#ciphertexts

[shachihata]

[shachihata]

parrot's pov is so fucking fun to watch once you realize that behind all the moralizing and black/white thinking and stupid heroism and attempts at bravery is just the most depressed person in the world trying desperately to find a "worthy" reason to die. like no fucking wonder he never has a fixed goal other than the nebulous desire to "save the server," he just thinks that's a good way to justify trying to recklessly go out and Kill Himself. like no fucking wonder he suicidally tried to fight diamond players after dean and wifies's deaths, he's calling it "revenge" and trying to fucking Kill Himself. like no fucking wonder he keeps isolating himself from BAT and gets so frustrated when leo follows him around and saves his fucking life, he's LITERALLY trying to run away and Kill Himself. but a "good person" wouldn't just kill themselves for no reason and the only thing parrot wants more than to kill himself is to think of himself as a "good person." of course. normal train of thought. and parrot is so normal about everything of course.

[shachihata]

tro and i put our brains together to try to figure out what's wrong with gambit trio. did not actually come to an answer it just got worse the whole way down

[shachihata]

like yes parrot is driven by the goal to "help other people" (so he can convince himself that he's a "good person") but at the same time he has a really pathological inability to acknowledge the fact that other people can be motivated by the goal of "saving him" or "helping him." it's crazy how he has both a huge ego ("i'm smart and i have the best most pure intentions so i should be the leader of... the [clownpierce hunting team] or the [endciv] or the [farlands]" or whatever it is) but is also so insanely suicidal at the same time. he like CANNOT acknowledge himself as somebody worth saving the same way he wants to "save" the rest of the server. like ok some examples off the top of my head:

he wants to break wifies out of the chunkban because he feels so guilty about sacrificing him for a "secret" that doesn't exist. when he recruits rekrap and co. he insists that the mission is to break all of these prisons "for the good of the server" and sort of deludes himself into thinking that his prison break crew is doing it For The Server rather than solely to help him.

he wants to escape proton. he cannot understand why kenadian would want to stay in proton AT ALL even when kenadian explains to him MULTIPLE TIMES that it's because he doesn't want to see parrot (or any of the others) killed.

he reflects on the idea of "forgiveness" after he gives his speech to the warriors and farmers and goes off to forgive dean because he understands that dean was scared/wanted to save himself. but he NEVER explicitly forgives wifies because imo he just can't grasp the idea that wifies is motivated by the idea of "helping parrot" like that's not a goal that he can even FATHOM being "valid" in any way whatsoever. wifies has to lie (i do think he's lying) about how he wants to see them fight and win against the mafia for parrot to even start tentatively accepting him again.

the only reason he STOPS fighting/wanting to kill himself post-dean's-death is because wifies says "if you die now you'll die for nothing." wifies insisting that he cares + that the rest of kww cares about him IS NOT enough to put him off his self-destructive path

it's awesomeee. his martyr complex is so awesome. he wants to be seen as a "good person" so bad but he barely acknowledges that he might also be a person worth saving and/or he's willing to put his personhood to the side as long as he can convince himself that he'd be a hero for doing so

[shachihata]

parrot needs to get on zoloft

spoke needs lithium and abilify

wemmbu needs an estrogen prescription

flame needs a cold one with the boys

[shachihata]

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parrot's fuckass inventory compilation

[shachihata]

genuinely so fucking yummy how so much of paragon is built on ideas that wifies stole from other people throughout s1. "if i was building a real prison i'd just put you on a platform and throw down bread once every few hours" proton. "you can control people if you know what they fear losing" ashswagg. the yellow and white windows mirroring the beacons and the fuckass house in the snow. the arrow-shooting minigame because he knows parrot was practicing his bow pvp in the farlands. the suicide chamber being two pressure plates just like when he and parrot first met. wifies is NOT beating the "empty shell of a person stealing bits and pieces of identity from the people around him" allegations