#carter f

[laurencaughtmyeye]

[ria-driax]

HQ -

[fromzefside]

"Sexy Silk" Boy, I will be your sexy silk Wrap me around, 'round, 'round, 'round I'll be your pussycat licking at your milk Right now down, down, down Oh, a kiss can last all night! You'll have to seduce me, nibble and bite (Aww, yeah) But oh no no no Whoa whoa go Slow baby don't Ohhhh! Whoa whoa whoa whoa Whoa boy you're gonna win! Say 'yeah, yeah, yeah' you're under my skin I got butterflies within Ohhhh! I think I like you! Will you be my medicine man? Put your hand on my chest Feel the bump, bump, bump, bump Will you be my sugar rush? Make me get high with just one touch A kiss can last all night! You'll have to seduce me, nibble and bite (Aww, yeah) But oh no no no Whoa whoa go Slow baby don't Ohhhh! Whoa boy you're gonna win! Say 'yeah, yeah, yeah' you're under my skin I got butterflies within Ohhhh! I think I love you! Now let's play a little game (Whoa) Close your eyes and count to five (One, two, three) Open your mouth for me sugar (Yeah, come on) Just a little more, yeah, yeah that's right (Whoa) Yeah, I can feel it baby, can you? Ohhh! Whoa boy you're gonna win! Say 'yeah, yeah, yeah' you're under my skin I got butterflies within Ohhhh! I think I love you!

[surreptitious-stash]

Tap Out - Rich Gang Featuring LiL Wayne & Birdman & Mack Main & Nicki Minai & Future 

[exquisique]

sad today

when i see you or parts of you in other people is when i feel most miserable

[exquisique]

if carter f wanted you back, would you date him again?

keep in mind he did want me back for the few months following our breakup, but i was too stubborn and too prideful to consider dating him again. i kindly told myself it would be best to stay apart.

in this day and age i realize he was the best a boyfriend could ever get. if we wanted me back now, i'd be more than charmed.

but realistically, i think it would be too painful to rekindle that fire. we're still pretty friendly (i skyped with him the other night!) -- though not nearly as friendly as we once were -- so it's not like i miss his memory or anything, only the memories of what we once were. also, unfortunately he's moved on. and it would be a lie for me to say i haven't done the same.

[exquisique]

tell us the story of how you lost your virginity

y'all know my last and pretty much only real boyfriend, carter f; my first time was with him.

his family invited me over to their lodge over christmas break in ninth grade, so i spent the weekend after christmas day with him, his brothers, little sister, and parents. it was probably the most fun i've had with anyone's family in a long time.

after a long day of cross-country skiing and then sauna (clothed!! his family was there lol) we were all chilling in the living room watching old dvds and having fondue and drinking warmed chocolattes (like hot cocoa but  better), when we noticed his sister, rosalie, had fallen asleep. carter f's mom asked us to go lay her down in her bed, so i hoisted her body up, then he draped her over his back, and we both went into her tiny cottage bedroom.

as soon as he put her down, i pushed carter f into a corner and kissed him hard. it was the first moment we'd been alone all day and i was hungry for everything -- his fire-warmed skin and his strong fingers and his soft lips. that was the first night we'd ever spent the night together, and i think we both had been looking forward to it as a special  night.

we hadn't directly discussed it -- our physical relationship was rather go-with-the-flow, and relatively clean; after four months, the most we'd had was oral sex -- but i just knew. i had brought condoms in preparation -- i'd done everything in preparation, including wax, spritz on the heaviest perfume i could find, don lace panties, you name it -- and was probably looking forward to it more than anything. i'd been ready to jump him long ago, but had never had the opportunity. the night together was the opportunity that arose.

the only problem was that his parents had probably known what we'd be up to, and put us in separate rooms. every one had their own room at the lodge (aside from his brothers, who shared). i guess that's good parenting, but as a horny fourteen-year-old, it was pretty much just a cockblock.

back to his sister's room: i kissed him against the wall and then closed my eyes and breathed in that delicious carter f scent -- of faint acqua d gio and spice and chlorine and brown sugar and spearmint.

