What begins as a heavy prank devised by Beth Mead ends up bordering on disaster in the Arsenal locker room. After using professional makeup to fake a black eye on Y/N, Leah Williamson's reaction exceeds all expectations: the captain enters a state of protective fury that puts the entire team on alert.
Based on this request-> here, I hope you like it!!
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The idea was Beth Mead's. That should have been your first, second, and third red flag. When Beth has free time, a twisted sense of humor, and a professional makeup kit, the result is never world peace.
“You don’t dare, Y/N. You’re too afraid of the Cap,” Beth said, sitting on a gym stool, twirling a blending brush between her fingers with the smile of an absolute villain.
“It’s not fear, Beth. It’s respect for my physical integrity,” you replied, though you were already letting yourself be convinced. “Leah has that protective instinct that is scary sometimes. If she thinks someone has touched me, she won’t ask for a name; she’ll ask for the nearest hospital.”
“Exactly! That’s the best part,” Beth insisted, leaning toward your face with an eyeshadow palette. “Besides, I want to see if this concealer is as good as they say. Stay still.”
For twenty minutes, Beth worked with the concentration of a surgeon. She mixed deep purples, greenish-yellows for a "healing" effect, and a touch of clear gloss to simulate recent swelling. The result was terrifying. When you looked in the mirror, you let out a gasp.
It looked real.
Too real.
“Does it hurt?” Beth asked dramatically.
“It’s going to hurt when Leah sees this.”
“It’s perfect. Now, get in there, look like the world is ending, and don’t say a word.”
The Arsenal locker room was a chaos of laughter, background music, and the sound of boots hitting the floor. Leah was in the center, one leg resting on the bench, reviewing tactical notes with Kim Little and Katie McCabe.
She was the picture of calm and leadership. You walked in with your shoulders slumped. You didn't look at anyone. You went straight to your locker, which happened to be two meters away from Leah, and began rummaging through your backpack with slow, clumsy movements.
The silence wasn't immediate, but it spread like a virus. First Katie went quiet. Then Kim. And finally, Leah looked up.
“Y/N? We’ve been waiting for you to...”
The sentence froze in mid-air. You saw the color drain from Leah’s face in a second, replaced by a deathly paleness. She dropped the papers on the floor without even noticing.
“Look at me,” Leah said, approaching where you were.
You turned slowly, letting the overhead light highlight the reddish glow and deep purple of your eye. She took a step toward you, her breathing becoming heavy. Her hands trembled slightly as she tried to reach for your face, but she stopped before touching you, as if she were afraid to break you.
“Who was it?” Her voice was low, a husky whisper that carried more danger than a scream.
“Leah, really, I’m fine, it was just an incident in the...”
“I said: who... was it?” This time the locker room trembled. Leah turned toward the rest of the players, who were watching the scene with wide eyes.
Beth, who at first was in the back holding back a laugh, stopped smiling when she saw that Leah’s jaw was so tight it looked like it was going to shatter.
“Does anyone want to explain to me why my girlfriend walks into the locker room like this?”
There was absolute silence.
A bottle fell to the floor somewhere.
Leah took another step toward the center of the locker room. “If someone touched her, we’re settling this right now.”
You started to enter real panic. Not because of the makeup. Because of the look in Leah’s eyes. It wasn't theatrical. It wasn't exaggerated. She was ready to fight.
Kim, with the calm of someone who has seen a thousand battles, approached you. She took you by the chin firmly and forced you to look toward the light. She frowned. She dampened her thumb with her water bottle and, before you could react, rubbed it hard against your cheekbone.
“Kim, what are you doing? It hurts her!” Leah shouted, ready to pounce.
Kim held up her thumb. It was stained with a bright purple color that didn't look like blood, but cosmetic.
“Leah,” Kim said, throwing a tired look at Beth, who was now trying to make herself small behind a pile of towels. “Unless Y/N bleeds glitter, I think you should review your combat priorities.”
The silence returned, but this time it was interrupted by a nervous, explosive laugh from Beth. “It’s long-lasting! The manufacturer wasn't lying!” Beth shouted from her hiding place.
Leah stood frozen. She looked at Kim’s finger, then looked at your face where there was now a blurry smudge revealing your intact skin. The air seemed to leave her lungs all at once. She covered her face with her hands and leaned against the locker, letting out a groan of frustration and relief.
“I’m going to kill you,” Leah muttered under her breath. “Both of you. I swear I’m going to kill you.”
Ten minutes later, the locker room was still a hotbed of teasing. “Watch out, here comes Mike Tyson,” Katie told Leah, while the others reenacted the scene of her breakdown.
When the locker room finally began to empty, Leah approached you with a wet wipe and began to clean off the rest of the makeup with extreme gentleness, even though she was still pretending to be angry.
“That wasn't funny, Y/N,” she whispered, avoiding your gaze. “For a moment... I felt like my heart stopped. I thought someone had actually hurt you and you couldn't defend yourself.”
“I’m sorry, really,” you said, taking her hand. “Beth started with the dares and... well, you know how she is.”
“I know. She’s walking chaos. But you should have more common sense.” Leah finally looked you in the eye, and the fury had dissipated, leaving only an immense tenderness. “I almost committed a crime for you today.”
“That’s a bit romantic, don’t you think?” You gave her a quick kiss on the nose. “My knight in shining armor... or Arsenal tracksuit.”
Leah let out a short laugh and wrapped her arms around your waist, pulling you close. “Don't get used to it. The next time Beth offers you a makeover, tell her you'd rather keep your girlfriend out of jail.”
“I promise,” you laughed, relaxing against her chest. “No more war paint for a while.”
Leah leaned in to give you a soft kiss on your forehead, sealing the peace.
The Arsenal Women’s PR department had a unspoken hierarchy of stress.
At the bottom was players like Kim Little. Kim was a dream. She thanked the fans, and always remembered the sponsors. In the middle was Katie McCabe, who was a wildcard because she might accidentally swear on live television if she was still running on match adrenaline.
And then, sitting entirely in a league of her own at the absolute peak of the PR nightmare pyramid, was you.
You had zero filter, a terrifying amount of confidence, and an unapologetic weakness for attractive women holding microphones.
It was a chilly Sunday evening at the Emirates. Arsenal had just dispatched Spurs 3-1, and you had scored the third goal an absolute screamer from twenty-five yards out. Naturally, the media wanted to talk to you.
Leah, standing in the mixed zone watched you approach the media corral with deep existential dread.
"Look at her," Leah muttered to Katie, rubbing her temples. "She’s drinking an iced coffee. Where did she even get an iced coffee? We are in the tunnel. Someone needs to supervise her."
"I think it’s brilliant," Katie grinned, leaning against the wall. "Let the kid cook. It makes great television."
"Katie, last week she told a reporter from the BBC that the tactics were giving major Virgo energy. I had to explain astrology to the board of directors," Leah sighed, watching you step up to the first microphone.
Waiting for you was a reporter for Sky Sports. She was a stunning brunette wearing a greenish blue blazer, holding a microphone with a professional, welcoming smile.
"YN, congratulations on the win today," the reporter started. "That third goal was spectacular. Can you walk us through what you saw when the ball fell to you outside the box?"
You took a slow sip of your iced coffee. You looked at the reporter. You looked her up and down, completely abandoning the camera, and gave a slow appreciative nod.
"Honestly?" you said, your voice leaning into a confident drawl. "I’ll tell you exactly what I saw. I saw you standing on the touchline in that blazer, and I thought, ‘I have to do something cool right now or she’s not going to talk to me after the game.’"
Ten feet away, Leah physically choked on the air in her lungs. Beth let out a loud cackle that echoed down the concrete tunnel.
The reporter’s professional composure fractured instantly. A blush exploded across her cheeks. "Oh. Um. I...thank you, but the goal—"
"No, thank you," you interrupted, leaning slightly closer to the microphone. "Is that velvet? Or suede? Because it’s working for you. You are single handedly elevating the aesthetic of North London right now."
"YN," the PR manager, a terrified woman named Sarah, hissed from just out of frame, waving her arms frantically to get you back on track.
You ignored Sarah completely.
"The goal," the reporter tried again, clearing her throat and desperately trying to suppress a smile. "You found the top corner perfectly. Were you aiming for that specific pocket of space?"
"Yeah, Fox played a great ball in, and the center-backs dropped too deep," you answered, seamlessly switching to tactical analysis for exactly five seconds before completely derailing again. "But speaking of finding the right pocket of space, I’m actually looking for a great coffee spot. If you’re free on Tuesday. Because I feel like you drink good coffee. You give off I know where the good spots are vibes."
"I am going to have a heart attack," Leah whispered in the background, burying her face in her hands. "She is hitting on the Sky Sports broadcast team on live television."
"She has elite rizz, Williamson, you can't teach that," Katie argued,enjoying the entertainment. "Look at the reporter! She's melting!"
"I... I do know a good place, actually," the reporter stammered, entirely abandoning her journalistic integrity as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear laughing.
"Incredible. Love that for us," you grinned, taking another sip of your coffee. "Write it down for me. What else do you want to know about the match? Ask me anything. I’m an open book for you, sweetheart."
"Sweetheart," Alessia gasped from behind Katie. "Did she just call the reporter sweetheart?"
"YN, please talk about the defensive structure!" Sarah the PR manager whisper screamed looking like she was on the verge of tears.
You glanced at the PR manager, then looked straight into the camera lens with a deadpan, entirely unhinged expression.
"Sarah wants me to talk about the defense," you informed the live audience, pointing a thumb over your shoulder. "Our defense was great today. Leah Williamson is a brick wall. But honestly, I’m just a gay girl who likes hitting top bins and looking at pretty women, and today I got to do both. So, 10 out of 10 match for me."
"OH MY GOD," Beth wheezed, grabbing Katie’s arm for support.
"Cut the feed," Leah said. "Someone cut the feed."
The reporter was actively giggling now, completely unable to finish her segment. "I think... I think that’s all the time we have for YN today. Back to you in the studio."
The red light on the camera blinked off.
Before you could even ask the reporter for her Instagram handle, Leah marched forward, grabbed the hood of your Arsenal jacket, and dragged you backward away from the media corral.
"Hey! I was networking!" you protested, walking backward as Leah hauled you down the tunnel.
"You were soliciting a date on national television!" Leah scolded, though her lips were twitching as she fought back a smile. "You are an absolute nightmare! What is wrong with your brain?!"
"I am charming! She liked it!" you yelled, trying to look back over Leah's shoulder. You pointed at the reporter, who was still standing by the backdrop, watching you get dragged away with a huge smile on her face. "DM me! I'm verified, I'm easy to find!"
"Get in the dressing room!" Leah commanded, shoving you through the double doors.
