After
Captain John MacTavish x Reader
About: After a muddy mission, you go to Captain MacTavish for some leather cleaner.
A/N: It has been a long time since I have posted my writing on here but I hope everyone enjoys! Captain MacTavish has me in a chokehold right now lmao. Callsign is Lightning for this.
The deep mud that you were standing in moments ago, were now dried up on your boots all the way up to the shoe laces. And no matter how many times you washed the leather in soap or scraped the mud off with a toothbrush, it was a matter of fact that your boots were ruined. You were told to get out of the mud but doing so would have compromised the mission and your team’s spot so you stood right where you were, even as your feet sank lower and lower into the fresh mud. And despite you being annoyed about your shoes, you were also happy about not compromising the mission. You were dedicated to your job and loved what you do for a living, even if it felt like a stick in the mud at times.
“Whew.” You sighed, sitting upright.
Your boots looked clean..enough. The one thing to worry about was if the leather was ruined or not. Maybe the Captain had some leather cleaner?
Who am I kidding? That’s all he wears is leather boots. Of course he has some leather cleaner. You thought.
The thing was, could you gather up the courage to go to your Captain for something? Granted he wasn’t just plain old mean but he definitely liked to be bothered as little as possible with how much paperwork and stuff he had to deal with everyday. Though this was important. These were the only pair of boots you owned and didn’t want him to have to go through the trouble of buying a brand new pair just for you. Leather cleaner it was.
After confirming that that was what you needed to do and gathering the courage, you slipped on your tennis shoes and began heading in the direction of Captain MacTavish’s office. Despite wanting to get the leather cleaner as quickly as possible, you had found yourself walking slower than normal as if you were delaying the inevitable. It was also right after a mission too which made you even more nervous.
Damn it, Lightning. Get it together. Even if Captain MacTavish makes my heart race when he looks at me with those bright, pearly-
“Oi, Lightnin.’’
Your head shot around so quickly as a familiar voice walked by you.
“Oh Ghost. Hey.”
“What are you up to?”
“Just..walking.” You say.
“To Captain’s office?”
The Lieutenant got you there. This small hallway had only room down here and that was Captain MacTavish’s office. You didn’t say anything, not exactly wanting to admit that Ghost was right but there was also no point in lying either. And besides, it was not like Ghost or Roach was going to snitch on you. They weren’t those kinds of people.
“Yeah. I need some leather cleaner and I know he has some.”
“Oof, alrighty then. Be careful though.”
“Wait, why?”
“He is in a mood. Just be careful is all.” Ghost explained.
Oh, well. That’s just great.
“I will. Thanks for the heads up.” You say as you begin to walk down the hallway.
“No problem.”
When you turned around and began walking away was when Ghost broke off and began heading outside to do whatever needed to be done. The second that his nameplate on his door came into view, it felt as though your heart was in your throat. Granted, Ghost could be exaggerating but there is also a chance he wasn’t. When Captain MacTavish was in a mood, he would let it be known. And despite today’s mission being a success, he was still in a mood which made you wonder what was bothering him. Your shoes slowly clicked against the hallway as you nervously approached the door.
‘Captain MacTavish.’
The name plate was small and had some rough scratches which told you it had been there for a while, longer than you have been working under him.
“Focking ‘ell. Why is this here? My office is a wreck..I need a cigar.”
Upon hearing the Captain grumble from inside his office, it made you want to just turn back immediately and forget about the leather cleaner. If your boots get ruined then so be it.
“If ye ever need something important then ye come to me. Alright?”
Suddenly his words from a few weeks ago entered your mind the second you started to try and turn away from his door. He said that in regards to when you ran out of shampoo and toothpaste. You were scared to approach Captain about it since he was dealing with a manner and you didn’t think it was important. It ended with you asking Ghost to ask the Captain for you and of course Ghost briefly mentioned how you were scared to approach him and he ended up talking to you. You thought you were in trouble at first but that was not the case at all. Captain MacTavish reassured you that even if he was in a foul mood to come to him for any important supplies or necessities you needed. That was what was the most important thing to him, was making sure everyone on his team was comfortable and had what they needed. It’s the least he could do since you and him and the entire team was risking your lives every single day.
With the thought of his talk in your head, you raised your hand up-
*KnockKnock*
“Who is it?” Captain MacTavish called from inside.
His voice was laced with a little bit of irritation but not as bad as you expected.
“It’s me. Lightning, sir.” You called out.
You could hear your Captain let out a huff of some kind though you couldn’t tell if it was relief or annoyance.
“Come in.”
You wrapped your hand around the doorknob, slowly turned it and pushed the door forward. Once the door was forward enough, you stepped in through the gap, into his office and shut the door behind him.