'behave,' he whispered to me with a wink, and i just wanted to take him then and there. i was a virgin (as was he) and i didn't know anything; i did know i wanted him, however.

we went back to the living room as calmly as possible, holding hands sweetly at that. he dropped onto a couch and i settled into him, and stayed there watching movies and just thinking about how happy i was until his parents determined it was time for us to go to bed. it couldn't have been past midnight.

i had to go to my own room, leaving carter f with a big goodnight hug. i had my own bathroom, so i got ready for bed, wondering if somehow his parents would fall asleep really soon so he and i could get together.

i laid in the dark, waiting for the sliver of light at the crack of my door to go off so i could ensure his parents were asleep, but that never happened. i fell asleep perhaps an hour later, in a foul mood because i wasn't falling asleep in carter f's arms as i had anticipated.

then in the middle of the night, when i awoke, i realized i couldn't stand it anymore. the light was off outside, but who knew what the hour was. i didn't know how long i had been asleep, but i got out of my bed and slowly tiptoed to carter f's room. he was fast asleep when i crawled onto his bed, but when i touched his bare back -- god, he slept shirtless -- i felt him stir. he pulled me to him and whispered, 'took you long enough.'

he sat up to turn on his nightstand, and bathed in the dim glow in the night, i saw how beautiful he was. how lucky i was to call him mine. i felt myself smile as we kissed deeply. the bed was warm from his body and his covers were substantially more comfy than mine.

after making out for a while, he reached his hand under my shirt and slowly slid it up my tummy, then my bare breasts. this wasn't new. he'd seen and had me topless before. but for some reason, that moment was entirely thrilling.

i hitched a breath, then pulled the shirt over my head, and our chests pressed against each other's and we writhed together like that for quite some time.

i was breathless, and as he kissed my neck, i murmured from underneath him, 'do you want to..?'

he was such a good boy, i half-expected him to look me deeply in the eyes and ask me if i was sure, if i really wanted to, if i loved him, etc etc etc because usually we has very doting like that. but he didn't. he just murmured an agreement and began sliding my panties down my hips. 

i gasped when his tongue touched my clit -- it had happened before, but suddenly i felt very swollen and very raw. when he straightened up, he slid a finger into me -- it didn't hurt because he'd done it a few times before, and then took out his throbbing dick. it wasn't huge, maybe 7 inches, but at the time, knowing it would be inside of me within a matter of minutes practically did me over.

i realized i had left the condoms in my bag in my room, and was just about to protest, when he pulled out his own. of course. responsible as always, my carter f. we were both a little flustered, both too inexperienced, but i helped him roll it on, giving him sort of a hand job along the way. he kissed me the entire time. 

finally, i laid back and let him in between my legs. he bent down and braced his arms on either side of me and kissed my temple.

'you are so beautiful,' he said to me, before sliding in very very slowly. 

he obviously had no clue what he was doing. but the moment was infinite all the same. it wasn't orgasmic, but suddenly i felt so full, so complete, and i gasped at the sensation when he drew out a few inches, then went back in.

his thrusts became a little faster, but never became too rough. i hooked my ankles at the small of his back like i saw in movies, and pushed him deeper inside of me.

in all my sexual lieus, i can't really say that losing my virginity was an extraordinary sexual experience. he lasted about twenty minutes, longer than a virgin typically can, but i never came. i didn't know it was even possible for girls to orgasm. after this time, carter f and i had sex maybe ten or eleven more times. it honestly wasn't that much -- our relationship was never based off the physical stuff. cam f was the one who showed me how great sex could be. but with carter f, it was just a means of improving our already-intimate relationship.

but overall it definitely wasn't bad. it didn't hurt, and because he was someone i loved, it wasn't particularly awkward. i've definitely had worse (ahem nick l). for my first time, it was actually excellent. i couldn't have asked for better, or for a better person either.

♥

[exquisique]

It's Carter F's turn

indeed it is. this is probably the only story worth telling, because i don't just consider carter f just a guy i used to be with, or a guy i once dated, or an ex... he's my ex-boyfriend. there's a difference. he's my only one.

should start off with how we met. it's actually quite random, quite fortunate, now that i think about it. it was the first day of ninth grade, first day of high school, the year all the junior highs in my town were under the same roof for the first time (since we only had one high school). i knew of him because he was close with a few of my friends that went to a different middle school as me, but i didn't know him directly.

i squealed and hugged my friends when i saw them in the hallway that day (as most ninth grade girls on the first day of school do), and noticed him hanging back with some of my guy friends. i was like 'damn he's even cuter in person'. i had rehearsed meeting new guys in high school, but seeing carter f messed everything up. i was suddenly very tongue-tied and even began shivering from nerves.

at the time, i was sort of seeing jon d - we had a casual relationship where we'd just hang out and occasionally fool around (we never fucked) but it wasn't official - still yet i didn't even try to show interest in carter f right away.

knowing jon d and i weren't a big deal, i just told him one day i wanted to stop our little arrangement and he kinda shrugged like he could care less. well, he isn't that big of a dick; he was a bit bummed. but he was nice enough to say he respected my choice, and though i do know he is a bit of a jerk, i'm grateful at how agreeable he was.

carter f and i didn't have any classes together, but once jon d and i were over, i remember how i deliberately would go out of my way to make carter f notice me. i don't make the first move, but i do know how to make a guy do it, so that's what i did. i flirted a bit, then went mia for a while. i would do something big like ask for his number, then something ignorant like never text him. it was a game at first. until i really realized i liked him.

