#cory's letters

[tankerfishthesimp]

helloooo :P

hey there!

my name is cory.

please send me random asks! i get bored easily :)

idm any pronouns, idrc abt labels (with a huge ton more of interest in girls/nb, but still ig my standards for men r just higher)

(it’s feeling more like idc today)

BYF:

i will probably get really stressed and start posting random personal stuff or keyboard smashes with no context, or rants and angry vagueposts, these will be on #cory's rants

i will probably state random things so that will be on #cory’s thoughts

vagueposting about me reading things and responding to them will be on #cory's reads

gay thoughts (ahem totally not about uqd) are on #cory's droughts

random lists because lists are nice to write and makes it more tidy than the mess that is my head #cory’s lists

letters are on #cory's letters

asks are on #cory’s queeries

i actually like interacting with people but i get awkward sometimes :P so please do interact with me if you want to!

DNI:

homophobes/sexists/racists/transphobes... you know who you are so ;( don't follow me if you're here to hate

LIKES:

reading random wiki pages at 11pm instead of doing hwk

the rain

music (i listen to a lot of different things but currently cavetown clairo and conan gray mostly r my faves)

writting letters - i write letters in 2nd person a lot, and am currently working on a story where it's only narrated in letters from two brothers to each other

good lord heavens have you seen women

acting and devising theatre oml

art when there is no deadline

eyes (oml some people's eyes are just kdsjfksdhfkhsd)

staring into space (when not stressed about nothing, which is rare)

staring into space (your eyes, uqd :))

the night sky

lately i've been kinda into pwhl?? blame that on ratc /j

good view of a nice city / rural countryside / beaches

puzzles (grrrr let me at the 2000 and little model trains)

books - but mostly from that one author and about that same guy getting himself into deep shit so many times

matthias :)) @utterqueerdisasterthesimp (my boyfriend, omg i got reverse pulled by mattie)

DISLIKES:

people who try to discriminate against others :(

people in the dni

being forced to do repetitive work (but i like repetitive work i voluntarily do, it calms me kinda)

procrastinating too much and being stressed about not finishing work

high pitched noises (bees ignoring the buzzing sounds r nice tho)

overthinking into a state of anxiety

not talking or being able to say thank you even when i really want to (sometimes i can't talk and when it gets really bad i resort to emojis because the feeling and sound of the keyboard stresses me out too)

the annoying voice(s) sometimes when it goes out of control

loud places (i can’t hear what people are trying to tell me and it’s too loud)

sooo thank you for reading this and drop me a follow and we can be moots :) if you want to talk to me u can always reply to my posts and stuff

(previously tanklocks)

(the icon is from a picrew from pepperjackets)

(the banner is from my girlfriend @utterqueerdisasterthesimp <333)

tysm :) and have a great day!

[tankerfishthesimp]

and i feel just a bit more free again

[tankerfishthesimp]

so much of a people pleaser developed from feeling there is always a right or wrong answer for everything. probably from my mother always passive-aggressively telling us that she doesn't care, but turns around again to tell us she would leave us alone or never help if we didn't do something she wanted. such a people pleaser that even when it is a simple question like "hey do you want this or that for dinner?" i would freeze up and wonder which one they preferred more. which one they would be happier with. i know there isn't a 'correct answer'; i know there is no obligation to choose one over the other, but i still feel like there is and that i need to read someone else to try and understand what the tone and preference behind their words are. i try and balance out the pros and cons of each. i overthink about what they said months ago and see if they had any preference to start with. i sigh because there doesn't seem to be a definitive answer that they will consistently prefer to choose, that i could imitate and choose for their benefit. i tend to choose the ones they like, not the ones i would like. it probably has landed myself in many situations where i could've easily avoided, where i would be stuck in a place that i didn't really want to be in. a place that they wanted me to be in, thinking it was my choice and my decision.

i think i prefer the maths and science subjects, not because i like it, but more because it is predictable and there are definitive, correct answers for them. that i don't need to look at someone and wonder which type of answer i would need to put in to make them content and give me a high mark.

[tankerfishthesimp]

sometimes i think maybe i do want to seize the day and be something instead of just a person in their room rotting away their teenage years and regreting it later because they didn't get to figure out what they wanted to do, let alone actually do something they want to do and seize the opportunities to just Have Fun and not be stressed about exams all the time

but it's so fucking hard to even go outside and do something, because i don't even know where to go and what to do anymore. i want to go and just relax and enjoy and do absolutely nothing for maybe even just a day, without the voice in the back of my head screaming at me for not doing anything useful for my studies and the guilt crawling up my lungs and capsizing in my throat. why is it so fucking hard to even just do something. i want to live closer to my friends so i can knock on their doors and go hey wanna hang out? or something. theres this thing about boarding that gives you the space to be free and be with other people your age and just do whatever the fuck you want like we used to go to th sports hall when we got bored and play random ball games. we used to just pick up some school footballs and kick it around for fun after school. we could actually have the luxury of having fun with our friends. and i really miss that bit. the bit where you could just turn to your side and ask a question if you didn't understand the homework. the bit where you can just turn around in your dorm and invite people to your room after work and just do whatever you wanted and decorate your room. the freedom of being away from your parents and feeling a bit more free. it just felt better. i'm not really good at social interaction anymore, but it all just feels so nice when you get to fuck around and do the things you actually want to do. without the pressure of doing what your parents want you to do and wasting your years in front of your laptop because that's the only place you can connect with your friends.

[tankerfishthesimp]

they tear out of your lungs

shivering into their knees curled elsewhere

durable as the spoon they'll taint later

six, off the grid. they know it's the first.

[tankerfishthesimp]

you saw the yellow moon rising with her

while i told you about the red moon setting

[tankerfishthesimp]

i wonder what it takes to be the stars

to echo your name in their own

[tankerfishthesimp]

were you sailing across the planets on your spacecraft, on your own rocket, soaring through the intangible shield that blocks us from the sun? would you take a bit of crust off the next destination for me? i continue to collect pieces of the earth for you. pieces, and jars, stacked up on my shelves, gently swaying along to the melody of your humming. the rhythm of your world doesn't know whether it's day or night, whether you are in busy crowds or spaceless eternity.