Partially Obscured Journal
timelost AU go brrrr
Written as a journal found by Commander Tellus during the events of SoTO. (Cor belongs to @salad-tales, Mikhail who is mentioned belongs to @dumb-dumb-mander.)
???
I haven't kept a journal for myself in a long time. I haven't remembered or had time or… I'm making excuses. Malomedies always tells me it's important to write. I do, just not always in the same place.
I don't know what happened. I can sense Nykai trying to find me. I can sense his panic, still. I guess that comes with being the Champion of a Dragon of Time. He can sense that I’m alive, just not when I am. And he has to search along all of time, past and future. And he sees it all, it must be so hard for him to narrow in to find one blip.
I don’t even know when I am. I don’t recognize anything. I’ve been walking for a while. I try to keep people- mostly humans, I think, from seeing me. It’s easy, with my Lightbringer training. And being a spy. I’m trained to be unseen, after all.
I think I’m moving toward the Grove. That will at least give me something. If Mother is just a sprout or a sapling, that will at least give me something. Even if it’s nothing concrete. It’s something.
(The next entry is still undated, the edges of the page are crinkled as if gripped tightly. The pen used was pressing very hard, there are some small tears.)
???; Three days have passed
I didn’t make it. I haven’t made it to the Grove, but… Mursaat. Mursaat are still alive, still around. No White Mantle, though, so…? I don’t know what that means, I’d normally ask Cor for confirmation on dates. I don’t know when that means, it could be as early as pre-exodus. I don’t know what this means. Mursaat, no White Mantle, humans existing… I need to redirect towards Ascalon. Try to see if the war is on. See if charr and humans are battling or not.
(Pages are ripped out haphazardly. Several pages, unknown numbers of entries. The next one that isn’t too damaged to read is a little shaky. There are drops of dried… something.)
757, specific date unknown
It’s 757. If I remember right, Joko is starting his conquest. Joko is… Mother, just the thought, that if I could convince these captors to free me, if I could only break out, I could go end a lich god-king’s reign before it truly begins.
These people. This Astral Ward. They insist it’s for the better of Tyria. The Mursaat that grabbed me- it’s still jarring just how much bigger they are, his entire hand wraps around my torso like I’m one of Romeo’s toys. The mursaat tells me it’s to preserve the timeline. They seem to know I’m out of time. Timelost, the seer keeps calling me.
Seers, mursaat… I need to get to their library. I’ve seen it. I need to know more, I need to know what’s already happened and what’s yet to come.
Phoenix 16, 757
The mursaat- Mabon. His name is Mabon. I need to write his name, respect him. He’s doing a lot for me. Convinced the seer, Isgarren (the wizard from the tower in Garrenhoff, apparently) to let me leave that cage. As long as I’m supervised. That’s fine. As long as I’m free. Mabon is nearby. I’m… I haven’t read this many history books in a long time. Kahedins would be proud. I’m getting everything narrowed down, of what’s already happened. What’s coming. I can’t stop anything, that would ruin the timeline. I’ve seen the effect one change can have. Nykai and I were the catalyst for breaking what was supposed to be already.
I can’t believe I miss him so much. I can’t sense him anymore. Something about the magics of this place. I can’t sense my Elder Dragon. I’m sure that means he can’t sense me either. Mother, he must be so scared. Canach must be terrified. Romeo and Saoirse, I can’t even imagine how they’re feeling. Romeo already lost a pair of parents, now he’s lost his new mother. I can’t believe this… I need to get back to them.
Phoenix 10, 762
It's been a while. I've been busy. Excuses, I know, papa. I can see my star. The Moondrop, the star he named after me at its apex. I've pointed it out to the jotun. Dagda. We bonded over the stars. Over how I was brought up studying and reading their guidance. She’s calling me moondrop now. She seems to think it's sweet that my dad named a star for me, a whole constellation for me.
Isgarren is… I think he's getting used to the idea of my magic. Of me not being a threat. I don't want to damage the world my family must exist in one day. If I were just guaranteed that it would benefit, I would act. I'd have killed Joko five or so years ago. If only I knew it would benefit. Change things in a good way.
Mabon is shockingly easy to get along with. He has regrets. I do too. You don't live as long as he does, as I have, without regrets. It'd be suspicious if you did. He's open about his past. What he remembers. Yesterday, he and I stayed up for hours. Sitting outside his chambers, talking about our pasts.