Captain MacTavish was standing up with his back turned towards you, holding some papers in his hands with a fresh cigar on his ash tray. His office was tidy, for the most part with a filing cabinet or two open, some papers on the floor and on his desk as well as some food wrappers off to the side.
After what felt like forever, your Captain finally turned around to face you.
“Yeah? Whatcha need?”
His tone was a bit cold but not annoyed, which you were used to.
“Do you have any leather cleaner I could borrow, sir?”
“Leatha cleaner? What for?”
“My boots are soaking and caked in mud and I don't want them to be ruined.” You explained.
John shook his head a little at your answer, knowing that it was gonna happen sooner and later. He was in fact the one who told you to move to a different position and yet you held your ground. You didn't want to compromise the mission in any way shape or form. And that's exactly why he respected you.
“Ye sure you don’t want me to just get ye some new boots?”
“I’m sure, Captain.”
Captain MacTavish raised an eyebrow at you, as if he was trying to read you to see if you were lying or not. You nodded once more at him to further tell him you were sure. Captain MacTavish let out an amused scoff as he turned around and went to his desk. He opened a cabinet-
“Not there.”
And then another one.
“Not there, either.”
And the last cabinet in his desk.
“Bloody fockin..” He cursed.
“Want me to help you look, sir?”
“Yeah, sure.”
You immediately moved to the opposite side of his office and began to look for the leather cleaner. It's odd, helping your Captain look for something in his office. Though even after years of working under him, there was always something new to do and always something new to learn in this line of work.
You looked under his desk, throughout the floor and eventually ended up near his bookshelf. This bookshelf has been in his office for as long as you could remember and there was always something new on it. You tried not to stare at it for long, feeling as though you were being nosy until-
“Found it.”
Right there on the bookshelf, next to a framed picture, was the leather cleaner. Captain MacTavish walked from the opposite side of his office and towards you to confirm.
“Ye right.”
He took the cleaner off the shelf and handed it to you. You took the bottle from him, your fingers accidentally coming into contact with him. MacTavish's fingers were rough and littered with scars and frankly you felt a natural jolt in your chest when the two of you made contact just now. And just from that contact alone, it felt like your entire world froze.
“Th-Thank you, sir.”
Your eyes couldn't be still as they gazed at him and everywhere else in the room, trying to ignore that feeling in your chest.
“Ye welcome.”
You tucked the bottle under your arm and planned to walk away, but your legs remained still and planted on the ground. You caught something in the corner of your eye on the bookshelf and realized where the bottle of leather cleaner was at. On that particular shelf was the framed picture you saw, but it was not just any framed picture. One that you least expected for your Captain to keep. It was of you, being sworn in as a Lieutenant under his command. Years ago, when you first got shipped to the base, Captain MacTavish was only a Sergeant but he already had many years under his belt. You were mentored by him and while he didn't make anything easy for you, he still treated you with respect and dignity. Captain MacTavish was rough around the edges and frankly more grumpy than the normal person, but he wasn't a monster.
The picture had a shiny but brown frame which was littered with dust, which told you that it has been on his bookshelf for a while now. In the picture were you, Captain MacTavish and Captain Price. You are shaking MacTavish’s hand while you have a straight and attentive posture. The three of you are looking at the camera. None of you were smiling but looked relaxed and content. That was years ago but still felt yesterday when MacTavish promoted you. You had your picture framed on your desk in your room while MacTavish had his on his bookshelf.
“Aye. I remember that day.”
“You do?”
“Yah. Ye look like you were gonna piss yerself.”
A snort left your nose as he said that. He wasn't exactly wrong. You were nervous as hell and felt as though you didn't deserve the promotion and yet MacTavish was gonna shake you to death to make you come to your senses.
“I was..nervous.”
“Why?”
“I didn't think I deserved it. And I felt like Captain Price was staring bullet holes into me.” You explained.
Before that day, you had met Price a couple of times and he was almost like MacTavish but different at the same time. Let's just say you were happy that MacTavish is your Captain and not Price.
“That's just Price.”
“Yeah but..”
MacTavish raised an eyebrow at you, wanting for you to continue on.
“It was also because I didn’t feel as though I wasn’t good enough to be promoted.”
Your Captain sighed deeply. It had been a while since you have talked down on yourself like this, and yet it irritated him slightly.
“Are we doin’ this again?”
“What do you mean, sir?”
“I promoted ye because ye deserved it. You are a hard worker with respect and honor. You also saved my arse too which I will never forget.”
He had a point there. A week before Captain MacTavish broke the news to you, it was a rough mission. There were some casualties from your team and a lot of people got hurt. Captain got shot in the shoulder and was bleeding out badly. Of course you went to him quickly to aid him.
