Thoughts on Lycion's identity, species, gender. (CW: mentions of internalized transphobia)
as someone who is trans and has species dysphoria (and whose transness is intrinsically linked to species dysphoria, the human female form being too exaggeratedly human to feel comfortable in) it feels a bit odd when people exclusively discuss Lycion's body dysmorphia as exclusively a trans allegory (which is a perfectly reasonable read! but it can be more than that...) seemingly without much awareness that people who are like him, and especially trans people who are like him in a more literal sense exist... So I figure, as one of those people, I might give some observations on Lycion, along with some anecdotes of my own experience and how it parallels it, how his characterization reflects real-world struggles- both literally and as a trans narrative, and why I appreciate characters like him so much.
What is fascinating (but also so relatable!) to me, both when viewed in a literal sense and as a trans allegory, is that Lycion does not actually have a particular affinity to another species, but rather feels a visceral discomfort with his own elven body.
We even see in his raceswap portraits, Lycion is visibly happier as anything but an elf. Unlike Laios, who wants to become a monster, Lycion doesn't want to become anything in particular, he simply wants to stop being an elf.
Most depictions of transgender characters in media are focused on the idea of wanting to become something. Feeling in your heart you were always meant to be a boy or a girl or perhaps some secret third thing. Having a specific goal. What is less often depicted is the experience of I don't want to be what i was born as, I'd rather be anything else but this. anything is better than this. And, in both my struggles with gender and with my own humanity, this has been my experience!
Of course, there are a great many creatures I look at and think "I would be much happier if i were one of them", but those feelings are broader and less pressing than the overwhelming discomfort with my own body, and the desire to be less human. I aspired to masculinity and ultimately pursued transition not out of a particular affinity with any idea of maleness, but because masculine human features, to me, appear more animalistic, less of a strange naked thing that sticks out like a sore thumb in the grand scheme of things. And so too did Lycion pursue becoming a beastman, not because he felt a particular affinity with being a wolf, but because it would make him less of an elf.
And after pursuing it, even though he still has to spend much of his time as an elf, Lycion is far more comfortable, no longer nihilistic and self-destructive. He's confident, prideful even! He has a body that doesn't feel wrong, even if he can only wear it sometimes.
And, myself having been on HRT for nearly four years now, i have to say my experience has been much the same! Even though, of course, I'm still human, my dysphoria has essentially been eliminated, I feel comfortable in my body, and I genuinely like the way I look. I admire my reflection and find joy even in the changes that i was merely indifferent to the possibility of when beginning my treatment, and it even eased some issues completely unrelated to gender...!
Finally, Laios' dismissal of Lycion's identity here feels very reminiscent of people casting doubt on a trans (most often nonbinary) individual's identity due to transitioning for what they view as "the wrong reason", even at times arguing that only people who meet their personal standard for transness should be allowed access to transition. And like with Laios, who himself wishes to become a monster, these arguments are often coming from within, from others in the trans community.
Is someone who identifies as male because they don't want to be female less justified in their desire to pursue transition than someone who doesn't want to be female because they identify as male...? Should people be denied the right to feel comfortable in their own skin because they are seeking to escape something, rather than reaching for something specific...? Of course, you know what my answer is, but I digress.
Thoughts on Thistle's relationship with Eodio (headcanon+analysis)
It's very easy to assume Thistle never got along with Eodio, since the most prominent interaction between them we see is their confrontation, and i do see that sentiment a lot. But I think it's quite underlooked just how present Thistle was in his life.
I think it's safe to say Thistle did have a good relationship with Eodio at some point, we see them sitting merrily at the dinner table, Eodio having a jovial conversation with his father, Thistle smiling fondly at him. And when Eodio held Yaad for the first time, Thistle stood closer to him than even his own wife. i don't think Thistle was totally distant just yet.
My personal headcanon is that for a long time, Thistle genuinely loved and cared about Eodio, just as much as his parents! Practically viewed him as his own child, even. Which made it so frustrating for him to have so much pressure put on him, being treated like he's not doing enough, when he's doing everything he possibly can. He wants Eodio to recover just as much as Delgal, he really does!
But it's just so hard, and he feels like they don't understand just how painful it is for him to do everything in his power to help and never succeed, how terrible it feels watching Eodio be in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it, all while Delgal is being so short with him, expecting more than Thistle can provide because he's stressed. they're all stressed. Eodio is dying and the kingdom is under attack and he's trying he's trying he's trying so hard but nothing is working.
Which makes it even more hurtful to him to watch Eodio grow up and take his recovery for granted. To be ungrateful, when Thistle suffered and struggled so much to keep him alive.
It's not so bad when he's young, of course, a child isn't going to be the best at expressing gratitude. But when Eodio is an adult and still doesn't seem to realize just how much Thistle has done for him, that (in Thistle's mind) he owes him his life, it sets him off. The boy who he loved so much and did everything in his power to save is now yelling in his face, vilifying him, spitting on everything he's done for him...
...And Thistle is not going to tolerate it.
It's a moment of weakness. And at first, he's really only intending for it to be temporary. In his eyes, Eodio is being a spoiled brat, and he's just putting him in time-out. Giving him some time to cool down and think about what he's done, that's all.
...But he never does bring him back.
Maybe he just forgot, maybe he decided it wasn't safe, we'll never really know. It's a shame they could never mend it.
I think the animosity Eodio had toward Thistle grew fairly late in his life, some time after Yaad was born. He doesn't seem the type to seethe for years upon years without speaking up.
All that said... I really do wish we saw more of their interactions before their confrontation, how Thistle felt about him... I think people would appreciate Eodio much more if we knew... well, anything about him, really! Bit of a shame we don't.