Katie and Beth followed right behind you, both crying with laughter.
"Honestly, YN," Kim sighed from her locker, shaking her head as you stumbled in. "You set women's football back ten years every time they give you a microphone."
"Whatever," you smirked, dropping onto the bench and kicking off your boots. "I scored a banger, we took three points, and I got a date. Arsenal PR can cry about it. I’m an icon."
summary: alexia putellas and her english teammate have been playing at barcelona with one another for the past seven years. slowly but surely, undeniable chemistry started to break through. are they willing to risk their long-term friendship, or are they too stubborn to do anything about it?
tags/contatins: use of google translate, fluff, friends to lovers, slow burn, original main character
please do not repost, plagiarise, or feed to ai!! (word count: 1,874)
Although Andie Russell had been living and playing football in Barcelona for the past 7 years, she was still amazed at the technicality and footwork of her current teammates. Yes, Andie is the captain of the England squad and a great centre back, but sometimes during a quick game of rondos with the Barca girls, she gets quickly humbled.
This particular session appeared that the youngsters were all purposefully trying to humiliate their broody English teammate. Claudia Pina had literally giggled when she sent Andie the complete wrong way with a quick shoulder drop; Vicky Lopez had almost caused Andie to slip over with the change of direction of her touch, and Clara Serrajordi had almost nutmegged Andie. Almost. The youngsters were giggling as Andie ran round like a headless chicken, attempting to get the ball. She had obviously given up at some point, now just jogging after the ball to entertain the others.
Mapi, Alexia, and Cata all strolled over to the circle; they’d been watching from afar. “Ei, vinga, Andie, posa-hi una mica de feina!” Mapi shouted dramatically as the trio walked over. (oi, come on, andie, put some work in!) Andie simply threw her best friend a glare, as she jogged after the ball.
“Diexeu-la en pau, la nostra pobra anglesa està cansada.” Patri joined in, in a teasing tone, putting an arm around Andie, attempting to put her into a head lock. (leave her alone, our poor english girl is tired.)
“I’m not tired.” Andie mumbled, using her strength to push Patri away. Andie could understand Catalan partially, but speaking it was a different ball park.
“Cansat i tossut, Russell.” Irene grumbled, raising her eyebrows at Andie from the sidelines. (tired and stubborn, russell.)
Andie simply rolled her eyes, closing down Alexia who now had the ball, but before she knew it, Alexia skilfully passed the ball between Andie’s legs, nutmegging her clean. The whole team erupted: laughing, cheering, clapping. The media team had been filming the last part of the rondo and caught it on camera. Andie hid her face in embarrassment. Alexia pouted, a small smirk playing on her lips as she walked over to Andie in the middle of the circle. Alexia placed an arm around Andie, pulling her into her side.
“Ho sento, Andie, ha estat un accident.” Alexia said, smiling playfully. (i’m sorry, andie, it was an accident.)
Andie was silent for a second, before looking up and grumbling, “Todas ustedes son matones.” (you’re all bullies.) She pouted, attempting to walk away, but Alexia kept a strong arm around her shoulders.
“Molt bé noies, això és tot per avui. Ben fet.” Pere shouted over, packing away the last of the footballs. (alright girls, that’s it for today. well done.)
The team slowly made their way back into the team changing rooms, chatting amongst themselves. Mapi had jogged over to where Andie and Alexia were slowly walking, showing her presence by giving Andie a little nudge.
Andie rolled her eyes playfully, “Not you again.” She sighed, smirking.
“So rude!” Mapi exclaimed, her accent pronounced through the use of English words. “I just come to ask you question.” She shrugs, innocently, but with a mischievous look in her eyes.
Andie sighs, looking at Mapi. “I don’t like the sound of that.” She grumbles, Alexia smiling softly next to her.
“Aye, Andie, why you so nervous? Is all good news, I promise.” Mapi says dramatically, placing her hand on her heart.
“Go on.” Andie replies.
“I have un amiga who I think you like very much.” She nods, putting a hand on Andie’s back. “She very… how you say? Sexy.”
“Mapi…” Andie warns, not liking the direction the conversation is heading.
“Shh. Shh.” Mapi puts her finger to Andie’s lips— Alexia giggles. “You trust me, no?” Mapi asks.
“Depends.” Andie answers. Mapi raises her eyebrows. “Yes.” Andie re-answers.
“I pick well. I know she your type. Very pretty.” Mapi continues. “She see you… she say she will go for dinner.” Mapi reveals.
Andie stops in her tracks. “Have you agreed to this on my behalf?”
Mapi hesitates. “No?” She says. She definitely has.
“No. Mapi. No.” Andie says, shaking her head. “I told you, I’m not looking for anything right now.” She says softly, but seriously.
Mapi huffs before mumbling, “Però necesitas acostarte con alguien, estás demasiado estresado estos días.” Her Spanish was too quick for Andie to understand, but Alexia caught every word of it. (you need to get laid though, you’re too stressed these days.)
“What?” Andie asks. “That was too quick.”
“Nothing nothing. Do not worry.” Mapi shakes her head, a small smirk playing on her lips. “Just think about it, si?”
“Yeah, sure.” Andie nods sarcastically, as Mapi gives up and jogs along after Kika to annoy her.
There’s a moment of silence before Alexia speaks up. “You no want to date?” She asks, a slight crease between her eyebrows.
Andie pauses. “I’m not really that bothered right now.” She shrugs. “Malas experiencias en el pasado.” She explains in Spanish, knowing Alexia understands it more. (bad experiences in the past.)
Alexia nods gently, understanding. “No dejes que una mala experiencia te impida vivir las buenas.” She advises, captain mode on full force. (don’t let a bad experience stop you from experiencing the good ones.)
Andie nods thoughtfully, the pair now arriving at the entrance to the changing rooms. Alexia gives Andie a soft pat on the leg as each of them go their separate ways to get unready from training.
Andie is left deep in thought after Alexia’s words— she values Alexia’s opinion. Not only is Alexia her captain, but one of her closest friends. They’d played alongside each other for 7 years now, and had developed that kind of bond where you understood each other without exchanging words; on the pitch and off.
At first, when Andie had arrived to Barcelona with a maximum of three spanish phrases learnt and an exhaustion that weighed down her every movement from her previous club, the pair had found it difficult to connect due to the language barrier. But, slowly but surely, they almost created their own language on the pitch. They somehow knew where the other one was without looking. So, with Andie learning Spanish from lessons provided by the club, they began understanding each other more little by little.
After about a year, they’d realised just how similar they were. They were comfortable with each other by this point. No more awkwardness or small talk. Andie began giving Alexia English lessons, and Alexia did the same for Andie, but with Spanish.
Eventually, they habitualised their own little routine. Andie would be the last one down for breakfast, as she’s not a morning person whatsoever, whereas Alexia would be the first one up. Andie would mumble a sentence in English that no one understood, so Alexia would teach her it in Spanish. Andie was the more loud, (slightly) aggressive, and intimidating one on the pitch, whereas Alexia took a more calm, collected, and silently commanding role; etc. They fit together, like two pieces of a puzzle. Two captains. Two leaders. Two people who understood each other on a different level.
They’d been there for each other through the ups and downs. Alexia’s ACL. Andie’s ex-relationship that was borderline abusive. Alexia’s loss in the Euros. Andie’s success in the Euro’s. The variety of emotions the pair had been through together only made them stronger. Deep down, both of them had a slight inkling that there was something slightly more than friendship blossoming, but both were too stubborn to even think about it. Too afraid to ruin 7 years of hard earned friendship. So, they remained as they were. No exploring. No suggestions. Pure comfort zone.
———————————————————————————————
Andie had arrived at her apartment at around 7:30pm, and she was absolutely knackered from the long day of training. Andie loves her own company: always has, always will; but sometimes her apartment seemed a little lonesome. She’d considered adopting a puppy, but realised she’d never have the time to look after it properly with her schedule for football.
By the time she had showered, cooked, ate, and washed up, it was pretty late in the evening. She’d only just sat down on her sofa when her phone started ringing. Beth Mead.
MEADO: FACETIME INCOMING 📞📞
Andie huffed softly before swiping to answer.
“Russell!” Beth’s loud voice exclaimed, travelling through Andie’s phone.
“Alright, Meado.” Andie greeted, a tight-lipped smile on her face, causing her dimples to pop.
“Don’t look so excited to see me.” Beth said sassily.
“Sorry. Tired.” Andie apologised, cuddling up on the sofa.
“You’re always tired.” Beth sighed, shaking her head like a disappointed mother.
“I’m aware.” Andie yawned mid sentence. “Did you call for any purpose or just to bother me?” She rasped, tiredness laced in her voice.
“Gosh! Can a mother not check in on her child?” Beth gasped theatrically, and Andie heard Viv’s laughter from off-screen.
“Mate, you’re literally three years older than me.” Andie scoffs, laughing gently.
“You’re still my little baby. Even if you did leave Arsenal.” Beth glares through the screen.
“That was 7 years ago, Bethany. You need to move on.” Andie says, playing along.
Beth laughs, throwing her head back. “You doing good over there?” She asks, serious now.
Andie nods. “Just the usual.”
“That a good thing?” Beth asks, raising her eyebrows.
“‘Course it is. I love it here.” Andie replies genuinely. “We’ve got a game in a few days so prepping for that. I think Ale’s coming over for dinner tomorrow.” She says nonchalantly, listing off upcoming events of the week.
“Putellas, hm?” Beth smirks slightly.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Andie asks, a look of genuine disgust on her face.
“Nothing, nothing. Just interesting.” Beth mumbles. “Just the two of you?”
Andie nodded, “It’s become a bit of a thing.”
“A thing?” Beth raised her eyebrows.
“Yeah. One of us goes round to the others at least once a week and we cook dinner together. It’s quite therapeutic, actually. And, she’s a very good cook.” Andie rambles.
“That’s cute.” Beth grins. “Bit of team bonding, huh, Russell?” She smirks. Andie furrows her eyebrows. “Do you have weekly dinner dates with anyone else in the team?” She asks, her voice unusually high.
“No. I don’t have time for multiple weekly dinner dates.” Andie replied, like it was obvious.
“Oh, of course. Just got time for the one teammate.” Beth nods dramatically.
“Well, Alexia and I are good friends.” Andie states.
“Very good friends.” Beth agrees.
“I’ll end this call if you keep being weird.” Andie warns.
“I need to go anyways. Viv is stressing about something. I’m not sure what.” Beth grumbles.
Andie chuckles. “Give my love to Viv.”
“Will do. Enjoy your date with Putellas.” Beth teases, hanging up before Andie could scold her.
Andie sighed, shaking her head. Friends could have dinner together— that wasn’t a weird thing at all. Her phone pinged. A text.
