Rating TF2 mercenaries if they can vogue {aka "can they serve 💅❤️✨?"}
I was gonna put this in my writing blog since I do want to get back into writing but fuck it, WE BALL 👹💥💥‼️This is a stupid thought that's been poking my mind so it's not for seriousness but mostly shits and giggles 😭 I'll be rating from least to best and giving my little explanations.
{Note : This is MYYYYY opinion. I'm still slowly catching up on the TF2 comics so if there's a few things I may get wrong, that's my bad. 😭 I'm in no way a professional in vogue dancing so I'm just going off from what I know in some bits of dancing- Oh and small spoilers ig? Specifically in Snipers, Medic {it's only a photo in a panel of sorts but just making sureee} and Scouts section mayhaps.}
9. 💥Heavy💥
-I'm sorry, I really do love him but Heavy CANNOT vogue. His ass is NOT doing the death drop. 😭
-Ok I'll give him one little bonus point since the kazotsky kick kinda counts in terms of supporting form, I think he'd be able to do at least a duck walk or smth.
-But honestly? With his form in a ballroom?? Idk about that 💀 AGAIN I LOVE HEAVY BUT HE'S N O T SERVING. HE'S GONNA SHAKE THE BALLROOM.
-Unless maybe he practices on voguing moves or smth idk. 4/10
8. 🔧Engineer🔧
-Ehhh..... Not really serving.
-I don't see Engie as the type to vogue, maybe he can do some hand movements here and there {A bit janky too-} or some dances too but voguing? Death drop? Nope. 🧍
-I definitely think that robot hand he has is heavy or smth, there's noooo way the gunslinger is light at all 😭 and with how he works on machines and stuff? Yeah, idk if his form can support in voguing. 🚶➡️
-But like I said! Although janky, he could definitely do waacking with his hands if he practiced. And honestly? Waacking with the gunslinger would actually go hard ngl. 4.5/10
7. 🔥Pyro🔥
-Sort of...? Not really?? I don't know what to say with Pyro. :'))
-Like I can kinda see Pyro voguing but at the same time not really. It's like with Engie where I can see them definitely do waacking or maybe a few more moves.
-But you know what, I'll give Pyro a bonus point because it would be cute to see them do waacking or a vogue dance like okkkkk burn the base down with your moves 😫💅‼️
-While I can't fully picture it, I know Pyro can definitely serve and do a dip. 5/10
6. 🦘Sniper🦘
-Originally, I was gonna put Soldier in 6th but then I thought about it.... And changed their rankings 😔 {pls pLS PLS DON'T SNIPE ME AND HEAR ME OUT-}
-I adore Mick sm and he's just so sudxudjdjdj but I gotta put my bias down for a moment. I knowwww I said I'm slowly catching up with the comics but because I joined in late, I actually stumbled upon spoilers by accident 😔😔😔 {Why does this keep HAPPENING TO ME-}
-But I'm gonna let it slide and give bonus points. Why? While I know that Australians in tf2 lore are well, stronk with strength, I don't think they would focus on dance activities or anything when it comes to being stronk.
-And while Mick may not be physically active with his lanky form, I just KNOW he would definitely kill with his moves. Just teach him the catwalk or something and boom, he's serving. 5.7/10
5. 🦅Soldier🦅
-Oh he's serving alright!....By that, I mean "serving 🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🦅🦅💥💥💥💥‼️‼️‼️‼️", not "serving 💃💅💕✨".
-Listen, when it comes to Soldier, I don't think he wants to vogue and will definitely believe that voguing is for women {classic toxic masculinity-} and the only thing that will actually be close to serving in tf2 is killbinding {and ykw? in my view, the killbinding counts as a death drop if you time it correctly and can be a serve so it honestly applies to the mercenaries too-}
-BUT ☝️🗣️ I like to believe that when he's persuaded or smth, he definitely serves CUNT in CUNTRY. He pulling all the moves, the waacking is waacking, the catwalk being so FIERCE, and the dip bringing the base down!
