TMFchallenge 001: Memories
As I walk away, I hear you say "Daddy, love you more"
Michael Roth.
The picture next to the name was of her father, but the information provided about him was not something she had ever thought about. Stock broker? New York? NO! He was a pharmacist. It had been a blow to find out he was cheating on her mother, but now to find out he had a whole other occupation? The more Erica read about the man she thought she had known for the latter part of her life, the more she began to return to feel. The numbing sensation of her world was fading fast, and feeling was taking over. And she didn’t want to feel. She shouldn’t care. Her mother didn’t do anything about it. Her mother let her father lead this double life. Erica was not a concern in this equation. She just had to play the part of good girl in Dad’s “normal” life. All she knew was that right now she couldn't be his little girl. From now on, there was never going to be that bond again. She resented ever waiting up for him at night and she hated herself for being a pawn in this joke of a life between her father and her mother.
Bile rose up in her throat and she ran for the bathroom. The bile was made up of all the things she knew now she had to press down. She could never throw them up. These words were sacred and she couldn’t say them. So the toilet was not her destination. Instead, Erica sank back into the tub. She stripped off her shirt and pants and lay bare in her bra and underwear. She picked up the razor blade again. Toying with it between her fingers. Amazed at how quickly her emotions could return to her, she desired the rapid outlet she had discovered half an hour ago. This time, as she rested her head against the tub to relax, a tear dripped down her chin to her chest, another traveled the side of her face and wet her ear. She was crying, she was bleeding, and for the first time in her life, she wished she were dying.