ALE: what you want for dinner tomorrow?
Andie threw her phone across the sofa. She needed her brain to stop overanalysing things. She decided to call it a night, heading to bed for some much needed sleep.
You'd gone to the library after school again, returning a few books and checking out a few more. But you still see the box on the table even though your usual routine includes going straight up to your room and getting changed.
But the box stops you.
It's the only thing that sticks out in the whole entire room.
It's plain and uninteresting but you still edge closer.
It has your name on it in very familiar writing.
It's like someone has punched you in the gut and you can do nothing but stare at it with wide eyes and a mouth that hangs open.
"Yeah. She just got home." Viv's voice has you looking up. She wanders in from the kitchen, a smile on her face and a phone against her ear as she leans down slightly to press a soft kiss to the top of your head. "No, no, I'm still free to talk. Yeah, we're all good here. Hang on, let me just grab a drink."
You can barely hear her.
You just stare at the box, at the familiar writing.
It's from your mother.
The first Christmas gift she's sent you in five years. Five years of missed presents, five years of missed celebrations. She must really be trying to impress the case worker, you think darkly, because she's never done something like this before.
You can imagine her now.
In that house with its broken doors and broken windows and the garden full of broken junk. She probably had a lit cigarette. She'd probably 'treated' herself to whatever concoction her dealer had made up or drinking herself into a ditch.
It was always the same with her.
She'd do whatever it took to save face with the authorities, make promises she would never keep all in the name of getting you returned to her. She would attend all the parenting classes she needed to. She'd get sober for as long as she needed to. She'd attend all of your visitations with a smile on her face to hide the barbs she would throw at you the moment you were alone with her.
She'd never change.
Every time, you would be taken away and you would hope that this would be the last time, that the caseworkers would realise your mother was unfit to be one, that she was a danger to you, that you couldn't be kept with her. And every time, you would return to her house with its broken windows and broken doors and the terrible insults she would throw at you.
You want to stay in this house. With its unbroken doors that had locks and the windows that weren't shattered from the inside and the garden that was freshly trimmed with flowers growing in the soil.
This house with Viv and Beth and Myle the dog and the Christmas tree with its twinkling lights and presents on the tree just for you.
Not the other house with just your mother and the ghost of your haunting father and no Christmas tree and no lights and no presents for you because your mother would rather fund her own addiction than keep the heating running.
"Hey," Beth's soft words snap you out of your daze," I thought I heard you. You're back early."
"The library closed early," You say softly," They're renovating over the holidays. Needed more room."
Beth steps into the room with a warm hug and a soft kiss to the top of your head, her normal greeting for you. "Well, I'll never say no to you being home early. Viv's just sorting something out with her brother but she should be done soon. Oh, did you see the package on the table for you? Did you order something? Because-"
"It's from her," You cut her off. Your voice is soft and quiet but Beth always stops to listen to you. She always listens to you.
"Oh...Your...?"
"Yeah."
You're both still looking at the box when Viv comes in, no longer on the phone.
Beth leads her away for a moment, speaking to her in hushed tones as you can do nothing but stare. You don't take your bag off your shoulder. You don't go upstairs to change out of your school uniform.
You just stand there, watching it. Frozen in time. Forced back into that terrified eight year old who called the police on her own parents because of how terrified they made her.
"You don't have to open it," Viv says as she appears at your side, a hand on your shoulder," We can throw it out."
"It's from her though," You whisper," Isn't that...Isn't she trying?"
"Just because she's trying, doesn't mean that you have to accept it. She's the one in the wrong here. You don't have to accept her apologies if you don't want to."
"I..." You stare at the box, throat bobbing in discomfort. "I don't?"
So many years going back and forth, so many visitation requests, so many years hiding in your wardrobe just to escape the screaming and the fighting. So many years of curling inwards to protect yourself.
"What do you want?" Beth asks," Do you want to forgive her?"
"I..." You can't look at either them but you can, finally, tear your gaze away from the box on the table. "I want to say here, with you two. At-At home."
You don't see the soft smile Beth and Viv share over your head. But you do feel their arms around you, holding you so close as you relax into them.
"We want you to stay too. So much."
"It's just a little longer now. We'll have a talk with your caseworker and we'll see how we can make that happen."
Summary: you break down but instead of leaving they stay. Nobody had ever stayed.
Warning: mentions of abuse and neglect, anxiety, panic attacks (?)
It's also like almost 7k so yeah... Just a warning if your attention span is low.
Masterlist
Part 2 to When you're ready
After the quarterfinal you had somewhat adjusted to being at camp, to living among these girls, breathing the same air, wearing the same crest. But that didn’t mean it had become easy. It didn’t mean the ache had gone. Some days felt manageable, sure. But others? Others felt like you were dragging your body around, every movement a struggle just to pretend you belonged here.
The pressure wasn’t just immense, it was suffocating. You were the youngest, the rookie, the one everyone looked at with either mild curiosity or silent skepticism. Just being in the squad of 23 for the Euros should’ve been enough, should’ve made you proud. But all it did was dig the hole deeper, because now there was something to lose.
Every game came faster than the last, every training session more intense. There was barely time to breathe, to process, to recover. While the others carved out moments for laughter, for games, for coffee runs and content creation, you were buried under summer reading and late-night Zoom calls with tutors. Alone in your room, staring at highlighted textbooks that never stopped buzzing in your brain.
Some days you woke up already crying. And today was one of those days.
It was the first practice before the semi-finals and this time it wasn't just hard. You should’ve been excited. Grateful. Focused. Instead, you felt like your skin was too tight, like your body didn’t quite fit anymore. You were unraveling barely holding on by a thread. And no one could see it. Not really.
It already started with the warm-up drills. You were a fucking mess. You kept mistiming your touches on the ball. Your passes were clumsy and wide. Then during the scrimmage, you missed an open goal so badly it hit the frame and ricocheted away almost hitting Ella in the face. She gave you a small smile and laughed it off, but it felt wrong. It just made it worse. Your legs felt like dead weight, like they had been made from stone.
Sarina didn't say anything. Usually she at least gave you a nod or good job, kiddo. But today she was silent. And you felt it deep inside. A knot was forming in your stomach so tight that you barely could speak… and it made you play even worse.
You wanted to cry. Inside you were already crying. Quietly, from the inside, like someone drowning on dry land. And then during the scrimmage came the final straw.
You made a stupid, avoidable pass to Lucy. It was just too soft, too slow for football on this level, with this team. Alessia easily intercepted it. You tried to redeem yourself by sprinting to recover, but your legs betrayed you again. You collided straight into Lauren, a tangle of limbs and boots and impact. She hit the ground with a thud and you slid across the pitch, grass burning into your skin. For a moment, you stayed there. Face against the turf. Just breathing. Just existing. Just… not.
The pain wasn't bad. Bruises were expected at football on this level. But you felt humiliated. A shame settled over you, bone deep and aching… that hurt more than anything. You felt so unsure about yourself. Like you didn't even deserve to play on this level.
Your knees and arms hurt a bit and you knew you'd have some bruises, but you just rolled over and checked if anything looked worse. It didn't. You forced some shaky breaths down your lungs and pushed yourself back up… by now the ball was in the other half again. Hannah, who was the goalkeeper on your team this scrimmage, had saved the ball from Alessia and was now calling out to you.
“Ducky? Are you alright?”
Hannah’s voice was gentle, but you barely registered it. You nodded, but the gesture was hollow. She helped you up anyway. Lauren had already taken off again, back to chasing the ball like nothing had happened. Because for her, it probably hadn’t. She belonged here… and you just didn't.
You lasted 7 more minutes. Seven minutes of dragging your feet and bringing tears away without anyone noticing. Then you heard shouting. Someone yelling across the pitch. You were pretty sure it was Khiara yelling at one of the defenders on her team. The shouting was fair and not even directed at you but you just folded into yourself. Your shoulder slump and then you rush past the training staff with a quiet apology and run. Past the staff, past the concerned faces, past Sarina who called after you. “Hey! Wait—what's going on?”
You didn’t stop.
Not even for Leah, who had seen you bolt and looked torn between captaincy and instinct. She didn’t come after you, maybe she didn't want to anymore. Maybe she couldn't, you didn't really care.
You just ran down the hallway, into the locker room and gathered your things in a blur and then you were running out the back exit, towards the hotel. Away from the world.
No one tried to stop you. Or maybe they did, and you just didn’t hear them. Your ears were ringing. Your heartbeat roared like thunder in your skull. You didn’t know if you were crying or sweating or both, your vision was too blurry to tell.
You didn't even get to your room, breaking down in the stairwell that nobody but you used. And then you sobbed. Quiet, broken, aching sobs that clawed their way out of you like they’d been waiting all week.
You felt so small and so far from home. What even was home to you anyway? You didn't have a family waiting for you… you didn't have a constant home… you constantly were moved to new care homes.
God you had been so stupid for thinking you were ready. You weren't ready. You never had been ready and you probably would never be ready. You felt like a child pretending to be a Lioness. Putting on that jersey like you had done for Halloween years ago. You weren't a real lioness, you were small, weak and you definitely weren't good enough.
And they’d all see it soon. Maybe they already had seen it and hated you deep down. Maybe that's why nobody came after you.
And the worst part?
You weren't sure you wanted them to come looking for you.
Around an hour later she found you again, of course. Leah always found you.
It was like she had some sixth sense, a pull in her chest, a string tied to yours, that tugged her in your direction whenever you were close to breaking. Maybe it was intuition, or maybe it was just her heart knowing exactly where yours would fall apart. Either way, it never failed. She always found you.
She didn’t speak at first. Just stood there, motionless at the top of the stairwell, quietly watching you.
You were curled up on the landing halfway down, arms wrapped tight around your knees like you were trying to hold yourself together with force alone. Still in your training clothes, soaked through with sweat and humiliation, clinging uncomfortably to your skin. Grass stains marked your shins, one of your socks had slipped halfway down, and your laces were still tangled from where you hadn’t bothered to fix them. Your back was pressed against the cold concrete wall, as if grounding yourself in it could stop the shaking
“I’m not good enough,” you said before she could even speak. “I don’t belong here.”
You heard her sigh and then Leah sat beside you, pulling her knees up to her chest. As the two of you sat there. “You don’t get to decide that,” she said gently. “We already talked about this. You belong here and you're here for a reason.” Gently she interlaced your fingers and squeezed your hand while you shook her head.
“I didn’t even own proper boots until last year. I used to stuff newspaper in my shoes because the soles were falling out. I didn’t have anyone to take me to training. I got here by accident. And—” Your voice cracked. God, you sounded pathetic. You felt pathetic and alone. Even more so as the next sentence leaves your mouth.
“And nobody really loves me, Leah. They just want what I can do. Not who I am.”
