Goodbye
This was inspired by the music is the key challenge of @thecoffeeshopforwriters as well .
Artist: Bebe Rexha
Album: Expectations
Song: Grace
Fandom: Narnia
Pairing: Caspian x OC
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYamQRLJodA
This didn't go as planned. Sure, the mist was defeated, the curse was broken and the seven swords lay on Aslan's table. Everything was good. Except nothing was. Nothing was right and how could it be? How could anything be good when everytime she closed her eyes, she would see his? She stood on deck of the beautiful Dawn Treader. A gentle wind made her hair dance in the night and a silent tear fell down her cheek . She knew what she had to do, but didn't make it any easier. She was about to break the heart of the person she loved.
'You wanted to talk to me'
It was a fact but coming from his mouth it sounded more like a question. A fearful, yet hopeful question.
She turned around and looked into his warm brown eyes. She had come to love getting lost in these eyes, gazing at them so much, she had started seeing them in her dreams.
'Caspian', her voice was quiet, barely a whisper.
Remembering she had asked him to meet her on deck in the middle of the night, she quickly wiped away the tears.
'It's ok', his voice was just as quiet, the pain just as prominent as in hers.
A sob escaped her throat and for a second her composure seemed to break, almost letting out the surge of emotions, of tears and pain. But she had played out this moment so much in her head, she wouldn't make this even more difficult for him by crying. That's what she had promised herself.
Her hand flew to her mouth and she turned away, not wanting him to see how close she was to breaking that promise. It was hard to breath, her throat tightened and her eyes burned. Battling a sea monster and nearly getting ripped in half as a result wasn't nearly as painful as seeing his face and knowing that he was just as close to tears as she was.
'No it isn't. Nothing is ok', her voice was coarse now and she cursed herself for being so weak.
She felt the warmth of his hand on her shoulder as the king pulled her into his arms while the stars watched the two lovers indifferently.
Every single muscle in her body tightened in the attempt to suppress her emotions. Gasping for air she started sobbing and buried her face in the crook of his neck.
'I'm so sorry', was all she could manage before the tears started spilling. He didn't say anything but she knew from his ragged breath that he was crying as well. She knew him well enough to be sure that he had made the same promise to not cry. The worst thing about this was his reaction. The worst thing was that she broke his heart, that she made him cry, that she was the reason, he was in pain. She hated herself for that. Hurting him was the worst thing she would ever do. Hurting him was the worst pain she would ever feel. Little did she know that he was feeling the exact same way.
Both of them had known from the beginning that falling in love wasn't a good idea. Both of them had known that in the end each of them had to get back to their life again.
But it didn't matter because not falling for each other wasn't an option either. Oh the cruelty of the stars, the cruel irony of fate.
They stood like that for a while, crying in each others arms, knowing that this would be the last time they would hold each other.
'I know, love, this isn't your fault', he whispered into her hair, fighting against another wave of tears.
She knew by the way he held her, clinging to her for dear life, that he was in as much, if not more pain, as she was. She knew that he tightened every muscle in his body as a failing attempt to regain control.
She slowly released him from her gasp and looked into his eyes. Pushing a dark brown lock from his face she cupped his cheek, while wiping away his tears with her thumbs.
Taking a deep breath she closed her eyes, tried to breath out the pain and stop the trembling.
When she finally thought she was ok again, she opened her eyes and looked into his brown ones.
'I thought so much about how to tell you this',when Caspian was about to interrupt her, to reassure her that he understands and that she doesn't have to say anything, she added, 'Please Caspian, I need to say this, at least once out loud'.
He nodded slightly and let her continue.
'I thought so much about how to tell you this and quite frankly I still don't know how. I tried to write a speech or a letter but nothing felt right. Caspian, I shouldn't have fallen in love with you. I knew that I'd have to leave Narnia eventually to get back to my life. I tried so hard not to fall in love with you but that was impossible from the start. You are such a good person, Caspian! You deserve someone, who can love you, someone who can give their whole live and dedication. If I could do that I would but I'm not the right person for you. I know it might not feel like this right now, but you'll be alright. You'll find someone who is beautiful inside and out, who deserves your love. You'll be happy Caspian. You'll move on and you'll be fine.'
She finished and in the end her voice was barely audible.
Taking another deep breath she continued.
'Caspian, I know that I'm hurting you and that I shouldn't ask for anything but I can't help myself.'
The king gently wiped away her tears and hugged her once more.
'What is it, love? You know I would do anything for you'
'I just-' she searched for the right words and grew frustrated when they didn't come to her right away.
'Caspian, I thought, maybe we could spent one last night together before I have to leave'
Looking into his eyes again, for the first time in what felt like eternity, hers were hopeful rather that sorrowful.
He pulled his lips into a small smile and kissed her forehead.
'I would love that'
_______________
Her fingers lay above the piano keys and slowly she began to play the first notes. She didn't need no sheet music. All she needed to do was close her eyes and feel the warm sea wind in her hair and his hands on her body while the taste of his lips lingered on her lips and mixed with the salty tears running down each of their faces.
She started singing with ease, the words falling from her lips as easy as it was hard to find them the night she said goodbye.
I knew from the moment that I meet you this wasn't right But I couldn't leave you 'cause you treated me so damn right There was nothing wrong with you The truth is your a damn good guy But I knew from the moment that I meet you this wasn't right
And you had money and cars, looked like a star You loved me so good, I could cry Brought me roses and rings, such beautiful things But I was taught never to lie
I hate to see the look on your face I wish I could make myself stay But our hearts don't live in the same space So tell me how to break yours with grace So tell me how to break yours with grace
I knew from the moment that I left you, you'd be alright You're gonna find another lover, one who doesn't waste your time But every time you look at me, my body says one last night I swear I wouldn't leave with you But I just came to say goodbye
And you had money and cars, looked like a star You loved me so good, I could cry Brought me roses and rings, such beautiful things But I was taught never to lie
I hate to see the look on your face I wish I could make myself stay But our hearts don't live in the same space So tell me how to break yours with grace
I hate to see the look on your face I wish I could make myself stay But our hearts don't live in the same space So tell me how to break yours with grace
___________________
Looking back at his life Caspian was content. Life had treated him well. His kingdom had flourished, he had had a loving wife and son .
He had been lucky enough to feel truly happy.
There were some moments, however, when the wind turned and carried the smell of freedom and adventure that only sea wind could possess. It was in those few moments that he thought he could hear a piano playing in the distant and a voice singing a song that reminded him of a pair of hands on his skin and a kiss, mixed with the salty taste of tears, lingering on his lips. In moments like these he wondered if the woman that had slain the sea monster ever got happy in her life or if her tears would forever make her eyes blurry.