You know, some days this fandom content creation all feels so pointless. I have so many projects I want to work on, so many things I want to express via fics or vids or meta that it’s overwhelming, like a crushing pressure weighing down on me, but a) I don’t have the time b) I don’t have the energy c) when I do have time and sit down to create I can’t make my brain fucking focus. And it all feels so daunting. And it seems pointless anyway because I almost always have minority opinions and no matter what I say and how eloquently I phrase or illustrate it, more popular and viral artists will keep influencing the fandoms more because that’s what the goddamn internet is like. My depression is frustrating me and the frustration is in turn making me depressed. I don’t care right now and I hate that I don’t care, because I do care. I’m just so fucking tired and spread too thin. Projects left untouched for years that I never wanted to abandon. One very cool WIP I was excited for and then got distracted by Hail Mary and haven’t gotten back to yet. I miss being excited. I don’t want to stop working on stuff. I want to get some of it off my chest and create because I feel better when I can create, but I just feel so all over the place right now and like I’m letting myself down along with everyone else who likes my content.