The stairwell was silent apart from your quiet sobs and shaky breaths and the sounds you could hear from the rest of the hotel through the walls. You almost expected her to leave, to just get up like everyone always did when you ended up breaking down..
Because that’s what people did, wasn’t it? When things got too heavy. When you got too much. They left. Maybe not all at once , maybe just in tiny, slow, devastating ways.
But Leah didn’t move. Instead, you felt her shift closer. And when you finally glanced sideways through wet lashes, you saw her eyes were shining too.
Tears. Real, quiet, unspoken tears.
But then, with tears in her eyes, Leah leaned in and whispered.
“I love who you are. And you’re not here by accident. And you're very precious to us all.”
As you sat there in the hallway you broke down. You hadn't meant to say anything. Didn't mean to break down and tell her everything. God you hadn't planned to speak at all.
But the pain was too much to hold in.
You were sitting in the stairwell, the one place that felt quiet enough. Safe enough. Leah was there next to you.. She always was. She just sat there with you, knees drawn up, a bottle of water in one hand and silence in the other. But this time after her saying that she and the others adored you… something cracked.
“I’m so tired.” You whispered. Your voice broke and you are shaking a little“I’m so tired of pretending I’m okay.”
Leah looked over, gently. Not startled. Not rushing you. She didn't say anything, your hands interlaced as she stroked over the back of your hand to keep you calm and help you regulate your emotions. You stared down at your hands. Her warm hands interlaced with yours, just holding on giving enough for you to feel her warmth and attention.
“I didn’t have a real family.” You whispered quietly. “Not like the others.”
She said nothing, just let you speak.
“I have been in care since I was three. Got passed around like… like no one wanted to keep me. Some houses were okay, but most weren’t. Some of them were awful.”
You swallowed hard. The words were coming fast now, like a floodgate had opened.
“I had one placement where they locked the fridge at night. I used to steal crackers from the bin so I wouldn’t go to bed hungry. It was awful. One time they didn't feed me for two days as a punishment.”
Leah's eyes filled with heartbreak, but she didn’t interrupt. She just lets you talk, watches as you unravel and cry. She didn't stop you, didn't try to hold your emotions back. She just watched you unravel ready to catch you once you're done.
“There was another house where I had to sleep on a couch for months. They said the foster kid didn’t need a room. I didn’t even have a pillow. That's actually super illegal but I was too scared to tell anyone. Cause at least I had heat and three good meals.” Your voice wobbled, a whisper.
“They forgot my birthday. Every year. Every single one. Same with Christmas.” You choke out. Tears burned hot in your eyes, but you didn’t stop as they rolled down your cheeks. You didn't care anymore. You didn't care to cry in front of Leah. You pulled your hand from her to wipe your tears away as you silently cried.
“They told me I was difficult. That I was ungrateful. That I was lucky to have food at all, so I shouldn’t ask for more. So I stopped asking. For anything. I just… stayed quiet.”
Leah’s hand reached out, palm open, waiting. You slipped your fingers into hers like a child learning how to trust again. She pulled you to her side and you leaned against her. Like she was the only thing holding you together.
“And now I’m here, and everyone’s so nice, and it feels fake sometimes because I don’t know how to accept it.” You choked. “Like, what if they’re only being kind because I’m good at football? What if I mess up and they stop?” Your voice cracked into a sob.
“What if I ruin it all, Leah? What if this is my only chance and I mess it up like everything else? What if none of you like me anymore after I mess everything up?”
Leah squeezed your hand so gently, it felt like a promise. She held it right and you against her shoulder like she wanted to make sure you were safe with her. Against her shoulder. You didn't know that deep down it wasn't just for your comfort. Leah needed to hold you, do feel that you're alright against her warm body. That you were there and safe in her arms.
“You didn’t ruin anything.” She whispered. “None of that was your fault. You were just a kid. Bloody hell, you still are. And you deserved better every single day of your life.”
You broke then, fully, sobbing into your hoodie sleeve as the weight of years pressed down on your tiny frame. Neglect and abuse had worn you down. You just couldn't take anything anymore. You were so lost and broken… before when you had gotten to this point people had left. They had bolted out the door to never return or even worse, they had kicked you out after you had opened up.
But Leah moved closer. She wrapped her arm around your shoulders and pulled you into the kind of hug that wasn’t forced or awkward or earned. It just was… it felt so right and you never wanted to leave her arms again. For the first time in your life you felt like everything was safe.
“Listen to me.” She said softly, voice thick with tears of her own. “You are not hard to love. You are not broken. You are brave. And you are mine now. Okay? Ours. You don’t ever have to be alone again.”
You buried your face into her shoulder and cried quietly.
“I don’t know how to be okay.” you whispered.
“That’s alright.” Leah murmured. “You don’t have to be. You just have to let us love you until you believe you deserve it.”
Leah hadn't told them right away. She had wanted to… the minute you had explained your past she had thought about just picking you up and running to the room of one of the other girls and telling them so she could have help. Because she felt so overwhelmed with all this. Like how could she help a traumatized teen that's talented enough at football to make it to the Euros at 16.
But she didn't. She held you till you were calm and then took you to your rooms where she helped you settle and quietly got your consent to share your story with some of the other girls. You had just nodded before falling asleep.
She waited until you were asleep, curled up in the hotel bed after a day that left your heart heavy and your eyes puffy from tears. She sat on the edge for a while, watching the rise and fall of your breathing, like she couldn’t quite let herself walk away. You just seemed so small and lost. She couldn't help but feel like she had to protect you. Like you needed her to watch over you while you're so vulnerable.
But after a while Leah slipped out of the room and found the others downstairs, like she had texted them.
It wasn’t all of them. She had texted everyone that there was a situation with you but some of the players still had recovery and couldn't come… and others just didn't care about you, still rather wary about the teen in the midst. But she stepped into the lobby to see Lucy Bronze, Keira Walsh, Georgia Stanway, Alessia Russo, Grace Clinton, Lotte Wubben-Moy, Beth Mead, Esme Morgan, Hannah Hampton and Tooney. Leah was relieved. Everyone here already had some sort of bond with you and knew how precious you were… They were halfway through a card game and a plate of biscuits when Leah sat down, her face serious.
As soon as they noticed her face the mood changed instantly.
“What’s happened?” Lucy asked, her voice low, alert.
Leah sighed, rubbing her palms together. She wasn’t sure how to say it. Her heart was already broken but she knew that the others would take it just as hard. For all of them you were like a little sister and to hear that you were suffering would be hard.
“She told me.” she said finally. “About her past… it's bad. I… she grew up in the care system.”
The table went still. Everyone was shocked.
“No one’s ever made her feel safe.” Leah continued, her voice cracking. “Not really. Not for long. She’s been hungry. She’s been cold. She’s been told she’s too much, or not enough. She’s been left alone more times than I can count. And she’s sixteen… she's been neglected and abused.”
No one spoke. Every single one of these women was in shock that the teen they all adored so much could have gone through so much personal tragedy… and that you hadn't told them before broke their heart, even though they knew why. You had trust issues and anxiety. You just didn't feel comfortable sharing it yet…. Even Grace, usually the lightest soul in the room, just sat there, stunned, already teary-eyed.
“She didn’t tell me for sympathy.” Leah added. “She told me because it’s eating her alive. The fear. The self-doubt. She thinks if she messes up, we’ll stop loving her.”
“But we wouldn’t.” Grace said quickly, voice trembling. “We never would.”
“I know.” Leah said softly. “But she doesn’t. Not yet.”
Beth wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie. “What do you want us to do?”
“Just keep showing up.” Leah said quietly. “Keep being you. Gentle. Kind. Fun. Safe. She’s letting us in, slowly, but we have to earn it every day.”
Alessia was already nodding determined, she was known to be sweet and loving after all.. “We can do that.”
“She’s so brave.” Esme whispered, tears in her eyes as she thought about you and all you had to go through just to get here.
“She shouldn’t have to be.” Lotte added, she sounded almost angry, which for Lotte is more than unusual.
Leah looked around the circle, her eyes red, voice a bit shaky but determined.
“She’s one of us now. A Lionesses. And we protect our own.”
The team nodded, agreeing with their captain. They would protect they didn't know how they'd get you out of the system and keep you safe permanently but they would. They would do whatever it takes to keep the youngest lionesses out of harm's way.
From that night on, everything changed.
It started when a few hours later Lucy, Alessia and Leah took you out on a small shopping trip. At first you were confused why they had taken you along but when they started pulling stuff from the rags that would fit you know what's going on. They wanted to make sure you had enough and warm clothes.
So you found yourself standing in front of a boutique mirror, wearing a hoodie that actually fit your body and trainers that hadn’t been used by five other people before you. It was cute, a light yellow and real soft inside.
Lucy bought you three sets of them. “No arguing.” She said. “This is a captain’s order.”
You looked up and raised an eyebrow. “You're not my captain. Leah is.” But Leah walks up behind you and gently pats your back. “Yeah and you're getting it.” Immediately you blush deeply, but Lucy still grabs the three hoodies.
Meanwhile Alessia picked out socks with silly patterns, ducks, lightning bolts, stars. “You deserve to have soft things.” She said, placing them in your basket. You tried to open your mouth but she just continues picking stuff.
They make you model a few outfits, mostly simple, cute and soft things. Whenever you tried to argue that you didn't need it they just shushed you and chose something else as well. Leah just stood beside you, hand on your back the whole time, as if reminding you she was real and here and staying.
Then on your next off day Lotte invited you to the team kitchen with her and some other girls. She has planned to make some chocolate cookies with Esme and Grace. They had already put bowls, flour, sugar and chocolate chips out.
“I've never baked before.” You said quietly and Esme gasped. “You've never baked? Alright then, put your gloves on.”
Technically you and Lotte did most of the work. Well, Lotte really. Esme helped by getting stuff from the pantry and cleaning up, Grace had announced herself as the taste tested and DJ. So you were baking your first ever Cookies to one Pop Song after the other.
You also weren't much help, but Lotte helped you measure the ingredients and showered you how to scoop the dough and make little balls so they bake into perfect chocolate cookies. Hers were so beautiful and even, yours were pretty wonky compared to hers, but she just shrugged and said. “Perfectly Imperfect. They'll taste good anyway.”
After pushing them into the oven Grace put on an obnoxiously catchy pop song and pulled you onto the tiles with her onto a kitchen dance just on your socks. You didn't even realize you had started laughing with your whole chest for the first time in years. You just felt so happy. You didn't realize you were still smiling when Lotte passed you a heart shaped cookie and quietly whispered. “You're safe with us, baby. Okay?”
And you nodded. Not to placate her and make her feel better, but because you genuinely felt safe with them.