The future, in my case. But it’s still nice. To talk.
(Many entries, as you read, appear to be day-to-day accounts. A few weeks tend to be skipped over, sometimes entire months. But never years. Vie seems to be growing to like the wizards, her words offering insight to a time at peace. A time when they’re not stressed and losing people left and right.)
Zephyr 30, 957
Mabon joined me star-watching last night. Usually it’s Dagda, but she was busy with apprentices. The way she left, it felt… It’s been a long time since I sensed Mikhail trying to get Canach and I alone together, or me trying to get Cor and Trahearne alone (Mother, I miss both of them so much). It felt like that. It felt like she was making excuses to have Mabon take her place.
He listened with full intent to learn. He listened to everything. Last night, the 29th of Zephyr. In 372 years, Aurene and Nykai will hatch. Just under four hundred years left. I’m so close. I’m… So close to home. I just have to wait a little longer.
And yet… I find, when I dream (yes lowercase d, I’m still not connecting to Mother, nor to Nykai in my sleep) it’s… Not Canach’s face. Not anymore. Not his voice, his face, his touch, his love. It’s not him I’m wanting. I know he’s waiting for me. I know, he’s probably searching. But… This feeling, the face I saw.
No. Not a face. It was a mask. Mabon’s mask. I… I can’t believe myself. I’ve held on for so long.
Colossus 15, 1000
The Wizards… I didn’t realize they’d want to celebrate. Lyhr, his emotional side, he asked when my birthday was. He’s correcting himself, it was… Nice. “Awakening, I mean. Sylvari aren’t born.” It was today. I didn’t realize they’d celebrate for me. Or that any of them still celebrated the days they’re born. Maybe I just didn’t pay attention. Maybe they do it in private.
They brought me to the Bastion of the Obscure. Sent the Astral Ward members away for it. Dagda made me a cake. They didn’t have gifts. Logic Lyhr said it was too short notice, but he’ll start making me something. We enjoyed the peace. Dagda made a point of showing the other wizards the moodrop. It…
It was an eclipse. Just as it will be when I’ll truly be born in 320 years. The moons both in eclipse, with the apex of the moondrop glowing so bright it’d be the only light if it were foggy.
Isgarren took me aside, after watching the star. He was thinking. I’ve learned that look. The obscured night when I stepped from my pod seemed to click as a final puzzle piece in his mind.
He offered ascension. Asked me to lead the Bastion of the Obscure, to become the Wizard of the Obscure. I…
I considered it. I did. But in just 320 years, everything begins for me and this waiting ends. But I can’t let myself forget Nykai. I can’t forget my family. I can’t…
Mabon’s getting ready for bed.
Colossus 16, 1000
This will not be much of an entry. Apologies, Papa. But with me refusing ascension, Isgarren gave me a new title. My rank is above the Ward but below the Court. Somewhere between. Something personal to them, rather than calling me by someone else’s name for me.
They won’t be calling me Champion of Time anymore. They’ll be calling me Timewatcher. Fitting, I suppose.
Phoenix 14, 1079
I followed him. I shouldn’t have. I knew this was coming, I knew the mursaat would die out, but… I couldn’t tell him. Mother, I wanted to. I wanted to warn him. Wanted to soothe what was coming, but that could break things. I wanted to…
Yesterday, the mursaat died out. Today, Mabon went to Bava Nisos. I followed him, he didn’t know. I followed him, watching and following as he looked over the devastation of his people. I can sense him, I could sense how much he hurt. How angry he was. He’s isolated now. There’s no more mursaat, just him…
I followed him into the city, followed him chasing down a (the ink over the word is too smudged to read) inside. I followed… He never knew I was there. Or maybe he sensed me like I sensed him. Mursaat mates can sense each other, he says. It’s not just my Dream linking to his magic.
We’re back in Amnytas, now. In the tower. He’s distracting himself, tending to Suledin. I just wish I knew how to help him. A burden that is shared is much easier to bear. I wish I knew how to get him to share this burden. I’m his mate. If he can’t endure this with me, who can he endure it with?
Honestly… I don’t know if there’s a purpose to waiting. Yes, it’s only 241 years. But I am not the lilac they lost. Even if I step in exactly when I was sent back, it will be clear I’m not the same. I’m not… I’ve changed. Bough, I’ve mated to a mursaat!
Maybe I should accept Isgarren’s offer. Maybe I should become the Wizard of the Obscure.
