During Lunch break with my Co Teachers #instafood #coteachers #sy20202021 #Roquenians #srpsat50 #SRPS https://www.instagram.com/p/CE-PzgJHr5D/?igshid=c53iu349e14t
Guys, this is a long work in progress and there is no way I can post this without thanking the wonderful @katnissdoesnotfollowback, @lovely-tothe-bone, @ra3lynn3, and my co-worker and friend who helped out with this on the sly. This started as such a feeble piece and turned into something I am proud to share with you. Thanks to the input from these ladies (and Ky), I feel like I’ve got something worth your time. Thank you for your guidance. You all are the reason I keep coming back and doing this whole “writing thing.”
Co-Teachers: 3. The Bar. Katniss POV
“Damn, Everdeen! You never told me you were so good at darts!” Peeta admitted to her in their cozy booth.
Katniss shrugged modestly and smiled. “It never came up!” She then gingerly sipped at her Moscow Mule that Peeta insisted on treating her to as he nursed his third beer.
“I guess bar activities are typically off the table when we are instructing, huh?” Peeta smiled.
“I suppose they would be.”
“I wonder if I can figure out a way to use darts for a class project so that students have to throw a dart to see what they need to do for the project. You can model it for them so that they can see the whole process,” Peeta said mischievously.
Katniss grinned.
“You know, you’re kind of fantastic, Katniss. I love working with you.” Peeta softened up a bit with a tender look in his eyes as he set his drink down and shifted closer to her. Katniss could see the care he was taking with communicating with her. He perpetuated friendship while walking the line of flirtation by the sincere gaze he gave her. His eyes said so much more in that moment than any words he was saying could convey. Katniss felt herself ease into the conversation more after this interaction.
Am I allowed to swoon in front of my colleague and friend? That’s allowed, right? How exactly do I play this amazing comment off? What do I do so that he doesn’t feel embarrassed? I don’t want to shut it down completely. But I don’t want to lay all my cards out on the table and come off too strong too soon.
Katniss blushed and tried to wave it off. “You’re my life-raft, Peeta. Without you, I would be drowning with so much of this first year teacher nonsense! I need you! I filled out my feedback form for you right before you came down. I pretty much admitted that I was a failure without really admitting it,” Katniss confided with her voice raising an octave at the word “really.” She was feeling confident enough to let it all out, at least pertaining to the feedback form.
Peeta tilted his back at her with a light smirk on his face. “Katniss,” he started seriously, “do you really think you’re that bad? Come on. We’ve worked together for almost a full year. You’re just overthinking a stupid Google form that Haymitch probably won’t even look at.”
“Peeta, I had no idea what to say or how to say it! I just said that I have no idea what I’m doing and you have all the answers, without using those words exactly, but administrators know what’s up. They probably already know that I’m totally clueless. I should have had you help me out. You’ve always been good with words.” Katniss was getting flustered now.
Oh God. Chill, Katniss. Chill. Don’t get overly emotional. It was a stupid GOOGLE FORM. Not your contract or official evaluation. But what if I made it seem like he was a burden? Or instead of that, they see my nonchalance when really, Peeta is 100% fantastic and know that I think he is a wonderful partner and is better than he thinks, better than *I* think, better than anyone else could ever imagine. He is just so perfect. The perfect teacher, the perfect friend, the perfect MAN.
What happens if he goes to another teacher? Will I just be “that co-teacher he had that one year?” Will I lose the friendship and partnership I’ve grown so appreciative of these last few months?
What happens if admin reads between the lines and figures out that I really LOVE working with him to the point that it could be a distraction? What exactly IS policy on relationships with teachers? Is that against the rules?
Stupid fucking Google form. Way to let a basic feedback form make me question everything that I’ve pretty much ever done this whole year.
“Katniss,” Peeta laughed and interrupted her thoughts. It took her a moment to put her focus back on Peeta. Peeta continued to reassure her. “You are totally fine. Mr. Abernathy thinks you’re great. He wants you to succeed,he sees how hard you work and the great stuff you’re doing with the kids. You have nothing to worry about!”
“What about when you leave me to go to another co-teacher?” Katniss playfully whined.
Peeta took a quick drink, and then looked down, flushed a bit. “I can say in full confidence that I’m not going anywhere.”
Katniss gasped. “What do you know?”
“I know that next year, you will continue to have your life made easier by yours truly, if that makes you feel any better,” Peeta said confidently while looking her in the eyes.