One late afternoon there was a knock on your door, it startled you a bit but you quietly opened it. It was Esme smiling widely. She held up a ton of crafting supplies excitedly. You couldn't even see everything that was in the box.
“I wanted to make bracelets? And I could use someone to help me with colour choices? You'd be up for that?” Esme asked, smiling gently. Deep down you knew she was just asking you to spend time with her so you wouldn't be alone but you didn't mind.
You let her into your hotel room and she spread everything on your bed. There were a lot of different colored embroidery threads and even some beads. The kit was a little worn down, clearly something she had been using for years and loved doing, considering how organized it was.
She didn't talk much at first. Just showed you how to tie the knots and how to knit the bracelet. How to thread beads on without pulling too tight and making the thread rip. You didn't try at first just gently watching with a lot of interest. It looked fun and calming as she tied one knot after another.
“Each one of the colors has a meaning to me.” She said, holding up a half-finished bracelet. “Like green us for growth. Blue’s for calm, Yellow for joy. That kind of thing.” You nodded a bit and watched intently as she made the bracelet. She gently pushed the threads to you. “Why don't you try making one?” She asked gently.
You looked at the different colors wide-eyed. There were so many choices and they all were beautiful. You ended up picking Lavender for peace. White for safety and Pink… you weren't sure why you picked pink. Esme said she associated it with love and immediately your hand had drifted to it. Maybe because you were desperately craving to be loved and maybe because you finally realized you were. You didn't know. Esme noticed though.
“You don’t have to talk about anything. But if you ever want to… you can.” She said quietly tying her bracelets knots. You nodded, fingers clumsy but getting better with each pass of thread.
By the end of the afternoon, you had two bracelets on your wrist. One from Esme, one that you had made yourself. You had also made one for her and she put it on happily, even though it wasn't nearly as good as the ones she made herself.
“Don’t take them off.” she said, tapping your wrist. “Even if they get old. That’s how they work. They stay with you. Just like we will.”
So you didn’t take them off. Instead you carefully wrapped them from then on during training and games.
It was a quiet morning. Most of the team was sleeping in, but you were restless. You had woken up early and just couldn't go back to sleep. So you put on some of your new clothes that had been bought by Lucy and Alessia. When you entered the team lounge it was mostly empty. For some reason Beth was already up. She and Tooney were sharing a coffee.
As soon as Beth noticed you she waved you over and you shyly approached. “Good morning.” You greeted unsure and both women smiled softly. “Morning sweetheart… you look restless.” Beth said softly and Tooney stood up. “C’mon. We wanted to go on a walk. Why don't you join us.”
You walked through the nearby trail path, sunlight filtering through trees. Beth had a thermos of tea. Ella carried a bag of gummy worms she insisted were “a walking essential.”
About fifteen minutes in, Beth slowed her pace looking at you gently.
“You know I lost my mum, right?” she said softly. You blinked a bit. You knew of course, you had been told and she had spoken about it on social media so you nod your head a bit.
“Cancer,” she said. “It’s been over two years and I still miss her everyday.”
Tooney reached for your hand. “My dad died last fall. It's really weird cause I still want to call him like I used to when something exciting at camp happens.”
At first you didn't speak. You were quietly listening as they shared their story of grieve and pain. But then you opened your mouth.
“I don't know my dad. never met him. My mum died when I was a little under two years old, I don't remember her. I've been told she committed, you know… and I was the one that found her. But I don't remember. It's probably better that way… I just wish I had memories or pictures. I wonder if she'd be proud and if she loved me…” You said quietly and played with bracelets Esme and you had made.
They just walked slower after that. Let you lean into their warmth. Let you cry, just a little, when Beth took your other hand.
“We’re still here,” Tooney said softly. “And so is she… and she'd be so proud. Just like we all are. Like my dad and Beth's mum are too.”
It happened after a team meeting. Someone had joked around about their scariest memory being when someone ran onto the pitch during a game. You had laughed a bit before quietly mumbling.
“I think I was the most scared when my second foster father locked me into the closet for like a week. I thought I'd die there. He didn't even give me food or water. In the end the police found me and got me out.” You mumbled it quiet but casual. Like all the other girls did. But it was a lot heavier. Still they didn't make you feel bad for it. Most of them looked so pained to hear what you've been through. While talking you had talked your voice started shaking and your throat was feeling tight.
So you quickly left the room to cry on your own. Grace immediately rushed after you, following you out of the room. She didn’t say anything, just wrapped her arms around you tightly the moment she caught up in the hallway. Her grip was so tight and firm.
At first, your body tensed just out of instinct or reflex, not really out of fear because you knew you never had to fear Grace, but even after you tensed up Grace didn't let go.
She just held onto you like she meant it. You knew she was a big huger and loved cuddles, yet you had never been on the receiving end of her affection for this long. She held you close and stroked your back adoringly.
And for the first time in your life you didn't flinch, you didn't pull away. No this time you buried your far into her shoulder and wrapped arms around her too. You soaked in the warmth and safety.
And when you finally whispered, “Thank you,” she only squeezed you tighter.
“No,” she said. “Thank you for letting me.”
It was the day before the final and you were wandering the hotel hallways again. Nor restless just… unsure of what to do with yourself. That's when you heard quiet piano music being played. You followed the sound to find Hannah playing. You had seen her play before so it wasn't too surprising. You watched from nearby as she played, it was just some runs of scales and some short snippets of songs.
“Come here.” She said when she noticed you hovering, patting the bench next to her for you to sit down. Unsure you glance at her face but she just smiles and pats the bench again. So you padded over and sat down next to her. Your shoulders were touching, but you didn't mind. She was a safe person, you knew that.
“Have you ever played before?” She asked softly and you shook your head. “never had one… or lessons.”
She smiled and placed your fingers on the keys. “Let’s change that.”
Hannah started showing simple chords and melodies. Just enough to show you how each key felt, how they sounded together. It was fun and you were calm as you sat there playing what she showed you. You didn't even notice that you had started to smile and relax as you sat there.
“For me music is a good outlet when the world is too much. If you play just soft you there's no rules. Just feel it and have fun.” Hannah said softly.
Your fingers stumbled. You hit wrong notes. She laughed softly but never made fun of you. In fact she nodded encouragingly each time you glanced at her after a mistake, like she wanted to make sure you'd continue playing.
“You’re not here to impress anyone.” Hannah said. “You’re here to feel and have a good time." And you did.
You stayed there for an hour, playing broken little melodies. Hannah never left your side.
Then comes the final match. England against Spain. It was a lot. Spain scored in the 25th minute and after the first half you were still down by one. You were on the bench not expecting to be subbed in. The second half begins and in the 57th minute Alessia Russo gets the equalizer through a header.
You didn’t expect to be subbed in. But in the 70th minute Alex Greenwood takes a hit against the head. Sarina nods to you to warm up and you do. Her voice was low, firm and steady. “You're on.” you knew why she had chosen you. You played in the same position as Alex.
While Alex was being taken off to the side, she was awake but likely had a bad concussion, Leah met you at the sidelines. Her eyes were calm and collected and she nodded. “Just play. We've got you.” You nod a tiny bit and hug her tightly before sprinting across the field into your position.
Here you were in your first world cup final with this only being your 3rd cap for the Lionesses at only 16. You were running, sprinting up and down the sidelines, blocking players like Aitana Bonmati. But you did a good job, you had great footwork and ball control for your age and managed to win one battle for the ball after the other. And if you couldn't get it out of the box controlled you at least hammered it far up the pitch so your team has a second to breathe.
With injury time another 8 minutes was added after twenty minutes… and in 90+3 minute a chance came. You had blocked Aitana and stolen the ball from her and immediately sprinted back towards the Spanish goal, you were looking for someone to pass too. Someone like Chloe, Michelle or Lauren but they were all in a huddle of Spanish players and not in the position to take a ball. So you just did it yourself. You went into full sprint with the ball at your feet, running right towards Ona Batlle, which for a second scared you. You knew she was a brilliant defender, you had watched hundreds of her games online to analyze her footwork to be a better defender.
You don't know what happened between her trying to get the ball from you and you making a small trick to get some space before you suddenly took the shot towards the goal yourself. The ball was flying beautifully. Curling nicely and then it hit the back of the net. You were in shock for a second and also not entirely sure if you had been offside or not so you just stood there. If you hadn't been offside then your first goal for the Lionesses might just be the winning goal for the 2025 Euros.
You stood there in shock when someone hugged you for a second. You went stiff till you realized it was just Leah. You turned to her wide-eyed while you both waited for the VAR-Check.
“I hope I wasn't offside. I hope it counts.” You whisper and she just nodded and hugged you close. Some of the other girls on the pitch had started jogging over so hopefully you could all celebrate together… the Spanish girls looked tense.
Then comes the verdict. It was a goal, you weren't offside. The team swarmed you and you were crying and laughing with happiness at the same time you made 2-1 for England in this Euros final.
There were still a few minutes to play so after about 30 seconds you had to run back to your spot but you were beaming and wiping tears of relief away at the same time. As you ran past the bench you shyly waved at Alessia, Ella and the others, who had already been subbed out or hadn't played at all. You were so happy but still a shy bean. The whole bench was already celebrating. If for the next 4 minutes Spain didn't get a goal England would be back to back Euros champions.
The next four minutes are brutal. You get fouled two times in four minutes, it's obvious Spain is now playing rough in hopes of getting one past Hannah so we'd at least go into extended time. But then finally the whistle blew and it was over. England's Lionesses were back to back Euro champions. You had scored the winning goal.
You collapsed to your knees as the whistle blew, overwhelmed. Then the team swarmed you, Lauren tackling you into the grass, Georgia shouting “Superstar!” into your hair, Lucy pulling you upright with both arms. Leah found you in the chaos, hands on your shoulders.
“You did it.”
You blush a bit and shrug. “The team did.”
“We did. But you scored that goal.” Georgia said excitedly and the others nodded. You blush and nod before saying quietly.. “But we won as a team.”
Leah smiled through her tears. “Yeah. We did.”
After a short bit of celebrating most of the team started running to their families and fans. You stand there unsure before you decide on what to do. You walk from one Spanish player to the next shaking their hand and quietly telling them that it was an honor to meet them and play against them. You were clearly scared and intimidated by most of them, but you didn't have anyone to go to and it felt right. Plus it seemed to somewhat cheer them up.
When you realized the only ones missing were Alexia Putellas and Ona Batlle you got really nervous. You decided to approach Ona first, she was with Lucy… you shyly shake her hand and whisper. “It’s really an honor to meet you.” Ona chuckled a bit. “You're just as sweet as Lucy said, bebe.”
