came back."
"Why would you care about my memory coming back?" You gulped, wanting nothing more than to run to Jim, be circled in his safe, strong arms.
"Because that was the last piece of my plan." Eve's voice was even and deadly.
"What..." You began to ask when you felt the gun leave your back.
You didn't have time to process what was happening until you heard the gunshot.
-Thanks for Reading! I hope you liked it!-
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