#collgedropout

[j-ivy]

Much Love @abcnews!! ✊🏾💯 #neverletmedown #kanyewest #jayz #j_ivy #collgedropout #history https://www.instagram.com/p/CCkElUZHPyL/?igshid=at9mbfkgszu0

[boykitsch]

A Little Bit Louder

I'm "lost" and that's no surprise. I'm really lost.  Most days, I wake up and don't know what to do without school: the time filler. That's not fair, I tell myself. I dropped out to find myself and I'm still lost. 

But that's normal. 

I dare anyone to wake up, college student/adult alike, and not feel empty some days. Like a weed, my emptiness stems from fear, a fear that I don't know anything.Knowing how to do things makes people feel fulfilled, I think.

It enables them to walk

to compete tasks

to stretch their talents in order to reach goals.

I don't have any goals because I fear that I don't know anything. 

This entire week I've been stalling. I wake up to a whole blank day, but instead of coloring it in I drown in the canvas. I don't know what to draw, to write, to sing about. I think about when I was in school. Even though I was unhappy there were teachers to push me to fulfill tasks. No one does that now and nobody really cares. 

Quick note: Being a writer is a very lonely hobby/skill/past-time. Unlike other skills that require group activity, writing is a concealed task. The magic doesn't happen until a person is alone to read it. 

What I look forwards to every week is Karaoke. Make no mistake, that does sound as cheesy as it looks. I love to sing at the local restaurant that serves Mexican food every Wednesday night. I'm not the best but I do know how to carry a tune. The very moment when I step up to the mic and express myself I feel better. I feel confident. One special time there were people singing along to "Keep Holding On", by Avril Lavigne, that was the best.

I think before I did karaoke I underestimated something. Music has the power to print people together in a fashion outside themselves. It sounds like common knowledge but didn't become so until I lived it. It's encouraged me to make my voice a little bit louder. There'll still be lonely days but at least now I can sing about them.