#commitment to self

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2018 is gonna be the year of Doing Things and Making Active Choices instead of just letting things happen and reacting 

[mon-ame-je-ne-sais-quoi]

My dream for over a decade the amazingly stunning Cable Wrap Ring. It always was my intention when the time was right, when I felt that I “Officially Arrived” well...

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Trying: the word that's sabotaging your goals

I’m trying

It sounds like such a positive phrase, as in…”I’m trying to lose weight.”

“I’m trying to work out every day.” “I’m trying to make better food choices.” “I’m trying to stay on the food plan I’ve chosen.” “I’m trying to find a new job.” “I’m trying to _____.”

I hear that all the time.

Remember Yoda? “No try. Do or do not, there is no try.” (Video clip here, such a powerful scene about mindset shift.)

Yup. No try. DO.

And I’m on my clients (with love and kindness!) when they tell me they are trying because I know they ARE, but it also means they are not all-in to achieving their goals.  It’s one of the signs we have mindset shifting to do. Trying gives them an out. “I tried, it didn’t work. OK. I can give up now.”

It’s committing that brings success.

Just look at the difference in meaning (yes, I went to Webster’s) between TRY and COMMIT.

try: make an attempt or effort to do something.

commit: pledge or bind (a person or an organization) to a certain course or policy. Be dedicated.

Try is an attempt, commit is a PLEDGE

Being all-in is being committed and being committed means:

Staying the course no matter what, till you reach your goal.

Acknowledging that staying the course is going to be hard, uncomfortable, and scary, but you’re going to walk through all of it anyway.

Learning to “fail-fast” (one of my mindset secrets) what works and what doesn’t.

Managing through all the obstacles that are for sure coming your way: people, events, situations…not allowing things beyond your control to control your behavior. 

Being on yourself and your excuses…all the things that are the “what” in ‘no matter what’

So if you have a goal – weight loss, let’s say – and you aren’t getting it done.

Are you trying or committing?  

If you’re trying and want to commit and get ALL-IN, we should talk.

Take 30 mins. Let’s have virtual coffee about what’s going on with you and your goal.

Such an easy conversation that I am always shocked at how few of you take me up on it.

Free coaching session – 30 mins. Let’s get you committed!  It might make all the difference to hitting your goal or still trying…

Trying is not achieving.  Trying is exhausting.

Committing and achieving is exhilarating! What would it be like to feel like that?

Here’s my calendar (link). Let’s chat.  No gimmicks. Just straight talk and support.

See you for coffee?

Other resources:

Wishing and Hoping Isn’t the Same As Committing

Why I’m Going to Keep Failing at Losing Weight

Avoiding Little Quits When You Want to Lose Weight

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Is your compelling reason good enough?

What’s your compelling reason for losing weight?  Is it good enough to keep you motivated?  What’s got you stuck?

I’ve been working with several clients on the reasons why they start and stop their weight loss journeys. This is truly familiar territory—I started and stopped more diets than I can count (my story).  At one level, yo-yo dieting stops when you find the compelling reason that will help you take consistent, massive action to reach your stated goal.  At another level, finding that reason may take you on a journey to a deeper love and connection with yourself.

Losing weight: My clients want it.  They have a good half dozen solid reasons why they want to lose weight, ranging from great clothes hanging in the closet that are just a little too tight, to getting healthier.

But so often it isn’t enough.  And that’s what’s got me ruminating.

There are two reasons why we don’t reach the goals we set.

Our compelling reason “why” is only compelling in theory.  In other words, it sounds good on paper but might not keep you motivated in the long haul.  Your compelling reason is the most important reason that you really want to lose weight—or reach any goal.  What it probably is not is about the size of clothes that you will wear once you lose weight or about how other people will treat you or think about you once you’ve lost the weight.

Why? Because once you’re a size 8 (or 6 or 10 or 12) for a while, will it really keep you motivate you to stay on track with your eating and exercise protocol – to have a lifestyle change vs. a diet you go on and off?  Isn’t this story of yo-yo dieting?

Is it for someone else?  You can’t control or predict other people’s thoughts, words or actions — if you think that once you lose weight, other people will be different, they won’t be. That’s just truth.

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Once you know what your compelling reason is, the “what’s really in it for me?” — it’s that commitment you make to yourself that you will keep trying and keep persevering until your goal is reached. It’s worth spending as much time you need to find your compelling “why”

You do it for you, but you may lack (in varying degrees) the self-love required to put yourselves first.  Time and again I hear clients talk about how they would show up for a friend or a family member unfailingly.  But they can’t show up for themselves with the same level of love and loyalty.

If you don’t feel you’re worth it, and that you matter. If you put yourself last everywhere else, your commitment to your goals may suffer. I wanted to lose weight so badly. I wanted the weight loss and what I thought it would bring. But weight for me was also a shield.  So however much I wanted it, I really did not have a strong sense of self-esteem, self-worth, and self-love needed to succeed. Until I did. (read and also read)

The good news that self-love and self-commitment can be built. It takes practice, but it’s entirely achievable.