-He'd definitely be the type to perfect his dances kinda. That's why sometimes this video just reminds me of him, "SCOUT. RUN THE ROUTE AGAIN! DAMMIT! IT'S C U N T-" 7/10
4. 💣Demoman💣
-Oh my fuck Demo would so SLAY THE BASE DOWN. He's only in 4th because of his alcoholism. 😭
-LIKE HAVE YOU SEEN HIS KAZOTSKY KICK TAUNT???????? HIM DANCING WITH BOTH LEGS AND ARMS??????? THAT HAS GOT TO BE THE HARDEST SHIT I'VE SEEEEEN BUT OMG HE DOES IT SO WELL 😫💕💕💕‼️
-Voguing, whether alcohol or not, THAT SCOTTISH MAN CAN SERVE AND YOU CAN'T TELL ME OTHERWISE. Tavish got that form and body support, aughhhh I bet he can pull even the most difficult ass vogue moves.
-Put on "here comes the hurricane legendary katrina" and I just know Tavish? WILL BE CATWALKING AND DEATH DROPPING SO HARD AUGHHJHSHDDG 8/10 {Just rereading my section for Demo really made it clear that I love him so bad actually aaahshdhxhd}
3. 💉Medic💉
-Shout out to that tiktok video of "'Medic my man' ur man is gay" that started this stupid brainrot of ranking and rating mercenaries on vogue btw. {I LITERALLY HAVE THE VIDEO SAVED BUT TUMBLR WON'T LET ME POST IT NOOOOO-}
-Have you seen Medic? Have you seen h i M?? LOOK ME DEAD IN THE EYE AND TELL ME HE CANNOT SERVE.
1. Scout
-I just know Medic is pulling all the N A S T I E S T death drops oh my ggaaawwhddjdx. He would be so precise with waacking and catwalking, it's not even a joke no more. 😭
-Like even with his fit and stuff, he would still know how dance with no problems. He's serving in medical AND military field! 9/10
2. Spy
-This is my bias peaking but hear me out hEAR ME OUT PLSPPSPLSPLSPLS 😭😭☹️☹️☹️😭☹️😭☹️😭
-Spy definitely knows how to dance, especially waltz and tango, but y'know what I bELIEVE IN SPY SERVING CUNT ENERGY! THAT MAN KNOWS HOW TO BALLROOM VOGUE 😫💥💥💥💥💥💥
-Not only does he serve the floor, HE KNOWS HOW TO DRESS THE PART. Listen, Spy? In that one dress???? The black and blue/gold and white????? AHHHHHH HE WOULD SO DANCE IN THAT FIT OH MY GOD {Can you tell I'm obsessed with the idea of Spy in both suits and dresses? I'm legit a sucker for suits and dresses augh.}
-I know I keep bringing up the kazotsky kick taunts as an example for each Merc {because the kazotsky kick focuses on leg form and core strength, which is the same thing for vogue dances-} but have yOU SEEN HIS LEGS??? THEY'RE SO LONG. THAT MAN COULD EVEN STRUT HIS SHIT AND BE A MODEL‼️10/10
-'SCOUT? S C O U T?? WDYM S C O-" Shhhhh hear me out PLEASE P L E A S E, HE CAN SERVE CUNT LIKE HIS DAD I SWEAR 😭😭😭😭😭😭
-His break dance taunt? Him dancing in general?? He's GOT to be flexible as fuck and know some good moves, he got his legs and speed from SPY. S P Y. LONG ASS LEGS.
-But in all seriousness though, I like to think he got his moves from not just Spy but also his ma too. Mostly comes from a small headcanon of mine where Scout's ma knows a lil bit of go go dancing and maybe when Spy wasn't in the picture, his ma taught Scout a few moves. :3
-He got that groove from both his ma AND dad, so Scout knowing how to catwalk? Waacking? DO A DEATH DROP?? OOOOOOH HE KILLIN EM AHHHH. 10/10
{Note : oh mygodddsjx I'm finished fINALLY- anyways, like I said before- This is mostly my opinion and I made this out of shits and giggles, so it's not serious 😭 I might change it up one day though if I doooo change my mind. Anyways, thanks for reading ig 💀💀💀}