can't stop thinking about akilah's "we can still get him out of there" because it was so obvious to her. obviously we're going to save this kid, right? her look of confusion and panic when she's told to wait, when everyone else stands there watching, when she feels like she has no option but to do the same -- even after he dies and everyone finally moves and she's still confused because she can't fathom any of this. she couldn't fathom killing nat either, the way everyone stood there and stared while she turned her entire body away so she wouldn't have to watch, the way she doesn't even look relieved when she doesn't draw the queen card because someone still has to die, the way that everyone grabbed a weapon leaving the cabin except for her. but not wanting anyone to die, trying to help, not wielding her own weapon doesn't absolve her of any guilt because she was still a willing participant in all of this, she still stood by, and she has to live (gets to live!) with that. she's been clinging to life all season but she is surrounded by death and it's only getting harder for her to ignore.
if you even care