Immediately you blushed a bit and Lucy patted you back. “Are you making the rounds shaking hands?” She asked and you nodded. “Yeah. I am almost done…”
“Who's still missing?” Ona asked. “Uhm. Alexia Putellas...” You knew that everyone just said Alexia, but it felt so wrong. She was a grown up and crazy good soccer player. You didn't want to be disrespectful.
Lucy chuckled, after all she knew Alexia pretty well from her time at Barça Femeni. She waved the forward over. Ona was also grinning as Alexia walked over. She was clearly still very upset about losing the game and you subconsciously curl close to Lucy just in case she was mad at you for scoring the winning goal.
But she wasn't mad. She smiled a bit. “You're the kid that scored. It's nice to meet you. I am Alexia.” You immediately blush. “I… I know.” Your starstruck answer made Lucy and Ona laugh even more. It was obvious that like most younger players Alexia was an idol for you. After all she was considered one of the best female players currently.
Lucy said something in quick Spanish that I didn't catch and Alexia nodded and smiled a bit. She pointed to her shirt and then to you. “Switch later?” Immediately you nodded excitedly. “Yes please. If that's okay. I mean…” You were a bit unsure, what if she rather wanted the Shirt of Leah or Lucy, like someone who was actually a well-known player. But she just nodded pleased.
Then the award ceremony happens. First the young Player of the tournament. You expected Michelle to get it, after all she has scored two goals. You didn't really consider your penalty against Sweden your first goal since it was just a penalty… but then you get called up and get the small award. You take it shyly and shake the hands of many officials, including Prince William which is like mind-blowing for you. Aitana also gets an award for being the Player of the Tournament…
Then you and the Lionesses stand there and cheer for the Spanish players as they get their silver medals and then you get your gold medals. You decided to walk somewhere in the middle so hopefully nobody would speak to you. You shook most of the hands and got your medal before jogging to the stage where the players were supposed to pose.
Leah walked over last with the trophy and then held it up for photos as you all cheered. The cheering went on for a while, before you all went into the locker room. Leah had given someone else the trophy and wrapped an arm around you as you walked.
And for the first time in your life you just let it happen, no flinching, no getting stiff. You felt a high of happiness and excitement. Like nothing could stop you. You had scored the winning goal. You really were a lioness.
Leah smiled at you. “Now I just gotta get you to Arsenal so I can train you up as my retirement plan.”
𓆩♡𓆪 pairing: lucy bronze x lioness!reader
𓆩♡𓆪 blurb: euros camp is going great, really. there's successful training sessions, good camaraderie, and even fun online challenges. unfortunately, sometimes those challenges catch unwanted things in the background. you and lucy learn this the hard way.
𓆩♡𓆪 word count: 3.5k
𓆩♡𓆪 warnings: accidental relationship exposure, two curse words but it's mainly fluff/bad humour
The lounge area of camp is a hubbub of activity as always, especially after your win against the Netherlands. Everyone knows they can’t afford to relax just yet, with one group game still to go, but there is a much more pleasant atmosphere than after the loss to France. It feels like the whole team is gathered in the lounge area, spread amongst the different tables as they loudly chatter amongst themselves. Most of the noise fades into the background to you. You’re fairly used to blocking out the chaos around you and honing focus on whoever is in your direct vicinity. In football, that’s a skill you have to build.
So, whilst you’re sure something interesting is happening in the corner from Tooney’s screams of delight, and the laughter that floats over occasionally, you give your full attention to the current conversation at your table.
You’re relaxed on a sofa against the wall, Lucy next to you as she remains in deep discussion with Beth and Georgia on the chairs across from you. They’re discussing penalties, statistics and mathematical decisions you don’t particularly understand. You’re mainly there for the company and to add in the occasional exclamation about great goalkeepers you’ve faced – the maths side means nothing to you. It was never a favourite subject of yours; in fact you would have been quite happy if you never had to face a maths equation again. Even if it was two plus two.
It excites Lucy, though. That goes without saying. Beth mentions probability, and Lucy launches into it, an excited grin on her face as she raises her hands in motion.
You turn your head to the side, watching how Lucy’s eyes crease with excitement over the statistics she knows, and your heart swells at the sight. The two of you could not be more different in your opinions on the subject, but you don’t care. You could listen to your girlfriend talk stats all day (something she utilises whenever you’re at home in London).
By now, after near two years together, you’re plenty used to Lucy going off on one of her famous tangents. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the worst possible time, you would never interrupt her. You may not like math yourself, but hearing the woman you love get excited over her passions and interests? That you like.
Lucy barely passes a glance your way as Beth enthuses about statistics from your recent game, but she casually lifts her arm in an invitation that allows you to settle under it. You waste no time shuffling into her embrace, and Lucy’s hand settles just below your shoulder with a practiced ease. Her fingers immediately start to trace small circles against your exposed skin, yet the conversation doesn’t dull.
Georgia doesn’t care much for the maths side either, but her voice breaks through when Lucy mentions the percentage divide in shots on target “Hey! It’s not my fault De Almeida is like a brick wall to get past on that right-hand side!” She sits back with her arms crossed, a pout on her face although it’s playful in nature, “If I remember correctly some of us were being run in circles by Baltimore.”
You finally gasp, piping up in your conversation in defence of your girlfriend “Sandy is like a rocket when she runs down that side, catching her is like trying to lick your own elbow-–”
Beth cuts you off with a cackle at that odd analogy “How much coffee have you been drinking, Y/L/N?”
“She’ll tell you only two cups, but I saw her sneak a third after lunch.” Lucy teases, her arm tightening briefly around your body. You glance up towards her with a pout that matches Georgia’s, but Lucy only grins at Beth as they slip back into an easy conversation. “Statistically–”
That’s all you really catch. The second numbers are thrown out, you once again allow the conversation to fade into the background. Or, at least, that is what your excuse would be. The truth is somewhere down the line, you lose track entirely. Percentages are thrown around the group, voices grow louder, and suddenly Lucy’s voice is changing.
It happens sometimes when she's excited. Even after two years, living together for six months of that, it still catches you off guard. Her accent shifts and changes until suddenly it’s like she had never left Northumberland in her teenage years. You imagine this is how she’d sounded as a child, thick Northern twang lumped on to the end of every sentence. Every few words, something intelligible passes through, though to you, it’s mostly just accented jumbles. You give a helpless look across the table to see if Beth and Georgia are struggling as much as you, only to find them hanging onto every word.
Without thinking about it, you turn her chin towards you with a gentle touch and plant a kiss on her lips. It’s short, barely a second long, but it’s enough to make Lucy stumble in her tracks and look at you with a cheesy grin. “What was that for?” she mumbles, clearly fighting the blush rising to her cheeks.
“You were getting too Northern.” You admit with a slight shrug. “It was the only way to stop you.”
Lucy’s sheepish expression shifts into something more smug. She closes the gap, nuzzling her nose against your cheek as she whispers “I can think of a few other ways.”
She wasn’t quiet enough, it turns out, if the gagging sounds from across the sofa are anything to go by.
–
Esme is sitting in bed when her phone buzzes on the side.
Then it buzzes again.
And again.
It’s practically vibrating away from the bedside table by the time she reaches over to pick it up.
The source of the notifications is quickly clear, her notification centre listing quite a few actions on TikTok. Of course, she had expected a few, but the video she posted a mere thirty minutes ago seemed to be gaining traction quicker than she usually expected.
Intrigued, Esme loads the video and clicks onto the comments. Her voice blares out the speakers in the background, but it’s all passing noise as she focuses on the most popular comments that appear at the top. They all seem to follow a similar theme.
One user has commented, all enthusiastically in large letters ‘ESME DID YOU MEAN TO POST THIS 😭’. Another has simply left a bunch of question marks. Esme frowns, fairly certain the video she had recorded that morning was nothing but a little bit of fun. One comment catches her eye more than anything, a tad more direct than the ones before.
@/user3506: did lucy and y/n know they were in the background of this???
Esme frowns to herself, but clicks off the comments and restarts her own video. It starts normally, another random TikTok challenge she had convinced her teammates to get involved in. The video starts with Esme introducing the challenge, a simple intuition game to say the same thing as your partner on the count of three. The first duo in the video is Lauren Hemp and Esme herself, and their attempt is as chaotic on the rewatch as Esme remembers it being at the time.
Next, the camera turns to Alessia and Ella to attempt the same thing. For a moment, Esme is distracted by the fit of giggles the duo descend into on screen when their answers are wildly different.
Then she sees it.
As Ella laughs, loudly and without inhibition, she practically folds over herself. Her shoulders move to centre screen, and behind her in the shot is Lucy and Y/N.
That would be fine on any other day. Lucy’s arm is around Y/N’s shoulder as she talks to their teammates, but that isn’t an uncommon situation around the Lionesses camp.
What is a little more uncommon is Y/N leaning in to land a kiss on Lucy’s lips.
Ella moves back into position then, and the duo in the background disappear. The damage, however, is already done.
Esme drops her phone when it buzzes again, this time more consistently. The screen lights up with a name; it’s only Leah, but she knows exactly what it is about.
She is so doomed.
–
Staying up past curfew hours during camp was a bad habit of yours, but it is always hard not to be awake for hours when you’re rooming with Hannah.
Hannah reminded you of a younger sibling, which made nights together in your shared room feel more like sleepovers where you were hiding from the adults. Most nights you ended up in one bed, cuddled under the sheets as you watched some Disney movie quietly and sang along under your breath. If Sarina or one of the coaching staff had heard, they would surely reprimand the both of you for staying up far too late.
It was why they had paired you with Hannah in the first place, hoping that the two of you, fairly new to each other’s company, would bring out positive habits in one another. They hadn’t roomed you with Lucy on purpose as they knew the two of you would be a fitness coach’s nightmare.
Little did Sarina know that on the first night sharing a room, Hannah and yourself had grown closer than you were with anyone else in the Squad.
Well, besides your girlfriend of course.
By now, the clock fast approaching two in the morning, you were almost certain you’d be the only two awake in camp. Which is why it was such a surprise when your phone buzzed in your lap.
Hannah looked over at the sound, her eyes wide. She’d had the same thought as you it seemed; that one of the coaches had walked past your room and was now reprimanding you for being awake.
You only picked the device up when it buzzed a second time, scowling in confusion when you saw that the notifications were actually from Esme.
esme m: PLEASE DON’T HATE ME
esme m: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I’M SO SORRY
“What’s she talking about?” Hannah asked. You turned with a shrug to find her looking at the text over your shoulder.
You look back at the text thread with equal parts confusion and concern “I have no clue.”
Just as your fingers hovered over the letters to respond, a knock came on your door. You and Hannah looked at each other at the same time, a slight ominous atmosphere filling the room.
