“Do you believe in fairy tales, Rahim?” + “You saved my life!” (lily & rahim)
1. “Do you believe in fairy tales, Rahim?”
Rahim stilled, exhaling a laugh with a bitter twist to it, that mirrored the curl of his lips. “Not anymore.”
Maybe, when he looked at Lily, at the light and hope that was still inexplicably in her eyes, he wanted to believe. But he knew what a lie it was, and how cruelly that illusion would one day be shattered for her, just as it had been for him. That was the only thing that heartened him about their upcoming separation - at least Rahim wouldn’t have to see it.
“This is the Death Eaters’ world now,” he continued, voice harsh. “My father’s. People like Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, the whole damn Order itself ... they’re not invincible anymore. I mean, where are they now? Hiding away? That’s what this world is full of, people who run. Trust me on this one, alright? People leave. They always leave.” His mind wandered to his mother, somewhere in Alexandria. It’d been years since he’d heard from her. She’d been the first to teach him, and now look at how well Rahim was following the lesson. Picking up and running and leaving the world on fire, a fire that his own father had set.
He had to run. He had to look away from Lily’s face uplifted to his: afraid he’d see trust in him there, the way he’d noticed it slowly growing. He didn’t deserve that from anyone, least of all her.
Rahim swallowed, the coldness in his words dissipating as his voice shook. “If not worse. That’s all they’re good for.” He looked back to her and felt his heart twist inside of him like a knife. It was impossible. But she looked ... so much like her, hair flaming brighter than anything Rahim had ever seen. Except for her eyes. The light in them was brighter still, a light he’d been dreaming of for years. A horribly familiar and miserable fury crept around his shoulders, as his eyes turned faraway. “There was only one person I ever met who wasn’t like that. She never would have given up. She never would have run.” The ache Rahim felt, half-grief and half-longing, knowing that was true. This Lily - his Lily, as he’d started to think of her as, for all he knew it was foolish - couldn’t really be Lily Potter. She just couldn’t. Fairytales like that, redemption like that, hope like that - it just didn’t exist. His voice cracked. “But she’s dead now. And soon the rest of us will be too.”
“Except you and me. We’re getting out of here. Call it a fairytale if you like, but that’s the only thing you need to waste our time believing in.”
2. “You saved my life!”
He didn’t think he’d ever felt so alive, so aware of his body as Rahim did now, his hand cupping Lily’s cheek, thumb almost brushing against her lip. He hadn’t known it was possible to feel so tender and so hungry all at once, leaning in closer, the distance between his lips and hers almost nothing at all.
Then he registered her words, registered who she really was, the truth of it at last. Lily Potter. Her touch would burn him as the undeserving. Rahim pulled back, abrupt, his skin still aflame where the contact between them had been lost.
“No. No, I didn’t,” he said, voice rising in tension. He couldn’t stand the way she was looking at him. Like she wanted nothing else but him in the world. Rahim’s own eyes were still dark with desire, giving away exactly how foolish his heart had been. Again. “Not really. I should have done more. I should have gone with you. I don’t know, anything. Anything at all, but let what happened to you happen!”
If he hadn’t already stepped back like he’d been burnt, the fury in his words would surely had blasted him back. They resonated around the room furiously, the anger he’d felt towards himself for years finally receiving an outlet.
What had almost happened between them ... he’d been wanting it for so long, these last few weeks with her. Even longer, he realised, with that same wonderful, horrible realisation all over again, because this was Lily Potter, and she was gloriously, thankfully, alive after all. And he’d fallen in love with her all over again.
And she was forever out of his reach.
He tried to collect himself, to still the thousand different emotions warring inside of him, to above all still the instinct saying, hold her close, touch her, you’ve been waiting so long.
“You don’t owe me anything,” he said. What began as something mangled solidified into the detachment he had been practicing for years. It might hurt her, his coldness, but in the end, she’d thank him for it, Rahim reasoned. His senses, that had been so alive only seconds ago, were already numbing. He’d never been meant to have this. “Nothing has changed. We just know now beyond a doubt that you really are Lily Potter. The plan is the same. We take you to the Order, safe and sound. And then I’ll go...” he paused, momentarily despondent. Though they now knew without a doubt she’d find her family, there was still no one waiting for him. And the only person he’d ever truly wanted, he’d just pushed out of his arms. He could still feel her phantom touch. Probably always will, he thought bitterly, but in the next second was pathetically grateful for it. It’d be something of her.
“I’ll go where I need to go. We go our separate ways. Not long now.”