#child4life

[veeluvvee]

They actually have a new branch in well st. E9. Ended up getting 2 new tarts. V. Happy with the work and service. #sleeveinprogress #blackwork #tattoo #stickandpoke #cartoonnetwork #cartoon #anime #peterpan #child4life (at Tatu Society)

[the-village-witch]

Conversation between 2 #goths #disney #relatable #Child4Life

[bluemoon-glen]

child4life replied to your post: either i get my shit together and tell my parents...

What the….

 caprediem said: 

?????

Yeah sorry I wasn't being clear but basically I haven't seen my parents for like almost a month (a little over a month really) and they always do this thing where Oh i haven't seen CC (me) in over a month, she must have lost so much weight with working and studying and exercising

well i work

but i also eat 

and I study

but I also stress eat

I exercise

But I study 90% of the time because the other times I'm either working or fucking tired and just sleep. So I haven't really had that much time to work out but every time they call I just say yes i'm exercising (and this is literally how our conversations has gone my ENTIRE life since I was 5 years old because apparently I was fat since 5 years old when in fact, I wasn't. I was normal till I started dieting at age 6.) 

So for me, its like oh shit you haven't seen me in a month, I'm still fat, every single self conscious thought comes rushing back to me, every single fat comment they made in my life comes back, every single time they saw me and was "disappointed" that i was still fat also came back and now I'm freaking out because I don't think I lost any weight maybe even gained because I stress eat like holy fuck and I actually wasn't planning on going home but my dad caught me off guard when he screamed about how i wasn't coming home because I'm making "moneY" now so i dont need him or something (actually its because my work schedule makes me work on the weekend when i usually would go home but now that I can't since I'm working LIKE HE WANTED ME TO ). 

And my mom always kept texting and calling saying OH my god you probably like lost so much weight because you are working now and studying so hard and also exercising diligently (idk where she gets this from because I did not tell her i was exercising) though i would vaguelly be like "mmhm....." 

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

now its like

my old habits are coming back because I don't want them to be disappointed in me: starving myself, punching myself in the stomach, telling myself I'm a failure, i hate my body, i want to run a knife through my body, etc. 

I hate that i think this way. I hate it. i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it. My entire life has been about losing weight because of my parents but when I saw my childhood pictures i was what I thought NORMAL. I wasn't even fat but I wasn't Korean Skinny or Korean Normal; I was Korean fat and now I'm fucking FAT IN BOTH FUCKING COUNTRY STANDARDS AND

okay sorry

im getting really emotional

this is my train of thought literally before I go home on weekends but they don't know that. If they did know, they'd be like well its your fault for being so fat. 

aughhhhhhhhhhh

its really upsetting and freaks me the fuck out mentally when you literally cannot stand being in your own skin and body. Like acknowledging that this is your body and just being in it....I just want to cut it off and be in someone elses body

something tinier 

i fucking hate it when i get like this

I HATE IT

i was in a good place for the month i didn't go home 

i was really happy or content though i was not happy with my body, i didn't feel like i wanted to cut it off

now i'm back where I was before

now when other people read this, its like the most ridiculous thing in the world

its silly

but to me its like i'd rather be dead

than go see them and be called fat or be silently judged by them

[cyberconchas]

So I went to this restaurant where you put whatever ingredients you want in a bowl and they cook it up for you, and there’s this part where you can sample the sauces, right? Well, I ACCIDENTALLY THREW MY USED SAMPLE SPOONS INTO ONE OF THE SAUCES THINKING IT WAS THE TRASH. AND THE MAN WHO COOKS THE FOOD SAW ME WHILE I DID IT. It was awful, and I just stood there laughing not knowing what to do. This is why I shouldn’t be trusted with anything in life. Also, I just hit my head on a doorknob. ◕ ◡ ◕