It took a moment for you to drag yourself out of bed. Your feet hit the floor with a gentle pad, and you could feel the dull ache in your heels from that day’s training session. Once you were gone, Hannah seemed to pull the covers further up towards her chest if that was even possible. You didn’t blame her, this whole situation was very out of the ordinary.
Creeping as slowly as you could, you made your way to the bedroom door. A part of you thought that if you took your time, the mystery visitor would vanish before you arrived. Something, an energy, told you that this wasn’t the case.
You had barely lowered the handle before the door pushed open with the force of someone leaning on it and a figure stumbled inside. In the chaos and dim lighting it actually took you a moment to recognise your girlfriend.
“Lucy?” You questioned as she straightened up, looking at the TV screen first before coming back to you “Is everything okay?”
Lucy took a second to recover, her brain clearly still processing your alertness in comparison to her own groggy demeanour. It was clear whatever the disturbance was, it had woken her up.
When she didn’t respond, you prompted once more “Hello? Earth to Lucia-”
“Have you not seen?” She blinked down at you, confused. The TV glow cast a slight shadow over face, accentuating what you could only assume were frown lines from the situation.
Your words came out slowly, careful as you gauged the situation “Seen what..?”
Hannah had clearly filled herself in on the situation, for there was a gasp coming from the bed. She practically leapt over to stand between you and the defender. Her phone was being thrust in your face, screen recordings from a TikTok video that had clearly been deleted, but fans were already sharing on Twitter.
You yelped when you saw it. You and Lucy, kissing in the background. It was a clear image as well, you wouldn’t even be able to blame it on bad angles or lighting. Your heads were both turned to the side, and the camera had a perfect view of your interlocked lips. The kiss had been so small, so fast in your memory, but the video seemed to make it stretch out for hours.
Glancing down at the name of the original poster, it all suddenly made sense, and you had never been more torn.
On the one hand, you wanted to scream in frustration. You and Lucy had worked so hard to keep your relationship a secret. Dynamics within football, and within teams especially could become complicated. Football was inherently political, and the two of you had wanted the privacy to figure out your own things. By the time your relationship had blossomed into something consistent, Lucy had transferred to Chelsea, and that gave a new level of why you didn’t want the relationship being exposed. Playing for Arsenal yourself, you had never wanted situations to arise where coaches or high profile club members used you against one another for their own gain. It was something you and Lucy had always been very adamant about. In fact, the only people who really knew about your relationship were your national teammates and coaching staff and your families.
On the other hand, your heart ached for poor Esme. You could practically picture her sitting in her own room, a shaking ball of anxiety. The thought made you sigh as you looked back up at your girlfriend.
Lucy was a private person, that much was obvious. She had never particularly been one to show off her personal life beyond Narla, and you had always agreed on that. Despite this, you knew that she didn’t have as much to lose as you considering how hard she had already fought to make a name for herself. You were up and coming, and something like this could shift the way the public viewed you if you weren’t to handle it correctly.
And so, when you met her eyes you could read her thoughts clear as day. She wasn’t bothered about the video coming out for her own sake; she was concerned for you. The way she watched you said it all, her expression screaming the question: Are you okay?
You took a deep breath, the air around you feeling too warm under her concerned gaze. All you could do was take a step back and sit on the end of your own bed. Lucy followed you immediately, opting not to sit but crouch down in front of you. For a moment you nearly forced her back up, worried for her existing leg injury, but you knew you would be foolish to try and stop her from fretting over you.
Hannah remained where she was, and when you looked back over at her, you saw her creeping away with a timid, yet knowledgeable smile. Somewhere in the madness, she had grabbed some personal items from the side, mainly her phone charger and book. Through the silence she whispered “I’ll give you guys some space.”
Lucy nodded, but she didn’t turn her head away from watching you. She simply offered “LJ is alone now in our room if you want to go there” and then focused all of her attention on your expression..
You assumed Hannah nodded at that, but all you heard was the door closing before Lucy’s hands were taking your own and your brain was shutting down.
“This is okay, right?” You mumbled, scared to speak too loudly to break the solace of the space.
Lucy simply pursed her lips, letting out a heavy breath “It is if you want it to be.”
You considered her for a moment. Crouched down in front of you almost as though she were in worship. Looking into her eyes that were filled with so much care and concern made your heart stop.
Every time you and Lucy looked at one another, you thought it was impossible for her gaze to ever appear more loving than the time before. You were always wrong. Every relationship you had been in before had never made you understand what people meant when they called it the ‘look of love’. How could someone express so much just with their eyes, after all? Lucy taught you how. You knew she loved you before she even said it the first time, all from the way she watched you.
The way she held your gaze now made all of the tightness in your chest melt away.
So, instead of freaking out like you had wanted to moments ago, you simply reached your thumb and forefinger up to tap her chin. Lucy responded with ease, allowing you to tilt her chin further up. With the new angle, you were able to lean forward and down, kissing her like your life depended on it. Which sometimes you felt like it did.
Lucy moved fast, stretching up onto her knees until she was level with you. Her hand snaked from your knee to the back of your neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps along your pyjama clad skin. When her fingers tangled in the hair at the back of your neck, you were tugged closer to her body; further into the kiss. You welcomed it with a content sigh into Lucy’s mouth, the action being met with a small tug to your hair.
By the time you broke apart you were breathless, and it seemed your girlfriend was too. She leaned her forehead against yours, hand releasing your hair but slipping around to cup your chin.
The two of you stayed there like that for a while, before you broke the silence with a whisper. Whether quiet or not, you were certain of the one thing that made everything easier. “I love you.”
Lucy pulled back slightly, looking you in the eye with a hesitant smile. You could see her cocked eyebrow though, questioning how you had gotten here from your previous panic.
“I just realised that it doesn’t matter if the world knows or not,” you offered, a quiet confidence moving through your shoulders “I love you and that’s all that does matter.”
Your girlfriend watched you quizzically, then with amusement, and finally with a sort of disbelief. “You’re so fucking cheesy.”
“Good job you’re not lactose intolerant–”
“Get out!”
“This is my room!”
Then she was kissing you again, this time through a smile that you shared. It made the action a little harder, more teeth than anything as you both giggled into it, but you could care less. This time, when she pulled away, you both knew the answer to how you were going to handle it.
“At least this means I can post photos of you and Naz now.” Lucy offered, and you had to laugh over that being the first thing on her mind.
You smiled anyway, tugging Lucy up to sit on the bed with you. She did so with some effort, clearly feeling the ache in her leg although she would deny it if you asked. It didn’t stop you from placing your hand on her thigh with a gentle massaging motion, though.
Suddenly you froze, straightening up “God–I need to go speak to Esme! She must be so panicked!”
Somehow through your fear, you had started making moves to leave the room, but Lucy’s hands linked around your waist to stop you. Instead of tugging you back to the bed, she managed to angle you into her lap.
“She’s okay, don’t worry,” Lucy chuckled, the sound vibrating close to your ear, “Lauren is with her. I’ve said we’ll talk about it in the morning.”
That placated you at least, and you allowed yourself to go limp in her arms, not bothering to give a full response.
“Although I reckon we should have some fun with her.” Lucy perked up again, an idea clearly popping into her head “We could pretend it’s made us fall out–”
“No!” You cut off immediately, laughing at the way Lucy’s eyes sparkled with mischief. You wouldn’t think she was the oldest on the team sometimes from the way she acted. “We are not doing that to the poor girl!”
“Oh come on, not even a little prank?”
“No, go to sleep.”
Lucy looked around the room, acutely aware of the now empty space, and you in her lap. She’d only gotten halfway through the eyebrow wiggle and a “Well, if we’ve got the place to ourselves…” before you picked yourself up from her lap and walked around to the bedside with a groan.
“You’re gross and insatiable!”
“What? I was suggesting we finish The Lion King, you know it’s my favourite. God get your mind out of the gutter woman!”
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a/n: hello hello. did i create a whole new side blog for this just because the idea has been running around in my mind for the last month? maybe. oops. more to come. live laugh lucy bronze. all that.
grumpy masterlist | for love and country masterlist
the day you landed in switzerland, the day of the first group game against france. it was sunny. not too warm, just enough of a breeze to rustle your curls as you climbed out of the car, your arms flailing with excitement.
you had your little cap on backwards, courtesy of your uncle luca and a brand new sticker book clutched in your hand. carol was carrying your matching pink suitcase as she waved away your demands to roll it yourself.
the plan was simple, set up at the rental, rest a little, get ready to see the game and your mummy after the upcoming group game.
but you had other ideas.
"can i talk to mummy." you asked your nonno, holding up your ipad knowing there was special way to call, it having to be done by an adult as your mummy had put restrictions on it months ago after you were calling your auntie ella at five in the morning.
mario didn't even try to argue, one button press later and the call was ringing.
alessia answered from her room at base camp, hair tied up in a bun, headphones half on and posture already softening the second she saw your little face.
"lovie!"
"mummy!" you squealed, the camera jostling wildly as you tried to get a better angle, "i here! 'm in switza-land!"
alessia gushed, a big smile on her face as she looked at your excited little face, "you made it! you look so grown up since mummy last saw you."
"i dis big now" you said proudly, holding your hands up to show your height. "and i didn't sleep on the plane, nonno says i'm a jet lag princess!"
"oh dear," alessia grinned, amused by your excitement and just hearing your voice, "are you going to crash soon?"
"nooo, i had two apple juices and two 'nacks. i'm bouncy!"
alessia chuckled, moving slightly on her bed so she can prop her phone up. "you sure are."
you looked offscreen for a second, then leaned in close, whispering loudly, "mummy?"
"yeah, lovie?"
"where mama?" you asked, your hands now resting on your chin as you waited for alessia to answer.
alessia blinked. "right now?"
you nodded, "i want to say hi."
"she's not in the room, baby. she's downstairs, i think.. getting her treatment." alessia smiled, shuffling a little knowing the next thing you were going to ask.
"can you go see her?"
alessia paused, she knew is was going to be the next thing you said before she then exhaled a soft laugh. "you're really the boss of me, huh?"
you gave a big toothy grin your hands still resting on your chin. "pleasee? i miss her."
that pulled at alessia's heart in a whole new way. "alright, alright. hold on. you better not hang up on me." alessia moved from the comfort of her bed, putting on her slides and tempering her keycard as she slipped it into her sock.
"i won't! i staying right here."
with a chuckle, alessia slipped out of her room, phone in hand, walking along the long hallways and down the short flight of stairs to the physio suite passing maya and beth in the corridor most likely coming back from one of maya's pregame walks.
"who's got you rushing about?" beth teased, as alessia approached them.
"my daughter," alessia said slightly breathless, you shouting a 'hello' from the phone to both beth and maya. "she wants to see le."
the two yelling a hello back to you as maya smirked. "that checks out."
alessia found leah a moment later, lying on the treatment bed her calfs slicked with oil - clearly in the middle of a massage. eyes glued to her phone as she let the therapist do their work.
