feelings
i don't know how to feel
i'm so scared i won't ever know
and i wish it was easy
but when my heart is pounding,
my head gets dizzy,
my throat is tight and i keep losing
my breath.
i'm falling into the dark,
drowning in despair,
panic cuts off my air.
my soul is tearing apart.
why is it so hard to feel my feelings?
i might drown in love,
or be consumed by my tears,
golden fingers would caress my skin
and i'd get numb 'til i can't feel again.
i don't want anyone to set fire on me,
so that i'm locked and she throws out the key.
i'm scared of her crawling in my nightmares,
igniting a light so bright she can see my scars.
jealousy feels like a knot in my throat,
so tight i'm convinced i'm not in control.
my blood rushes to my forehead and cheeks,
a bright red flame is incinerating me.
i wanna talk but my tongue is split in two,
please reassure me if you feel that too.
i'm falling into the dark,
drowning in despair,
panic cuts off my air.
my soul is tearing apart.
why is it so hard to feel my feelings?
i might drown in love,
or be consumed by my tears,
golden fingers would caress my skin
and i'd get numb 'til i can't feel again.
i don't want anyone to set fire on me,
so that i'm locked and she throws out the key.
i'm scared of her crawling in my nightmares,
igniting a light so bright she can see my scars.
anxiety is stronger than rage,
it overwhelms my body and i can't breathe.
but pain is what i get
if i ask you the same questions all over again.
please, get me out of my head.
i know you're hurt and i am too,
is there even a way to make it through?
feeling my feelings sure is hard,
but if i refuse them i'll never become what i want,
and i don't care if i'll cry by november,
'cause all i really want is to remember
that i lived a life full of colors, full of love.
i wish someone set fire on me,
she'll get the keys and we'll be stuck together.
i'm scared of her crawling in my nightmares,
but i'll hand her a candle and let her see my scars.