Another year with him?! Be still, my heart! Another year of teaching, of planning, of bantering. Of pining. How can he seem so calm, cool, and collected all the time when I’m trying my best not to do backflips from my seat just experiencing this joy that I get another year with him? All it is is teaching, obviously. But the potential for more is there. Surely it is. Or is it? This Mule is making me second guess myself far too much tonight.
Katniss beamed and leaned closer to Peeta with her smile still plastered on her face. “Are you serious? I thought Dr. Coin wanted you to go somewhere else!”
“Where did you hear that from?”
Katniss was perplexed and felt caught. “Uh, Madge Undersee and I talk a bit. She was the one who told me how lucky I was to have you as a co-teacher in the first place. She said that Dr. Coin hasn’t liked you working with me and would rather you work with the department she oversees.”
“Math and science?!” Peeta scoffed. “Maybe if it was a last resort and there were no qualified teachers there. I have a Masters in English for crying out loud. There is no way Haymitch would ever let that happen.”
“Hey, hey, hey! Don’t shoot the messenger! For all I know, it’s just a rumor!” Katniss put her hands up in defense. “I didn’t think you’d get so up in arms about math and science. I promise I won’t ever talk about those disciplines to you ever again.”
“Good. Because the only things we will be talking about is that freshman English curriculum.”
“That’s all?” Katniss asked, looking down as she played with the remaining ice left in the copper mule cup with her straw.
“Well, what else do you propose we talk about?” Peeta asked impishly.
Katniss looked up and her eyes shot daggers into Peeta’s eyes, almost challenging him. “You tell me.”
Peeta leaned back in the booth and rubbed his face with his hand. “What are you getting at, Katniss?”
Katniss reflected on where she was directing the conversation. Damn, I better tone myself the hell down. Where did this come from?
Katniss knew the alcohol gave her this courage. In any other setting, in any other situation, this conversation would not be happening. But then again, Peeta is the only person with whom this conversation is worth having. No one else compares to him.
Peeta leaned in. “Katniss, I don’t think you know the effect you have,” he whispered softly, looking down and then back up at Katniss with a faint smile only touching the edges of his mouth. He looked constrained, almost, with that admission, but dared Katniss to respond. He assessed her after this subtle admission, arching his eyebrow and staying leaned in to her.
Katniss’s heart started beating out of her chest. She started to shake ever so slightly out of anxiety and nerves. Never before would she have thought that the subtle flirtations could have been mutual. Never before did she think she could have any effect on any man, let alone Peeta Mellark. Katniss’s breath caught in her throat and prevented her from being able to say anything coherent for what felt like a lifetime, but was actually only a brief moment. The room suddenly felt warm and claustrophobic. Katniss had to close her eyes to check the reliability of her vision.
Why is it so hard to speak and see...and hear...and fucking FUNCTION?! What spell has come over me?
Katniss looked back down at her Moscow Mule, adjusting the still-melting ice with her straw.
I haven’t even had one full Mule. What do they put in their drinks here? Is this a reputable establishment? Did Peeta do anything to this drink?
Of course he would never do that.
What does he mean, the “effect” I have?
Does he know how I feel? Does he know that I have the utmost admiration for him professionally? Does he know I love seeing him in my classroom twice a day? That I love the way he casually sips his coffee as he helps me lecture and instruct? That when he gets going on about the multiple layers of whatever literary piece we are covering that the intellect in me melts into a puddle? That I love his brain? His personality? His eyes? His smile?
What happens if he finds that out? He *is* a few years older than me. Am I mature enough for someone like him? What happens if he really isn’t interested and he is talking about my teaching style?
What happens if he *is* feeling the exact same way I am feeling and that if I don’t address it now, it will ultimately make him feel shut down? Will we lose the rapport we have built?
If I shut him down, will he make sure that we don’t work together in the future? Do I need to go to admin and express my last answer to the form and let them know that I NEED him in my classroom? That I think my classroom would feel empty? That without him, I would be alone in a crowded room?
Clearly, this alcohol is clouding my judgement. I’ve never second-guessed myself so much before.
DEFLECT. DEFLECT, Katniss. Abort mission tonight. You’re too bubbly. Too buzzed.
“I don’t think this alcohol knows the effect it has on me!” Katniss laughed uncomfortably.
There was a nervous lull in conversation. Both parties just sat in the booth and awkwardly finished their drinks. Katniss noticed that Peeta was nursing his drink ever-so-slowly, as if prolonging the moment that he would have to break the silence. It really wasn’t fair, what she did. He was reassuring her and her professional credentials. Maybe she took it too far. Maybe she was too direct. She had to break it. It’s time to eat crow and man up. Time to get this shit out there.