Finding your personal compelling why is a whole investigation unto itself, and with it comes deeper insight and a foundation to strong self-trust.  And from that, losing the weight is more straight forward because you are tightly aligned to your goal.

So what’s your why?  Let’s talk about what’s working and what isn’t.  You get 30 mins of free coaching with at least one actionable insight. (Schedule)

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Wishing and hoping is not the same as willing and committing

Did you ever throw a coin into a fountain and make a wish?  Maybe you then took action to make that wish come true.  Maybe you are still waiting for the magic wishing fairy to grant your wish.

Wishing for something – let’s take weight loss – and actually committing to it are two very different things. The difference between wishing and commitment is the difference between inaction, frustration or self-flagellation, and action and self-love. Wishing, and hoping, are really passive states in which you’re desiring something outside you to take action to get the result.

Are you wishing?  Here’s what it might look like:

“I want to lose 30 lbs.”

“I wish I was a size __ again.”

“I need to lose weight.”

“I have GOT to lose some weight.”

The statements above are all thoughts you may have said to yourself at some point. I know I did.

It is how you feel about those thoughts that is going to help propel you from desire into action.

“I want to lose 30 lbs.” is a reasonable, achievable goal.  If you think it and feel motivated and determined, you are likely to pick out a food plan or diet, start being a little more active in your life and probably, likely, begin to see results on and off the scale.

But even wanting is tricky – because wanting without willingness and commitment is a lot like wishing and hoping.

The person who thinks “OMG I look awful, I have got to lose weight” is coming from a place of embarrassment or shame. They will probably take action (sometimes even a long time) to try and reduce their food intake, add some activity…

But here’s the thing: negative energy begets negative energy and coming at it from a place of shame, embarrassment or other negative emotions is not likely to last.  Motivating coming from external sources rarely does.  That’s why you and I both know too many people who have lost 50, 80, 100, even 150 lbs and then regained that weight, feeling devastated and ashamed.

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The desire to lose weight really has to come from you, along with a list of really good reasons why you want to lose the weight–positive reasons.  I had a long list of reasons why I wanted to lose weight.  Some were health related, some were activity related, some related to shopping in my favorite store that don’t carry size 1x.  Some of it was pure vanity.

I laid it all out there for my coach at the time, along with a list of decisions.  It is not enough to want to lose weight, to feel excited and motivated, you have to also decide what actions you will take, and when.  Be very specific.  These actions–these small Do Goals, they are EVERYTHING.  They might include;

Going to Weight Watchers meeting 1x a week

Keeping a daily food journal

Going for an extra 15 min walk at lunch

Removing flour and sugar from your diet

Allowing flour/sugar only 1x per week

Allowing alcohol only 2x per week

Working on mindset by journaling about thoughts/emotions for 15 minutes each day.

Whatever it is… make it yours.  Losing weight is about eating less than your body needs until you get to your goal weight, but being able to do that and then sustain that new weight, requires mind over matter.  It requires going beyond the food plan to really, truly understand why you overeat to begin with. It requires being willing to seek that truth and committing to a result, no matter what.  Getting to the root cause of your overeating with kindness towards yourself, curiosity about your actions – not blame or shame.

I struggled with my weight for most of my life.  Thoughts about my weight, my clothing size, the way I looked compared to other people filled my head – space that could have been taken up living my life. It was only when I got clear about what I wanted, and what I was willing to do (or not do) to get that result.  I got willing, I made a commitment.  And I became my own magic wishing fairy 😉

Does this sound like you?  Send me an email or leave me a comment below.

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[ronronturon]

You know, everyone make their own choices in life and I gotta do the same. It's time to move on. You get nothing from the past, and who knows what the future is?

It is all about the Present.

You gotta take a bite of that apple and have fun while you can and ofcourse have a life to live for.

[scratchykalmot]

If I think about how hard it is going to be, like the others, that won't get me anywhere!

That's why I've decided to look at it this way: I wanted this, I was told what to expect, I will do my part well, I am keeping my eye on the goal, and I accept the challenges that I will face.

I won't make myself known by talking and talking and being chummy with people with higher ranks. I won't abuse the help other people may be willing to give me. I will learn from my mistakes. I will ask questions and not assume. I will not step on other people just to make me feel better about myself.

I knew what I signed up for, and I'm not giving up just because the reality is caving in.

A message to an anonymous colleague: "This is not a perfect world, so work is hard work. You'll always find something bad about the job, the company, and the people. If you're that smart to find those bad stuff, I'm sure you're smart enough to find some good as well. If it doesn't make you happy, you can leave instead of talking trash about other people just to make yourself feel you are the best thing that happened to the company."