So, since the footage for my New Year’s video is fucked I’ll be writing my thoughts about this year below. This contains some sensitive subjects so I’ll put it under a read more. I’m not making this as a way to get pity. I want this to be a message to everyone that there is still hope.
In short terms, for me 2017 was an emotional roller coaster.
So I’ll start off with January through April. This time was a mixture of stress and excitement. It was my last couple of months of high school, and I was really trying to work to make sure I would graduate and not have to take exams at the end of the year. Also, I was just starting to build back my relationship with my dad, stepmother, and brother. Things were going well.
May hit. I graduated! And I didn’t have to take any exams! I even graduated with honors and the highest average in some subjects. I cried more with my friends than I have in a while. I was so proud of them and myself. I had closed the door on one chapter of my life and had turned my attention to opening the door to the next chapter: college.
Then June hit.
And everything going well suddenly stopped.
I remember this year how we had the Every 15 Minutes thing at school. A simulation of what happens when you text and drive or drink and drive. I find it ironic because in a way, the events of June feel like an emotional car wreck.
Firstly, due to certain things not getting done like they were suppose to, I had to give up on going to college this year and take a gap year. I was pretty bummed out about it. I decided to focus my attention on trying to get a job and have a steady source of income.
Then there was a death in my family. My stepmother died. Just when I was starting to repair my relationship with them this happens. It turned my whole family upside down. I had never seen my dad so emotional in all of my life.
The least I can say is that at least this happened after I got out of school. With how many people involved this situation either try to help or turn on you, I don’t know how I could’ve dealt with it then.
It’s made me realize something about myself. I really am the foundation when it comes to my relationships with others. Regardless of the situation, when something happens, I’m the one people lean on. I don’t mind it so much, but for lack of a better phrase, so much weight has fallen on the foundation this year that it cracked. I was emotionally a mess, and anyone who knows me knows I feel emotions very deeply. One minute I was fine then another I was crying like a little baby again. I’m a crybaby, but those months I had cried more then I have in the past 6 years.
It felt like I was being torn up from the inside out. Others tried helping me, and for a time they helped. I really have to thank my mother and best friend for that. They tried their hardest regardless of their own problems.
I was home a lot, and definitely not taking care of myself. I have been a fan of Mark and Jack for many years, and I tried watching their videos. It help made me a little better. I decided to start watching Crankgameplays since I kept seeing him in Mark’s videos with the others. He quickly became someone I enjoyed watching along with Mark and Jack. Then I stumbled upon his You Can Do This video.
Something about it just hit me. I don’t really know what exactly it was. Something just felt personal about it. Maybe it was because of how the recent events in my life were happening. Because it’s not like I haven’t heard those words before, especially from my mom.
But something about that video somehow hit a switch in me. I started feeling motivated again. I started slowly taking care of myself again. I finally decided to start my youtube channel, something I wanted to do since I began watching Youtube in 2012.
I started not really caring about what others think.
I just wanted to make life for myself and others happy. So that’s basically what I’m throwing myself into doing.
I tried recording videos. And it was hard, I kept messing up at the start. There are plenty of deleted videos from the beginning because something messed up, like the audio or the video. But I couldn’t give up yet.
Then October rolled around. I was facing my 19th birthday. My birthday present this year was being able to go to Markiplier’s You’re Welcome Tour in Nashville. I absolutely loved it. I was crying from happiness and how good the show was. And the tour really inspired me. I came back home and threw myself into overdrive. I got everything to work and recorded my first series, the Seven Nights Of Frights for Halloween.
And from there, well, you can go to my channel and see.
My life is slowly climbing back up onto a better path. A happier one. But I wouldn’t have been able to do it without those close to me, and those who inspire me and who I look up to and admire.
The foundation’s cracks were repaired. There are still scars, still traces, and sometimes it can get really hard again. But I’m making progress.
And for anyone out there who happens to read this, there’s hope for you too. There are some other instances around my other friends I haven’t mentioned in this, but it’s been a rough year for them too.
I just want you to know that you can do this.
Find something that motivates you. Find people who support you. Find something you enjoy doing.
You can do this, I know you can.
Look life in the face and smile when it smacks you down and tell it to fuck off, and get up again.