Peeta raised his hand to the waitress to close the tab. He must want out. Now. I need to fix this.
“I think the alcohol is fine, actually,” Katniss admitted. “I think you’re the one who has an effect on me,” she said shyly.
“Is that so?” Peeta asked, interested.
“It seems to be that way. But Peeta,” Katniss said, clearly getting flustered now. “I…” she paused, unsure of how to express herself. “I can’t do this NOW. I just...I don’t want to complicate things. NOW.” She couldn’t emphasize enough the want for something later. But now, now would be too much. Too much, too soon.
“Well, when do you suppose you’d like to try...whatever you would like to try?”
“I...I don’t know. I just don’t think I need to distract myself right now, so close to the end of the school year.”
“Ah…” Peeta said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. He leaned back with a smile on his face. “So, I’m a distraction?” he said bemusedly.
“No, no, no! That’s not what I meant. No. Well, yes. Peeta,” Katniss expressed, exhausted with her thoughts. “Peeta,” she took a stabilizing deep breath. “Peeta, your...companionship in the classroom means a great deal to me right now. I don’t want to change that chemistry. But I think after school gets out, I think…” Katniss trailed off as the waitress dropped off the bill and gave Peeta a little smile.
Peeta grabbed the bill and signed it. “Katniss, say no more. I get it. Breathe, dear. Just breathe.”
Katniss sat up straight with her hands in her lap, tears pricking at her eyes as she took deep breaths.
Did I just shut him down? What is going on? Why did I have to open my mouth? Why did I have to turn this into the possibility of something more? I feel so stupid.
Peeta laced his hand with hers. “You okay to drive home?”
Katniss nodded silently, looked straight forward, but accepted Peeta’s hand which turned into a whole new sensation. She stared almost dumbfoundedly at this whole new “physical” realm of her relationship with Peeta for a brief moment. She felt fire and shock and awe, but she also felt comfort and safety. As they weaved their way out of the bar Katniss, still couldn’t help but feel the chemistry as their hands were melded together, Peeta gripping her hand tightly and almost using her wrist to steer her deftly to the exit. Upon entering the quiet of the night with the muffled sounds of the bar behind them, Peeta squeezed Katniss’s hand and gave her a Katniss walked straight to her car without speaking, trapped in a stunned state.
“Katniss, are you sure you’re okay?” Peeta asked concerned.
She nodded, careful not to meet his eyes.
Peeta placed his hand gently under her chin. Katniss had to keep herself from gasping at his electrifying touch. She bravely looked in his eyes, certain that she displayed all of her weaknesses and insecurities in that vulnerable position. As she breathed in, she swore she could faintly smell a hint of spice. Was it his cologne? Whatever it was, he smelled perfect. She closed her eyes, inhaled deeply, and decided to live in the moment. Peeta hesitated like he was contemplating what to do or say next. “I’ll see you after break, okay?” Peeta placed a light kiss on her cheek and stepped back.
She adjusted her purse on her shoulder, looked at him, and nodded again, hesitant.
He opened her car door and made sure she was ready to go and leaned down, his face was so close to hers, she could feel his lips brush against hers as he said, “Good night, Katniss. Drive home safely.”
Peeta backed away, closed her car door, and walked away.
Katniss exhaled the breath she had been holding for what felt like an eternity. She keeps thinking of her hand in his, of his hands holding her up her chin. How his touch made her feel like she was alive. How she felt things she has never felt before with him.
Was the alcohol a catalyst for this, though? Can that be to blame for these simultaneous feelings of giddiness and apprehension?
She was shaking and grabbed hold of the steering wheel for sanity.
She smiled at the memory of his hand in hers, of his lips on her cheek, and then, barely even there, his lips on hers.
Things weren’t supposed to get this complicated your first year teaching with your co-teacher...
Me and my @jendeseve went climbing again last night! I’m in love with doing it and made it further up this time. Next time I’ll go even further!! #thecrag #climbing #coteachers (at The Crag)
Some photos and videos of our fun adventures this weekend. I think I have found a new sport that I love. (My arms are still sore!) so maybe I’ll be a hula hooping, pole dancing, rock climber? And then there’s Lucy goosey, my best frand who uses human as chew toys. 🙈#thecrag #besties #coteachers (at The Crag)
Memorizing my lines, I will be the host for 3 services (9am,12pm & 3pm) together with Stage Crew Delta. Practice with my volunteer #coteachers / #lifeshapers in Nextgen Ministry Praying that I can remember all the lines in my script 😂😂😂 😁😁😁 (at Christ's Commission Fellowship)