“No, Lightning. You keep fightin’. You worry about yeself.”
You ignored his comment and helped the bleeding get under control. It got so bad though that you had to use the only stim you had in your bag, which again Captain wasn’t happy about.
“You wasted it on me.”
He may feel that way, but to you it was so much more than that. Not only was he your Captain but he was also your longterm crush. You knew it was wrong. He was your boss, your Captain and yet here you were, not able to look him in the eye because your face was turning red.
“I would do it all over again.” You managed to say.
“I know.” He grumbled.
It was then silent between you two, albeit a little awkward. Captain MacTavish was not a man of many words. He always showed more through his actions versus words and even then, John always tried his damndest to never talk about his feelings. He was never good at that and yet..
“Thanks for the leather cleaner.” You broke the silence.
“No problem. Let me know if it works or not.”
You nodded in response as you turned and began to leave, seeing as the conversation was over. Captain MacTavish watched you as you turned around and left his office. And once his door clicked shut, he let out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. What was this feeling in his chest? Whatever it was, it scared the holy hell out of John MacTavish.
~
It was the first slow day in a long time. All of the drills were done, the base was cleaned up, and everyone had their physicals done for the day. What on Earth else was there to do when everything was done? Nobody dared to ask Captain if there was anything to do cause if you asked then he would put you to work and everyone was secretly enjoying the slow day. You on the other hand? You were becoming restless. You hated feeling you weren’t doing anything helpful or meaningful. The leather cleaner worked decently and now you had to return the leather cleaner to Captain..eventually. Since earlier in the day when you were in his office, your entire chest was heavy and you felt your body shake when he would make strong eye contact with his light blue eyes. It was a strange feeling and there should be no reason why you feel the way that you feel towards him. You have worked under Captain for years now and practically know all of his vices, his likes and dislikes and how he works. He has been rough but also decently kind to you even when you felt like you didn’t deserve it. He was the roughest and strongest personality here on this base and yet he always respected you and valued you for what you do around here.
As of right now, you were sitting under the outside covered awning, doodling in your journal and having a snack. The sun began to slowly go down and you always made time to watch it go down. The sky would always paint the prettiest colors and sometimes you would attempt to sketch it out if you felt like it, though tonight was not one of those nights. Your leather boots were on your feet and despite cleaning them well earlier, they were halfway ruined due to the thick mud. They shrank and were practically clinging to your ankles which you knew by the end of the week would rub holes into your socks. You would rather your feet bleed into your boots and rub your skin raw than go to Captain about needing a new pair. He was a busy man and had more important stuff to take care of. And even then-
*FlickFlick*
The sound of a lighter continuously being flicked back interrupted your thoughts.
“Bloody fuckin’..”
Of course it was him. Who else here on base smokes? Granted you didn’t see Captain MacTavish smoke a lot but you knew he was a smoker. And by the sounds of it, he was getting irritated because his lighter wasn’t working. You then finally looked down and could see him against the wall, trying to light his cigar. His lighter would flick a very tiny flame but then go out. The only logical explanation you could think of is that his lighter got wet during the mission and the lighter fluid was now bad. You in fact had an extra lighter in your pocket and you weren’t even a smoker, but it was always good to have something like this on hand. Granted you didn’t think it would possibly be for lighting a cigar for your Captain, but it was still something. Captain MacTavish continued to flick his lighter, eventually tossing it on the ground out of frustration. You didn’t know if it was best to announce your presence or just walk up to him, seeing as it could go either way.
“Captain?”
His bright blue eyes immediately looked towards your way. They were full of annoyance for a split second until it settled that it was you and not anyone else.
“Hm?”
You pulled out your lighter and held it in your hand towards him, motioning it towards him. Of course, he raised an eyebrow in question.
“For your..cigar.” You manage to say, feeling softly intimidated for some reason.
John sighed deeply as he placed the cigar into his mouth and leaned forward towards you.
Oh he wants ME to light it for him? Alright then. You thought.
The second he had leaned in forward you flicked the lighter on, the flame lighting up tall with a hint of blue on the bottom, signifying how strong the flame was. The tip of his cigar hung at flame, a slight sizzle sound coming out. You didn’t even realize until you looked up at how close your Captain was to your face. Though he was lighting his cigar, you could see his faint pores and blackheads on his nose and under his eyes. This felt WAY too intimate for some odd reason. Once the cigar was lit, John leaned back onto the wall and inhaled the cigar into his lungs, blowing the smoke out his mouth and through his nose.
“Thanks.” He mumbled.
“No problem.”