"le!" she called, walking into the room, leah's head slowly lifting from her phone a shy smile appearing on her face when she saw alessia, "emergency facetime."
leah's brow furrowed, until she saw your little face on the screen, face being held up by your hands as you had a small smile on your lips.
leah then smiled wide, "oh thank god, i thought sarina was calling me back for more tatic sheets." she said as she took the phone from alessia, pressing it close.
"hey my angel, did you have a good flight." leah asked
"hi mama," you said sweetly as you nodded, making some of the team and other girl in the room awe at your cute voice.
"i got my own big bed and a hotel key! mummy says it only for big people but nonna says i'm allowed cause im r-r-repon-ible" you told your mama, as she giggled slightly at your mispronunciation of the word 'responsible'
"is that so, have you grown that much since me and mummy seen you?" leah asked as she watched you flay your arms around as you spoke, carol and mario popping in the frame every so often in the background.
"yup," you nodded proudly. "can i see you and mummy tomorrow?" you asked, your voice a little quieter as your arms stopped moving around with your words.
leah looked up at alessia, who was talking to one of the coaches, as she looked over smiling softly but with sadness still flickering behind her eyes.
"course, we'll see after the game, yeah?" leah said gently, not wanting to overstep or tell you anything different to what alessia had said. "you'll definitely get cuddles."
"mama, we still goin' to the zoo the day after?" you asked, remembering your mummy telling you about it, how your face lit up at the thought of seeing real life elephants. it being one of the only thing you were looking forward to on the trip.
"course, we can see some lions, the giraffes, maybe some monkeys and.." leah listed off as your grin got bigger with excitement.
"elefants!" you cheered, interrupting leah as she nodded fondly, "esme really looking forward to see them, can we see them first, please mama" you hurried out excitedly.
"course we can, mummy has been taking extra special care of her for you," leah smiled as you nodded, a sad wave of a smile appearing on your face but you remembered esme had promised to keep mummy happy for you.
"okay." you yawned suddenly, stretching on the hotel bed like a cat. "'m not tired though."
"you look tired, bub."
"i not!" your voice cracked with the lie.
leah winked, moving the phone to her other hand, knowing you were seconds from falling asleep. "alright, miss wide awake. i'll see you soon. you be good for nonna and nonno, okay?"
"i'm always good." you sleepily said, as alessia came back into the frame of the camera.
alessia snorted a little. "that's a half fib and you know it."
"medium good," you corrected yourself, as your head lay on the soft bed, your mummy insisting it was time for your pj's and bed.
"good night lovie, mummy and mama love you, so much" alessia said as she kissed at the screen. you blowing them back sleepily as alessia caught them holding it close to her chest.
the call ended, finally, with three loud kisses and a million mumbled 'good nights' leah handing alessia's phone back to her with a small shake of her head. "she runs this whole operation," leah murmured.
alessia nodded, not even attempting to disagree. "she really does."
and despite the ache, the fact alessia couldn't pull you into her arms right now or tuck you into bed. the facetime left her and leah feeling a little fuller. a little braver.
...
the game against france had left a dull ache in alessia's chest. not just from the loss but from the few fleeting second that she saw you for after the final whistle. you had been curled up in carol's arms in the stands just behind the dugout, eyes heavy with sleep, the sky long gone dark.
alessia had jogged over just to kiss your forehead. you barely even stirring, murmuring something about 'goals and glitter boots' before her mum whispered, "she didn't make it past halftime less,"
but tonight was different.
the lionesses had come out with fire against the dutch, and alessia had played her heart out. no goals but three assists, each one carefully threaded like she was stitching something sacred back together. alessia had energy, control, composure.
as the cheers were still echoing through the crisp swiss night as england file off the pitch, the echoes of sweet caroline lingering faintly beyond the floodlit stadium.
a 4–0 win over the dutch. with three assists for alessia. her name was the one the media team had at the top, the player of the match trophy was hers, her performance one the commentators will gush about for days. the sort of night any player dreams of.
but alessia didn't feel it. not properly.
not when her chest feels hollow, when she knows you are waiting just beyond the tunnel, probably fighting to keep your eyes open despite the late hour.
alessia barely registers the usual post-match noise. the microphones shoved under her chin. the flash of cameras. the reporter's voice feels far away as alessia mutters through the mandatory questions like she's already practiced them in her bedroom beforehand, nodding at words she doesn't quite hear.
leah as always lingers close, a steady presence, occasionally brushing alessia's arm in quiet reassurance. alessia can't stop the restless bounce in her knee, the impatient shift of her weight, her eyes darting toward the mouth of the tunnel every other second.
by the time she's free of the cameras, she's practically jogging. her boots click against the concrete, the din of the stadium softening into the low hum of the concourse. leah keeps pace beside her, silent but watchful, her hand brushing against alessia's as if to ground her.
the family section is alive with the usual chaos. lucy is crouched, letting her niece stick a glittery lionesses stickers to her forehead while pulling exaggerated faces.
ella, ever the joker, is in fits of laughter as she tells one of her jokes to her boyfriend, joe, making joe double over in laughter. the scene is warm, familiar but alessia doesn't stop.
because then she sees you.
you are standing beside your nonna, curls a little messy, the tiniest england flag clutched in your hand. your socks don't quite match, one slouching around your ankle.
your wearing the oversized england hoodie alessia bought you last month. the one you calls her 'lucky one' because you wore it when your mummy scored against spain in the nations league.
the moment your wide eyes spot alessia, your whole face lights up like a lantern. relief. recognition. love. and then, just as quickly, it crumples.
"mummy!" the cry cracks in the middle, a tiny sound swallowed by the cavernous space.
you sprint, your trainers slapping against the concrete. alessia barely has time to crouch before you barrel into her, flinging your arms around your mummy's neck so hard alessia nearly tips backward. alessia catches you, holding you as if the ground might open beneath the two of you.
"i've missed you, lovie," alessia whispers, tucking her nose into your curls, breathing in the faint scent of strawberry shampoo and her mum's laundry detergent.
usually, that earns a squeal or a breathless, 'did you see me on the telly, mummy?' or you would usually wriggle to show off your face paint you'd had done before the game or demand alessia carry you all the way to the car like a koala as you bargain your way to a later bedtime so you can spend time with your mummy and mama.
but not tonight.
tonight, you just cling tighter, your small body trembling. when alessia pulls back a little to check your face, she sees your bottom lip quivering.
and then the tears come.
"i don't want you to go," you sobs, your words breaking as your little shoulders shake, your voice hiccupping as you cling tighter.
alessia's heart feels like it's being squeezed in a vice. she hugs you tighter, swaying instinctively, rubbing gentle circles into your back. "hey, hey... it's okay, lovie. i've got you. i promise i've got you."
but the words don't seem to touch you. your fists curl tighter into alessia's kit, the fabric wrinkling in your tiny hands as you press your face into your mummy's shoulder, sobbing softly but with a rawness that slices through alessia's chest.
leah crouches beside them, her voice soft, a careful calmness to it. "hey, angel. you know nonna's making pancakes for breakfast tomorrow, right? then by the time breakfast is finished, we'll be going to the zoo, you told me on facetime how excited esme was to see the other elephants."
you doesn't even look up. "don't... want pancakes or zoo. want mummy. m-mummy stay."
the last two words crack, like they're too heavy for your small mouth.
alessia swallows hard, blinking back the sting behind her eyes. she can feel the conflict tearing her apart: her head knows she can't break fa rules, can't skip curfew or haul her daughter into camp.
but her heart? her heart is screaming at her to just take you in her arms, bundle you into the hotel and the rules be damned.
ella swoops in having seen the scene pan out just beside her and her boyfriend, joe. and having heard from alessia how you weren't really yourself since the tournament had started.
ella crouching low so she was eye level with you, her grin bright but gentle. "tiny, if you come with me, i'll teach you how to steal grace's boots tomorrow. she hates it. make her do warm-ups tomorrow in her socks."
grace, looming behind her, crosses her arms with mock severity. "oi, don't drag me into your schemes. tiny, tell your auntie ella she's trouble."
usually, that would earn a shy giggle, maybe even a cheeky remark as you would agree just to wind them both up. tonight, you doesn't even blink at them, your sobs quieting into shaky breaths as you burrow further into alessia's neck.
alex edges closer, her presence offering something calmer, something softer. "less... want me to grab her some water? might help her calm down a bit."
as alex slips away, keira, quieter than the rest, leans in and murmurs to alessia, "we'll cover for you, less if you want a bit longer. sarina can wait. nobody is rushing you."
alessia nods, her throat too tight to speak, her hand running up and down your back in slow, steady motions. her teammates linger nearby, some trying to coax a smile, others simply existing as a quiet circle of support.
even beth, who usually is the first to crack a joke, just rests a gentle hand on alessia's back, murmuring, "she'll settle, less. she's just tired."
it takes just over half an hour, water that alex fetched, your nonno's coaxing promises of pancake flipping, and leah softly offering to read esme the elephant later. before you finally, reluctantly, let carol scoop you into her arms.
even then, your small hands stretch toward alessia, fingers splayed, reaching, reaching... until the car door closes. silent tears slip down your cheeks, your big eyes fixed on your mummy through the window as the taillights fade into the night.
the moment her parents and you are gone, alessia's composure shatters. the ache in her chest crashes over her in a wave so strong her knees nearly buckle. she presses her palms to her eyes, trying to hold herself together, but her breath catches, trembling.
leah steps in instantly, no words, just wrapping her arms around alessia and tucking her against her chest.
"she thinks i don't want her," alessia chokes out, her voice cracking. "she doesn't understand. and my head's telling me i need to be here, i need to focus... but my heart's telling me to just take her. forget the rules. just... take her and so she can be with me, be with us."
leah holds her tighter, resting her chin on top of alessia's damp hair as she places gentle kisses to the top of her head. "i know. i know, less. but we'll get through it. you're not alone. not in this."
around them, the other lionesses begin to drift away, beth giving alessia's back one last comforting pat, as ella mouths "we'll sort something tomorrow" as she walks off with keira.
only leah stays, the team giving the two a bit of space, as leah lets alessia cry into her shoulder, her thumb stroking soothing circles at the base of her spine, peppering small kisses to her head and she whispered it was all going to be okay.
when alessia finally pulls back, she fumbles into her backpack and finds the small, worn plush toy, esme the elephant, the one you never slept without. alessia clutches it tightly to her chest, her eyes still wet.
but the image of your outstretched hands, fingers splayed reaching for her as the car pulled away lingers, sharp and unrelenting like a wound that wouldn't close.
