#certex

[emmcalosa]

what if, series three: vows of yesterday

Event Ten (The Last)

Texon’s POV

“...Take this ring as a sign of my undying love.. as the night changes, my feelings just stay the same.. To have and to hold.. for richer or for poorer.. ‘til we reach forever.. my love will just be the same...”

My heart aches as I’m about to finish my plan. I love her. With all that I am, with all that I have. I will never hurt her.. ‘cuz hurting her is like punishing myself.. But now.. I know I’m gonna make her cry. But it’s for her own good. I can still remember how her mom went to me and beg to let her go. Her mom is convincing her to go to Spain to study architecture because she only wanted the best for her daughter. But I want her to stay. I’m begging the heavens that she would choose me. But, I chose for her. I just woke up realizing that love is all about sacrifice... that I’m too selfish to not give her the best! Her mom wants her only the best! As I am! I want only the best for her.. I remember when we used to stay up late at the school backyard to feel the air and dream with her.. We have dreams.. To live. To grow. Together. But.. I know, it will last. Everything between us will last. But I was sure then. That I will only love her. and if God won’t permit, I know I’m gonna live alone. Die alone. with her in my heart.. I don’t want to let her go but if letting her go means giving her the best, then I will. 

I lied that I forgot her. How can I forgot someone so important? How can I forgot someone I only laid my eyes on? How can I forget someone I’ve ever loved? I planned the whole accident thing... I planned that I forgot her. To make her go. to let her go and pursue her dreams. I felt like I’m the only barrier to her dreams.. But look at her now, successful and happy. How can I come back now? How can I tell the whole truth? How can I tell her that I love her to death? 

I hugged her. Tightly. Like everything just happened yesterday and all the feelings were fresh from being opened. I love her. And the only thing I want to make her feel is that, my love never fades.. This is our chance now. Our chance to love again, by this time, I know this is right. I love her. I feel that her love never fades.. And I vowed that I will always remember, that she is the only woman I will ever love, and no accident can change that. Even my mind forgets, my heart wil always remember..

[emmcalosa]

what if, series three: vows of yesterday

Event Nine

Cerina’s POV

I was holding his right hand tightly like all my fears of losing him again crept inside me. I was dumbfounded. Just a while ago I was decided to let him go, to let my feelings all go but right I was holding onto him like I can’t move on. I love him. That’s the surest thing I’ve known in my life. And I seriously think that I can’t love again if it’s not him. From the day I vowed to love him for the rest of our lives until now, as the night changes, my feelings stay the same. 

His eyes open quietly. I hugged him. I also called the doctor to check his status. I wonder where his family? Where is his girlfriend? Steph? I wonder why I am here. I know I have to tell them. I have to have the courage to tell them. But after I’ve known his status. The doctor said that he got into a minor car accident last night and hit his head slightly. I just talked with the doctor and he said that Texon is now stable. I’m relieved. I know I have to call his parents. As I’m about to go outside, he called me. wait, by our endearment? 

“Love.” 

I was so dead until he called me. I was so dead until he called me by our endearment. Like all my anger and hatred had just faded and all was remained is love and passion. How can I still love him despite of making me suffer? Wait, he remembers now? I’m confused. 

“I’m sorry, love. Sorry. I remember you.. Always. Never been forgotten.”

My mouth left widely opened.

[emmcalosa]

what if, series three: vows of yesterday

Event Two

Cerina’s POV

3 years ago

This art project is giving me a hard time because you know I’m not fond with the brush and colors, so this art is big no no to me but I have to do this to pass my subject. It’s like a second chance for me. Second chance huh? I’ve grown up learning that not all people deserve a second chance. Like what my mom did to my dad. She gave up her marriage because she said that she saw my dad with some young girl in a restaurant. I was crying at that time because I was just 5 and I don’t really understand. Now, I was still stuck on that moment, that I have trust issues.. until a boy sat down beside me, with his earphones on while hands on his laptop. He has a serious face. My eyes were on for like minutes ago unconsciously of course! until he looked at me with a confusing look and then he smiled. He is so attractive.. from that moment, I dreamt of a boy who can send me love letters, who is a prince, a knight and shining armor, then I realized I found him. He was gentle despite his very serious and cocky look. For once, I believe in love. I belive it despite my parents broken marriage. Despite of my fear of getting hurt in the end.. So now, after all the years, I’m still crying my heart out, praying for him to remember me, who’s waiting until the last leaf fall...

