#choo-choos

[coolnessgraphed]

[risingsunspots]

Why Traveling by Train is the Fucking Shit

- None of this fucking "terminal" bullshit.

When I have to fly on a plane, I usually have to get my friend to drive me to the airport, drive around some stupid circle until I find my terminal, haul my shit to the ticket counter, and get sexually assaulted at security before I can actually get within 20 meters of the actual god damn plane.

Going to the airport is a god damn hour and a half long ordeal that makes you arrive balls early just so you can wait with a bunch of other fucks that hate their lives. The whole airport schema that we depend on so much is such an unbearable clusterfuck that it makes me wonder how anyone can get through the process sober.

A train station is just that. Its a station. With fucking trains. 

You get to the station, and the trains are right fucking there! It's amazing! And when the train gets there, you fucking get on, and the TRAIN FUCKING LEAVES.

If you never have flown before this might not seem like a huge deal to you, because you'd be like "Well of course Akira! That makes fucking sense, the train leaves after people get on, no shit!"

Well with travel by aircraft there are precautions taken, such as pre-boarding checks, pre-pre-boarding checks, pilot smoke breaks, engine polishing breaks, rudder rectification, and a whole bunch of other shit that takes way too much time (I may or may not have made up all of those things). You end up spending a half hour of your life doing nothing while people make sure that the plane doesn't fall out of the sky.

I'm not saying these checks are unnecessary (because obviously I have no clue what I'm talking about), I'm just saying it sucks balls.

Another fucking awesome thing about trains: If I want to go get a sandwich while I wait for my Awesome Magical Awesome-Mobile 5000, I can walk across the fucking street and order a god damn sandwich.

Its like literally right fucking there. For normal, not airport-monopoly prices, 1 minute away. And I can do it without getting felt up 2 more times. What a steal!

  -Fucking service, man. (It's awesome)

There are just so many little things about train travel that makes it rock so hard.

    - A place to buy food and beer.

        While it still isn't as cheap as normal food places, it's way fucking better than shelling out 5 bucks for a pack of fucking god damn m&m's on a plane. The fuck is that shit? This post could also be titled, "Why Aircraft Travel Can Suck My Left Nut".

    - Like, 12 feet of leg room.

        Despite the exaggeration, its fucking comfy down there. I have all this room to do my dance routine or some stretches; its fucking fantastic.

    - These bathrooms were made for a king.

        There's enough room to put a fucking shower in there.

    - I can walk around

        The biggest problem I have with air travel, is that I get claustrophobic pretty easily. Not being able to move for an extended period of time just gives an overall feeling of sucktitude. On a train, I can take a fucking walk from car 1 to car 5, and everyone is super chill with it. Break dancing is apparently a no go though. Fascists.

    - There's like an outlet, right fucking there.

        Seriously. Best part. As a young, hip, 20-something year old in the year 2012, going without an electrical socket within 20 feet of me at all times is unacceptable.

    - Fucking, free wifi.

        !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Train companies usually wont fuck you over.

It can be a fucking hassle to get from point A to point B if shit happens and you find yourself missing a flight. If you're not shit out of luck and can avoid buying a new ticket altogether, there's usually a charge to have your flight moved, and I can guarantee that its not going to be less than a hundred bucks. And more often than not, the word "standby" is going to be involved (See: Purgatory).

Its a fucking expensive mistake to make, and it leaves a bad taste in your mouth for a while.

What does your best friend the choo-choo say when you miss your boarding time? "That's cool brah, just get the next one." Same fucking price, possibly 30 minutes later. Its so simple and awesome. I actually got on a train that left earlier that the ticket I bought said for, because fuck it.

I know I compared a lot of the benefits to the crap you have to deal with by flying. But it also kicks the shit out of driving.

Why driving sucks, a mini-list for comparison:

- If your car breaks, you're screwed.

- Interacting with other drivers via your cars and a bunch of lines and stupid rules to follow pisses me off.

- Cops.

- Cars are cramped.

- Traffic. Man fuck traffic.

Trains kick ass.