he asked me out not even a month into the school year. we didn't know each other well, he was just attracted to me. and i, of course, to him. but such a rash decision was a way of telling the world we were willing to take the risk by basing the relationship off of discovery.

there was no awkward 'getting to know each other' period between us. as soon as we were an item, we were just that. one day we were flirty friends, the next, we were practically the campus couple. literally overnight, we got close.

giving you the details of EVERYTHING we did together may take up another 3000 or so words, but i will tell you this: he was absolutely the perfect boyfriend. i had no prior experience to judge this upon (nor do i have any now, because i've never had another guy like carter f, even to this day), but i just knew. 

what other boy plans you a surprise birthday party, inviting all your closest friends, within only a month of meeting you? what other boy gives you a wake-up call every morning, even on days he knows he won't be at school? what other boy smugly holds your hand and waist in front of his friends? what other boy looks at you from across the room and steals your breath and a heartbeat?

carter f was that sort of boy. the kind who had me on his mind even when were weren't physically together. who knew how to brighten my day if the clouds were out. who gave me his coats when i was cold and held my emotional baggage when he knew i had too much. who bought me green tea lattes just because he knew they were my favorite. who became the best boyfriend in the world, just for my sake. who became my laughter and every smile. who showed me hope when i believed there was none left. who stayed with me even though he knew all my flaws and shortcomings. who understood my complexity, who listened to my heart. who made time for me during his busiest and most inconvenient schedules. who alone knew 'i'm okay' meant everything but. who was favored by my parents (the most difficult people to impress - i would know). who loved my baby sister like his own. who had patience when i acted up, who stuck through when i was a bitch. who melted away all my insecurities and concerns. who trusted and believed in me when no one else would. who felt i was pretty even without any makeup and in just my sweats and sports bra. who gave me piggyback rides in the hallways (puahaha). who became my happiness. who i spent my best year with. who texted me every night at 1am not to stress over my AP homework too much, and that sleep was more important than classes ever would be. who gave me strength when i had none. who kept all his promises. who was the reason i had trouble falling asleep every night out of sheer ecstasy, out of knowing my dreams possibly couldn't be better than what i had in real life. i am thankful that a beautiful person like him came into my life. i want to say i didn't deserve him, but i so, so did. 

i remember the moment i knew i loved him. i've said 'i love you' to a several different boys, but a lot of the time, the words just come out of my mouth; sometimes they're empty. with carter f, i tried very hard to be careful with them, because i didn't want to ever regret saying something so meaningful like that to him. it took me four months for me to say it, longer than the majority of my relationships before had even lasted. but it was worth the wait.

that day was just like any other saturday in which we would dedicate as much time as we could to ourselves. we started the afternoon off with groceries. to you, this may not seem like the most romantic of date ideas, but with carter f, it was a bustling adventure. he could at times be a little kid; he had to grab every bizarre and unheard of item off the shelves, and to my horror, into the cart ('aw, come on. pickled eggs! why not?') and josh with all the grocers we approached ('the green of your uniform really matches your eyes' - with a straight face, i kid you not). simple things like running groceries with carter f tended to be fearless, unabashed fun. they made me the serious one for once, and they made me proud. the feeling of pushing a grocery cart with the guy i'm completely in love with made me so proud, i'm telling you. it's like i got to stroll around and make eye contact with random girls and mentally smirk, 'he's mine, girls. MINE. lucky bitch, i know.' i was evil.

the main point of this shopping trip was to prepare for a stupefying dinner he promised to cook for me that night. beyond all the pickled eggs and baby bok chois ('that's just the FUNNIEST name!!!'), there indeed was an intent to our clamor. we passed the meat display to see whether the night's menu would consist of steak, salmon, or lobster. we were examining the tenderloins, when a young woman and, whom i assume to be her elderly father, approached the display we were standing in front of. the father exclaimed 'look at that!', referring to the insane price of the prime tenderloin: a whopping $58.99 per pound. the woman leaned in and her eyes widened. 'oh my gosh!' she breathed. 'that's just ridiculous!'and this is when carter f cut in.

'you want to get that tonight?' he asked playfully, turning toward her.

she laughed nervously (also sort of like 'why are you talking to me, handsome stranger...?'). i rolled my eyes apologetically to her. but we all know I was semi-delighted. he was the type of guy who could just strike conversation with those around him, something i never knew to do, and this made me so happy.'is it really worth the price?' she asked, mainly to the butcher who was beginning to tune in.'we actually tried it once, you know,' carter f continued, looking straight at me. oh, i knew. have you ever had prime tenderloin and antinori tignanello beneath the stars? 'it was pretty good -- i really liked it.'not once did he take his smoldering eyes off mine. i just about melted.

