#cloudjournal

[calamitycloud]

i want someone who listen and communicate as well as comprehend

as i would do for them

i want who speak in a soothing tone and full of empathy

as i would do for them

i want someone who love and care as well as comfort

as i would do for them

i want someone who want to be better for me

as i would do for them

i want someone who willing to figure things out together

as i would do for them

i want someone who want to spend time and do fun things together

as i would do for them

i am not picky or have a high standard

i would do a lot of things for someone

and i just want it to be reciprocated

i want to live with someone and figure out this world

together

forever

[calamitycloud]

so i hung out with my high school friends last weekend, my 15-17 years of friendship friends who labelled me as the 'emotional-angry' friend in the group. i accepted it although i hate being labelled as that but growing up i understand that its just because i am my father's daughter.

during our hang out last weekend, they mentioned that i've been so much more...chill. 'not as grumpy' anymore and one of them said maybe its the age factor. i didn't really think about it deeply, i thought its just because i was in a very bad place not until 5 months ago. i've been...okay these past 5 months because i got my routine back. before those 5 months, i was isolating myself from everyone, including them, and that's probably why they noticed a huge difference on me.

now that i think about it more, maybe because dad's death plays a factor too. i'm less of him and this gives me hope. he's not here anymore and although i can't deny that i will always live with the trauma that comes from him, but it'll get better over time. i will not be the angry daughter or angry friend anymore. main factor is just because i got of of my unemployed era but i want to believe that his death will also make me a better person for myself. one less fear.

[tan-jens-08]

[tan-jens-08]