You leaned yourself against the same wall that John was leaning on. It was once again silent between the two of you, which seemed to happen often, but this time around it didn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable. You kept your eyes straight ahead, feeling John’s eyes burn into your head. He was staring at you and frankly that usually meant it wasn’t a good thing, normally. John could care less about what direction the smoke of his cigar was going, but he paid extra attention to make sure the smoke was lingering too close to you or getting on you.
“Oh, damn.” You broke the silence, “I forgot to bring you back your leather cleaner.”
“Aye, it’s fine.” John took a long drag from the cigar, “Ye can keep it.”
“It’s yours though.”
“I can always get anotha.”
“Okay.” You sighed with defeat.
You weren’t winning this argument with him, not tonight or any day for that matter. John shook his head softly, taking another drag from his cigar and blowing the smoke out of his nose like a dragon. You wanted to speak up and say something, but the way he was looking and sighing made you stay quiet.
“I ain’t mad at ye.” John gruffed out, taking a drag from his cigar. “Ye are just too bloody forgiving for ye own good.”
“What does that mean, Captain?”
John sighed again but it wasn’t malicious or out of annoyance. The sigh was cause now he had to really think before he spoke.
“Ye are always putting yerself before others, always takin’ the brunt of it all, and always helping others with even the simplest things ever
“Of course, Captain. I just..want to be the best I can be.” You say.
“That’s not what I meant. I mean that ye are doing too much. Too much for me.”
His comment stumped you. Sure, did you sometimes make him coffee and bring it to his office when he was busy with paperwork or even cleaned his gun for him when he couldn’t do it right after a mission or got him his favorite brand of cigars for his birthday. You were always going above and beyond but according to Captain MacTavish, you were doing too much. And you weren’t even doing it for a promotion like most people would.
“It’s just who I am, sir.”
“Well stop it. I don’t deserve yer kindness.”
You felt your chest tighten at that. He doesn’t deserve your kindness? You were internally disagreeing with him. Captain MacTavish was the best man you have ever worked with and it’s not just the fact that you had a crush on him, but he was genuinely a good guy even if he didn’t show it.
“Captain..” You spoke out, almost wanting to protest him but you held your tongue. “I understand.”
John didn’t deserve anything you did for him. He has been rude and gotten onto you plenty of times in the past but that never stopped you from being respectful. How could he NOT like you? Your face was like a painting and your hair shunned every time the sun or even the moon reflected off of it. John could discipline you as much as he could but it would never stop you from being who you are. John sighed, sensing your silence because of what he said and did one last drag of his cigar before putting it out. But despite putting it out, John remained leaning on the wall next to you.
“This is dangerous..” John mumbled.
“What is?”
“Just..fuck.”
John ran his hand over his face. He was never good at speaking on his own feelings so the fact that you were asking him right now? It made his legs weak a little bit.
“I don’t deserve ye.”
“Captain-”
“Ye deserve someone better than me. I am a grumpy, brooding arsehole and yet..”
What was he going on about? You thought.
“And yet ye always come to me and always treat me with respect. I don’t deserve that.”
You unconsciously felt yourself stand closer to John, to the point both of your hands were nearly touching each other.
“Captain. It works both ways. You treat me with respect and I treat you with respect back.”
John softly shook his head. This was so painful for him to do.
“No, Lightning. It’s more than that.”
His bright blue eyes stared into your soul as he said that. And it was then that it clicked in your mind on what he meant. Your heart raced and your chest fell heavy. What were you supposed to do with this information? Sure, he felt the same as you do but there was nothing you both could do about it, at least right now. Perhaps you could retire early or be transferred somewhere else?
“Don’t even think about transferrin' or retirin.’ We will..we will work something out.” John reassured you.
One thing you know about your Captain was that he was a man of his word. He would never lie nor tell you stuff you just wanted to hear. This was real. And with him staring into your eyes, it overwhelmed you just slightly to the point that you ended up looking away and up at the sky. Despite the fluorescent lights that were on outside, the moon was bright and you could see each individual star. It was beautiful and yet the man close by next to you thought you were the most beautiful thing ever. And then you felt it. A calloused finger touches yours. You made a subtle look and found John hooking his bandaged pinky around yours. But the way he was staring ahead and still told you that he was being subtle and pretending everything was normal despite that. It amused you because this was his way of showing affection even though you didn’t think it was possible. You smirked to yourself as you looked up and stared into the sky like John was. This was new territory for him and frankly it scared him a little. He never thought he was capable of love or even deserve it and yet the way that your pinky tightened around his told you that everything was going to be just fine between you two.
“The sky is pretty tonight.” You comment.
“Aye. That it is.”
~
END