A Sentinel's Vigil
"What do you know of love?" She had asked him once.
"I only know of you."
Watching her cascade into this entanglement was a test of patience. He had no qualms with him personally. He had nice cheekbones. His alcohol reliance was a bit alarming. And for a while that was all that needed to be said. A dalliance, a craving, had no business taking up space in his mind. But somehow this accountant ensnared her. She could only pretend it was a game for so long. They both felt the shift. The tectonic movement of her feelings and he held his breath as he braced for what was next.
Her heart was too big, it always had been. Her emotions flowed deeply, eroding crags in the expanse of time, her current reaching out to grasp at any who was brave enough to dive in. He had come to terms with the fact that she would pour small treasures of herself to anyone worthy. Jealousy wasn't what made it so hard for him to bite his tongue. The sincerity of the feelings weren't in question. Shinseok knew he would gladly die for Soa. But she didn't need any more people to lose. She needed someone to live for. How could a human, even a necromancer, hope to give her that?
He watched her eyes dim as another day passed and no letter arrived. A flash of anger burned hot in his veins. How dare he do this to her! Did he not understand the honour she gave when so much as sparing a glance at him? Nevermind taking him as a lover. Forging a blood connection. Shinseok paused, fist unclenching at his side. No. Of course he did. Junji Okada knew his place.
Despite Junji's attempts to deter him, Shinseok paid enough attention to know that there was nothing he could do about this. They were both stubborn in their own ways. What was initially righteous indignation had cooled to a miasma of longing in her. And yet she would not bring herself to his doorstep. A queen left waiting for the move of a pawn. A pawn too lost in self flagellation to notice he was wanted, yearned for. A twisted reverence rooting him in place, a need for penance blinding him to the end of all their suffering.
And finally a knight watching this all unfold. Mute in understanding. This was not how this was supposed to play out. He dreaded the day it would inevitably end and how that piece of her she gave away would never return. The crack it would form in her heart would be a cataclysm.
What did he know of love?
He only knew of helplessness.