'was it worth it?' the woman asked, snapping me back into reality.

'every cent,' carter f said quietly, dropping his gaze.and that's when i knew i loved him so fiercely.

the woman and her father proceeded to talk more about beef with carter f; eventually, the conversation morphed into the topic of braised lamb and carter f's 'special recipe' hahaha. i mostly just stood there, awed at how my boyfriend, my high school boyfriend, was talking about lamb chops and steak with a couple of strangers, like it was the most natural thing in the world. he seemed so comfortable, so amicable, and that made my heart soar. when they left (i noticed they bought some sirloin instead; still pretty hefty in the wallet), carter f chatted up the butchers behind the counter, and his charm must have worked on them too, because by the time we had bought our lobster (my personal favorite), they were all cackling with laughter.

i couldn't help but stare at him the entire time, wondering how i had gotten so lucky. that boy worked wonders, i tell you. i struck gold with him.later while we were waiting for his brother to come back to pick us up from the supermarket, i pecked him gently on the cheek.'what was that for?' he grinned.'i love you," i blurted a little breathlessly. he stilled at my confession.'you are the best thing that's ever happened to me.'with a sudden ardor, he slammed me against the side of the wall and pressed his lips to mine.that kiss.

the rest of the day happened like this, in this exact order: tennis at dusk (yes, i suck; no, you may not gloat about it), shower, play with bubbles (yes!) and a hose outside, spontaneous dip in his jacuzzi, another shower, dinner at midnight.

at that point, we had not slept together. he was a virgin and knew i was a virgin, yet had never pressured me to do anything. this was the beginning of december, and the most we had done was make out kind of...naked. lol we showered together ok but it wasn't a big deal just a lot of naked glory.

i gave him my virginity and he gave me his over christmas (when i spent the weekend with his family). sexually, it was nothing spectacular, but relationship-wise, it was a whole new level of mutual understanding.

another thing was how close his family was with me. his mom treated me more kindly than my own mother ever would; his brothers protected me as their own sister, and his little sister looked up to me as her idol. even his family was perfect.

this euphoria lasted the rest of the year, about ten months. it only got rocky once freshman year ended.

thinking back to the reason we broke up, was incredibly insignificant. as soon as school ended, my family and i went on a month-long trip to alberta, about two-thousand miles away. this was the first time we had been apart for more than three days' time, for that large of a distance, for that matter. it was excruciating that first week, but afterwards, i felt a change in me.

after a week, i realized my dependence on carter f had turned me into a person i was not. the week alone made me realize without him, i had different feelings, a different tone of voice, a different attitude about everything in life. it wasn't necessarily better, but it was just different. carter f's presence turned me into someone completely different, and that realization jarred me, because i'd never been so affected by a boy before.

this was furthered when i passed a few guys kicking a ball around at a public park in canada. i casually asked if i could join them and they appreciatively said yes. in that moment, i for the first time in ten months, knew what it felt like to be new and exciting, to be unfamiliar and to be a thrill. i had missed, in that past year, the feeling of being hit on my a random hot stranger and being checked out by a guy for the first time. and i craved it. so very selfish of me, but that is what did me over.

when i returned to the states, i refused to let my afflictions affect my relationship with carter f. nothing really shifted between us, nothing i would show on my exterior, anyway. i hung on like this for three months, until november of my sophomore year. 

horrible of me, but after spending my thanksgiving weekend with him and his family (it was a beautiful way to spend the holiday - i helped his mom cook, watched football with him and his brothers, decorated with his sister, just became part of the family like i always had been), i knew i just wanted out. i loved carter f like nobody else, but i just had to let him go. i had to let myself go.

he didn't understand at all. he wasn't mad, but very very confused. i don't blame him; i was confused, myself. i just ended things quickly and he tried to be sympathetic, saying things like 'if it's anything i did, i hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. i've given you all i can and i'm sorry if it wasn't enough', and that just about broke my heart.

i entered this weird depressive spiral for about a month after we broke up. it was weird. i had broken up with him, and i was the one suffering. not to say he didn't suffer either.

i'm a terrible person for doing that. i don't think i ever fully got over him. but around christmastime that year, i met cam f, my good ol' fuckbuddy, and after the new year, i found myself a guy to date. i was involved with several others between then and now. it took poor carter f a year to get a new girlfriend though :(

i think this shows our personalities, how he's normal, and i'm not. i became an emotional wreck, but pushed the discomforts away and pretended to be fine and moved on too soon. too easy. i won't regress, but i do feel a fool for letting go the one person i loved like no other. and now he's happy with another girl, truly happy. he didn't search for other girls, like i did guys. he searched for another girlfriend, and she is, for him, what i used to be. he found another me. but i never (and don't think i ever will) found another him.

♥