#cirrus's datapad

[pottedplantson]

I woke up scared and I can’t go back to sleep, so I guess I’ll write. I don’t think it was a nightmare, or if it was I can’t remember it. I felt like I was in danger again and I woke up. I wish I knew what’s happening to me, when I crashed, and again just now. Before, when I crashed after spinning, I had dreams about it, and Starscream said it was normal. Just my processor crunching the data so I’m prepared next time. But this - This isn’t like that. I didn’t dream about crashing just now. I just felt like I was getting hurt, or about to get hurt, and then I woke up. Or vice versa? It was really confusing.

I’m going to try and work on my bamboo shapes or something until I can fall asleep again. I really should tell Starscream but I want to get flight clearance again and this might mess me up. I’ll tell him though. 

[pottedplantson]

I’ve been playing with proofs regarding prime numbers, and I like them now. I used to think they were boring, because they don’t break down and they don’t facet off into other things and look like jewels the way 12 does, or 36. 36 is so beautiful even though it’s divisible by 4. 4s are only good if they’re also a 12. But I like the patterns around prime numbers, like how they’re on either side of multiples of 6, until 25, which isn’t prime because 5s caught up. Numbers go in cycles and the cycles sometimes sync up and it’s beautiful like orbits. They have their spots, and you can predict where they’ll be. It’s fun.

That’s sometimes how I feel, like a prime number in between numbers that have so much going on. So may factors. Starscream is at least 36. I don’t think he’s 48 - he’s too pointy for that. But I think he wouldn’t like that. He’d like to be a Prime

[pottedplantson]

I’ve been thinking about asking Starscream something for a long time, and I’m going to do it. I was worried he might get mad or think I’m lazy, but I thought of a good way to ask him. Everyone’s working so hard on rebuilding, and I wanted to do that too, and not get special treatment, but I also don’t want to be in the way. Anyway, there’s no denying I already get special treatment. It could be because I’m young, but it seems like there’s more to it than that. Starscream spends time teaching me and flying and sparring with me. He doesn’t have to handle that stuff personally, but he does. In any case, I suppose it wouldn’t be so bad to take advantage of it. I want to help Starscream, and help Vos, and I have a good idea. I just hope Starscream thinks it’s a good idea too.

[pottedplantson]

I’m glad Starscream is going to allow me to be an archivist, but now that it’s happening I’m nervous about it. It’s hard not to have second thoughts. I let my mind wander a lot and I don’t want to slow down the other archivists if I just get sucked into reading files and forget to add cross references and categorize everything. I guess I could do that after I read them...

I just want to help Starscream, in a way I’ll be good at. The only thing is, what if I’m not good at it? I’m good at reading, but that’s not all there is to it. The challenge is to be organized and self disciplined, to keep the job in mind even though it’s something I would do for fun. I know I can do it if other people are depending on me, but I’m still nervous about starting out and getting used to how to do it. I want Starscream to be happy about his decision to trust me with more responsibility.

[pottedplantson]

I hope Shockwave knows I’m doing great. I asked about sending him a message again, but Starscream said no, he’s very busy, and I got mad. I don’t know why. I expected him to say no, but I was so nervous and I guess I panicked. 

Even with that I really am doing great. I wanted to tell Shockwave all the things I’m learning, and send him a video I took while I was flying. He can’t fly and it might make him dizzy, but it’s a great video of what it looks like when you do aileron rolls, which are my favorite.

I just don’t want him to worry about me. Maybe Starscream updates him about me? I don’t know. Later on when I’m more calm I’ll give Starscream the files I wanted to send, and he can send them when it’s a good time. It’s not like I’d comm Shockwave all the time and bother him if I knew his frequency. I know his projects are important. I just want to know if he misses me.

[pottedplantson]

I want to go flying and go to the Well. What do bots see who weren’t born like me? What’s down there? Is it Primus? I read that the Energon down there is special and it’s the first thing everyone drinks. Everyone except me... 

Actually, I think Allen and the other troopers weren’t from the Well either. But they weren’t stolen from it.... It seems different. It probably isn’t. I wonder how they cope....

I can’t ask Starscream. I’m so grateful he wanted me and that he and Shockwave took me so I could live free in Vos and not with the Autobots. But I know there was a tradeoff. Starscream says life is full of tradeoffs. There are things I should have gotten from the Well that I didn’t get. I can’t ask Shockwave because he’s not here.

And I can’t fly to the Well. What if someone saw me? It would be bad. I just wish I knew what was near me when I was there, to see if it was as special as those old books say.

For now I guess I’ll just go flying around here.

[pottedplantson]

Notes

I asked Starscream about why he keeps snacks in his cockpit and not in his subspace and he said he never thought about and just did it when he was a student. But then he also said he thinks it’s a good idea because there were times in the war when he was too injured to open his subspace and his cockpit snacks actually saved his life! He’s so cool! He’s been through the worst and he’s so proud of surviving. I want to hear all his stories but I don’t want to ask. I can just... tell, sometimes, that I shouldn’t have asked. It’s scary. I wish he could talk about it. No, actually. I wish he didn’t have so much he can’t talk about. 

Anyway, the stories he does tell me are amazing, like when the Energonpanada he had in his cockpit gave him just enough fuel to dig his way out from under a building that fell on him, behind Autobot lines, and then he snuck into their fuel depot and stole enough to fly, and then blew it up. He said they probably thought he was dead but it’s a mistake to think that.

I wonder if anyone knows how to make an Energonpanada.