[emmcalosa]

what if, series three: vows of yesterday

Event One

Cerina’s POV

As the wind blows, the trees swing by it which gives a relaxing moment as I walk to him, the love of my life. Leaves as green as the emeralds curved into my white dress, I remember those times when I usually dreamt of my ideal wedding dress, now, we made it happen. As I walk through, I remember a man who’s giving too much to his family, friend and to me. For everyone, he is a hero. Tho for me he’s the right man.. but suddenly, as I get near him, the clouds get dark and thick, as the rain pour down and a  thunder came in this wide array of bermuda grass which snapped me into sleep.. And then I realized, it was all my dream. I cried again until I fall asleep.

[iacoatings]

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[emmcalosa]

what if, series three: vows of yesterday

Event Eight

Cerina’s POV

I’m holding this box full of photos and letters that we once shared, that we once glanced, and I once treasured. But now, I’m willing to let it all go. I love him. Still. Holding this feels so torture to me. How can these pieces of sheets bring so much memories? A tear fell like the past just happened yesterday. I know I have to let this go. I know, I have to let go of what’s keeping me from moving on. I know I have to let him go. Will he be happy? because if he is, then I’m willing to let go. I’m willing to give up for my love and never look back. If this takes him to be better and have a good life then I’m willing to let him go. Even if it breaks me. Hurt me. I am letting him go... I knelt down and pray.

Lord,

Now, that he is free, I hope that he will be happy. I hope that I end this through he will be totally happy. Even this will hurt me. Even this will make me crazy. Because I love him and I vowed that I will love him forever. I may not be able to love again, but I’m happy that he is the last man I’d ever love. He is worth it. I just hope that I get this through. Give me strength to hold on and still love him from away. It may hurt not to see him near, but I know I need this. He is my world. There’s no regret making him one, I’m happy. He’s making me happy.. but sad at the same time. I realized that love isn’t about happiness or sadness or having both, it’s about making you feel alive. I’m alive.. All these years of following him.. All these years of loving him from a far.. Now, I can say I’m living and not just merely existing.

As I turn back to where my car is parked, a call came... a hospital wing?

[emmcalosa]

what if, series three: vows of yesterday

Event Seven

Cerina’s POV

Yesterday was so full to me. At the start, I was happy looking for all the arts surrounding the whole exhibit but hours later I was crying hard.. because of that man. because of the man I poured my heart out but eventually crashed it.. the man I thought I’ll spend the rest of my life... the man I’ve ever loved but hurt me in the end.. The end. I was clearly on my mind yesterday when I said I have to move on. I know this is for me. I know this is for the better. Because I also realized that maybe, this is really what God wants.. this is really what Texon wants.. That this is our destiny. To grow apart...

3 years ago

“Love.. I may go far. But this is for our future.. after a year, I will get you here and we’ll live in London. For good. and I’ll marry you.. We’ll raise our family.. TOGETHER.. Never apart. Okay?..” He spoke softly holding my both my cheeks while I’m sobbing because of him leaving.. I’m not ready but we need to. We need this.. I love him but I have to trust him.. 

But now, remembering everything makes me so hard to move on. I shrugged my head and went to the place where it all started.

[emmcalosa]

what if, series three: vows of yesterday

Event Four

Cerina’s POV

He’s talking with a bunch of good-looking bachelor with his light and smiling face. I wonder, what they are talking about? Why are they laughing? I always miss his serious face. I miss his annoyed face whenever I’m pinching his cheeks.. I miss his jealous face everytime I’m with someone else.. I realized, I miss everything about him.  A familiar memory lingered inside my head..

3 years ago

Texon and I are here in the school backyard, hugging each other and just looking in the blue sky, as he speaks..

“Cerina.. one day we’ll gonna build our own home.. and you’re gonna draw it. And me? as your engineer, i’ll be in charge in constructing it..’’ He suddenly grasp my hands and never let go. I know that this love will last forever. I can feel it.. I can feel how far this love can go..