#corporate american hellscape

[mbrainspaz]

The thing about our american capitalist system as it stands is that there is a giant fucking Murder Axe swinging back and forth over all of us, and you don't ever see it unless you're unfortunate enough to fall into the axe pit. Sure, sometimes heads went missing but that was just the world you lived in. Then one day you got a chronic illness and lost your job and your housing and suddenly THERE'S THE AXE COMING TO KILL YOU. You dodge for all you're worth. Again and again. And you don't know how you were ever blind to it. Even if you survive long enough to crawl back out of the pit you can never unsee the Murder Axe. You arrive back in normal society only to realize everyone around you worships the Axe.

[mbrainspaz]

‘Business owners take more risks so they deserve more reward’

I’ve lost my job and my housing not just once but TWICE in the last 4 years because incredibly wealthy business owners screwed up their own finances by refusing to communicate with me! And they’re all still in business! The only thing they risked was my life! And all I got for it was minimum wage and temporary shelter!

[mbrainspaz]

look trump sucks but he did teach me that you can just say anything and get away with it. Average people really do not listen to the words you say. They don't even see the things you do. You can literally just say 'no I didn't' and walk out of the room, and all the people who saw you do it will shrug and say, 'in all fairness, maybe they didn't.' It sucks but I'm just trying to play the hand I'm dealt.

[mbrainspaz]

losing my cool over the fact that I've tried so hard to be a mediocre underachiever at my latest job and they keep giving me overachiever awards.

what do you mean I went above and beyond? I helped someone save a PDF for a coworker who was on vacation. I remember thinking 'I can't even be bothered to understand what this PDF is for,' while I saved and sent it.

they emailed my boss to say what a great job I did. Shit.

Last week I won a literal award (and a waterproof phone case) for updating a webpage—which is my whole job that I do every day. But apparently I did it too fast while someone was watching.

I've spent 90% of the workweek so far fiddling with my fantasy novel.

[mbrainspaz]

God is dead and Jeff Bezos keeps what’s left of him in a freezer at his second largest summer home

[mbrainspaz]

for a decade they told me 'don't try' 'just don't even try' 'try less' 'stop trying so hard'

bro I finally tried not trying and I'm scared.

For the first 9 months at my new job I've made a concerted effort to put out work like what I perceive to be an average neurotypical person amount, which to me feels like extreme laziness and incompetence, and made my brain feel like it was physically melting.

But it's freaking working????

f*ck

I literally only work 3 days a week at this point, if that, and barely pretend to work for the rest. And bosses seem to be... maybe not impressed with my performance (which hurts), but certainly satisfied.

Which, hey, at this point I've been burned enough times while doing the work of 3 people and getting paid as half of one that that's enough for me. That has to be enough for me.

They told me they only cared if I got all my assigned tasks done, and I have.

and when I tell you they gave me a freaking promotion and a raise already???

It hurts my brain, but my brain always hurts (thanks adhd) so I'll cope.

Yesterday I got bored and accidentally finished a 2 day assignment in 10 minutes and nearly blew my cover. Sure, I am a little paranoid that at any moment they're going to pounce on me and accuse me of not doing enough, but until they actually do I'm beating those feelings back with a nail-studded baseball bat. For my mental health, you understand. I mean, it's not all bullshit. Technically they do need a guy to lurk around 24/7 waiting to accomplish a few random tasks every week, and I'm also good for that. Maybe that gives me the shred of sanity I need to keep going.

Anyway, here's an incomplete list of the nonsense I've gotten up to while trying to do my corporate job like a 'normal' person, aka, not trying:

wrote a chapter of my novel

did a digital nocturne painting of a boy riding a dragon

walked down the street to Barnes & Noble and read comics for an hour, several times

spent an entire day doing illustrations for my second job that I still have because even though this job pays me the most I've ever made, cost of living is also the most I've ever had to pay

grilled burgers on my patio

so much laundry

napped with my dogs

played in the sprinkler with my old horse

errands

mowed my landlords lawn

made a tiktok

got a little too involved in an ex-evangelical sub-reddit

walked my dogs

cleaned the moldy shed I live in because I still can't afford to rent a house or non-infested apartment for $2k

watched the new animated transformers movie and thought it was actually pretty fun

[mbrainspaz]

I've invented a clever new ADHD accommodation working method where I simply don't do any of my day job work during 2-3 workdays every week and get all of it done in the remaining 2-3 days.

Benefits: time to work on Black Magic, mid-to-high stakes deception, increased tension, nobody notices because I still get everything done on time because this is the first job I've ever had where I haven't been doing the work of 3 people, take my dogs for walks, wash dishes, do laundry, cook food.

Cons: If anybody calls me lazy I will combust.

[mbrainspaz]

I used to be the starry eyed 21 year old millennial who bragged about having a 50's work ethic and a strict moral code and loving my job and working unpaid overtime and skipping lunch and surviving on pickle sandwiches because I couldn't afford meat that week.

I've become the 31 year old jaded manager (making the same pay as I did when I was 21) who tells the high schooler employees to "go ahead and leave work an hour early, who cares? Yeah I'll clock you out at 8pm don't worry about it. Have fun at the house party. Don't drink and drive. I'm gonna quit early too and go have a pickle sandwich."